Why is happiness so hard to attain? Why can’t you just meet someone that’s honest, see if you two connect, then either go forward exclusively or end it with no hard feelings after a series of dates? Why can’t someone be honest when they’re losing interest or looking for something else, break the news, and let you go? Because this is a generation of game players. Ask what a person is looking for; sex or something serious, and they beat around the bush like, “I’m just trying to see where things go.” Ask if a person is happy and they shrug it off like, “Why would you even have to ask?” Then weeks later they’re gone. People are confusing because no one trusts anyone to keep it 100. Some men just want to see a girl naked, some women just want to see what a dick is hitting like. Some men are looking for the one, some women are looking for prince charming. But who wants want… you will never know without doing your homework, and that’s where most of you fail, you don’t do the work. The emotionally scarred are leading the emotionally scarred in circles and that’s why love, dating, and relationships have become way more complicated than they should be. Girls often come to me with news about their exciting first two dates, how they did all the Date Like A Spartan stuff and feel in control… then they come crawling back weeks later like, “Don’t be mad, but (Insert the exact opposite of everything I write)” I’m not mad at you ever, but you should be mad at yourself for falling into old habits. Even when someone gives you the strategy to win, you get in your own way.
It could all be so simple if men treated you the way you treat them. Grow the hell up! People will always treat you the way you allow them to treat you, and 9 out of 10 men want your vagina, not your friendship, which is why most of these guys lose interest in you. Know the rules of the game and stop expecting “fair” treatment; command it! Happiness is very easy to attain if you stop being so naïve and lazy. Love is simple to acquire if you stop giving everyone and their father the benefit of the doubt. Being weak and gullible in the name of love is the source of most relationship problems. Fill those holes and a man can never play you, but you don’t. You deflect and look for every excuse in the book to not change your weak bitch ways. Stop looking for a second opinion from someone that’s going to stroke your ego and tell you it’s not your fault. Your love life isn’t in the toilet because of males, the city you live in, or the time period you were born into. Point fingers all day long, but the reality is that your love life is the way it is because of YOU. Who let that last man into your life? Who let the man before him into your life? Did some Magical Fairy float up, hypnotize you, make you give that guy your number, go out with him, fall in like with his personality, and spread your legs? Did that same fairy make you unblock his number, hear him out, and let him right back in just because he apologized? There is no “Dumb-Bitch Fairy”. You actively choose what type of man you let in your life. You actively choose what type of man you let stay in your life. You actively choose what type of man you let back into your life. “But he was so convincing, how was I supposed to know he would turn out to be like the rest,” because you have a fucking brain!
“What I learnt from heart-break, is that sometimes, we are the only ones stopping ourselves from allowing love into our lives.”
If you’ve been through more than three Fuck Boys, players, or emotionally damaged men, then you have what scientist refer to as Data. You use that data to cross reference patterns so you can predict future behavior. Any grown ass woman that’s been dating since high school or college, has all the tools to break down a male’s personality. The problem is you ignore your past because it hurts to look back on your fuck ups. You suppress all the lessons you learned because to revisit your mistakes makes you feel dumb and basic. Blacking out your past frees you, now you can go swimming off like Dory, memory erased, ready to get mindfucked all over again. “I’ll get it right this time!” No Basica, you won’t. Every man that you meet prepares you for the next. Every bad choice that you make should be examined and internalized, but you suck your teeth, generalize, “Men ain’t shit…” and go step on another land mine. It’s time to wake the fuck up, ladies! I don’t care what city you move to, what type of man you start dating, or what new method of meeting men you decide to use going forward. If you can’t use your life lessons to pick apart these boys to see if they are real men, then you are destined to repeat the struggle until you give up or settle for some simp. If you don’t want to hear this, if you want to keep pointing fingers, then stop reading and go put your head back in the sand. If you’re sick of being a smart woman that makes dumb bitch mistakes, then not only read—do!
