Do you know how males think, what they’re looking for, and how to make them chase you? Even after that first date, do you know what’s going through his mind? What’s going to make him choose you over the other women he may be dating or even sleeping with?
Every month women pretend they know the game but fuck it up and come to me for help because being intelligent isn’t the same as having dating wisdom! If you want insight into what guys are thinking when they date you, how to avoid mistakes that will turn him off, or lead him to ghosting you without explanation, then stop fronting as if you have all the answers and open your ears.
I’m going to take you through a man’s mind during the dating stage and later the mind of a man during the relationship stage to help you best prepare and plan for how to position yourself as the most valuable option he’s ever come across…
Stage 1: Just Another Pretty Girl
Let’s establish a fact that will help keep your romantic fantasies in check. Men are serial daters. If you meet him on a dating app, you’re one of several he swiped and messaged. If you met him outside randomly, trust that other women are in his phone. Even if a man is in a drought, no options currently, he’s still looking, and new or old women will randomly pop back into his life. My point? You will never be a man’s only option. If this upsets you, then get the fuck out of the dating game. Unlike women who routinely take breaks or date one man at a time, males are constantly looking to put their eggs in every basket that pops up.
“Don’t you think men should be learning how to stand out and impress us, so we pick them?” Spoiler Alert: High Value Men aren’t out here asking “how do women think” because guys with money or looks don’t struggle to find viable options in the same way women struggle to find quality men.
“This guy really likes me because he’s blowing my phone up and already trying to take me on a vacation,” quickly turns into “He’s being distant. What did I do wrong?” You get built up only to be let down because you’re a sucker for promises and attention. 8 out of 10 men are ALL cap! Women stay assuming a guy is falling in love, when the reality is, he was comparing you against another woman who eventually beat you out by knowing how to seduce him better than you.
Before you suck your teeth and think, “men are trash,” understand that this isn’t about sex or a sign of immaturity. Dating multiple people and always being open to someone better is a smart dating strategy. We as men know that the odds of that woman who blew us away on a dating app being “the one” after we’ve gone on a date or two are slim. History shows that the women we lust after the most will turn out to be problematic. Therefore, it’s in a man’s best interest (and a woman’s, but that’s another story) to date multiple people and then make a choice after all the applications are in. Knowing that men are option hunting, how do you make yourself stand out? By understanding how he sees you…
When you first meet a man, you start where every other woman starts—Just another pretty girl.
He’s talking to you because he finds you attractive on a shallow level. Your face is bomb, maybe your body is snatched, or you fit the mold of whatever fetish gets his dick hard. Let’s not play dumb. You have a mirror, you’ve gotten male attention, and you are aware of what physically brings the boys to the yard. “Why do you like me? I’m nothing special,” a woman may say, trying to play coy, but she knows damn well that it’s her ass or breast size that made men thirst after her. The foundation of what will make this man call you, text you, or offer to take you out is based on sexual attraction. Getting dates is that simple, put yourself on a guy’s radar and be his type physically. He’ll want to get to know you better and spend time and money in pursuit of this.
Given that males “types” are very wide-ranging, every woman can easily get dates if she’s bold enough to put herself out there and lead with her best assets. I’ve written about that constantly in my book, so I won’t waste time on basic attraction and landing dates. I want to focus on the male thought process when he’s actually dating you.
Before we get there, let’s look at a few scenarios: Social Media. Dating Apps. Real Life.
What exactly is going through a guy’s mind when he sees you on social media and slides into your DMs? Before a man takes that risk by reaching out to you, he will do his research first. Remember, he doesn’t even have to be following you if your page is public. Guys lurk a lot, and you—yes you, have stalkers. I’m not talking about foreigners with broken English asking to send you money or weirdos who come off sexual. I’m talking about quality men. Through this entire breakdown, I will be talking about HIGH VALUE MEN, those guys who get dates, not thirsty Xbox live playing Reddit bois who message everybody hoping some girl is desperate enough to give him attention.
