Lust rules everything around us. I’ve seen a girl who went from virgin one year to ten partners the next. I know a guy that emptied out his live-in girlfriend’s bank account to spend it on a new girl he desperately wanted to smash. Just last week, I received an email from a woman who swore she was too smart to get gamed, yet ended up on the heartbreaking end of a one night stand that shattered her self-esteem. I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, all it takes is the right person saying the right thing at the right time, and all your sex rules and moral theories go out of the window. We all have “bodies” on our list that we’d like to forget. The irony when it comes to sex is that women tend to regret their past partners more than men. “I wish I never fucked him” is more common than “I wish I never fucked her” Why? For men, it doesn’t matter if it lasted one minute or one hour, if she came or if she rolled over disappointed. Men cum 99.9% of the time—doesn’t matter how she looks, how her body is shaped, what color she is, or how much he likes her, sex is always a victory because the result is a nut. There’s little concern over what happens after it’s over. The only time a guy has regret is if he ends up getting burnt, gets caught creeping on his girl, or if she pops up pregnant.
On the other side of the fence there are women who just want sex too, but there are even more who need a connection, need to see potential, and who obsess over “what happens next” because they don’t want to end up giving away something so special to someone who doesn’t appreciate it…or isn’t skilled enough to blow her back out as a consolation prize. A woman’s sex life is a slot machine: Small dick. Big dick but can’t work it. Cum too quick. Can’t stay hard. Too rough. Not rough enough… and the list goes on. Men talk a big game, but to hear women tell it, most can’t handle business when they finally get it. To be fair, some guys don’t care about performance, again, the nut is the win not the praise after it’s over. Still, it’s a fucked up situation. If the guy ends up becoming her boyfriend despite being trash in bed, she has to deal with being sexually frustrated in the name of love. If the guy is just a one-time thing, then she has to deal with “do I even add this nigga to my body count after that weak ass performance?” No matter if she’s looking for love or just a dick fix, sex is all risk, and often little reward for women on the dating scene. Unlike in the past, women not only have a voice when it comes to sex, they aren’t afraid to call men out. Which leads to…
I STILL BEAT, LOL
Over the past few weeks I’ve been seeing a battle of the sexes over the concept of “I Still Beat”. I’ll save you the trip to Urban Dictionary. “Beat” is slang for “have sex”. It’s a term I’ve heard since I was 16. It’s the male version of a mic drop when he’s being attacked or slandered by a woman.
GIRL: That’s Why Your Dick Little… Those Two Minutes Wasn’t Even Worth My Time… I Had to Think About My Ex to Cum!
GUY: I still Beat…
GIRL: You Still Owe Me Money You Broke Bastard… Tell Everyone How You Let Me Finger Your Ass… Don’t make me release the texts of you begging to eat my ass!
GUY: I Still Beat…
No matter if it’s an attempt to expose his weak performance or a girl looking to embarrass him with secret details of his life, all that guy has to say is– I STILL BEAT THO! It’s all about protecting the fragile male ego from being damaged and it works because we as men will nod along like, “He got you there.” The male mind puts pussy on a pedestal. Dude can be ugly, broke, suck at sports, have a hairline that starts at the top of your head… but if he’s able to get pussy, then he will always get props from other man. No matter where you grow up in America or what race you are, young boys are patted on the back for conquering women. Think about the way we talk about sex: beat, smash, crush, hit—it’s all about the male doing something to the female as if her vagina is just an object to be destroyed. Doesn’t matter if he lasted two minutes, his dick was small, he ate her ass, or any other thing a woman would use to emasculate him, the very nature that he got to stick his dick in her cancels out anything she’s yelling. Welcome to the double standard of our Universe…
“I don’t even know why I hit that. I just know I won’t wife that” -6ix9ine
Most of you will have sex before you enter a relationship. Many of you will have sex within the first two weeks because he’s cute, has potential, or he just caught you at the right time. That’s your prerogative as a grown ass woman— fuck who you want. However, the reality of dating dictates that 4 out of 5 guys you date are going to be running game, not interested in anything with you, or realize after a few conversations you aren’t what he’s looking for… cold world. Doesn’t matter if you deflect with that, “I used him too, he was just dick to me” attitude, he’s going to feel more empowered than you will, he’s going to get more props, and you’re going to be the one considered used up, despite you two both engaging in the same act. Think about how that effects your going forward. You end up dating someone the last guy knows, you tell him the truth that the guy was a lame, but the new guy is thinking, “So you let that lame beat…” You try to warn other girls not to date him, all he has to say is “She’s bitter cus I hit and quit,” and now you have a reputation.