7 Things That Hold You Back From Real Love
Something to do Relationships:
“I’m not talking to anyone right now, so what will it hurt to have someone to keep me company,” famous last words of women that end up getting sprung by guys they didn’t want in the first place. The elephant in the room is right over your shoulder, and it’s called BOREDOM. Your ass is bored. What do you do outside of work? I’ll wait… you don’t do shit. Every time it’s a three-day weekend I see people go crazy because they don’t know how to act when they have too much free time. Binge-watching TV shows, looking at Snaps, commenting on whatever topical news story pops up, those are distractions, not actual fulfilling things that complete your life on a deeper level. When you’re at work; or busy with school, you have an agenda, a schedule, it’s routine and it keeps your mind off of the fact that when you go home it’s back to being bored as fuck. The solution to boredom is usually having a group of fun friends or having a boyfriend. The problem with friends is that most boring ass chicks usually hang with other boring ass chicks, and together they put their minds together and just end up doing more boring shit.
Enter a guy who no one really wants, for real. You could meet him on the job, on the street, online, doesn’t matter. You met him and you weren’t that impressed. The only reason he gets conversation out of you at first is because there’s no one in your phone who isn’t an ex or even more unattractive, thus he becomes something to do when bored. This Glue Guy sticks around, texts you, wants to talk to you, and he even wants to go places with you. You’re lowering your standards and trying to look on the bright side to date him. Why? Because going out with Glue Guy is better than internet shopping on a Friday night. You want to wear something pretty, you want to have a reason to do your makeup, and you want to be able to say “I’m going out,” not just sit there looking simple. Therefore, Glue Guy gets his date… gets another one… and the next thing you know he’s snacking on your box and telling you how much he loves you. Is it real? Hell no. He knows you’re out of his league, so he overcompensates to win you over. The guy you really want barely knows you exist, but this guy is calling you Queen every morning, offering to buy you things, and eating your ass like you shit cheddar bay biscuits.
Lonely women make dating exceptions that they will always end up paying for. Next thing you know, this guy who you never wanted starts to feel himself. He gets comfortable, stops doing all that extra shit, and now you’re stressed about some nigga you didn’t even want to talk to! It’s funny as hell to those looking from the outside in. But for you, Ms. It’s Something To Do, this entire situation sours you even more. If you can’t even make a C-List dude like that act right, then it’s hopeless. Wrong! That man never wanted you the way he pretended, he was trying to get any girl and you were the only one bored enough to entertain his corny ass. Whose fault is it that? YOURS. The lesson to be learned isn’t that all men are fake, it’s that no matter who a man is he should be vetted, observed, and taken one day at a time until you peel back his layers. If that’s too much work for you, then being happy must not be that important. This is your life, why would you not put in the work if your future is at stake? Why the hell would you entertain anyone out of boredom in the first place? All of these men out here and your scared ass is making due with the scraps that come trying to get at you. Where’s your common sense? Did you drop it? Stop letting these Glue Guys infiltrate you because Empire and Scandal aren’t on TV and you don’t have anything else to do. You have the right to have a type, to be picky, to be shallow, and you have a duty to only date those men that light a fire in you!
Waiting for Potential to Be Lived Up to:
When a man you’re crushing on actually lives up to the hype, you become blind to what’s actually going on. As men, we know when a girl likes us more than we like her. We also know that women, in general, tend to fall in love easily, or what they feel is love, if you push all her typical buttons. Therefore, for any man that understands mind games, it doesn’t take long to grow on a woman that’s thirsty for love.
