I’m the type of girl who only attracts clowns.

I’m the type of girl who only attracts guys with girls.

I’m the type of girl who only attracts guys who don’t want to commit.

I’m the type of girl who only attracts the guys you called “Dick” in your book.

Four out of Four events I spoke at last week had women who asked me these questions, which means I need to clear this up for the last time. Ladies, there is nothing about your face, your hair, your perfume, your ass, or where you live that dictates that you will only attract bums. The same way you draw lames in you can draw winners in if you learn to step your cookies up. When any man meets you, he’s knocking at the front door, no matter what they say to you or do for you, they can’t break through that door, it has to be opened. YOU determine the type of man you unlock that door for, so do you blame the man who keeps knocking, or do you blame yourself for peeking out and hearing what he has to say? The real problem is that some of you don’t have many dudes knocking at that door, so you buy into the bullshit from the few guys that do come banging and allow them easy access when common sense is telling you to reinforce the locks and let that nigga bang until he gets the hint. The funny thing is that many of those dudes trying to talk themselves into your life don’t have to sell themselves with crazy lies. These niggas tell you straight up that they have a baby mom they live with, aren’t employed, don’t have a solid roof over their head, or even say they’re just looking to have a good time, and you still let these niggas in because it’s been a slow year! You are not defined by the men that ask for your number, you are defined by the men who you give your number out to! You are who you associate with, not who tries to associate with you. No one has friendship forced on them at gunpoint, there is no knife held to your throat that makes you become friends with benefits, text buddies, or side chicks. If you’re the type of girl who only attracts xyz, it’s because you consciously allowed yourself to become that type of girl by opening the door for these knockety knock knock ass losers to become a part of your life.

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We’ve all been approached by homeless people, right? Some of them are more selective; they look at you and size you up, and then ask for change. Why would certain homeless people be selective, why not scream it at everyone who walks by? Because that’s a waste of energy. The smart bums save their breath and only ask those who look like they will give in. Most of the time this means that the Homeless Army vet won’t ask a nigga with his pants sagging for a dollar, but he’ll speak up when a white lady with a pencil skirt marches by. You would say, “damn he’s racist he doesn’t think niggas have a dollar to spare,” or you could make the argument that by being on the street for years he knows the type of person that is most sympathetic, and  for that particular bum, that’s the businesswoman. That woman doesn’t go home and cry, “I’m the type of girl who bums always ask for money” it is what the fuck it is, and that shit doesn’t bother her. Guys who walk up on you or who ask for your number are like those bums, they make an observation based on not only the way you look, but based off the girls they’ve approached in the past, and then decide if the odds of rejection are low enough to stop you. Ugly guys getting at you doesn’t mean you’re ugly, it could be that he had a history with a girl who looked like you, so that tells him that you may be into him the same way she was. Guys who have girlfriends may look at the way you switch, and it sends sex waves to his brain, suddenly he’s made up his mind to approach you because the way your ass jiggle reminds him of the last chick he had as a sidepiece. The point is, these men DO NOT KNOW YOU, they are making an educated guess that you may be into them based on experience. If you allow that guy into your life, despite the red flags, that proves his educated guess was right, you’re just as dick silly as Chilli every time Dallas Austin sent that pager code. The point is you have a choice. Just like that Businesswoman can ignore the bum and pretend not to have money on her, your complaining ass can ignore those guys who approach you whom you deem not on your level or stop talking to those men who reveal incompatible natures. It’s that easy if you’re not lonely and hard up for indiscriminant male attention.

That’s a perfect world, more times than not, girls refuse to be mean and delete a number or they give into the mindset of, “might as well text with him and see what he’s about.” Once you give in for all the wrong reasons, it’s a wrap. You have no right to complain about that man because you let him into your life. Two young ladies in Baltimore told me about how they were involved with so-called “Clowns n shit” *East Bmore Accent* who wouldn’t leave them alone. Of course that’s the surface problem that makes them sound like victims. When asking them deeper questions both admitted to ignoring calls, only to start talking back to those clowns when they were bored. Neither were having sex with the clowns (allegedly), but by continuing to talk to these niggas, get meals out of these niggas, and hang out with these niggas by default, they consciously kept them in their lives. That’s not being a victim, that’s being a willing participant. We all love to point out thirsty guys, but y’all be hydrating these fools on on the low because they give the endless compliment and attention you can’t get anywhere else.

