Men need to do better. Go ahead and suck your teeth if you’re a male or nod in agreement if you’re a woman, but this truth doesn’t need a cosign or objection. Many of today’s men are guilty of playing too many games that end up hurting their own stock in the long run, then throw their hands up as if they’re so innocent. Some even have the nerve to soap box about the mental quality of today’s women as if they didn’t help create some of those negative attributes. Bitches today do this, bitches today do that… bitches today need to put a pacifier in your mouth to stop all your whining, you big ass baby. There are men who do just fine, no complaints. If you can’t point to one in your crew that has been able to find a Queen among the sheep, then clearly you’re in a circle full of fuck boys. Is the reason you can’t find a quality woman really the rise of so-called Hoe Culture, a lack of female common sense, or this idea that women expect so much yet bring so little to the table, or is it the way you behave that keeps you attracting donkeys instead of Unicorns? A man will lead on in order to conquer a girl he barely likes. He will hide his emotions to safeguard against a girl he likes too much. He will even go back to the same girl over and over again, off and on, on and off, only to realize what he already knew—she’s not the one. Point the finger at the lack of quality in women, and I’ll point the finger back at the men that entertain the same women they complain about as if male options are limited. All of these women of various backgrounds, races, and nationalities are up for grabs, but if someone were to look at the last few women you dated, I bet they see a pattern based on your own bad taste. You’re attracted to bullshit women because you don’t scout for quality, just a cute face or a nice body, and a green light that you may be able to hit. You can’t complain about the catch if you keep fishing in the sewer.
The sad thing is that you probably don’t care if you find Ms. Right tomorrow or in ten years because you are living without any romantic direction and it’s working out fine so far because you keep your dick wet with the endless supply of birds who want whatever love they can get. You’re not being picky, you’re just pulling. No wonder you’re bitter about lack of quality, you’re picking girls like it’s a going out of business sale—fuck it I’ll take this one, and that one, I guess this one. Your method is flawed! The macho thing to say, is “I’m getting pussy, tho” but that’s young as fuck. We all get pussy, who can’t in the age of Netflix & Chill? Busting a nut should not be your life’s purpose, and despite the cocky bragging, I know that you want more from a woman than ass. Yet, here you are wasting your time with girls you half-like, girls that you know you can always get a second chance with because they’re naive, and various other non-compatible females when you should be aiming higher. How many years do you think you’ve wasted on throwaway pussy, my G? Look at the girls you’ve dealt with, now look at your happiness level. Why have you wasted so much time on the pursuit of pussy instead of the pursuit of happiness? Don’t give me some dumb ass line about “pussy makes me happy,” you sound dumber than the idea that Gucci Mane was cloned. Stop being such an idiot and use the brain that I know you have.
Behind ever great man is a great woman, but behind you is a field of ratchets, bottom bitches, attention groupies, and thirsty relationship girls that don’t want to be single. Men still have the upper hands in regards to easy sex and relationship leverage, but in terms of forming real connections, it’s become a stalemate. I can respect men that test women to make sure she’s a diamond and not a CZ, but I can’t respect you guys that run game with no purpose. The games being played these days aren’t leading to anything more than casual sex and constant headaches. Every week I hear from a girl crying about how a man is too busy, a man doesn’t have enough money to date, a man is emotionally distant because of an ex, and they are trying so hard to make these guys work despite the obvious smoke being blown up their asses. Fellas, I know that there is no such thing as too busy, that even when broke you could make a way, and no ex-girlfriend has that much power over you to the point where you’re broken mentally. You are a man, you are built to get what you want if you set your mind to it, yet you put on these acts and have girls believing all of these excuses about you not being ready for love. It used to be that men lied to protect a woman’s feelings, but men today are lying to girls just for the fuck of it. Let’s get to the root of this behavior.
