Her: My ex was virtually homeless, worked 12 hours a week at a job a 16-year-old could do, and I still had his back. After 19 months he told me that it wasn’t going to work. Can you please write about how men don’t know the value of a good woman until it’s too late because now he’s starting to hit me back up?
Me: (a week later): Did you ever respond to this ex?
Her: Never mind. We’re taking it slow and seeing how it goes.
Me: If you have so much value then why are you back with a homeless dude?
Her: *ignores DM*
Are women forced to date bums, losers, and various other struggle men due to a real lack of options, is it a case of these men selling themselves as more than what they really are, or is what can a man bring to the table not a prerequisite for your love? In your own life, are you checking to see if a man has a pot to piss in before you date him seriously or is money, success, and all that jazz not as important as a man’s heart? Money isn’t everything, fact. A poor guy can treat you just as bad as a rich guy, but if you’re going to go through the growing pains of a relationship why would you want it to be with a man that doesn’t bring anything to your life other than dick and conspiracy theories?
The majority of relationship problems stem from finances. No matter if you’re a woman with a little or a lot, the odds are that if you join with a man who doesn’t have shit, the arguments will be more frequent than with someone who is stable in his career. That woman above who DM’d me, had an ex-boyfriend who most likely broke up with her because he got tired of feeling judged and nagged for his lack of funds. The real reason women get stuck dealing with the Have-Nots is that they’re painfully low-maintenance in the beginning. They want to be that “let’s eat wings and walk around the park,” cool chick that men claim to love. Then, as they get comfortable, they realize they do want the traditional romantic treatment as well. Every February I see a spike in women coming to me for advice. Why? Because the guys they’ve been fucking, sucking, and cuffing don’t get them shit for V-Day. It shouldn’t take a holiday for you to recognize that you want more and he’s not in a position to give it. While people claim money doesn’t matter, it does. Your attitude towards that man and his attitude towards you will turn hostile after months or years of realizing that you will never get treated, tricked on, or spoiled like other women who aren’t half the catch you are.
WHAT IF THIS WERE THE BAR: Only date providers. Only enter into relationships with providers. That way if it does stand the test of time you already know you’re marrying a provider. Even if you can provide for yourself, isn’t that a smart way to ensure that your future isn’t a struggle?
When you’re young, you can afford to grow together, but when you’re a woman in her mid-twenties on up with amazing things going for herself, why talk to guys who can’t match you step by step? Don’t deflect with “in my city there’s only broke dudes” because statistically, that’s impossible. Don’t deflect with “men lie about what they have,” because all that tells me is that you don’t date properly or vet their lifestyle. And don’t deflect with this idea that you have to be shooting in the gym with a man. This isn’t an inquisition against men who are preparing for the Bar exam or entrepreneurs who are actively working towards something, this is about YOU dealing with men inching towards 30, or over that mark, who still don’t know what they want to do with their lives. A hard working man on the come-up, is not the same as a bum looking for a come up. Yet, you confuse the man that’s working and saving money towards his business with one that simply has a business idea. These guys know what sounds good, and they will lie to you like they’re one meeting away from making it big. It’s all a hustle! If every woman decided not to fuck a man unless he had something, men would step their game up. The reason they don’t is because so many ladies cave instead of risk the dick. Even a poor man, an inconsistent man, abusive man, or plain old average man is better than being a single woman…it’s time to unlearn that lie.
In honor of the release of the Ho Tactics: Savage Edition Book & Audio Book (yes there’s finally an audio version –> http://bit.do/HoTactic-Book, sorry for the wait) I want to delve into the concept of value. How is it that there are women who constantly date down living in the same cities as women who do nothing but date men of stature? Are you two going to different parts of the same town? Is your eye-fuck flirting not as strong as hers? Do you even go outside? They manage to find ballers no matter if it’s in Detroit, Tampa, or Boulder and some of you can’t even find a man in New York or LA? Value. Each one of you prides yourself on having standards, in theory, but in practice do you demand your worth?
To become your boyfriend, takes what?
To get you to open up about your life, takes what?
To get you to spread your legs open and let him inside of you, takes what?