Sex is not an equal playing field for women, it’s filled with unfair judgement and double standards. If a man has sex with a woman he’s a winner and that woman is ran through. A woman can’t say anything negative about a guy she slept with, but he can drag her for days because in our society, a woman loses value once she has sex while a man grows in prestige. It’s a calculated reaction to shame and downgrade women and a lot of these “nice guys” are closet misogynist who can’t wait to run and tell your business. You can’t afford to be nice to these clowns any longer. You deserve a man that understands that you aren’t for everybody, that you have respect for yourself, and that he didn’t “hit” he was given a gift. It’s time to up your standards, control your lust, and rethink who you allow between your legs. So, how can you win in a world that sees you as the one that gets fuck not the one who fucks? How can you avoid the embarrassment of adding to your body count with someone that wasn’t worth it? How can you date as a sexual woman and not feel like you have to use gimmicks like the 90-day rule? Simple, you Spartan the Fuck Up and use Pussy Power in your favor.
“First night, she gon’ let me fuck cus we grown/ I hit her, gave her back to the city, she home/ That was that.” – Drake
Women routinely fuck men who don’t deserve their pussy, then those same men walk out of that woman’s life with his head held high, ready to sucker the next chick. Not all men are predators, but when it’s been proven that a large percent of guys put on fronts for sex, what makes you continue to date with the same strategy that got you hurt in the past? You’re falling for every trick in the basic bitch playbook because you’re walking around with insecurities that are easy to pick apart. Texting turns to sexting. Sending cute pics turns to sending nudes. Kissing turns into breast sucking, turns into you lifting your hips up while he slides your panties off. Should I yell at the men right now and say, “Hey stop getting so much easy pussy and only date girls you actually see a future with?” No, I turn to you and say stop the insanity! Women choose who they have sex with, men are limited to who chooses them. Think about the cutest guy you know—he’s been curved. Fact. Think about a girl who you don’t think is cute at all—she can go out this weekend and get head from a dude that puts Michael B Jordan to shame. Fact. What’s the take away from this? Men are whores. They think with their dicks and their beauty standards in REAL LIFE rarely add up to the girls they like on Instagram. Men have a nerve to call women out for fucking on the first date, but they’re the ones pushing for first date sex in the first place! These are the hypocrites that you get nervous around? These aren’t Kings, these are confused little boys who shame you for having sex after they beg, spend, lie, and manipulate to get it.
DOES HE DESERVE PUSSY?
These “I still beat” clowns shouldn’t have made it to a second date let alone between your legs. If he turned out to be an immature asshole after sex, then he was one before sex. So why couldn’t you see it? Because you were blinded by his hustle. Men have mastered the art of opening up just enough that you “think” you know them. They give you their sad family story, the bad breakup story, the ambitious business story, all manufactured to make you feel closer to him. He’s being vulnerable, so you start to open up. Earth to Basica! You don’t know this nigga. You haven’t even poked holes to see if his stories add up. You are going along for the ride and at this point you can’t blame it on anything but your own naiveté. It’s not about when you have sex, it’s about why you have sex. Cus I’m horny…Cus I didn’t want to push him away… Cus It just happened. How old are you!? The common denominator in your failed love life is you choosing the wrong men to give yourself to. If you want to stop the cycle of choosing wrong, make them jump through hopes by truly showing you who they are over time. Guys who are just after sex are littered with red flags you only see after the fact. It’s time to shine a light on their dusty asses long before you reach that level.