Chase Her, Catch Her, Release Her
The male agenda, what is it? What do men really want from women in the long run? It’s a trick question because the majority don’t think about the long run. We think about initial attainment. I see her, I like her, I want her. Where women get confused is they foolishly think our “want her” means in a girlfriend or wife want. Nah, it’s not that deep. Let me break this down as if you all are 7th graders. Men are spoiled and used to getting their way. Blame their mother, granny, or whatever female was in his life kissing his ass until adulthood. Men feel entitled to love, they don’t chase it. What he is chasing is the attainment of any woman who comes into his life and inspires some kind of lust. Physical lust of course or intellectual lust could do. We as men become smitten, and it lights us up in a way where we give some kind of chase. This is what goes through our minds when we see an okay looking girl—she’s alright, I’d fuck though. This what goes through our minds when we see an amazing looking girl—damn, I need that. Here’s the irony of those thoughts. No matter if a girl is borderline ugly, average, or a super dime he reacts the same way—with pressure to attain her. Let’s break down what “attain” means. He doesn’t want to make you his girlfriend, marry you, or even fuck you right away. He wants to chase, get you, and then he will decide after you’re in his clutches what he actually wants. This chase and catch becomes what women experience and say, “Girl, he’s so into me,” but that’s just the basic agenda, not proof of a want for anything serious or even sex.
When we first meet a girl we rate her fuckability not on a scale of 1-10, but with, “I would or I wouldn’t fuck.” It’s that simple. These internet niggas talking about 6’s and 7’s are full of shit; we only think two ways—I would or I wouldn’t. Even the girls who we pretend aren’t our types, when presented with face to face may get an, “I would.” Once we decide that a girl is fuckable, we then put in work to see if she would fuck us back. If she is open and sending clear signs that she likes us, that strokes our egos, raises our confidence, and we try to seal the deal relatively quickly. If she’s showing mixed signals that she kinda/maybe/possibly likes us, then our ego is checked. In this example, we have to play cat and mouse with her to see if we can get her open. I don’t care who you are, if a girl is fuckable and she’s not responding to your normal game, you up your anti. Real dates, tricking, better communication, longer talks, whatever you feel you need to do in order to prove to that girl that she needs to be feeling you, that is what you do in order to win the game. The final example is a girl who isn’t feeling you at all, either playing hard to get or isn’t into you for whatever reason. Those are the girls men hate but secretly love. The Bitches, with a capital B, the popular girls that have three other dudes just like you trying to do the same thing, the smart women who already know the chess game you’re playing—those females are not easy to win over like the average Basica who thinks you’re cute and intimidated by you. Therefore, you put in even more work. You do the most for her, you’re in constant communication, you even tell her things you don’t tell other women because she’s showing you (and your ego) that you’re not good enough yet, and that challenge causes you to now prove that you are. Women die trying to figure out how to get a man to be more into her than she is into him because they see how certain women get dudes to chase them as if that pussy is platinum. It’s about the challenge, it’s about attainment!
No matter which of the three categories a woman falls into, once a man catches her, he may still release her. For some men it’s sex for others it’s a relationship, and there are even cases I’ve seen where a man realizes that the girl has fallen in love, pats himself on the back, and releases her ass back into the dating pool because all he wanted was to prove he had juice. “Why did he do so much, only to fall back without even having sex with me,” because he fulfilled his mission. You were never someone he actually wanted, he was fulfilling something inside himself either consciously or subconsciously, he achieved it, and now he’s releasing you. Agenda = Attaining you not keeping you. Here’s what men need to do better: Understand their own minds, own up to their agendas, and go after what they really want, not what’s in front of them. I am sure there is a girl reading this right now who is “talking” to a guy because she happened to be around and he didn’t have anything better to do. She probably thinks it’s going somewhere. In a month she will learn the hard truth about what I’m writing here. Men are creating way too much collateral damage, just to attain women they don’t want! Cry about how you are a nice guy and are up front about not wanting anything serious, but even those of you that are semi-transparent still entertain girls you know you’re going to toss like garbage the moment you feel a yawn coming on. My point is, why even take her number in the first place? You may respond, “fuck that, I don’t have an agenda, I just want someone cool on the team that’s down for me.” Stop lying, my nigga. You’re an emotional fraud, a mental midget, an Ape that doesn’t dig beneath the surface to break down your own psyche! For every girl that acts shady towards you or doesn’t want you, there will be five more that roll over and submit. Why haven’t you wifed them? Because that “down for me” excuse is a lie.