…But Clowns Be Winning

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Persistence is better than lying when it comes to getting pussy. You may call them lames, simps, clowns, or bums, but they’re human beings who want something and refuse to take “no” for an answer. The thing to remember about any man, even those who refuse to take off their cool initially, is that they will do anything they have to do to get a woman if she’s impressive. You can impress simps and thirst buckets but not the top shelf dudes– wah wah wah. There is no difference, one just happens to approach you while the other may wait for a sign that never comes because you don’t know how to draw them in or be aggressive. All Men Will Bend Over Backwards For The Right Woman, but they have to get a whiff of your personality and see that you are indeed different.I don’t chase em’, I replace em’” was a fantasy rap that Christopher Wallace spit to make himself seem like a pimp. Meanwhile his big ass was all in Faith’s face, trying to lock that down, calling it love at first sight. In a world where women wait for prince charming to come save them, Settle Dick wins, because they know New Nigga Prince Charming isn’t brave enough to approach you and risk the rejection and ego bruising. So-called Clowns will always go at you harder than the laid-back playboys who have tons of options because although he may not bring much to the table, men are taught to reach for the stars, not the ratchets on there level. As the aggressors who doesn’t get much-unsolicited attention, these men know that the reward is greater than the risk, so while homie you really like waits for you to eye fuck him before he makes a move, this man you didn’t even notice is already walking over to ask your name, because he knows he has to put in more work than that pretty boy and doesn’t mind.

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You can tell him that you have a boyfriend, aren’t dating, or just want to be friends, but if your actions are saying, “But I’ll still get to know you romantically” then why the fuck would he listen to the words coming out of your mouth about him not being your type??? He may be a clown, but he got your number after the fourth time he asked… he got you to go over his crib after begging for a month… he ate your box six times before you fucked him… Yeah he had to work for it, but in the end, he got exactly what he wanted from you while you got quality time and dick from a guy you don’t really like. He spent time with you, got to know you, got to taste you, got to fuck, and even though it took months instead of weeks, the result was the same—HE WON. You on the other hand, didn’t want to give him your number because he wasn’t your type—but you did. Didn’t want to go out with him, but you were bored—so you did. Didn’t want him to touch you, but fuck you look like turning down some head—so you gave in. Months of that behavior, clown or not, bonds people. He may not be your boyfriend and you may not want a relationship with him, but it’s already happened because that Clown ass dude is the only man left in your life, because all of your free time you could have to date multiple men is consumed by him wanting to see you, feed you, and eat you. Some of you have friends that married guys they didn’t like at first, and you may think, “awww see people grow on each other,” Don’t aww at that settle shit, that’s not cute, that’s tragic. If she had to manufacture compatibility because she was hard up for a ring, that shit’s worse than being single.

Men never say, “I’m the type that keeps meeting women who want relationships,” then hang their heads. Males color outside of the lines because we have the ego and confidence that what we say will go. The majority of men snake themselves into a chick’s life and then rewrite her rules. He meets a girl that wants something serious before she fucks, but a week in she’s already getting fingered and has her titties in his mouth… that means all he has to do is keep applying pressure and she’ll go from the type that demands a relationship before sex… to that type that hopes for one, but gets what the fuck she’s given because she’s afraid he’ll walk away. Women can also rewrite the rules if they Spartan up! It’s a difference in mentality, it has nothing to do with male vs. female genetics. It’s all about standing your ground and not budging until you get what you want. Clowns are persistant and patient, so they usually go and bag a chick out of their leauge. How about applying that determination to your own life with the men you boo up with or crush on? In addition, if you don’t get what you need from that relationship and he calls your bluff, be confident enough to throw that motherfucker back in the river and find someone who will compromise and complete you. If you’re talking to a guy that doesn’t turn you on, then you must like using a lot of lube, because he’s not getting any more attractive over time. If you’re talking to a guy you think is a clown— you need to buy an extra red nose, because you’re a clown for spending time with a person you secretly slander! If you’re talking to a guy who doesn’t want to commit, you must not want to commit because you’re giving out the girlfriend experience for free. It’s not a HIM problem, it’s a YOU problem. You’re allowing him to dictate the pace, set the rules, and stay in your life! Take control over your own fate, stop labeling yourself based off the men you meet, create a new lane, and only entertain those men who you have chemistry with initially and more importantly, those who pass the interview stage of dating and prove that they are worthy for that door to be unlocked.

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