I was in a Gmail chat debate with this girl who was upset that I said a modern Black Woman prefers a Goon over an educated college going man, because goons are more fun. She was pretty furious at first, then admitted to liking thugs in the past until she moved from her neighborhood. Her end point was that it was the environment, not the guys, that made her attractive to those boys. BULLSHIT. But to give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe Ratchets want to be classy, but they smoke weed and act obnoxious because the local niggas expect and want it. But at the same time, why let your environment dictate who you date, how you act, and what you find attractive? What if it’s not the hoodrat’s fault? Maybe the men in that environment need to change first. Local niggas are locked in a cycle of ignorance, hence they will remain local, their wifey will be basic, and their children will grow into the same. Why? Because the hood is so comfortable. You know everybody, the fine hoes are easy to smash, and corner store Chinese food is the greatest shit ever invented. But if a nigga from Hawaii can grow up and become president, why can’t a nigga from Oakland? What’s holding my homies back from taking over the world?
5 THINGS THAT HAVE RUINED BLACK MEN
DREADS: I like dreads, my little brother rocks them. They look cool, and you can shake them. As a former long hair don’t care, braid rocker, I understand why dudes like to grow their hair. But this is where style fucks you up… You go for an interview; all they see is the hair. Now back in say the early 00’s it may have been seen as a religious thing, or afro centric, and white people would just say, “wow cool, are you Jamaican, Leroy?” But when every other nigga on the Channel 2 news getting locked up has dreads, it fucks it up for everybody. A handful of niggas with dreads decided to shoot it out at the mall, now you can’t get into an elevator without someone thinking “he’s one of those hoodlums”. One of the most fucked up things I’ve ever heard in my life was about a dude in Baltimore getting murked by accident because he had dreads and a fitted hat on. He looked similar to another nigga they were gunning for. That makes me sick, half of my homeboys rock dreads, that could have been any of them. All I’m saying is that nobody was getting banged on for rocking the Gumby…
NATE ROBINSON: Little Nate Robinson. “You see that nigga dunk? He’s a monster. Dude’s like 5 foot 2 getting NBA money. That can be me, see you don’t have to be tall!” Okay, that little monkey is an anomaly, not the standard. You can’t hoop nigga. You got an okay jump shot, can’t play defense, and your passion for basketball is eclipsed by your passion to show up on the blacktop with the latest J’s, stunting on niggas. Some hooping ass nigga reading this blog will make it to the NBA, more power to you hope you get drafted to the Lakers son son. The other 99% won’t even make it to the D-League. Nothing’s wrong with trying to make it; I’m all about living your dreams, but god damn, I know dudes who are in their mid twenties that still talk about high school games, “yo if I start working out again, I could make a squad”. No, no you can’t. It’s over. Buy NBA 2K go to my player and create your old self as a video game character. Saying “I’d beat Kobe one on one” was cool when you were in college averaging 16 points a game, when you say it while you’re working at UPS, it just sounds bitter.
WEED: I know this white dude, late 50’s works as a TV show editor, smokes weed all day long, does a great job, functions normally. I know an 18 year old dude that does the same except he doesn’t work or function. Niggas love to smoke; most of them can’t function while high. And by function I mean contribute to society in the same way they would sober. I was talking to my boy Rembrandt yesterday and I told him I downloaded a Wiz Khalifa mixtape, cus I feel I didn’t give the guy a chance before declaring that he was wack. He told me, “Unless you smoke, you’re not going to get it”. Epic. I don’t really smoke; well actually I just got a medical marijuana card just for the fuck of it. I live in California and it was as easy as saying, “I have headaches” and 15 minutes later I’m walking out with my face on a card. Now I have a bag full of Skywalker Kush or whatever the hell it’s called, sitting in the closet wasting away because I went to the weed shop and brought way too much. Why don’t I just smoke it all? Because I need to function, I need to create; I need to not walk around happy as fuck and laughing every time someone says “Deuces”. I only have two Black friends who can function high, ones an established rap artist who needs it to live, the other is a dancer, and she needs it to stay sane. Not exactly wall street caliber professions. I know a ton of white dudes who get “totally stoned off pop” and you wouldn’t know it. I don’t know what it is about Black men and weed; maybe we need to smoke out of bongs instead of blunts. Or maybe we need to use recreational drugs for recreation, not wake and baking.