Count in your head all the girls that you’ve ever pulled and add up all the ones that were on your dick, heavy. Were they not cool, did they not compromise, was there not proof that she would do damn near anything for you? Any man that has dated regularly (sorry I’m leaving you simps out of this) and has had sex with more than ten women has experienced enough romantic situations to know that the majority of women will do the most to keep a man. You didn’t want those women that did all the good girl, kitchen bitch, nurturing, ride or die stuff after a while. Why? Because they became boring. You can sit and lie to yourself and talk about “she had issues, she was too jealous, blah blah blah” but the reality is that after you reached your first agenda, to attain her, you got bored and found an excuse to get rid of her oatmeal personality having ass. It had nothing to do with your bullshit excuse of, loyalty, support, or whatever vague attribute you pull out of your ass to make yourself feel less guilty for tossing that girl to the side. UNDERSTAND YOURSELF. You don’t just want pussy, you don’t just want company, you don’t just want a second mother, the truth is you want a combination of things wrapped in a fuckable package. The problem is you don’t actually dig deep into your head and ask yourself what you’re specifically looking for, you go with the flow, and thus attract mixed results.
Who You Would Fuck Vs. Would Marry
When you think about women in terms of needing to find a new one, do you go out into the world on autopilot waiting for an opportunity for some girl to pop up who you can put your dick in down the road, or have you actually sat by yourself and thought about the type of girl you will and won’t talk to because you don’t want to waste your time just pulling every “fuckable” type girl you run across? I will bet money that you don’t have any idea or concept of what you truly are looking for in a woman beyond the generic buzzwords like pretty & honest. You are under the assumption that you will know when you see, so in the meantime, you shoot your shot at every cute and half-cut female that comes into your gravitational pull. The reason I’m making a point out of knowing what you want is that this method of just snatching up girls gets old after a while. You know like I know that the vast majority of women you talk to are just something to do, not someone you actually want. Even when you keep talking to them after sex, even when you try to enter a relationship based on either her ultimatum or your own selfish need for convenience and catering, you know she’s just filling time in your life.
There comes a point where a man has to grow up and think about a picture bigger than just entertaining girls he doesn’t like for sex or company. There is a woman out here that will make you happy, who you will come to love more than you love yourself, and who will show you all the things that other girls failed to. She’s not a fantasy, she’s not some ex who you keep trying to make it work with, she’s not a girl you have to be a certain age to meet, she is real, and she is out there for you to find the moment YOU decide you are ready. The problem is, you’re afraid to be ready. You are so used to playing the game on “easy mode” that you have become lazy. Instead of being mature enough to go after the type of women who challenge and inspire, you make do with the most convenient options. Your standards are non-existent, of course you’re being met with mediocre results! Let’s take the first step and THINK about the kind of woman you need in terms of one that will complete you not just sleep with you.
Have you ever loved a woman to the point where all you do is think about her, always want to see her, and even when you get super busy she somehow sneaks into your mind? You felt lust, you felt a few months of that where it came and went, but have you ever truly fell in love with a woman where after a year of being with her you could honestly say that you feel even more crazy about her than that first honeymoon period? Just because a man says, “I love you” first doesn’t mean he means it more. Just because a man has a girl that would die for him, doesn’t mean he would even lose a toe for her. You know what kind of love you have for most women, and it isn’t deep, it’s more like an, “I love you for loving me,” response. Some women think love is love and jump for joy just because a man drops the L-word, but you realize the difference. You want true love. It may not be manly to talk about these things, but let’s be taboo right now. You understand the concept of love more than you let on, that’s why you are hesitant to give these placeholders your all. You know what New Pussy lust feels like, and how it sucks that all those feeling start to fade because you were hoping she was different. Girls who are willing to love a man more than they love themselves, grow on trees. You can settle for one of those birds, but that’s not a life that will make you happy. Your ultimate goal is the type of love that you can’t deny. BUT how are you going to attain that kind of love if you don’t make a conscious effort to achieve it?