Open the door for her, OhMyGawdHesSoDifferentGirl
Tell her she’s different from your exes, OhMyGawdJesusDoneBoughtMeTheOneGirl
Buy her a gift she wasn’t expecting, OhMyGawdHeSpeaksMyLoveLanguageGirl
It’s not the magic of the man, it’s the hunger for love that you project onto that average man that makes him seem incredible. Let’s leave your ego over there for a moment. All of that ass kissing that makes you feel special is done for what? Go ahead, think without personal bias as to why any man would ever be overly nice to you when he doesn’t even know you that deep… It’s to soften you up, duh! Do to get, is the way of life. Once you stop letting a man stroke your ego, it becomes clear. You’re not special—you’re next. The strategy can be short term or long term; I want to focus on the long term right now…
The first year of a relationship is usually determined in the first month. A man will work so hard to earn points over those first several dates knowing his stock will rise like 2012 Apple stock. A smart man knows that if he does everything right initially, a woman will fall in love with that treatment. A woman that falls in love with a man’s treatment and attention will be Tammy Rivera stuck. In your mind, you have to make him work because he showed you shit that no other man had shown you before. Once any man is seen as invaluable, it becomes next to impossible for you to not give him the benefit of the doubt no matter how bad he falls off. Why? Because he killed you with potential! Women are the most loyal creatures in the universe. To have a man with so much potential blow your mind that first month, will give him a license to do damn near anything. You become convinced that the real him was the initial impression, not the bad behavior he’s starting to show months later. The lesson that the majority of you have learned is that this is rarely true. The man he settles into and becomes by month three or four of that relationship is who he will always be. Potential is an overhyped concept that leads to migraines not marriage. Yet it’s held onto as proof that you found a diamond in the rough. You can’t blame a person for trying to earn benefits quickly by laying it on thick, but you can blame yourself for not recognizing this method. Again, you know every trick men use, especially if you’ve been reading this site for years. To still hold on for too long doesn’t make you honorable or loyal. Like those fools that let their Apple stock go from $700 to $98, you deserved what you got.
Giving One Man Too Much of Your Time:
Let’s stop pretending that you actually date multiple men, and get down to the reality of the guys you entertain. You most likely talk to a few men, meaning you text, facetime, maybe you went out with them before but you aren’t actively dating him, meaning going out and being courted once a week. You have one man who you date. Not because you don’t want to date those other guys who you “talk to” but because he’s trying the hardest to make himself the only option. Men aren’t dumb, we’ve been courting women for centuries. You find a woman you like, you bogard her time, you see her as often as possible, and that creates a quick bond where you leapfrog over other men in her life. Any guy with a brain knows that women are often fueled by attention, to give her that in a creative and consistent way, will give her no reason to entertain other men. That’s the hustle. Girls don’t want to talk to a bunch of guys and few want to go on dates where they have to risk getting rejected or let down. The average woman is monogamous even when she’s single. Think about that bullshit.
I’ve already been over the reasons why you should date multiple men, but for those of you who are stubborn let me approach it from a different angle. Three dates in one week takes him from stranger to friend real fast. By the next week, it feels like you’ve known him forever. But you don’t know him at all, no matter what ex-girlfriends you talk about, what ambitions you share, and what inside jokes you start to create. Just like Mr. Potential, you’re falling in love with a first impression and being hypnotized by time spent as opposed to time observing consistency. You need to have a mindset that dictates that even if things are going well with one guy, he’s not your man, therefore, you need to still be actively meeting men as if he doesn’t exist. “He won’t like that we date and I gave my number out,” oh Basica, you still don’t get it. At the end of the day, when this relationship either leads to nothing or stalls out, he’s going to go out and rebound within a week. You, on the other hand, are going to be left frustrated and lonely. More than a few of you are heartbroken right now over a man that was NEVER your man. Why? Because you don’t take this world by the balls! You sit and date one at a time and hope for love like a nimrod. Until you are exclusively his girlfriend, you should be single and looking. That may scare you, that may sound wrong, but it will save you from wasting your precious time.
All of this sounds good until you have a man putting pressure on you. Let’s lay down some ground rules about value. A man who isn’t your boyfriend should not get to see you anytime he wants, that’s an honor reserved for your man, not your “friend”. When it comes to between dates, don’t let him get comfortable and facetime you because he misses you, you’re not his bitch. If a man wants to see you, he needs to make thought out plans, not turn on his phone and be able to video chat like you’re some regular ass female. “but I like that, he’s bae,” no, dumb ass, he’s not bae. He’s just another nigga until he shows you more. You have to set standards. If a guy knows he doesn’t have to call, can return your texts hours later, can facetime you when he wants to flirt, and can get nudes when he wants to beat his dick, then that makes you just like every other chick in his phone! Yes, baby, I’ll facetime you when I get off. Yes, baby you can slide through on your way home. Yes Yes Yes, just love me. You’re too fucking easy, that’s why these men don’t value you after the novelty of having a Zombie with a pussy wears off. Make the rules, enforce the rules, and have these dudes compete for you.