Think back to the last guy you dealt with and what he ACTUALLY did to win any of those things from you? Your Pussy isn’t Bitcoin it’s Blockbuster Video. These men talk to you like you’re priceless, but treat you like you’re worthless. Most of you fuck for the cost of one or two dates. Even more of you allow a man to become your boyfriend by simply asking after a few weeks or a month. When it comes to lowering your guard, I wager that 90% of you tell a stranger all your business the first time you hang out. I bet there are men who can check some of you with, “I fucked her and didn’t even have to take the bitch out,” “I fucked her, and all it cost me was a quarter tank of gas and a $40 dinner bill” or “I fucked her and ended up getting money out of her”. We as men know that you women lie about the imaginary shit you need for us to get you open because we’ve all run through girls that bragged but didn’t back it up. The girl that makes out at the bar with the first cute guy that flirts with her claims she has value. The girl that lets a guy smoke her out then suck her breast claims she has value. The girl that lets her boyfriend borrow money and never gets it back claims she has value. Where do you fall in this house of lies? Are you the girl that claims she has Pussy Power then gets used or are you one that proves it every day she walks out of the house? The receipts prove that most are Typicals that talk about what a man SHOULD bring to the table but lets him in your house even when he comes empty-handed.
Afraid of Your Power
There was a viral story that broke about a woman who went on a normal dinner date with one guy then went off on vacation with another man she was dating the next week. This so-called “vacation date” rubbed two crowds the wrong one—The Come Over and Chill guys & The I Don’t Get Offered Dates ladies. As the day progressed, dozens of women came forth that they too had gotten Vacation Dates, which led to the broke men slut-shaming and the undervalued women throwing shade. Yes, there are women out there who get luxury dates that women in actual relationships will never get. Yes, there are men out there who don’t mind spending thousands of dollars to court a woman he’s not going to have sex with anytime soon. If that seems shocking or unbelievable than you’re on the wrong side of history! Right now, in the privacy of your own mind, admit the truth. You would love to deal with a man that’s not only handsome but can afford to treat you to nice things. That’s a fact. Yet, you downplay this want and hold onto this idea that you don’t need that kind of man because you’re not a gold digger. Who the fuck is talking about digging for gold or using someone? Men give, these women aren’t taking. If your mind goes there, that tells me you’ve been conditioned to see value as a bad thing. The conversation has been hijacked by the broke and angry males who can’t give that, yet still, want to have someone like you on their arm. They poison the well, and you continue to drink from it until you convince yourself, “I’m not money hungry, so go ahead and fuck me while we watch Black Mirror and drink Henny.” Does being easy to fuck swell you with pride? Does dealing with a man who won’t even bring you a warm rag after sex, make you feel independent? You’re getting finessed out of proper treatment because you’re afraid to ask for more!
Wanting to be taken out, expecting a man to pay for dates, or needing to be courted with old-school romance, doesn’t make you any less of an independent woman. Dating multiple guys until you decide which one is right, calling men out for lack of consistency, walking away the moment you see he isn’t measuring up, doesn’t make you too picky, it makes you smart. Too many women foolishly lower their standards so they can come off as attainable to men who don’t have shit. Wakanda is forever, and so is that dude’s 500 range credit score! For all this talk about respect and being woke, why are you disrespecting your future by dealing with unambitious men who tell you what they can do for you but never show it? I get it… You like a certain type, you only get approached by a certain type, you don’t live in a nice area, so you’re a victim of limited options. Bullshit! You choose what kind of men you date, they aren’t kidnapping you. So, what’s really going on? The myth that a Good Woman takes what she’s given and shouldn’t ask for more is brainwashing. You give guys with three kids by three different women a chance at your heart because you were told to judge a person by their heart, not their past. You’re so understanding of today’s economy that you allow yourself to be dated cheaply or even pitch in when the bill comes. In a relationship, you hold a financially irresponsible dude down because you were raised to be loyal to the struggle, not loyal to your own ascension. Ask yourself, who benefits from this unselfish tradition of being a man’s doormat? Not you!
Love or Stupidity?
“I don’t need all of that fancy stuff, I’m cool with chilling in the car and talking.” Basicas buy into the concept that being low maintenance is the way to land the man of her dreams…the catch-22 is that in her dreams the man does more for her than pass the blunt and try to suck her neck in a Honda. Furthermore, we as men rarely covet women that make it easy for us to have them. “All I need is love,” types always get burnt. Always! Ms. GoodGood has her own money, her own place, and her own car. Therefore she can hold babe down and help lift him up. We all know these types of women, they sacrifice for a man, cry about how they aren’t appreciated, it crumbles, then they repeat the cycle with the next fix-a-dick that talks her dumb ass out of her coins. No matter what advice you give them, they keep getting put in the position where they take care of grown ass men all because he drops the L word.
