“Do good men even exist,” cries the Basic Bitch who gets played every summer. Of course they do! If you go offline and make friends in quality places you’ll see there are so many happy couples raising kids and building generational wealth. You can’t relate to that woman living rent free in Long Island with the provider boyfriend. You relate to the dummies online who share dick and post messy screenshots because all know are cheaters, liars, and narcissist that pick you up and put you down. That’s not living in your power, beloved! Today I’m going to show you how to get out of that low-vibrational mindset and show you how to attract quality men.
You take L’s in your love life because you’ve convinced yourself that you aren’t good enough. You attract what you think! …and if we’re being honest, you don’t believe you’re a bad bitch, that’s why you keep making the same mistake year after year after fucking year anytime an attractive man gives you attention.
Some of you are so paranoid that you’re going to be played, ghosted, cheated on, etc… that you talk yourself out of a good thing, cut people off too quickly, or refuse to date altogether. Today I want to help calm your mind with some positive reinforcement and ways to test someone’s true intent.
What are signs that this isn’t a game? How can you be sure that it’s not lust, short-term infatuation, or you’re not a Placeholder? Men will say anything and do anything to get what’s between your legs. “He loves me for me,” nah, he doesn’t even really like you. Bro only wants to fuck and sees you as an easy mark! If you’re reading this instead of scrolling TikTok videos then I KNOW you’re intelligent… but are you WISE enough to figure out who deserves your time and who is running a long term hustle? Let’s take a quiz…
A man love bombing you with gifts, means nothing.
A man dropping the L-word, means nothing.
A man buying you a plane ticket to come see him or deleting his dating app for you, means nothing!
A man eating your pussy for hours or holding you after sex like he loves you may feel warm and fulfilling, but it means nothing!
When a guy looks good, treats you good, and talks to you as if you’re the only girl on the planet for him, your inner child goes crazy. “Thank you, Jesus, this is what I’ve prayed for and you’ve sent him...” Hold the fuck up, Mary Mary. The initial chase is a false mask, that we as men put on so we can earn fast access to your coochie. This is easy to see through if a man is “just okay” but when you’re dealing with someone who looks better than your exes or has true wealth, you ignore the red flags. You want to believe in the fantasy that you’ve finally gotten what you’ve always wanted. Hope is a dangerous thing for a weak woman.
After a man gets what he came for he’ll fallback or make up some excuse, and even though he’s not telling you the truth, you know why… you weren’t what he wanted… you’re never what any man wants. So there you are back where you started, swearing you’re done with love, proclaiming there are not good men. Instead of playing the victim, understand your mistakes!
The signs are always there that a man’s feelings for you are temporary, but by the time you figure that out, it’s too late. Your feelings are hurt and you want to give up because “men play too many games, and you’re tired of choosing wrong.” Giving up is loser talk. Are you a Spartan or a quitter? There are clear signs that a man is right for you, that he isn’t a liar, and that he will pour every drop of his energy into you. But you MUST use patience and intelligence to test the following things. Let’s start with love…
A Man In Love Vs. Lust
Lust feels the same as love…initially. Lust, this overwhelming feeling of wanting to see a person, be next to a person, touch that person, smell that person, fuck that person, or protect that person is a raw emotion. Internally you’re screaming and on the surface, you’re beaming. Have you ever seen that glow on a person who just got into a relationship or who just went on a good first date? It’s visible because the body can’t mask its excitement over this new prospect. All attraction starts with lust; however, lust isn’t sustainable. Raw emotions, like anger or joy, eventually lose their steam and you crash down to normal. The same is true of lust. When a man’s lust deflates, you’re not as cute, as funny, as sexy, or as fun to be around which is why you get ghosted, begin to receive poor communication, or become just something to do.
“What was I thinking?” is the reaction as lust is like a hangover where you can’t believe you were ever so into a person(For more on this read the article Spoiler Alert: He’s Not Into You). So, what’s the next level, when does the magic called “love” come into play? Love is when lust comes floating down, not crashing down, then slowly rises back up again. Love is when the honeymoon stage ends and that shallow want to have them transforms into an incurable need to be with them for the rest of your life. Love is when a man stops all excuses, sacrifices his little boy ways, and goes all out for you without you ever having to ask. Love is visual, love is physical, and love is felt not told!
“G.L. I don’t think men fall in love, they’re always selfish and pick women who do for them, they love out of convenience not real emotion,” calm down Basica, do you want to learn these keys I’m about to drop in your lap or do you want to complain? Stop being bitter!