Men Know How To Love
Women say men are emotionally unavailable, bullshit. Emotionally different from the way females are wired, yes, but we aren’t any less in touch with our feelings than they are. Sure a particular man that’s had a hard life may be guarded, but in a world where Hoes win, who doesn’t play it safe? What blows me is that certain women never stop to realize that maybe the reason a man isn’t reacting in an emotional way is because he doesn’t feel very emotional towards her or that situation involving her. “why does he act like he doesn’t care,” Um, because he doesn’t, he’s just going through the motions of pretending to care so he can appease you, genius. In general, women are open books, they love to talk and vent, to share and express, and they do this with men they have only known a short time. A man is rarely as forthcoming, but that isn’t proof that he is emotionally stunted. This stereotype is based on the fact that many women fail to connect with a man on a deeper level of intimacy. They feel as if giving him sex, support, even a kid means that he should open up, but they miss the point, if he’s not opening up—it’s his conscious choice, not a medical condition. All. Men. Want. A. Woman. To. Love! That’s a fact.
A man wants to love but does he know how to show love once he feels it? That’s another issue that men need to do better with, identifying lust earlier and stop acting as if it’s love. An older man told me that he never knew how to express his love when he was a teenager because he was Italian and his mom and dad only yelled at each other, no lovey dovey shit. He had to realize that he wasn’t his dad, that the examples at home didn’t define him because he was also exposed to examples in the outside world. The crutch of “because my dad did this,” had to go because every man can point to a positive example of how to do things the right way, even if their role model is flawed. Fellas, women aren’t making up the lack of emotional detachment out of thin air. You know exactly what women want in terms of attention, but you don’t want to give it to them. Again, this isn’t a medical condition, it’s a personal choice. I don’t expect a guy in high school or even an undergrad in college to know what he wants yet and act accordingly to keep it, but now that you’re getting older, I expect you to ask these tough questions. Let’s say you have a girl that loves you, who has been there for you, and all she wants is for you to open up, tell her everything you feel, and love her back. Is it because you don’t know how to love women or is it because that girl doesn’t move you in the way that you need to be moved to pour your love into her? This is the life a lot of you live. Stuck with a girl who you aren’t sure about, but if you dig into your mind… you know the truth. The fact that you can’t give her the love she needs is proof that you don’t want to give her the love she needs because you’re still reserving it for someone better!
You want the type of woman that sparks a fire that doesn’t die out, yet all you are running into is gold plated women that tarnish more and more the longer you spend getting to know them. Sex lust only last so long if you don’t feel a deeper connection, you know this. Relationship trophy girls, no matter how model pretty, only last so long if you don’t feel a deeper connection, you know this. There is nothing wrong with just wanting to fuck these girls until you find the one, but there is something wrong when you don’t even understand what you’re looking for. A perfect example is on again off again exes. These clowns fuck and fallback, only to return to a girl after she gets a boyfriend, not because he realizes his mistakes but because he’s reacting based off of primal fear that he may have missed out. They get bored or lonely and revise their thoughts that a girl wasn’t so bad. They see that she’s making someone else happy and competition seeps in, so they jump to the conclusion that she may have what he was looking for after all. He goes back to break them up and ask for a second chance, and if his game is tight he will succeed. The problem becomes that most men who go back to a girl, end up leaving again because they didn’t actually want that chick in the first place. It’s a knee jerk reaction! Girls always ask me, “why did he come back?” They’re naïve but you know the exact reason why you played that game. She didn’t have what you wanted, you had to lose her, get her back, and then be reminded what you already knew the first time you bounced– something didn’t feel right because it wasn’t right. These IG quote chicks will hit you with, “You’ll miss me when I’m gone,” “Don’t come running back once you realize how good you had it,” and the bitter list goes on. You as a man know the only reason you do go running back is because you don’t know what you want and she was a safe and familiar option. Be honest, bro!
