1) Im a Virgin
I once had a 17 year old tell me this and I believed her until I hit it the first time I let her come over my crib. Ladies don’t want to be seen as whores, so just play along.
2) I would only suck my hubby dick!
This is true sometimes… not most. 80% of girls experimented with blowing cock before they got handcuffed, if you find one who hasn’t. MARRY HER.
3) This is my hair
4) Im pregnant, and you’re the only one I been with
I call this the Maury Effect… A woman will convince herself that the fourteen other men who have skitted in her raw didn’t count for various reasons. She will lie until she BELIEVES the lie. Make sure you don’t blow your money on color hoodies playboy, and get that DNA test.
5) Nah I never fucked him we just talked
Don’t even go there, you do not want to go snooping in a Woman’s past. Just assume she’s FUCKED every man she’s ever met that way you don’t get played.
6) He’s like a brother to me
A Brother who wants to fuck you. Trust me. No boy wants to be your brother unless you’re ugly. and I mean, three O’clock in the AM, patron don’t even make you cute Ugly.
7) I never did this before
She means, “I never did this today”.
8) Wtf u talkin bout,my phone died
Phones die, Women Lie, Vaginas don’t! Do a finger test to make sure she wasn’t out letting Rashad and them hit it.
9) I don’t Chill with girls they talk too much
This is true. Girls talk waaaaay too much.
Yes she is and she’s going to stay that way even if you have NO IDEA what you did to her.
11) I Was On My Period
You either A) had sex the day before and she’s trying to let it TIGHTEN back up or B) She’s not feeling you enough to give you the Va gi gi! It’s the oldest excuse in the book. If you run into this just say HEY I’m down with the Ketchup on the Hot Dog.
12) He was just talkin all that shit Cuz I played him
He was talking shit because she gave him the pussy and now he wants it back.
13) I’ll b quiet I promise
…(sounds of me holding back my laughter) see Number 9
14) I only did that once
That doesn’t mean she won’t do it again.
15) I love you
Until you fuck up.
16) I don’t Cheat
Translation: I haven’t found the right back up dick yet.
Until you had that third drink, then it’s just a good time.
18) I don’t fuck wit my ex
No, she just sexts him.
19) You are the last person I had sex with! I swear!
It’s only been twenty minutes, give her a day, then ask.
20) The nigga in the background? Oh that’s my
brother, ima call u back!
Wait, isn’t she an only child?
21) I’m on my way right now
After she checks Facebook, Twitters about it, does her hair, watch this episode of The Game right quick and go to the store for her Auntie and them.
22) I only suck dick if u gone eat me out
You go first.
23) I don’t share Clothes dats nasty
Um, isn’t that Renee’s jeans, Kisha’s purse, Danise’s earrings, and Tisha’s thong you got?
24) they just sayin that to break us up
Yup cus single women love to hang around single women. see Number 17