I don’t put the blame on women, our society lies from the time they’re little girls, convincing them that they must bring something to the table to get a man of equal or higher value. Blac Chyna can’t even suck a dick properly, but she’s made 10x more money than Superhead because the shit men have promoted as “must-haves” is fraudulent. The women that don’t give a fuck about what men say they want and give a man what she wants him to have will always win. Your crush praises your “independent” streak over the girls that are talking about $200 dates, but that’s all it is—hollow praise. Your “friend” loves how down to earth you are, like one of the boys, but he’ll pass you up for a boujee chick in a heartbeat. Ever wonder why this mindset of “I got you bae” always results in women attracting bums? It’s because users are the only males that chase that. Real men don’t want your Girl Boss ass, they want a Queen who still likes to be spoiled like a Princess because men of real means love to take care of women not be taken care of by women. A friend of mine stopped returning this guy’s texts after they went on three dates. Finally, she replies that she felt insulted that she’s gone this long without having flowers sent to her job. Guess what he did. He sent the flowers! Men bend to the will of women who dare to ask for more! You don’t try this, so you don’t know how well it works!
Guys want that fancy girl, the hosidity chick, that unattainable prize who walks like she shits gold, and while they come around and use you for pussy, money, or comfort, you’re never going to spark his heart in the same way a challenging woman does. Forget what these fools tell you or what they post online and look at what they chase! It’s not about looks, it’s about attitude. Stop doubling down on this idea that you need to show a man that you can do everything on your own, and allow them to see that side of you that dictates you be treated like royalty not regular. When you come off like you don’t need anything but his love, he’ll exploit that, not appreciate it. He’ll take advantage of your giving nature while doing the bare minimum. Then when he grows bored, or you start asking for too much in return, he’ll ghost you.
I’ve seen this pattern over a hundred times: Take the independent woman’s money and give it to the high maintenance girl to show her he’s a baller. Proof that this man was never above spoiling women. Take the Good Girl’s car and go pick up his other chick that doesn’t drive. Proof that he was never looking for a woman that had her life in order. Finally, he will take all that “we’re in this together” love you showered him with and throw it away to try and chase a girl who won’t even text him back. Proof that he doesn’t want unconditional love, he wants to love on his own terms. This isn’t to say, don’t have your own shit, don’t be nice to men, blah blah blah. I want you all to understand that you’re playing by the rules of a rigged game. That you’ve been conditioned to be so low maintenance that it’s now hurting your shot at getting what you really want—a truly equal partner who can add value to your life as opposed to dragging you down.
Rule #5 Be Picky:
Your friends will tell you that if you don’t lower your standards, you will end up a cat lady. They’re being extra and probably trying to break you down to their level, so you can fuck and suck on the same low-vibrational men they deal with. When you’re a woman 25+ and your aim is no longer sitting on the face of cute boys, but trying to build with someone of substance, you have to be stuck up. What do YOU need to see from a man? Write a list out. I’m not talking about shit like height, hair length, or what month he has to be born in to match with your sign. I’m talking about real tangible things that you need to see in a man that could one day graduate to be your husband.
*He must have a car if he lives in a city that calls for one.
*If you don’t have kids, then don’t deal with a man that has multiple.
*If he makes the same mistake twice, don’t forgive again, move on
*Making time for you and his own life is a must, no “too busy” excuses
*Even if you only make $15 an hour, don’t give your pussy away to someone earning the same or less.
*You can’t do anything with a man that lives in a basement or sleeps on a couch.
Those are only examples of how you should construct your list. I don’t know what your wants and standards are, you do, so populate your list with your personal must-haves. A 26-year-old grad student’s list will be different from that of a 37-year-old divorced mother, but no matter what level you’re on, that list should make it hard for the average guy to get past the first date with you let alone EARN a relationship. Love yourself so fucking hard that these men know that they can’t approach you on some bullshit. Stop saying “I’m not average,” and start proving it! Your nose should be so high in the air that a man without shit won’t even use the number you give him because he knows he’s outclassed. Let these thirsty chicks throw box at every cute guy with a beard, your pussy doesn’t even get wet for that young shit—where’s his bag? What does he do at work, where does he live and with who… These are the things you discover after you exchange numbers or on the first date. Doesn’t matter if they’re nice, if they have a sob story for their situation, or if you feel an instant connection; look at your list, then look at his life. If he doesn’t measure up—pass on him.
