I saw this brilliant film last night called Blue Valentine and the main character said something interesting as he set pondering love, mere hours before he met the woman he would eventually marry…

“I feel like men are more romantic than women. When we get married we marry one girl. Cause we’re Resistant the whole way until we meet one girl and we think I’d be an idiot if I didn’t marry this girl she’s so great. But it seems like girls get to a place where they just kinda pick the best option…‘Oh he’s got a good job.’ I mean they spend their whole life looking for Prince Charming and then they marry the guy who’s got a good job and is gonna stick around.” Dean

This observation is so true that I wanted to shout “Fuck yeah” in the middle of the crowded theater. From the time they’re read the phrase “happily ever after” little girls dream of marriage. As they grow older things like wanting a pony may die out, but this idea of a perfect Prince Charming that will come sweep them off their feet, remains. “My wedding is going to be like this…” I’ve heard that phrase countless times… on the phone, on dates, etc… because for most women that is the ultimate goal.

The character in Blue Valentine hit it on the head perfectly, women spend so much time and energy either waiting for Mr. Right or hunting for Mr. Right that in the end they’re left in panic mode. “Oh my fucking god, I’m 28 years old and I’m not married!” DANGER DANGER DANGER. So what happens? They settle. They settle big time.  But Why?

A Man will meet a chick, go crazy for her, and know that he’ll marry her if he survives long enough to save his money for a wedding ring. This thing about “Men don’t commit, men want to play games” is BULLSHIT, when the right girl comes along—everything shuts down—blizzard! Are you Sir Basic or King Arthur? A Sir Basic can’t pull the sword from the stone, he tries and tries, but that shit doesn’t budge. King Arthur walks up, gives it a slight tug, and Excalibur flies out. That’s what the right woman does to even the most noncommittal of men. The Right Bitch will tame the fuck out of the most immature, pussy chasing dude in the world. We men see that from Jump Street—Richard Grieco– oh shit this girl is time enough for me. I need her, and I don’t want any other dude getting close to this. I don’t care if the guy is broke, in the midst of taking the bar, or traveling the world on a tour, if she moves him the right way, he will eventually drop everything to marry her. The question will be popped and she will say YES emphatically.

So why doesn’t that work the same way for Women? Why can’t a woman fall in love at first sight, go bat shit crazy, and say “Let’s get married, not tomorrow, but NOW!” Because for some reason that inner Kitchen Bitch won’t leave the hearts and minds of even the most independent “throw ya hands up at me” ladies. This magical proposal while it’s raining, him on bended knee, the moonlight shining perfectly on the ring, and the surprise that comes with being asked for your hand in marriage—bitches aren’t willing to let that go. I asked my fiancé, if you were so in love why didn’t you ask me to marry you? “I would never have asked you, the man should ask, that’s how I was raised” so if I never asked, you would have just went on living life content? “No, I would have left you” …whatever. But that’s the mentality of a lot of women. Why do you give us the ultimate power over you? WHY BE ON HIS TIME TABLE? You’re a grown ass woman! If you want to get married. Get Married.

Man Meets Woman… date… they’re falling in love.
Man proposes to Woman… let’s just do it Justice of the Peace style, I don’t’ care, let’s get married.
Woman says Yes.

Now this Woman probably isn’t truly in love yet. But she’ll say YES I’LL MARRY YOU! Because marriage proposals are like Krispy Kreme, chicks rarely turn them down.

Same Type of woman. She meets man, dates, they’re falling in love. Two years later, they’re still in love. Four years after that she’s unhappy, won’t say why, just drops hints, and may ask, “Where is this going”. Hold up… This is the guy for her, she loves him, known’s him, wants to be with him… But she leaves his ass because her cousin got married to a dude she’s known 6 months. This woman just gave up a great man because he wouldn’t marry her.  Fast-forward five years, a guy less attractive, not as smart, funny, or well endowed is dating her. She likes him a lot, despite his shortcomings. He’s a good man. A sturdy man. He asks her, she’s shocked because she didn’t think it was that serious. But you know what—She says YES!

SETTLE BITCH SETTLE! You let Mr. Right go. Correction, you pushed Mr. Right AWAY, because he wouldn’t ask you, not asking isn’t the same as not WANTING to. It never occurred to you that, “I want him so he’s going to marry me; I don’t give a fuck if he is trying to get his life together, we’re in this together”. You don’t have to force a man into marriage, but nothing is wrong with an aggressive push to alleviate his fears– yes men have fears too. This is the 21st century swallow your pride and Disney Princess dreams and say “I want to marry you, Kevin. I don’t care what obstacles are standing in our way, fuck that 2 caret ring, let’s just do it baby because your last name is what I need to make me happy”. That nigga will MARRY YOU. But that’s not reality. Reality is ugly Marcus with the good job, 401k asking you to marry him, and you looking at the fact that you’re not getting any younger. Ugly Marcus couldn’t eat your pussy back in 12th grade; you were that bad of a bitch. But ten years later he’s your husband… don’t you love life?

If you love him, why wait? The Cinderella model is outdated. That glass slipper got shoved up the Fairy Godmother’s fat ass a long time ago. Fuck pride. Fuck rejection. Fuck Fear. If you think he’s the one don’t pussy out—Man Up.

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