If you have a profile online, there is always at least one quality man scouting you, and that’s not an assumption. That’s a fact. He’s looking at each picture, trying to find a flaw, a reason not to shoot his shot. “She’s cute, but her teeth are too big… her body is banging, but I don’t like all that makeup she has on in every damn picture… Damn, she’s bad as fuck, but why does she have so many followers? Is she selling pussy to rappers?” I’m telling you everything will be scrutinized, and most of it is ridiculous and insecure, but men are human, and that’s how they process things when trying to weigh the pros and cons of reaching out to you first.
If you happen to check more boxes than you don’t, or if you just happen to post at the right time when he’s feeling brave, that admirer is going to find his way to you. Either he’ll follow you for the first time so he can keep track of you, or if he’s already following you, he’ll finally message you with something to say. Approaching you in this way doesn’t mean that he’s in love or sees you as wifey material. It literally means you’re enticing sexually. No man in history DMs a girl because he needs a buddy to discuss Netflix movies. He’s risking rejection because what you promoted on your page—your beauty or sex appeal, is worth being left on read. Remember, high value men don’t like to be rejected. Many of the athletes or celebrity screen grabs I get are usually very dry because that wealthy man isn’t trying to write anything that can make him look like a clown. The same thing goes for less famous men who have value. They aren’t trying to play themselves in pursuit of pussy. You may see it as a generic DM, but trust, it took that guy a long time to muster the courage to write that weak line to you.
What does a man think of a woman sending him a DM first? If it’s a man that’s already following you, then you’re on his radar. Either he’s waiting to shoot his shot at you, or he’s already decided not to shoot his shot because something on your page turned him off. Not enough to unfollow you, but enough to keep you on ice. To respond to his story or DM him out of the blue about something random will take all that fear from the above equation. Instead of “I’m not sure if she’s worth it,” his self-esteem inflates, and he will respond to you in a positive way because you took the guesswork out of it.
Alternatively, if you’re crushing on a man who doesn’t follow you, and you DM him out of the blue, he may not be as receptive. He’s not sure how you found his page, why you’re following him, or if someone sent you to spy on him. In that case, you may be greeted with a cold shoulder 50% of the time. I say 50% because it can go either way. I know two women who have dated and been spoiled by a few of your favorite R&B singers because they sent a DM. The reality of the internet is that no man is off-limit if a woman is aggressive and looks a certain way. If he likes your package, he’ll engage even if you’re a random. Those of you who primarily meet men on social media keep that in mind.
What does a man think when you first swipe or match or whatever in terms of dating apps? Dating apps are not as personal as social media, everyone is on there for similar reasons, so there is no hesitation or even much scrutiny. A woman not swiping on a man won’t hurt his feeling because those apps are not personal. It’s playing the percentages. When a guy sees you pop up, he’ll judge you based on the last two or three girls he’s seen on that app. Either you’re prettier than the last girl or not. If you’re cute, he’ll swipe, probably won’t even read your bio until you match with him. The bio on most of those sites or apps doesn’t even matter in the larger scope of dating. This man doesn’t care where you work or what school you went to outside of making chit-chat about those subjects. Your degrees or income will not land you a husband. He’s face and/or body hunting first and foremost. If you take nice pictures, he’ll choose you and a dozen more on those apps. Once it whittles down to 2-4 women, then he’ll pay more attention to the things you’ve shared on that app.
The reason so many guys message you excited on those apps then fall off before asking you out is because you’re one of many they’re trying to reel in. “G.L. I messaged with this guy for a week on Bumble, and I thought it was going good, then nothing.” Because he found someone more his speed! Messaging back and forth in-app is boring and pointless. The actual phone is where you can do damage and stand out pre-date.
Finally, when we come to the old-fashioned way of meeting people outside in public or meeting someone through a friend or family member, this entire process moves a lot quicker. The problem with online methods is that it gives people time to be extremely picky. Think about your own dating life. There were probably guys you dated who you met at school or on your job who, if they would have tried to talk to you online, would have been dismissed. In real life, you’re judging them in three dimensions, not just a photo where they may not look as handsome, and as always with men, their personality can make them much more attractive. Your online judgment isn’t as critical as your in-person judgment, and the same goes for men.
