My 24-Year-Old Friend: Was popular in high school and had her pick of men. Now she can’t get past the first date with the kind of man she wants. Settles for dates with simps out of boredom. Recycles the dick of her ex from high school who has a whole girlfriend. Says she’s not looking for a real relationship yet always complains about men her age not wanting anything real.
My 33-Year-Old Friend: Was in a long-term relationship throughout her twenties that ended with him walking away and marrying someone else. She has a kid by the rebound man who sold her a bag of lies and then ghosted her during the pregnancy. Currently dates a guy who says he’s separated from his wife but isn’t. Thinks her life is over because she’s over 30+ with a kid, and what decent man wants that…
Why does age lower expectations? Each woman reading this had a dream job, a dream house, a dream husband, and a dream life in mind when they were in middle school… now 10-20 years later so many are stuck working jobs they don’t want to do, dealing with inconsistent ass men, and settling for a life where they have zero power. Where did it all go wrong and how do you instill the confidence to get back on track?
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Let’s talk about two huge chapters in your love life—The 20s when you feel like you can conquer the world only to end up getting your heartbroken, going back and forth with some time-waster, or simply sitting alone in the house because you don’t have hoes like you had in your late teens. The second chapter is The 30s when you’re rebounding from all the ways you fucked up in your 20s. Most likely you’re established in your career, have a solid group of friends, but you’re still sad because you’re inching towards 40, and you can’t find anyone who wants to give you the love you deserve. When you’re 30+, the idea of “what if” hits different, because you can literally point to someone or something that took you off course. The irony is that the women in their 20s don’t realize the power they have currently, and the women in their 30s are often too filled with regret to understand how they can easily reset their fortunes. Today we’re going to touch on both groups…
The Quarter-Life Crisis
When you’re young, your cockiness is often off the charts. Your teachers tell you that you’re smart, your family members remind you that you’re special, the job offers or internships come rolling in, and your confidence skyrockets to the point where you believe that you could shit gold with enough effort. From age 20-29 you have will have hot streaks where you manifest success without trying, and then, without warning, you go cold as if the universe is playing a cruel joke on you. You try your hardest, yet nothing works out. You try to play by the rules you were taught, only to see people who don’t play far profit without penalty. It’s like everything you thought you knew about reaching your goals turns out to be a lie, and that leaves you in a state of frustration and depression you can’t shake.
- The degree you spent all that money getting isn’t paying off
- The friends you thought you had for life have grown apart from you
- The stability of school has given way to the chaos of day to day working
- The optimistic person you used to be has given way to someone who is rarely happy
You’re trying to please the people around you, fulfill your potential, and live a positive life, but it’s hard to invoke change when everything you do feels like a losing effort. The job you took doesn’t pay as much as promised, and the people there make you miserable. You were never educated on how to handle debt, and that credit card and/or student loan interests keeps piling up. Those family members who used to be your cheerleaders are now praising others or throwing shade your way. The peers who you were doing better than are now surpassing you. Life went wrong, you aren’t where you want to be, and there isn’t anyone you want to talk to about it because you feel embarrassed. A Quarter-Life Crisis can strike at any time in your 20s because it’s not so much about age; it’s about results. What do you have versus what do other people around you have… You aren’t ignorant, you know everyone has their own path, but that doesn’t help quell the anxiety of “why am I still stuck here.” You don’t know how to feel… You don’t think you’re meant to be with anyone… You find yourself not even caring about what happens. This isn’t the real you, but it’s become your most consistent avatar. Faking it or wrapping yourself in a defensive shell of excuses becomes the sole coping mechanism. No one knows the doubt you have or the lack of direction you feel, it just becomes a silent weight that drags you down day in and day out.
Ever go through that Instagram Explore page and get angry? The internet changed the way people view themselves. The measuring stick was once your neighborhood or circle of friends, but now because of social media, you’re judged globally. Some 23-year-old who you never met started a business, bought a luxury car, is going on vacation several times a year, and is on IG boo’d up with a guy that looks every bit your type. Meanwhile you’re at work counting down the time for you to clock out so you can go home and watch your favorite show or play on the internet. How much money is in your bank account? Where’s your man? How much money do you owe? How many people can you depend on to help you out in a bind? Where were you supposed to be by your current age and why aren’t you there? No one wants to be reminded of that shit.