Too Busy To Date
What’s our favorite excuse to use on women? “I’ve been busy.” It’s the perfect antidote to avoid dates with girls who are already open and make her get in where she fits in on your schedule without having to put in much work. “Okay I understand, I guess I can come see you,” see how easy it is!? Being busy is also a good way to fallback when you realize that this girl has worn out her welcome. Women are conditioned to accept “busy” because most guys use that shit to manipulate them. Some Basicas are so used to being put on the back burner that they make it a badge of honor, “A broke man always has time, my MCM is after that money.” Nah, your man crush is sending your calls to voicemail while he plays PS4. Your man crush is pretending he didn’t read your dry ass text, so he can tweet about the NBA Finals. Your man crush is free more than he lets on but doesn’t want that time wasted on someone who doesn’t inspire him anymore. A man will make the right woman fit into his day even if he was busy for 16 of those 24 hours, I repeat, right woman.
Certain females a man will never leave waiting on the bench because he knows another man will see that same special in her and snatch her up. To meet a woman like this means that you make exceptions to the rules that you wouldn’t do with Tina Typical. If “The One” is in your life, there is no “let me call you back, I lost track of time, I’ve been meaning to call you.” She will never feel as if you’ve forgotten her because the communication will be consistent. You can afford to brush off a woman you don’t value, but a million-dollar prospect never has to ask for your attention or time, she gets it automatically. The best lies always include parts of the truth, correct? You are busy, you are grinding, that’s true… but of course you can spare a half hour to talk before bed, find a day to go on a date, and if you really were a boss type alpha male you could open up a spot to see her at least once a week. Again, you don’t make an effort to do these things because you don’t feel like it! It’s okay to admit that to yourself, the girls who are reading this don’t know you, I’m not blowing your cover. I only want you to be real with the only person that counts, yourself.
Finances Aren’t Right for A Relationship
When a girl gets too close and you actually like her, there may be some shame on your part due to a lack of funds. It’s emasculating when you don’t have money but are expected to be a gentleman who can take a stranger out and treat her to all this expensive shit just to impress her. You don’t have the budget to spoil a girl, even if you think she’s worth spoiling. So it makes you mad to hear people talk about $200 dates or expensive bae-cations, when you aren’t able to bring that to the table. You can’t go broke trying to date or go broke trying to keep up appearances in a new relationship, so what do you do? Settle for girls that don’t ask for much? The catch-22 is you don’t want those girls that say, “oh let’s do this it’s free.” FOH! You want the high maintenance chicks because those women tend to be sexier and classier than drive thru hoes that will bust it open for a mushroom pizza. Females are nice and understand budgets for the most part, but you don’t want their ego checking Groupon ideas, you want to be able to not worry about money. Your male pride fills with resentment at cheap date suggestions like, “damn this bitch is having pity on my wallet, what kind of loser does she think I am?”
This is the reason many guys will “talk to” women but won’t date… why some will be in situationships but won’t commit. You don’t think you can afford to give her what you know she wants, and that stings your pride so why go through the motions? I don’t care about those inflated employment numbers the White House tries to parade around. I see what the economy is like in America for the average person, especially black men. We live in a luxury society fueled by fantasy rap lyrics where buying a girl an outfit is child’s play and if you’re not dropping a top like Lil Uzi Vert, you’re losing. Yet, dudes are splitting the cost of Henny between four people, putting five dollars in the gas tank, and are like, “fuck it, I’m just going to have to let it hit overdraft because I need to pay this bill.” You aren’t dating because you can’t justify that expense. When you are fresh out of college with limited income or in the workforce and underemployed, the idea of an active relationship with a woman who wants to do more than watch TV and fuck is a stress you don’t want to deal with, but that isn’t a reason to give up on love.