Rule #4 You Aren’t Harriet Tubman:
This section is dedicated to women of color because I’ve seen first hand how cultural guilt fucks over women that could have done so much better. Some black women only date within their race and even more only date within their community. Straight A Jazmine went off to college, then ran back to the hood and got pregnant by GED Kevin. Not because he was the cutest guy she ever met in her travels but because he was comfortable, and she felt it was her duty to be with a brother from her hood. Yes, black men, more than any other race of males has the hardest uphill battle, but these choices aren’t based on dude being the same color. Randy the nerd that was a black kid that was also in college with you, but you blew him off. Phil, the male nurse, was from the projects and put himself through nursing school, yet you dismissed him as a cornball. Even the brother who you couldn’t find anything wrong with, you passed on and listed it under, “he just didn’t have that swag I like.” The excuse of “only black men get me,” is a cover-up. Many of you choose specific types of black men, often those that never even tried to make it out of their surroundings or still act and talk like they’re teenagers. Do you think a dose of your pussy is going to inspire him to go back to school? You think sucking his dick with that mouth that speaks proper English is going to make him give up his mixtape dreams? Is moving him into your condo going to be as impactful as taking a knee for the anthem? Fuck no!
In the end, you’re not doing it for the culture, you’re doing it because you feel a man like that needs you and will appreciate you more than those more successful black, white, Asian, or Latino men who are also on the market for you to soul snatch. Stop masking it with race, and just admit that you’re afraid. Going back down and snatching Kevin from hoodrat TeeTee seems like an easy victory… until Kevin ends up fucking TeeTee behind your back and giving you whatever she was carrying. I’m emailed at least one of these stories every week. Successful and educated women who shouldn’t be in the midst of hood drama are firmly cemented in it because they felt a need to lower their dating standards for some fake cause. You were smart enough to excel academically and professionally, so be confident in your ability to win over any man no matter what socio-economic class he’s on. Upgrade your taste!
Rule #3 You Always Have Options:
I get it, you are high class, you do have standards, but you don’t have options, so you entertain the first guy that tries to get at you. It’s not that you want to go on his uninspired date offer, it’s that you’re bored, so why not? I smell bullshit…is that you Basica? A woman always has options that are more varied than she makes them out to be. It’s the power of your limited mind creating a reality where the only guys that come up and talk to you are the low men on the totem pole. When I say go and talk to guys first, you respond with, “I don’t see any cute ones.” But if one of those “not that cute” boys were to speak first, you would talk to him… see how your logic collapses on itself? Stop being afraid to be alone, stop thinking you can’t do better than that goofy guy who gives you dry texts and weak dick, stop settling in general! There is nothing wrong with you that you can’t pull quality men into your universe. Be proactive. That ensures that you will always be able to pull a man that isn’t the same as the typical ones that approach you. Be prepared. That readies you to engage and wow a top shelf man that girls usually freeze around. Be positive! That dictates that even when you’re not looking for love, love will find you because the glow of being happy alone is magnetic!
Rule #2 The World Is Yours:
When a male marginalizes a woman as if she’s just one fish in the sea, it’s a mindfuck that keeps womankind in place. It dictates that you humble your ambitions and be grateful to have that man because he can always go and get a younger and prettier you, while you will struggle to find someone even half as great. It’s a prison made of lies that too many ladies lock themselves into. Every single adult male has lied or exaggerated to get with a woman or paid directly or indirectly to sleep with a woman. If you were so ordinary, so easy to get, then why do men risk family, fortune, and well-being to have you? Because they know like I know that women are the greatest thing ever created and have this scary power to make even the most logical of us weak at the knees.
List the irrational things men do in pursuit of women: A) cheat on their girlfriends and risk it all for a swim in a woman he barely knows or who isn’t even that cute. B) Have sex with a girl who openly admits she has an STD. C) Trick expensive gifts that he can’t even afford. Ladies, you can’t just ignore the extremes men go through for women or brush it off as just a few thirsty apples—all men have done something illogical in pursuit of a woman. This secret has to be guarded by the “Bros” because no man wants to admit how much he’s at the mercy of women. That’s why we have slut-shaming to keep the bold ones in check, why using reverse psychology on girls is learned early on, and why we pit women against each other. You aren’t going to date multiple men—because slut shaming has you feeling guilty for even considering it. You aren’t going to go anywhere even when a man disrespects you—because the idea that some other woman is going to replace you is scary. You will parrot what men say to shame your sisters—because that’s how the world of man has trained you. It’s like that scene in The Color Purple, this world is dependent on men like Mister telling men like Harpo to beat a woman back down in place, and at that moment women like Celie will nod along because misery loves company!