Mr. Potential: You finally meet a guy who has his shit together—educated, career, no kids, no drama, and he’s trying to date you, not chill with you. You thank the lord and you go into the date hoping he likes you. SMH! You’ve already lost, baby girl… Your first mistake was feeling lucky and blessed to meet someone decent. You’re a quality woman, every man you meet should fit that description. You’ve allowed your past history with men to make this new guy a Unicorn. He’s special only because your last few dates were mediocre. You’re now dating to impress, not dating to be impressed. Your weak ass fan-girl mentality becomes transparent on the actual date. This man knows he’s handsome, he knows he’s doing better than the average man that you meet, and now he knows you’re an easy target because you’re gushing over him. You want a man like him. You’ve been praying for a man like him. You’re getting older—you have to make this work. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know him or have yet to vet him, your anxiety has you high off potential and willing to fit into what he likes in order to get that happy ending.
How He Beats: It’s so easy to run game on a woman that’s afraid of losing out on you. I call it the Bait & Hit. Gas her up with the idea of you by treating her nice for a week or two. Every night before she goes to bed she’s fantasizing about being your woman, living that life with you, being a power couple or trophy wife. Every day when she’s at work and gets a text, that fantasy comes roaring back even stronger because it’s not fiction, you’re showing her that you want her just as bad. Now it’s time to move in for the kill. The next time you go on a date or hang out alone, all you have to do is go for sex. Fan-Girl’s not ready for that, but she doesn’t want to reject him. To reject a man with more potential than the last three guys she dated combined, feels like a mistake. She doesn’t want to keep looking for someone with all of your qualities. She’s sick of the rat race to find a man that has his shit together. You keep trying to fuck and she keeps buckling until she finally gives it up. In the front of the mind she desperately hopes this won’t change anything. Ha!
The woman goes through the next day nervous—is that all he wanted? Was that a test to see if you were a hoe? You live with that feeling because if you bring it up to him you’ll seem crazy and insecure. Mr. Potential got what he came for and he realizes that he got it easy. He may come back for a few more sessions, but it’s not the same. No more dates. No more deep talks. No more talking about what he’s going to do for you. The writing is on the wall. You call him out on it. He gives an excuse to keep that door to your pussy open, but you know he’s lying. Finally, he pops up with a new girl or ignores you all together and you lash out at him about how fucked up he treated you. He shrugs it off. You can’t hurt a person emotionally that was only attracted to you physically. In the end, no matter what you say—he still beat.
Mr. Communication: In a world where guys are aloof and fake busy, you finally meet one that gives you the level of attention you’ve always craved. He’s good at texting, not just to check in but to engage you. He Facetimes to talk about his day. He calls you just because. He wants to see you multiple times a week. Damn, this attention feels good! Time doesn’t bond people, contact does. To be blitzed with a person’s personality every day for two weeks creates a false sense of knowing them. You develop trust because your mind is whispering, “He wouldn’t have time to talk to anyone else, he’s always talking to me.” Trust leads to the dropping of your guard. These conversations go from the typical getting to know you chit chat, to deep talks about your life. He’s your therapist when it comes to your past. He’s your best friend when it comes to talking about the ups and downs of your day. It’s only been a matter of weeks, but you love him, lower case “l” rapidly approaching upper case “L”.
How He Beats: Security is a panty dropper. Imagine if you’re a woman that’s had to deal with male disappointment from the time you were a kid—dad, step-dads, teachers, first boyfriend, they all hurt you in some way. To meet a man who is there for you, to talk, to help, to listen, it leaves an impression no matter how long you’ve known him. Mr. Communication didn’t win you over with a fantasy of being a perfect man in terms of materialism, he won you over by being the perfect man in terms of emotional maturity and understanding. A man like that feels safe. When you two are alone and he goes for it, what excuse is there to say “no”? You know him. You trust him. You’re horny. After sex, the communication gradually begins to change. His excuses are legit at first, new job, new schedule, going out of town, it’s always some new wrinkle that throws off the old routine and you accept that. However, it never goes back to that previous routine. The texts are few and far between. The Facetimes end. The calls are non-existent. Your pride is telling you that you’re making it all up, and that it’ll go back to normal. It never does, and your emotions don’t know how to handle the lost of not only a friend but the fact that you were gamed. You muster up the nerve to send some long text message about how much of a bitch he is, you want him to know your pain. He shrugs at that text paragraph—he still beat.