HOES: Behind every great man is a great woman. Whoever said that wasn’t talking about Tee Tee from over west with the phat ass and colored contacts. Say you’re a guy. You cut your dreads off, left basketball in high school, and you only smoke Kush at parties. You’re going to school, you’re living right, and then you meet HER– a pretty girl from the outside, a real evil cunt inside. You won’t know what hit you. Where are all the good black men? They got fucked over by hoes and are no longer trusting, kind, or able to fuck missionary with the lights off. A hoe will suck you, fuck you, drain you emotionally and financially, and you can’t do anything but love it. The hardest dudes pretend as if they can’t be derailed by a big butt and a smile. We’ve all had various level of hoes in our lives—hood hoes, white hoes, college hoes, “try this pill” hoes. Just because you survived one doesn’t mean you’ll survive them all. You can be in a relationship right now with a bitch you think is flawless, two days later you find out she fucked your homeboy, and your perfect life—your dreams, aspirations, it all gets put on hold because that was your heart. Black men may be a lot of things, but we love hard, and we hurt just as much as women do when we get played. Next time you see a dude cursing women or afraid to settle down, please believe he’s not being macho—a Hoe has gotten to him and fucked his life up, now he doesn’t know what to do with a legitimate woman.
RAP MUSIC: Would you rather be Obama or Kanye? Obama is the leader of the free world. Kanye fucks blonde dykes. There is no comparison. Video hoes or Michelle? Exactly. I love rap music, but I realize now the effects it’s had on my life. I never uttered the word bitch until I heard Snoop say it. I never shot a gun until I heard Mobb Deep talk about busting off. Scarface supposedly made a lot of Black men turn to drug dealing in the 80’s, rap music trumps that. Gang Banging, dope dealing, e-pills, sipping lean, black t-shirts, half Black half Asian girls, lemon pepper wings, and Bape hoodies are things that became popular due to rap music. Rappers are the urban superheroes of our day, little kids want to be Rick Ross not Spiderman. They talk about Audemar watches and Maybachs. What the fuck is a Maybach? That’s what people use to say, now niggas front like they’re not as hot as the Bugatti. Really? Homie, get off the kush and OJ, you push a crown vic, stop talking like you have Jay Leno’s garage and Hova’s bank account. Along with rap comes the notion of being hard, keeping it hood, and smashing red bones. And because the entire industry is built on this mirage of the money and hoes, everybody wants to be a rapper. It’s the easiest profession ever from the outside looking in. What’s so hard about rhyming words? Nothing, coming up with a good song is the hard part. For niggas who don’t want to go to school, or don’t feel like working, it’s a golden ticket. If Soulja Boy did it with a YouTube video—so can I. If 50 cent did it with a mixtape—so can I. Jay and Dame started a record label with no money—so can I. And you can!—naw I’m fucking with you—you can’t. And if you do manage to get into the industry prepare to be ass raped and in debt for the rest of your life, “havin’ one of my co-workers say ‘Yo you look just like This kid I seen in the old Busta Rhymes video the other night’ Well easy come, easy go How that sayin’ goes…” that’s you buddy. Rap, more than anything else in this world, has ruined Black men. It has taken away ambition to be doctors and lawyers, given us horrible clothing fades, increased the ownership of SK’s, promoted shitty dance moves, has everyone referring to girls as bitches, made every lame think he’s a Blood, and the list goes on and on and on. The goal of being the next Steve Jobs is gone, all because Calvin thinks he’s one hot song away from being a millionaire.
Go to the block, talk to the homies, they’re good people, smart, honest, loyal. And you think, damn why isn’t this dude out there doing things? Is sitting on the steps eating shrimp friend rice, and hollering at bitches still his day to day? Why hasn’t he grown out of this life style of smoking black and milds and making songs in the basement? Because it’s easy, it’s fun, and more importantly it’s safe.