Your views on love are formed by your past. Your mother’s relationship with men. Your own toxic relationships. If you’ve only seen negative examples of love of course you’ll see every man as the same. Your broken experience aren’t proof that love doesn’t exist, they are proof that not everyone who says they love you means it or knows how to love.
Throughout this article I’m going to point out ways to poke holes so you don’t buy into the bullshit. However, you’re wasting your time reading this if all you have in your heart is pessimism. Lose that stubborn attitude and use your brain. Yes, men do have the ability to love on a genuine level BUT because we’re such lust driven creatures, we don’t trust our feelings. Men think with their dicks, we put women with the wrong traits on pedestals, and we pass up good things in favor of flavors of the week. Because of this ignorance men get hurt early and often, which leads to a large majority choosing to play games rather than open up.
A man that’s been hurt will test a woman more than required because he doesn’t want to be heartbroken again. This often leads to pushing a woman away because a strong female doesn’t jump through hoops. A man that’s been passed over in his past will sabotage a blossoming relationship because he still has that fear of not being good enough. Ladies recognize that men aren’t robots, the actions you see as immature or confusing are often easy to explain if you take enough time to get to know a man’s history. You think you’re great, you know you’re loyal, you are sure you won’t hurt him or play games…but how does he know this? The same way a man’s talk is cheap, so is a woman’s, including yours. So how do you get him to see you as different, special, and worth trusting? It’s not by being nice, buying him gifts, or how fast throw the pussy on him. You observe him, you test him, and you communicate in the ways I’m about to layout…
Signs That He’s Falling For You
The Respect Factor: You’re no longer “just pussy” you’re a human being. All the misogynistic programming the average man has consumed over a lifetime crumbles and you’re not like the rest of “them” you’re a Queen, a Unicorn, HIS girl. A man can’t love you if he doesn’t respect you. So, the first clue that things are going in the right direction is that a man will begin to take more interest in your opinions, worldview, and goals. On those first dates, men are just listening like It’s a Quiz Show. Trying to pick up pieces of intel that he can use to get you open enough for sex. At this stage, he’s interested in what you’re doing with your life, what you think about his problems, and will be much more open about confiding in you. It’s hard for males to trust any woman that’s not their mother, so telling you about his stress at work, his past trauma, or his future concerns in detail means something.
Males don’t typically share their fears with their homies, but he’s now telling you about his worries or secrets because he realizes that he doesn’t have to be macho around you. A man who respects you trusts you enough to be vulnerable. Asking your opinion on something like career or school advice is a big step. Offering solutions to your problems instead of criticizing you, is progress. Knowing that he doesn’t have to tell you what he’s doing, yet still informing you of his moves, that’s a reflection of where you now stand in his life. A partnership where you exchange information and build off one another isn’t something you can easily replace, and he will recognize your value. All these things point to a respect for you that’s grown beyond “come over and let me fuck” and now points to “she’s a real one who I need on my team”.
The Treatment Factor: You don’t have to tell a man who has a genuine love for you how to treat you. What happens, be it during the dating stage or relationship stage, is that a guy will become more attentive to how you move because he’s trying to predict what he needs to do in order to solidify his place in your life. In a healthy relationship a man doesn’t have to be trained on how to put a smile on your face, he sees it as his mission. What do you like to eat? How do you dress? What is your overall lifestyle? That’s the mental effort a man that sees a future with you puts in, mapping out your attributes and treating you accordingly based on your standards. If you have to constantly ask or do things for yourself that your boyfriend should be offering, then you’re in a mediocre relationship. “Where can I find a man like that,” is the Basica battle cry because they think a man who enjoys treating a woman like a trophy is rare. In reality, most of you can get this level of treatment if you stopped lowering your bar to make yourself accessible to low quality men.
Too many women are guilty of being low maintenance out of pride. You don’t like to ask for anything, you go with the flow trying to prove that you’re a queen not a princess, then resent a man for not treating you like a princess. Stop sending mixed signals! Most of you are too hard for your own good. You would love to be spoiled and treated, but you are afraid to come off as soft. It’s okay to play chess instead of checkers. Be strategic when you first meet men and stop trying to prove how independent you are. The same man that paid his last girlfriend’s rent will have you paying the tip on a dinner because he doesn’t want to offend your ego.