When a guy spots you in real life and only has a window of time to scout you and then move on you, he’s going to make a choice quickly that you’re “worth it” or “Nah.” Let’s be clear if you’ve ever met a man in person and you felt as if you vibed, but he didn’t ask for your number. It’s not because you’re ugly or need to lose weight. In-person the nerves could be as simple as, “she didn’t smile one time, she must not be into me” or “She gave me one-word answers, I must have been bothering her.” Those small things can signal a man to fall back and not get your number. When guys say, “why don’t you smile more,” it’s not sexist; it’s projecting how all men feel when they come across a woman who they passed on. If a man wanted to talk to you, but your resting bitch face would scare him away, he’s going to pass on that note to help you not push so many guys away. It’s not on you to walk around smiling like a crazy lady, BUT when engaging with a man in public, give green lights—eye fucking, slight grins, laughing at his jokes, body language. I wrote about these things as early as Solving Single because men in person need a sign that you won’t reject them.
No matter how you meet a man, the attraction will always boil down to if that man finds you physically stimulating enough to take action. The more popular the man or, the higher up he is, the more selective he will be in terms of risking rejection. “If he wants me, he should approach me,” but even if he wants you, his pride could keep him away from you, so always be mindful of using the male mind against him by giving him the green light first. This is as easy as laughing at his IG story just to let him know you’re watching. This can be messaging him first after you match on an app. This can be eye fucking him at a cookout. Don’t miss out on quality men waiting on them to have courage; use their fear as a weapon to snatch them up.
Stage 2: Testing You With A Date
The next level after you impress a man with your looks and he’s now texting you or calling you is that he’ll want to take you out on a date, right? —Wrong. Even if a man thinks you’re a perfect 10 physically, he’s going to move in accordance with his history with women. That means breaking you down by talking for a few weeks for some guys; for others, that means trying to get you to come and chill informally so he can get to know you without spending money to take you out. For most guys, it will be asking you out on a traditional. Understand that you can’t predict how a man will test you during the meet and greet stage. You can only understand how he’s trying to attack you and the ways to get what you want out of this initial date.
Why do men offer coffee dates while others set up $400+ dinner dates? Perceived Value
Why do some men ask you to meet them out informally at bars or lounges instead of organizing something less casual? He’s telling you that you’re not worth the effort of planning a date.
Why do some men have the nerve to ask you to come over to chill the first week? He’s showing you that you’re not worth the energy it takes to leave the house.
I personally know men who have waited in line for HOURS to buy expensive sneakers but are quick to tell a woman they’re too busy to date. Guess what? Those guys ALWAYS have women on their dick because they have status that allows them to act like trophies! Modern men put women in boxes based on how valuable they think they are, test them with bullshit date offers, and then see who takes the bait. Why be so disrespectful and risk turning off a quality woman? Because if you are handsome, rich, or popular, history has proven that women do the most for less.
Think about the last three men you had sex with. Did they date you on a high level, look out for your best interest, and genuinely value you, or were you just a convenience? We live in a world where legs spread because texting is considered pressure, and chilling is considered effort. When one man lowers the bar, a woman that knows her worth finds another, while a woman who doesn’t believe she can get more from a man settles for less. Not in Sparta! I don’t care who he is, you are the trophy, and you need to flex your power early and often!
How Men Test – And What To Look Out For…
During these next sections I’m going to put you up on so much game, so take notes! To keep it simple let’s follow two people we’ll call Olivia and Alex as they go through a series of dates. This will show you exactly how this plays out from a man’s point of view. Alex came across Olivia and was impressed. He shot his shot and didn’t miss. Most women would consider Alex an impressive six-figure job, no kids, and only a few years older than Olivia, so he checks the most important boxes—employed, mature, and no obvious baggage. Alex will text Olivia, reminding her who he is, then break the ice to see if they vibe. Olivia is receptive to this, and they text back and forth with Olivia answering and Alex asking generic things about her life story, nothing too deep, just getting to know you BS.