This is your world! No matter what your history is, you must wake up tomorrow with the mindset that you can have whatever you go after. You weigh close to 200 pounds—you can still get a man. You have a reputation around town—you can still get a man. You aren’t traditionally pretty—you can still get a man. You were diagnosed with HPV or HSV—you can still get a man. You are only limited by your imagination and willingness to go out and talk a good game. Name something you see as a negative, and I can tell you a real-life example of someone I’ve come across who made it into a win. Stop being your own worse enemy and start cheering yourself on.
Rule #1 You Are the Fucking Table!
Why do some women have all the luck? They get multiple men trying to give them the world, they don’t get toyed with, and even when they slip up, they don’t crumble or run back to their abusers like you have been guilty of doing. Luck is a false concept. Those women aren’t lucky, they’re conscious. The day that you realize that you don’t have to do shit to make a man chase but be unapologetically you is the day your love life changes. I can’t expect a man with money and success because I’m still working on me. Do you really think the Universe works like that? Look around at real life and show me where there is a balance of equals pairing off with equals. For every Jay-Z and Beyoncé, you can point to, there are 1000x more couples like Robert Kraft and his girlfriend. Every vacation resort I’ve taken my wife to has an insane amount of old wrinkly dudes with super-hot young wives, so kill this noise that you can’t be a hostess at Olive Garden and end up with a CEO. Furthermore, having more than the average man doesn’t mean you will only find men that resent your success. That’s the lie you tell yourself to remain comfortable dating the same revolving door of dicks.
Your thoughts create your reality, and the reality you have created is that you need to be at a certain level financially to find love or happiness. You’ve been told for so long that you don’t deserve shit unless you earn it, that you’ve subconsciously created a reality where you keep pushing your “blessings” away from you because you don’t feel you deserve them. You could have everything you desire if you got out of your own way and stopped limiting your power as a creator. You tell yourself that you can’t go and tap that guy on the shoulder until you lose a few more pounds, already projecting that you think this man is shallow. You tell yourself that you aren’t getting back into the dating game until you finish up your degree because heaven knows that NO man has ever gotten into a relationship with a woman that didn’t have a masters. You date down, resolved to your position in life as just another basic woman from a basic place that can only get basic men. You have manifested a life of “wait until after,” or “why even try,” scenarios. Meanwhile, other women are thriving because they take life by the balls and squeeze.
If you embrace your True self and stop limiting your mind with counter-thoughts, there may be a period where you will have to be alone until your new way of living rewrites the old. But It’s temporary. You all fear the temporary and are obsessed with now now now, and that’s why you keep creating that chaotic shit soup you call “life.” Love-sick women will always bury their power and live mediocre lives with men they settled for. Do you want to be at the mercy of men or do you want to reign over them? A Goddess trusts in the world that she’s constantly creating with her thoughts. She will have risen to the level where “what if” and overthinking has been drowned out by confident thoughts of “it will happen.” She knows she will eventually end up with what she set out to get and doesn’t impatiently break while waiting for it to manifest. Are you a Goddess or are you a desperate woman that just wants some little boy to love her and doesn’t care what he brings to her table? A life of raising a man that doesn’t know how to be a man. A life of not being appreciated. A life of waiting on tax returns to hit your bank account because you don’t have a partner who can help you grow, you have a partner that keeps you paycheck to paycheck. That’s your future if you continue to aim low or not aim at all… You can be the typical good-hearted woman that isn’t picky and takes on any man brave enough to shoot his shot, or you can ascend to Godhood. If all you’ve gotten out of this is “find a man with a good enough bank account” you’ve missed the point. This isn’t about men, it’s about knowing your value and pushing yourself to get what you deserve. This is YOUR world, the same way you’ve let your confused and fearful mind create these inconsistent results, Spartan Up, and use that power to create one where you win now and forever…
The Hidden Rule: Know the Game
“The lion cannot protect himself from traps, and the fox cannot defend himself from wolves. One must therefore be a fox to recognize traps, and a lion to frighten wolves.” – Machiavelli
People will try to test you to see if you are gold or merely gold plated. Men will wear masks and look for a flaw in you no matter if you’re at the talking stage, dating stage, or in a relationship..
The Audio Book Is Finally Out, Over 9 Hours of Tactics, narrated by world-renowned actor Patrick Stevens.
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