Drinking, smoking, online shopping, and television are there to help you escape. Jokes about overdraft fees, affirmations about how next year is going to be better, or gossip about how someone who pretends to be balling is secretly in the struggle makes your crisis seem okay. Then you see a picture of someone doing it big or an old friend or classmate achieving something great, and it makes you relapse all over again with negative thoughts—If they’re getting that, why haven’t I? How hard do I have to pray to level up? What book should I read to manifest something substantial? What research can I do to figure out how they won at life so fast?
You unfairly judge yourself based on someone else’s life story. You’re looking to emulate instead of carving out your own path to greatness. Inspiration and motivation strike for a day or two, then you’re gripped by the fear that this amazing future you had mapped out when you were 18, and idealistic will never happen. Adulting is hard as shit because that little voice in your head grows and grows more negative each day…
Pop Quiz #1. What’s the one thing you can easily attain that will distract yourself from the negative parts of your life? Attention. When you’re going through a crisis in every other aspect of your adulting life, the one thing that can bring peace is finding someone who will shower you with attention and make you feel special. Love in your 20s is complex because so many people are looking for validation through others. Why does that man who lives at home and doesn’t have a pot to piss in, spend his free time chasing pussy? Because conquering those women makes him feel like a winner! Why does a woman who works a dead-end job obsess over designer clothes and taking pictures in exotic locations? Because looking good and getting props makes her feel like a winner! So many of you are stressed because you feel like you aren’t keeping up with the next person, but the truth is most people your age are faking it for attention because that shallow feeling makes everything feel better… at least for a few days.
Pop Quiz #2. What’s the one thing that can attain that can salvage a mediocre life? A Relationship. The quest for love has become the quest for happiness. Attention fades, but locking someone down in a relationship guarantees that you will have a current distraction from your so-so life. People enter relationships despite red flags, have children with people they knew had issues, and repeat that same pattern because a relationship gives them something to live for when everything else is trash. Life isn’t working out as planned, but so long as you have someone in your face making you forget the bigger picture, you feel safe. You don’t want to deal with work drama, money problems, nor a lack of direction, but you do want to deal with dating because it’s instant gratification.
Think about the world we live in, tons of poor people are happy because they have someone to share in that struggle. Tons of women and men are being exploited by users, but they’re happy because at least they have someone to come home to. Partnering up used to be about uplifting each other, not sharing in misery, but that’s what it’s become. Think about your ideal relationship, it isn’t taking care of a man who can’t get right nor is it living paycheck to paycheck because neither of you make enough. No one wants a struggle life, so why do we see so many people content with “at least I got a man” Focusing on self is hard, so people settle for finding a partner, because companionship settles those anxious nerves that keep telling you that your life is going nowhere.
Life sucks, but you have someone to take care of. Life sucks, but you have someone who relies on you. Life sucks, but you have the excitement of an up and down relationship. Life sucks, but at least you have someone that gives you purpose and makes it worth getting up in the morning… of course the problem with this mentality is that you aren’t fixing YOU, you’re hiding behind another person who can leave your ass and then you’re back at square one all over again forced to look at the reality of your life choices. Your purpose in life isn’t tied to anyone else. “We’re in this together, babe” is basic bitch propaganda. No one is going to save you, and you can’t save them. It’s time to stop making lazy choices and shake yourself out of this cycle of mediocrity!