Mr. Rebound AKA Mr. Brightside: A rebound isn’t reserved for a recent breakup. Many of you haven’t had dating success in years. You’re not rebounding from ONE GUY, you’re rebounding from striking out month in and month out. The Rebound guy is different from Mr. Potential because most of these guys aren’t really that amazing, they’re just there to give you what you need—affirmation that you’re wanted. That’s why I also call them Mr. Brightside. Sure, he’s broke, but he’s nice. Sure, he’s not physically appealing, but he’s stable. He’s not what you’re looking for, but he’s persistent, so he gets a shot at a woman like you that’s usually out of his league. It could be that associate from back in the day that suddenly sends you a message on social media. That guy who’s always liked you who finally gets you to agree to a date. Basically, any man that wears you down as opposed to Wows you. Where does this open mind come from? Fear. You don’t know what you’re doing out here. You don’t know how to pick men. You don’t know how to get to the ones you want, or you’ve been hurt by them. Like that chick who starts wearing Yoga pants 7 days a week, you’ve given up and are in “fuck it” mode.
How He Beats: Abstaining from sex isn’t hard when you don’t have any options. Turning down men that are lazy in their efforts or who push too hard is easy. Let’s see how you do when left alone with a man who likes you more than you like him. Nice guys empower those women who have been neglected or who are in a drought. He’s on your clit, so you feel strong and comfortable around him because unlike guys that intimidate you, there’s no need to be shy. Mr. Brightside knows that it’s been forever since you’ve even had sex, so he’s going to push your buttons. Back message, foot message, and the classic, “let me taste it.” and at that moment of “oral sex isn’t really sex,” he’s going to slide all the way home.
After sex you’re going to run into one of the most common things I’m emailed about—I fucked a guy who I didn’t even like that much, and he had the nerve to ghost me. All that empowered Wonder Woman swag was used against you. Here you are thinking this guy is too corny, too ugly, too fat, or too broke to do better than you so he would worship you even after sex. There he was confident that women like you, lonely and bored, are easy marks. This peasant played you, so you fire back at him about all the ways he’s lame and all the ways you’re amazing. In the end, those insults roll off his back because…you guessed it—he still beat.
Mr. Thirsty: Your personality is so bomb that men chase you. Your sex game is so elite that they want to wife you. Welcome to the world of thirst. Your ego is telling you it’s all about how amazing you are, but reality has proven that there are men predisposed to be hard up due to insecurities you didn’t bother to uncover. This kind of guy can come in any form. Handsome guy, rich guy, work husband, internet crush, it doesn’t matter what mask he’s wearing. it’s only after sex do you realize that he likes you more than you like him to the point of annoyance. You know the type, he starts asking about a relationship. Uses the “L” word way too fast. Wants you to meet his family. It’s as if he’s the girl and you’re the boy.
How He Beats: Some women can spot a thirsty from a mile away and think, “Damn, imagine how pressed he’s going to be if I fuck him. I’ll pass.” Still, there are other women who enjoy the groupie treatment and ego stroke of a man acting crazy over her. You two have sex and on cue, his behavior worsens. Eventually you cut him off, but these types never go quietly. Just like the little emotional bitch he is, Mr. Thirsty will try to get revenge on you by being passive aggressive. Take to your Facebook to be messy, spreading rumors to other guys about how you get down, trying to flirt with your friends–or enemies, all while trying to get back with you. When you clap back or pull receipts telling the truth about how hard up he is for you, it ricochets. None of what you say after he tries to ruin your reputation or sabotage your love life matters to other people. You let a clown beat, so what does that make you?