I often tell women to aim as high as possible, but that isn’t a fuck you to those men in the struggle as if you aren’t worthy. Your confidence should not be tied to your bank account, this is still a man’s world, so you should always have the view that you can and will turn your life around. You don’t need a woman by your side to mommy you or carry you. I know that a real man wants to do it on his own and prove his worth, however, that doesn’t mean you push someone special away based on your lack of cash. I wrote an entire chapter in MDLWLY about how a woman can help a man without emasculating him because women do tend to overstep their boundaries in an innocent attempt to be helpful. You may not need her help, but you will be missing out on a huge piece of the puzzle if you don’t open yourself up to her friendship. So what if you’re broke, I’m sure you’re working on correcting that. In the meantime, conversations are free, listening is free, having someone to bounce ideas off is free, having someone who can make you laugh and take your mind off of life is free. A woman can improve your life in so many ways if you stop being stubborn and prideful. Every man can afford to build a friendship with a woman, so stop letting your shame box out a person who only cares about spending time with you, not your wallet.
Girls Today Can’t Be Trusted
Tanya broke up with you for nothing, Amanda cheated on you after you gave her your heart, Aerial was out here sloring on Snap and it proved that you should never trust a bitch named after a Disney Princess… oh well! You will get burnt in love more than a few times, it comes with the territory. How can you know what kind of woman is right for you until you experience the personalities of those that were wrong? Stop being such a pussy, crying over your past as if you’re so sensitive. Reach down in your pants, do you not have a dick? Well, then act like it and stop constantly looking back to what some chick did to you once upon a time not long ago. The same way you have dated and dumped or fucked and forgotten various women over the years, it works both ways. There will be women who see you as just a dick to ride, a face to sit on, or a pair of eyes to give her attention. At this stage, you have to realize when a girl is insincere and stop painting all of them with this same broad, “These bitches today,” brushstroke because you’re bitter over some shit that happened in 2009. Let. It. Go!
When you begin talking to a new girl, instead of assuming that she will hurt you, take what you learned from those old chicks that tried you, and hold these girls up to the light like a fake hundred, based on their actual actions, not your imaginary paranoia. She gives it up too fast, and you didn’t do anything special… take notes. She only hits you up when she’s bored at work… take notes. She is always trying to invite her friend on dates with you both… take notes. She overreacts when you miss her call or acts passive aggressive… take notes. Girls that are trying to play you, emotionally damaged women, ones that may smash the homies, even girls that just want to be seen so they can make other men jealous, you can expose them if you open your eyes and observe their actions. Get to know these women one by one, don’t shut down, cross your arms, and generalize an entire gender based on your own mistakes. If you have trust issues, identify them, now work them out. Meanwhile, don’t date and don’t fuck, it’s that simple. What you don’t do is waste your time and her time by constantly bringing up what girls have done in the past in order to make an excuse as to why you can’t be with her or give her what she’s asking for in the present.
Men need to do better. Women need to do better. Those are both generalizations. So let’s talk about you personally. If you can’t pick up your phone and see the name of a woman who you could one day marry, then YOU NEED TO DO BETTER. Step your roster up. Have higher standards. Put in effort, instead of complaining that their are no quality women. Change the world by changing yourself first. Think about your life, the people you let in, the people you give your time to, and the relationships you create. What is your agenda with these women beyond the juvenile chase, catch, release that you’ve been doing since high school? You can’t attract greatness when your thoughts are centered on quantity over quality! Something to do will turn into someone you can’t get rid of if you keep entertaining placeholders. Everyone needs a life partner, but most will end up settling with one based on convenience instead of true love. Don’t be like the generation before you or these new niggas that make a seat filler permanent because they get tired of looking or make the mistake of getting a girl pregnant. Be picky! There are plenty of exceptional women out here, but how can you find them if you keep sticking to the same typical types? Aim to snatch a Queen not to fuck a peasant!