Blind to Your Own Flaws:
Some of you realize you are brats and think it’s cute as opposed to detrimental. You claim you like your space, and don’t want to be up under a dude, yet you’re catching an attitude when a guy cancels plans. It’s 5pm on a weekend and your guy is chilling with his friends, fuck that, you want his attention so you text him, “Goodnight.” So he gets the hint that you’re fake-mad and calls you. You post subliminals to see if he cares enough to ask what’s wrong. You start arguments about how he spends his time literally hours after seeing you. That’s not cute, that’s crazy. Starting a fight like a brat because you can’t have want you want when you want it is how you shoot yourself in the foot. Can you have a serious conversation without raising your voice, sucking your teeth, threatening to break up, or bringing up old shit? Are your friends more aware of your relationship problems than the guy you’re with? Will you respond with a passive aggressive “You know what you did,” or will you actually tell him what he did?
Basicas are united in their bad behaviors. They relate to the emotionally undeveloped women on reality shows. They repost memes about overreacting because that’s them for real. Weak women co-sign crazy as if it’s cute because they see a lack of self-control as passion not a product of mental ineptitude. We can point the finger at men all day long for all kinds of shit they are guilty of, but that doesn’t change the fact that if you trace your relationships back one by one, there is most likely a few cases of you being a Fuck girl not him being a Fuck boy. There’s one person that has been in each of your relationships—YOU. Take inventory of your own flaws before you start trying to troubleshoot other people. Don’t just blow smoke by saying, “none of us are perfect, I know I have flaws,” actually tackle them. To admit that you have issues, then toss your hair as if a so-called “real man” will just accept your bullshit proves your ignorance. Men have options, pussy is falling off the tree like ripe fruit these days. There will be no loyalty, no “let me fix her” ideology, nor will a man with these options keep giving you chance after chance to grow up. Alpha males don’t fix women with problems, they replace those bitches. You may think that’s unfair because you would try to patch a sinking ship, but the reality is that men actually practice that, “Bye, Felicia” shit that most women merely preach.
Being Turned On by Rejection:
You don’t chase them, you replace them. There’re too many dicks out here to be pressed over one. You don’t mind blocking someone because you’re unbothered. Yeah, okay, right. Your relationships rarely live up to those threats when the rubber meets the road. Girl meets Boy. It’s all good. The Boy stops calling, comes up with an excuse why he needs to focus on himself or pops up with another girlfriend, and the shit hits the fan. According to “I don’t need these niggas” logic a woman should shrug her shoulders, lift her head before her crown can fall, and go find someone that’s compatible. No harm no foul. In reality, those same women who boast about how unbothered they are, end up consumed by that boy’s rejection to the point where it’s downright obsessive.
Why doesn’t he want me? Because you’re not his type. Because there’s something about you that annoys him. Because he never thought you were that cute in the first place. Because your insecurities started to show. Because he fucked. Because he wasn’t going to fuck anytime soon. Because his friends think you’re a 6 out of 10. Because someone else is more intriguing. Because he wanted to. Who cares why he doesn’t want you!? He doesn’t. Accept that.
You will never know the truth behind why a man doesn’t want you because the average male will try to play it safe by giving a bullshit reason that doesn’t hurt feelings. The outcome of being overly nice to you is that you believe that there is a chance that he will change his mind. This grows the idea that if you act a different way he may reconsider. Submit, make him jealous, or argue all the reasons why you’re good for him and maybe he will say, “My bad, I was stupid, let’s try this again.” Why do you feel a need to make a man that doesn’t want you, want you again? All of these guys out here, dudes that thirst and chase you, but your pussy only gets wet for someone that doesn’t think you’re all that. This is a fucked up psyche, usually a result of some Daddy issue where your pops didn’t stick around so you secretly get off on guys that react the same way to you. Maybe if you can get this man who rejects you emotionally to change his mind that will make up for your childhood. Maybe if you can convince him that you’re worth loving, it’ll heal that hole in your heart that’s been there your entire life. Or maybe you Spartan the fuck up and realize that you don’t need a man’s love to validate you.