THE VALUE OF YOUR VAGINA
“I get so lonely, I forget what I’m worth.” -SZA
You went to high school together and you know his family—that deserves pussy? He pulled your chair out at the restaurant and paid for the meal—that deserves pussy? He took you on four dates in one week—that deserves pussy? You spent five hours having a conversation in his car—that deserves pussy? You used to talk back in the day and now he’s back and acting more mature—that deserves pussy? You met his mother and she liked you—that deserves pussy? He brought you a bag and some shoes the first week of knowing you—that deserves pussy? He hoped in your DMs then flew you out—that deserves pussy? All the other girls at work want him but he likes you—that deserves pussy? He’s a student athlete about to go to the league and he’s feeling—that deserves pussy? He’s your platonic best friend and wants more now that you’re single—that deserves pussy? You’ve talked to a lot of guys, and his energy just feels different—that deserves pussy?
You’re too damn old to be falling for basic ass game from these basic ass niggas who’s only skill set is telling hopeless romantics what they want to hear. He doesn’t like you, he wants to fuck you. He isn’t proving consistency by being nice to you for a few weeks, he’s chasing ass. Yet there you go, on another date that ends with you letting him go too far or exposed via another house date that proves you aren’t as hard to get as your Instagram captions claim you are. Pussy is priceless. It’s rewarded to the best, not given to the latest crush that gets you drunk off brown liquor. Stop sliding your panties off for these peasants for fear if you don’t give it up he’ll go find his happily ever after with the next woman. You’re competing with time, competing with other women, competing with this idea that you have to hook a man with sex for him to like you. You’re the trophy, not him! He should be trying to prove that he values you, that he respects you, that he is interested in getting to know what shaped you and how you think. What is he talking about? What is he trying to do with you? What is he revealing about himself? He’s not special, he’s just another guy in the race until he proves himself. Reclaim your power by resetting how you think about men in the first place.
These men don’t care if you don’t usually have sex this fast. These men don’t care if you’re pretty, smart, educated, a home owner, or have a phone full of guys who want you. You’re a new piece of pussy. Cry wolf talk about how men ain’t shit, but that’s not going to change the game. “Men need to appreciate us” no they don’t. You have to appreciate that what’s between your legs is invaluable! You have to look at your body like it’s billion-dollar vault that everyone is constantly trying to break into. No man is different, they’re sniffing around for the same payoff. It’s your job to keep your legs locked until they have proven themselves worthy. “I’ll use the 90 Day rule, the 3 date rule, or I’ll just wait until we’re in a relationship to have sex.” How about you drop all the bullshit gimmicks and get to know them through questions, counter-questions, seeing how they act around other people, and how they respond when you don’t fuck them the first few times they try? Men tell on themselves, they get in their feelings when they can’t have their way, and all it takes is you having the courage to make them work for sex. Be HARD, be challenging, be the kind of woman a man automatically knows is rare the moment you open your mouth. You can’t afford to wait until after sex to realize everything about this man’s personality makes your pussy dry. Learn that on these initial dates so you can make better choices!
Why is it all on the woman’s shoulders? Because you’re the ones being preyed upon! Men will never change, they will never grow up, they will never stop trying to rob you blind. It’s up to womankind to keep the locks on the door and set the standards so high that only those men who are willing to push past their own lust and initial desires get to stay in the race. You can’t afford to be too tired to date like a Spartan. You can’t get sad when the perfect guy doesn’t pass your tests. You can’t fall for his reverse psychology of “I’m not like that”. We’re all like that! Have as much sex as you want, Take him for a test drive before you commit to make sure he’s not wack, but the first step is to be selective in terms of his character. Build a friendship, not a lust-ship, and I guarantee you that 90% of the issues that ruined your last relationship will never develop under these strict rules. You may not marry the next man you sleep with but be able to look back regardless of the outcome and know that he earned it by meeting your demands.
TURN THE TABLES ON HIM