A Quarter-Life Crisis is normal, it doesn’t mean you’re crazy, a failure, or weak. It means you’re evolving! You want better, you need better, than do better by focusing on the shoes you’re walking in without worrying about what size everyone else has on their feet. Things haven’t gone as planned, but what movie starts off at the happy ending? Stop doubting yourself and understand that it’s never too late to turn things around. You can literally attract a cloud of change into your life overnight or you can keep feeling sorry for yourself, the choice is yours. We’ll get into the spiritual aspect of this later but let’s start with practical dating advice. What binds most of the women in their 20s that write me for help is their inability to read the men in their dating pools. So, let’s start there…
The Dating Pools of your 20s
You’re young, pretty, and despite what else is going wrong in your life, you know there will be men who try and date you. Because of Disney you maintain this idea of some prince popping up and changing your fortune. Okay, princess, who do you date in order to get this fairy tale? All the internet standards about money, career, and affluence are bullshit. There are women I know that read Ho Tactics, then there are women I know who USE Ho Tactics. Most of you aren’t leveling up with tricks or Sponsors because it’s not in your character. You want the fantasy not the bag. Think about your life: If you’re a woman in her early to mid 20s dating a man 24-28, then it’s a 70% chance he doesn’t have real money. The secret that you’re hiding is that it doesn’t matter. You aren’t as shallow as you pretend, you date men based on personality and looks. The traits you fall in love with point to the type of guys you dated in high school, so here you are years after high school still dealing with that quality of man. While you may be mature emotionally, you are still turned on by the basic shit that got you wet in 11th grade. Men know this and so do you, so again, who do you date?
Men Who Are Still Teenagers At Heart: These are the guys who have yet to grow out of that “every woman is a hole to be fucked” stage aka The Ho Phase. They’re not mean or spiteful, they’re fun and goofy. They make you feel like high school or freshmen year all over again. Everything is a party until they get bored. They’re emotionally immature, so they ghost you without a real reason, try to place blame on you, or do something to sabotage it like trying to fuck your friend or being sloppy with other women.
Men Who Have Been Victimized: Guys who have their heart broken early take years to bounce back, but they position themselves as ready for something serious. The reality is the moment you get to close, you remind him of “her,” so he begins to pull back emotionally. Even when you try to apologize or take into account that he’s been hurt; it isn’t good enough. He wants to waste your time and make you believe that you have a shot of fixing him—but you can’t fix a grown-ass man; only he can do that.
Men Who Can’t Do Shit For You: Nice guys, sweet guys, those fellas who take you to the movies and dinner and win you over by being caring… only for you to realize that he’s not the kind of ambitious man you need. They work low paying jobs, they don’t have any solid plans for their future, and while they will do for you, that voice in your head knows that they’re high-key mediocre.
Men Who Think You’re Dumb: You will meet men who don’t respect you and try to play you like you’re dumb. Unlike the teenage mindset guys, this isn’t about sex or being goofy, it’s about putting you in your place. These misogynist pretend they don’t know how to date and offer you dick and take out. They put on acts like you’re crazy in order to gaslight you. They push you away, pull you back, then do it all over again when you step out of line. This is the type most of you will get damaged by because you think he can be “fixed”. He can’t. He doesn’t want you, he wants control.
Men Who Overachieved: Bernie would call these guys the 1%, not that they’re necessarily rich, but they have achieved either wealth, fame, notoriety, or property at a young age. They floss money, show off material items, and remind anyone who listens what they have. You may think that kind of cockiness is a turnoff, but when push comes to shove, he does represent something a 20 something with anxiety wants—success, clout, and stability. If you’re an independent-minded woman you want to match his hustle and prove yourself to him. If you’re about securing a bag, you just want to share in his wealth. This makes him a magnet for all kinds of women. The problem is, a man like this will always have groupies, so the chances of him wanting you for more than a fling is doubtful.