Take Note: When men fire off those initial texts, they’re being lazy, but it’s also about controlling the pace. They want to show you they’re interested, frame the questions, and keep everything neat and clean. A phone call isn’t as controllable. Topics can spring up randomly, some subjects may catch a guy off guard, and he can easily get caught in a lie or come off as an asshole. Verbal vetting works because a new guy can’t dodge as easily. Unlike a text where he can ignore or deflect, on the phone, he’ll have to answer quickly on the spot. This is why you’ll see more men texting initially than calling. It’s an intelligent tool to keep things in front of them.
Back to our couple, the biggest question Alex will ask is when Olivia is free. He’s trying to get a sense of her schedule. In Olivia’s mind, this is the setup for “then let’s go out on your day off,” but she’s assuming. Olivia tells Alex she’s usually free on the weekends. She doesn’t follow up with anything aggressive like “You can take me out on Friday,” or anything sassy like, “Why do you ask are you trying to figure out when to take me to dinner?” She just gives him the information in a shy, introverted way like most of you would when asked about schedules.
If Alex thinks Olivia is just okay, something to do, and her texting has been kind of dry, he will test her with “busy schedule bait.” Men will get fake busy, or even if they’re swamped, use that as an excuse to cut out an official date. If Alex puts Olivia in this “just pussy” box, he’ll tell her what he’s doing on her off days (helping a friend, working overtime, etc…), but he does want to see her, so he will suggest that they play it by ear after he’s free.
“Maybe we can meet up for a drink after blah blah blah” is code for a house date, a quick bar drink followed by a trip back to his house, or anything, where he makes sure that they’re hanging out late night and liquor is involved. This is the hustle. If a man thinks you’re easy, he’s going to test you with a lazy date suggestion to see if you are indeed a basic bitch. Don’t be triggered if you’ve done this personally; understand your mistake.
So, what happens if Olivia is open to this “we’ll figure it out” hangout date? Alex will then continue to text for the rest of the week, get friendlier and friendlier, and try to rush a connection so that when they do meet up, he’s almost assured sex based on this artificial “bond.”
I’ve gotten so many stories of the text bombing, let’s hang somewhere, quick sex scenario. Why does this work so well? Because High Value Men can sniff out desperation during those first few days. You don’t have options like him, so he feels comfortable not offering you a real date. Even if you push for a real date, he’ll play along then come up with an excuse to just meet up at a bar or hookah lounge when he’s free. This isn’t because Olivia isn’t pretty; it’s because her personality exposed her as basic and hard up for a real man. Therefore, Alex got to play the part of the trophy and make her fit in with what he wanted.
What happens if a girl is giving mixed signals? If Alex is getting mixed signals from Olivia, meaning she’s not easy, but at the same time, he can’t figure out if she’s a potential wifey type, he’ll want to take things deeper for a bit longer. This is the stage where a man may call you to talk more, or he’ll offer an informal date like coffee or even a walk and talk.
I warn ladies about coffee dates as being low value, BUT from a male POV, they are a logical and intelligent way to protect that man’s investment. If you don’t see a woman as worth a $100-300 first date, then why lead with that when you can just agree to a free casual meet-up?
If Olivia agrees to have coffee or a stroll in the park, and Alex isn’t blown away, he can ghost without feeling like he wasted his time. If Alex goes on that coffee date and realizes that Olivia is kind of basic after all, he can move to just try to fuck her and be done. Alternatively, if she impresses him, he can offer an actual romantic date and start the official courting process. I’ve heard tons of stories where a coffee date led to marriage… but even more, where it was just an offensive waste of time. I’m only telling you the reason why men go this route. Males play the percentages because there are always other options! You can’t get in the habit of taking every pretty girl out on romantic dinner dates; you’re throwing money away with no return on investment. The uncertain ones will always get the lowest value option of meet up and talk, or a man may even keep it at strictly “talking” on the phone until he comes to some conclusion of where you fit in.
Let’s say that Alex is blown away by Olivia when they text and even more when they finally get on the phone. This will always lead to a man being smitten and wanting to impress her with a romantic date. Remember that males invented the concept of romance. They are suckers for showing off to impress certain women. Once, this athlete tried to play the “I don’t go out because people recognize me” game. The woman I was advising called this player’s bluff, and his test failed. He moved on her with actual pressure and passion from that day forward because she stood out! Everything is a fucking test, ladies! If you come off different from the others, entertaining, funny, not dry, and you can challenge him during those initial conversations, he will move accordingly.