What’s the difference between Woman A who gets everything she wants from her man and Woman B who is always crying about her man’s lack of effort? Standards & Strategy! A man will trick on Woman A because her feminine energy compliments his masculine energy. She likes to be spoiled, opens her mouth about what she wants, and knows how to comes off vulnerable like a damsel in distress in order to stroke a man’s ego. A man will never trick on Woman B because her motto is “I can do it myself and don’t need a man for anything” or thinks dropping her guard means being passive aggressive like, “are you going to help me out or not?” which gets her nothing.
I wrote Ho Tactics because ordinary women couldn’t even get their hair done by their long-term boyfriends. The irony is that those “boyfriends” never treated them to shit even before the relationship became official. Men want to feel useful, when you take that away and cater to their lazy side, you rob yourself of the treatment you deserve.
“Nope, G.L. these men don’t know how to be romantic, they’re all cheap and drag their feet,” there you go again thinking everyone lives in the same bubble as you and your Basica friends. All men know how to treat women, every single one of us. We watched the same Disney movies you did, we listened to the same old school love songs, and we’ve seen examples of women in our lives being treated special. If a guy isn’t trying to put a smile on your face, it’s because he knows you’ve already been won over. Why keep feeding a chick that’s already full? Why go out of your way for a woman who doesn’t want you to go out of your way? Why treat a Olive Garden bitch like an Michelin Star queen? “I don’t want him to think I’m a gold digger or broke bitch, I want him to see me as his equal“. Cool. Then don’t complain when he steps back and lets you do it all on your own.
This is the point where many of you are right now, you shortchanged the effort in the beginning and now you’re paying the price and want to know the best way to reestablish value. Trying to change the rules of a 50/50 type of relationship will usually cause a rift because you waited too long to redefine the status quo. Trying to hit reset once a man is comfortable with doing the bare minimum is like being a mother who doesn’t make her grown son pay rent for 30 years and then hits him with “I need $400 a month”. It’s going to be met with animosity and excuses, not a sudden transformation.
Before you observe how any man is treating you, ask yourself what foundation is your relationship built upon? Have you shown him that you want the romance, appreciate the gifts, and expect surprises or are you the type of woman that acts like she’s good with whatever? Remember that treatment is a double-edged sword. Some men are naturally romantic because it’s their nature to want to give you the world because you’re making them happy. Some men, as I pointed out above, will assume that you don’t need the world to be happy. The test and observation to see if a man is really falling in love with you is simple: Be true to your wants, test him by asking for those things, see how he responds.
The Boss Bitch Factor: Are you a Basica or are you a fucking Spartan? I don’t care what you think, what do you show via your actions? Men label women and then re-label them. We judge your looks, your attitudes, and your overall style. In terms of those three things, what do you project? Here’s a test that I want you to do with the next guy you date. Let him pick the first date activity, but you pick the second date. That second date should be your ideal date. This shows a man your flavor. Dress like a Spartan, meaning everything you wear around him when going out should establish your style and how you roll. Talk about your hobbies, the concerts you go to, the events you attended, the vacations you’ve been on.
Those things spell out your lifestyle. Define in real ways that you are a bad bitch with actions and then see if he raises to your level. You can’t start off showing a man that you’re cool with happy hour and take out because he’ll think basic shit is your love language. You can’t dress down or say “I just like being in the house” because he’ll think treating you is buying you some yoga pants for your birthday and letting you use his Disney+ account. Set your bar high, which will challenge a man who is falling in love with you to match that level to his best abilities.
One woman I know got a luxury wallet because the guy she was dating saw that she had a luxury bag from that brand but a wallet from another. She didn’t have to ask, he just did it because he saw how she rolled. A friend of mine loves concerts, the guy she’s currently dating long-distance flew in to take her to see a band she was talking about. Men do listen, men do want to treat, but they need a compass to show them. You can’t fake like you’re easy to please then pop up with “Why don’t you offer to get my hair done, that’s what a real man would do.” No, that’s what your fictional version of a real man would do, because you want someone to be a mind reader. In the actual world, things are either asked for or they’re hinted at, show him how you live and if it’s love he will train himself to match your speed.
The Communication Factor: A man who’s really interested in you will not let much time pass between conversations. I don’t care if he’s a Tech millionaire, a doctor, a lawyer, or a graduate student. Doesn’t matter if he’s busy selling houses, starting up a business, or traveling. Love mandates that you want to hear that person’s voice and see how their day went. In the age of texting and email, there is no excuse for a man who is truly into you not to reach out daily. Yet, here I am with emails about “I haven’t spoken to him in a week, what does that mean?” That means he doesn’t fuck with you, dumb ass.