Men Who You Can Grow With: An emotionally mature man who can sit and talk to you about where he’s coming from and where he’s going isn’t rare. A man who may not have much money to treat you to 5-star restaurants, but is driven to get to that level, isn’t rare. A man who you butt heads with but wants to work out the issue instead of falling back isn’t a fucking unicorn! The thing is that these men don’t come with labels. They need to be vetted and tested. How do you do that? Keep reading…
The Wrong Mindset of Your 20s
“I love him… I hate him… I miss him… Fuck that asshole… He’s never going to find a woman that does for him like me… I can’t believe he moved on with that ugly bitch… I’m never dating again… Hey, I just met someone new let me give love another try…” -The mind of a Typical 20 something-year-old
Most women in their 20s don’t vet or test a man’s intentions because they think they know everything. Yes, you right there reading this, you think you know all the game. You know how to do deep google searches, scan through social media accounts, and you have a “gut instinct” when something is off. In your mind, men are dumb, and you are smart. Then you come up against someone you REALLY like. I always throw that in because most of you are only smart when it’s a dick you don’t want. Those men you’re in to make you devolve, and all that “I know I know I know” bullshit goes out the window. Now you’re confused as to what he wants from you. You’re not sure if he really does talk to other women or if you’re paranoid. You try to read between the lines of everything he does to make it all make sense. In the end, even when he does show you red flags, you stick around. You love his dick, you love his swagger, you even love the way he kinda disrespects you and puts you in your place. Eventually you wise up and get rid of him, or he gets bored and gets rid of you. He comes back, and you do that entire dance again… OR someone just like him comes into your life, and you go Groundhog Day, repeating the same mistakes. Why? What is it about these men that even someone as smart as you can’t learn her lesson? Again, it’s the mindset of being in your 20s, you love hard, you think you have all the time in the world to grow with someone, and you trust in words more than actions.
More than half of you are in situationships, others are recycling exes, and some of you have random hookups when you’re lonely. To each their own, but is that what you want or is it the only thing you think you can get? The defensive armor that you’re suited up in screams “Fuck dating” but the people you stalk on your phone prove that you do want male love more than you let on. We’re about to dive into how to get what you want, but you have to own up to your insecurities. You don’t understand the dating pools, you just date. You don’t understand how men can lie so easily or love you one month then love another bitch the next week. You have an ego that swears you’re too smart to be fooled, yet year after year you get that ass humbled. That’s your 20s, or at least how it’s going to keep going unless you Spartan Up. It’s time to get rid of the panic attacks, avoid the mental breakdowns, and regain control…
The Right Mindset of Your 20s
Ready to continue to the next section? I wrote a new eBook on how to deal with Adulting and Dating in your 20s and 30s, if you’re ready to continue on this subject = CLICK HERE and download it and finish reading…
How To Level Up When You’re 30+
“I wish I found your site or read your books in my 20s, I would have avoided so many mistakes.”
Brace yourself. Unlike the previous chapter on dating in your 20s, what you’re about to experience is less forgiving, less understanding, and absolutely void of compassion for the weak and delusional. Your 20s were supposed to be a learning experience, yet here you are 30+, still making rookie mistakes. You are too grown to pitied and too smart not to be dragged until you Spartan Up! This is going to be quick and painful as I run down the top dating mistakes I see women in their 30s make and a showcase on how to murder, burn the body, and bury the ashes of the weak-ass woman that is currently reading these words. With age should come wisdom. The woman you were ten years ago wasn’t as smart, as intuitive, and as resourceful as the woman you are now. Everything I wrote about in terms of being young and dumb, you could nod along with because you figured it all out the hard way. You wish you could go back in time and tell your younger self those things because you see how hard it now is to get your career, finances, or love life back on track after blowing the past 6-10 years being hardheaded. The irony is that you’re looking back with wisdom that you still don’t apply to your everyday life.
Instead of using your life like a map, you use it as a tissue to cry into. You regret your choices in friends, your choices in jobs, or your choices in men on the daily. Happiness could have been yours if not for—”insert excuse here.” Are you done feeling sorry for yourself? Are you done playing “what if”? Are you done being bitter about the unchangeable? Good. Now I want you to drop your ego, let go of that negativity, and accept the fact that you are STILL going to win. A woman doesn’t even reach her prime under her late 30s into early 40s. You aren’t damaged goods, you’re a fucking Phoenix ready to rise from the ashes. Close your eyes. Leave your basic thoughts, your defensive attitude, and your self-loathing outside, and let’s renovate the house you call your mind… (Click Below to Continue Reading or Listening To This Chapter)