In Date Like A Spartan, I gave you a step-by-step example of how Cali used her own brand of sass to inspire her date to chase, but too many of you forget these things when you actually talk to a guy. You get quiet, laugh at everything, and allow yourself to be led. Once a man sees you as vanilla, he’s not going to want to impress you; he’ll just want to run through you. Men are judging you, and if you want actual date offers, you can’t just sit and wait. You must be proactive as he’s looking to see what level of energy you’re bringing to the conversation—basic bitch happy to be talking to a handsome man with a good job or Trophy Woman who’s used to high value men chasing her.
Stage 3: Date Night Impressions
You made it to an actual date night, no sipping lattes and splitting a croissant—congratulations, you’re not dealing with a guy who thinks you’re low rent. Don’t get cocky, as the game hasn’t even begun yet. The first date is EVERYTHING. In Ho Tactics, I wrote about how it could be used to set up a mark. In Date Like A Spartan, I broke down how to use it to vet. I spend so much time on that one date because it’s truly a man’s first impression of you, and what’s going to separate you from the other women he has on his roster and even those who may try to join the team after you’re in his life. Let’s look at this date from the opposite perspective of a male who isn’t just looking to fuck you but one who is open to love.
Alex is feeling Olivia, believes she could be wifey, and like any smitten man he’s leading with his best, expensive restaurant that he knows she hasn’t been to where he can give her a taste of how he rolls. For Alex, it’s about positioning himself in her mind as big-time, a man not on the rise but already on top of the mountain. Men recognize that women are attracted to power and success, so that’s the mask Alex is wearing. It’s not fake. It’s exaggerated for the purpose of winning this woman’s affection.
Take note: On dates, men are looking for three things: Looks, comfortability, and sexual chemistry.
When Olivia arrives, Alex is going to scrutinize her looks. Does she look like her pictures if this is someone he met online, or does she look the same as he remembers if they met in person before? Men are always afraid of being catfished or forgetting critical details of a woman’s appearance. Online filters and makeup make the same woman look totally foreign from her real life, under the light’s appearance. I’ve actually heard friends joke about how they were misled and had to ghost women because they were not what they expected on that first date. Remember when I said a man goes through your pictures to find flaws? This is the reason. They want to see your videos, not just static photos. They watch your stories hoping for different angles or unfiltered footage, all because they’re unsure of what’s real and what’s Hollywood. Recognize that many post-date ghostings happen based on superficial problems with your looks not matching up to what they imagined.
Back to Alex, he thinks Olivia looks even better in person, and he’s trying hard to maintain his cool. The first thing he’s going to take note of is how comfortable they are around each other. Men are nothing but little boys at heart. They want to tell their stupid jokes and talk their shit to show how witty they are. Alex will be playful and see if Olivia can match that energy or if she’s being way too serious or treating the date like a job interview. Men know the vetting questions will come. The basic inquiries of “how long have you been single” or “What are you looking for” happen on every date because women are predictable. A man will sidestep those questions and get back to the fun. At this stage of the date, the idea is to see if she laughs at his jokes, if they can talk about a wide range of things and if she can make time fly. Men want pussy, but as they mature, they realize having a friend is even more important, so a common sense of humor is everything. If Olivia doesn’t allow him to relax and forget that this is the first date, it’ll be a big strike against her and possibly get her labeled as stuck up or dry.
The final thing going through Alex’s mind is the sexual chemistry, it may be the last thing we discuss, but it’s the most important in determining if he leaves the date inspired or turned off.
Take Note: Flirting, sexual innuendo, and general body language are a must for a man who’s looking to take you seriously. It’s not about trying to fuck you that night. He’s testing to see if you’re genuinely interested or trying to finesse him for a free meal or two. Women who are into you always have tell signs, even the shy ones. It’s a particular look you catch in their eyes, the way they invade your personal space, the things that slip out of their mouth, and how they catch themselves as they’re trying to play that nice girl role. A man who has dated dozens of women will do a checklist throughout that date to see if you’re finessing, bored, or genuinely into him.