Thinking You’re Not Good Enough:
Why should anyone love you, when you barely love yourself? The biggest problem I see in those women that fail to find external love is a clear lack of self-love. Let’s start with the physical reasons you secretly hate yourself. Too fat to be taken seriously; too box shaped to be held in high regard like the curvy girls. Look too much like your father to be considered beautiful; look too mean to ever get approached by non-simps. Hair doesn’t lay the way you want; clothes don’t fit your body like that model in the picture. Every day is a struggle not to scream because the shit that’s bothering you can’t be changed without a fortune in cosmetic surgery. Physically you may not feel hideous, but you don’t look as good as you want to look, and that shit eats you alive. You put on a front so no one knows you feel this way, but that insecurity makes you ripe for the picking. Dickticians love “Ugly girl awkwardness” or “Fat girl low self-esteem” because those chicks are easy to fuck, use, or game. You get attention from some guy lusting after you, and the next thing you know you’re letting him bust it open because in that moment at least someone thinks you’re pretty enough to keep a dick hard. Of course, that guy ends up moving on to someone else not too long after because why would he stay with someone like you? Your own low opinion of yourself leads to a self fulfilling prophecy.
Emotional scars run even deeper than the physical ones. You took inventory of your issues, but you don’t know what to do about them. A part of you believes that time will make you feel better about your life, but that’s a load of shit. Instead of correcting your issues, you justify them. You’ve been let down so many times that you can’t help but lose control of your temper? You’ve been fucked and dissed after sex before, so of course you overreact as if this man is going to treat you like the last, so you push him away before he hurts you. Your family members have cut you down in a passive yet brutal way where you feel as if you will never measure up to expectations. In your mind you have a right to be damaged goods. All of the past trauma you’ve experienced is the reason you make mistakes; it’s not that you don’t know better it’s that you’ve never been shown better. Fast forward to the next guy you deal with: How can you not lose yourself in the attention of a random man that’s clearly feeding you bullshit to fuck? Even if his words are lies, it feels better than having to be alone with your thoughts that you’re an average woman, living an average life, who will always make the wrong choices because you’re cursed to be an average fuck up. This is the internal process of too many women. Who can you talk to about these things? Who can you trust not to go and tell the world your insecurities? No one, so you hold it in, and it eats away at your self-esteem, fuels negativity, and keeps you bitter.
You Have Forgotten Your Power
How can you attract love when your mind is filled with self-loathing? How can you grow confident when your own family chops you down? How can you feel beautiful when your own eyes see you as ugly? How can you lower your defenses enough to be loved when every man you’ve dealt with has taken advantage of your vulnerability? It starts with taking the pacifier out of your mouth and refusing to feel sorry for yourself. The pity party is over, blow out the fucking candles and understand that every morning is a new opportunity to correct the wrongs of your life. There is no light switch for self-esteem, it’s a journey that is built around you, not men, not family, not friends, YOU YOU YOU. That journey demands that you stop running from your problems and start listing them out loud. Insecurities have to be made real, not brushed under that mental rug. They have to be stared in the face, examined, and conquered. You secretly hate so many things about yourself, but the fraudulent ways you’ve been trying to mask or deflect your issues doesn’t fix them. Be honest. You aren’t as happy as you pretend to be. You will eventually reach a breaking point where it becomes too much, and at that breaking point, I want you to ask yourself one thing, “why am I so hard on myself?” Love isn’t what someone gives you, it is something you first give yourself. Physical comparisons, emotional validation, a Spartan does not crave these things! She can look into the eye of her own shortcomings and realize she has the power to reverse the course of her life by accepting the reality that she is a beautifully perfect imperfection. You haven’t even begun to live up to your full potential! You have a Spartan inside you, begging to be unleashed. Men will come and go, but their love is not the answer, your love is. The only thing holding you back from being happy is your own mind. Evolve.