The communication factor is everything and you know it. Why do you get anxious when hours go by without a text? Why do you want to end it with him when he doesn’t pick up the phone for you? It’s not because you’re dramatic, it’s because you know true love means they you would reach out even when busy. Love makes an “I don’t text” guy into a texter. Love makes an “I don’t do phones” guy into a sit on the phone for hours type. Love turns “I’m busy” into “but I’m never too busy for you”. Look at your own relationship, if the communication isn’t on this level, then his feelings aren’t that deep.
5 Things You Need To See
1) Confiding conversations. He should be sharing his thought process with you, not holding everything in. He should be willing to talk more in-depth about childhood experiences or past traumas. He should be updating you on things he’s working on, not giving you one sentence responses or blowing it off. He should be asking you deeper questions about your own ambitions, not simply “how’s that going” questions. He should want to have serious discussions about each other, not just joke, flirt, and fuck. He should be holding you accountable when you get off track. He should be open to your opinions when you see him lacking, not overly defensive.
2) Going out of his way to make you happy. Love isn’t about luxury. You don’t need things, you need effort. He should know you well enough to be able to take you to a place you would enjoy without having to ask what you want to do. He should read you well enough to know when you’re in need of a stress reliever, this good be a spa day or his own attempt at a foot rub. He would have shown at this level that he doesn’t mind canceling plans for you or going out of his comfort zone to do something you want to do. “I feel like we’re a team that does for each other” if you can’t honestly say that, then it’s not love.
3) He makes you apart of his world. You shouldn’t be hanging out alone together, you should be hanging out in the real world. Yes, you have private times with friends, family, and your own alone time, but where does he fit into your life and how does he fit you into his life. Do you know his friends? Do you get invited out to gatherings with his family? Does he try to include you in events at work, trips, family reunions, conversations with his friends, or are you hiding out waiting for couple time? Think about who has met you, not once or twice, but who from his world can say they know you on a personal level. A lot of you worry about being shown off on social media, but it’s being shown off in the real world that matters as that’s what tells him that you truly do mesh with his lifestyle and he with yours.
4) You retain your freedom. Trust issues must shrink if not be destroyed for love to truly set in. How far off the leash do the both of you go before jealousy sets in? At this point, you should be able to go out and not be asked when you’ll be home. You should be able to do work trips, girl’s trips, or family getaways without it being an issue. You should be able to do things solo and them not worry about you becoming distant. You should be able to tell him about someone who has a crush on you, who flirted with you, or even about an ex that pooped up and still be able to move how you want without fear of someone “taking you”. Love is knowing a person will still be there after you close your eyes and reopen them. If you’re constantly policing what you can do based on his jealousy or you’re constantly questioning his motives based on your own insecurities, then you two haven’t graduated to real trusting love.
5)You’re on the same page. This sounds easy, but this will be the one that fucks everything up. Have you two talked about your joint future? If you’re dating, why hasn’t it graduated to a relationship? If you’re in a relationship, what’s the process that you both agree comes next? Moving in? Getting engaged? Marriage? Love isn’t about “I’m waiting to get on my feet”. Love isn’t “wait until I finish school”. Love isn’t “Let’s keep seeing where this go”. Love is a conversation about what his intentions are in the near future and what your wants are for the near future and how they match up. From there you should be able to communicate the steps to keep building to that point. If you can’t answer in your head “We’re headed towards XYZ” with certainty than what do you two even talk about?
You Just Know
The old cliché goes that you will “just know” when it’s love. That’s bullshit. Bomb sex can feel like love. Someone buying you a thoughtful birthday gift can feel like love. Someone being there to listen to you vent can feel like love…but none of these things are proof of being in love. You only know that someone is in love when all the small, all the large, and all the acts in between snowball into a pattern and history of someone caring about you on a level never before experienced. Some of the times doesn’t count and “he used to act that way” is a sign that your relationship has gone sour. Love isn’t looking back on what a person used to do or cherry-picking the loving things that happen occasionally. Love is constant, stable, and elastic. No matter the argument, misunderstandings, or mistakes that are made on both sides, you know it’s real when you don’t run away, when you both work effortlessly to get back on track, and when it keeps growing stronger because of the trials and tribulations that come with sharing a life.
Go through this article a few times and hold it up to your relationship. Either you’ll be left knowing that you’re loved, or you’ll be left knowing that your version of love has been misguided. Either way, you’ll never be able to use the excuse “No one ever taught me what love is…”
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