The first test is seeing how you respond to his flirting. Do you clap back with your own, or do you ignore it? Playing hard to get reads very different from disinterest, and most women aren’t as good at faking it as they believe. When I coach women on Ho Tactics, this is always the most challenging part because being seductive or flirty with a man that repulses you is a learned skill.
Alex flirts lightly, nothing vulgar or pushy; he simply slides in little comments, finds ways to touch Olivia’s hands, and makes jokes with sexual subtext. Olivia laughs at these, says little comments back that show Alex that she can dish out her own dirty talk. It’s never awkward when Alex “accidentally” touches her hand, and he even catches Olivia smizing at him even when there aren’t talking. At the end of the night, Alex will go in for a deep hug. If her body language feels right, he may even go in for a kiss, which is the ultimate test of mutual attraction. If the hug is still reserved, he’ll know more work has to be put in. If she leans into the hug and that eye contact is giving him the green light, when he pulls back, he’ll attempt a kiss. Some women who give me first date stories are often confused when a man doesn’t try to kiss them. It’s not a lack of attraction. It’s uncertainty. This is the 21st century, men are sensitive to rejection, so they need those tell signs… or the courage of multiple drinks.
Alex kisses Olivia, and she kisses him back but pulls away before it gets too heavy. In Alex’s mind, this is a win. Realize that men don’t need to get their dick wet to feel like it was a fantastic date. Males crave reciprocation in terms of affection. A woman doesn’t owe a man a kiss for dinner or even a hug. Still, the male ego is looking for a reward. Some women go with the flow because they don’t want to offend the guy, which is never a good idea as if you go with the flow once, you’ll probably be pressured into doing other things on the following dates. Remember that a man isn’t going to cut you off based on that end of the night kiss or not, the same way he’s not going to ghost you because you don’t agree to go back to his place after the date. What he’s judging you on are the three aspects I mentioned earlier. Did you look amazing in person? Was he comfortable talking to you all night? Was their real sexual chemistry? If you checked those three boxes, he will be inspired to keep seeing you. If you stumbled on two of the three, then he knows that it’s not going to work on the “wifey level” and will move accordingly.
Stage 4: Post Date Results
Infatuation: If you have a great first date, you’ll know it. That same night he’ll text or call, and that next day he’ll already be trying to figure out when to see you again.
The thing to be careful with regarding post-date infatuation is that “lust drunk” men get sloppy. They will try to blitz you with attention, and it’s not just a ploy for sex. He will want to see you as soon as possible, even that next day, unlike the first date where he planned something nice, his urge to see you will have him breaking that etiquette. House date offers, picking you up from work, shit, I’ve even heard of a guy meeting with a woman the next afternoon to help her pick out tile at Home Depot. It’s cute if you also had a great date, but it’s not real. As I mentioned, he’s drunk on lust, not of a sober and patient mind. When you allow a guy to blitz you and lead you to see him too soon, you give up your power. It feels great to be wanted, but you’re not a teenager. It’s okay to smack a guy’s hand down and tell him to wait to see you and continue to make him earn it.
When a woman allows us to see her whenever and wherever there’s a high chance of burnout. You’re in front of the other women on the roster, you feel so special, but because we’re up under your ask for weeks or even months, steps get missed, dating stops, and sex makes things way too comfortable. What happens is that lust dies out, and guess where his attention goes? We’re checking our phone and seeing the new pretty girl on social media, we’re at work checking out the new woman who keeps getting into the elevator around lunchtime, or we’re checking up on that ex who’s looking fine as fuck all of a sudden. Men will ruin a good thing by being impulsive, which is why a great two months can end with you still being dumped or distanced. Control the pace, don’t give in to the love-bombing or blitz!
Not Impressed: Let’s say the date didn’t go as well in his mind. You thought it was great, but there were a few things you said or did that turned him off. Over the next few days, you will see a noticeable drop-off. The same night doesn’t count, as even a bad date will fill a man with adrenaline. The next day we’re going to think about the date, the money we spent, and if you were worth that effort. Recognize that you may still get a good morning text or even a phone call, but that’s only because he’s reviewing it all in his mind. It won’t be until that following night or morning that it all settles in, and he decides it’s not going to work.
Here’s the scary thing about a man that’s not impressed, he could realize that he doesn’t want you on a real level, but still want to see you in order to get that return of investment called sex. He’ll still be sweet and do all the things that made you like him, but the pressure will be to set up a house date, not go back out. Sound familiar? This feels like the infatuation stage to a degree, a man rushing to see you—but not really. With infatuation, it’s more of “anywhere any place, you tell me!” With the not interested but trying to slut you out before ghosting you mindset, it’s not about spending time. It’s about a specific plan to get you alone. Pay close attention to how a man wants to fit you in. If he was trying to be creative or romantic during the first date, and all of a sudden is trying to get you in where you to come over, meet at a bar, or anything that feels like a sneaky link, then he’s showing you that his interest has changed, and he’s cooled on you.
Far too many women tell me dating stories where they get ghosted not after the first date but after the second, and these are inclusive of women who had sex that next date and ones who didn’t. No matter if you fuck him, let’s say on date 2-3 or don’t, he had already made his mind up on date one that he didn’t like you. In terms of those guys who flat out don’t call again after a first date, at least they’re more respectful of your time. It may hurt not to get another date, but it’s better that he falls off the face of the earth than play with you for another 2-4 weeks as if he wants something real.
Where You Go Wrong
Why hasn’t the personality you bring to the table been enough? Eventually, you get tired of blaming every man you date as trash and have to accept that you are great… but what you’re showing when you date isn’t the full nor BEST version of yourself. Nervous, awkward, passive-aggressive, paranoid, and the list goes on. The anxiety of dating has you running at 60% of who you truly are.
What does a man want? Peace, fun, and pussy. Every woman can bring pussy to the table, but few are low stress and entertaining. Think about who you are as a person. You say you’re cool, laid back, and drama-free, but you’re clearly biased. If you’ve ever had your heartbroken, been lied to, cheated on, or have seen other women get better men than you’ve been able to date, then you’re going to bring some form of damage to the table. Do you easily catch an attitude when you feel like someone is ignoring you and assume the worse even without proof? Do you judge men based on what others from the past have done to you? Are you anxious about commitment because you fear a guy is wasting your time? If you answered “no,” then you’re lying! Everyone has some level of insecurity that can be seen as a turn-off during the dating stage.
Men know that other men have fucked your heads up and that any woman over the age of 25 is most likely the product of a bad relationship. We don’t want to play “fix a bitch.” We don’t want to keep reassuring you that our intentions are pure. We don’t expect perfect, we like a little challenge, but even the most patient man has his limit.
Where you go wrong is that you assume that you’re worth it to these men. That you’re so pretty, so smart, so unicorn special that he will put up with your insecurity, anxiety, and fluctuating attitude. What life has shown you is that it’s not true. You are not his only option, you aren’t his best option, and no matter how bad he wanted you to work out, he has no problem walking away. You can cry about “that’s okay, I’ll do better” or “He just fumbled the best bitch ever, watch him come back.” But the reality of dating is that these guys move on quickly while you’re left lying to yourself about the reason you remain single.
Don’t be his peace be his rock: Come off as someone who is secure, not clingy or anxious about everything he’s doing or the place he’s going, but be inquistive in a good way. It’s not about “how was work” it’s about “take me through your day,” men need to vent without judgement, be his rock who can do this.
Be fun: Come with a playful vibe, not overly serious bullshit or demands. He doesn’t always have to plan a date, what can you come up with? There should never be “I don’t want to pick wrong and he doesn’t like it,” stop being shy and show that man you can also bring excitement to his life with good ideas and activities.
Be the Best Pussy Ever: Don’t hold back when you finally fuck. Show him why he spent so much time and effort dating you. If you can bring those three things to the table, and mask your insecurities, then he’ll see you as a true Unicorn. By the time you’re in a real relationship and that mask begins to fall off, it’s too late. He’s already hooked. That’s the game!
Study everything I just wrote before your next date or if you’re in that first month or two of dating and think of your own relationship from this male perspective.
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