“…and at this point I’m just frustrated. Do you know what it’s like to see both your sisters and two of your best friends all get chose? My one friend has three dudes in rotation, she isn’t even all that. Not to come off as hating because I love her but you see my page I’m not being stuck up when I say I’m prettier than most. Then why is it that I don’t get any serious attention??? You saw the bullshit in my last email from **** and that always happens and people say I’m lying when I really don’t get Dmed like that. No one worth while hits me, even when we would go to the club no one tried me like my sisters. I don’t doubt that what I want is out there I’m just ready to give up and go back to **** for real and I know that sounds weak but how am I supposed to date like a sparta when I can’t even get asked on date?“
I get frustrated emails list the one above all the time, so let’s go back to the basics. You can’t put dating or relationship advice into practice if you aren’t even good at the first step– Attraction.
You’ve mastered the art of vetting… but you can’t get ONE person, let alone a roster to practice on.
You’ve mastered Ho Tactics… but you can’t get spoiled with an empty phone.
You’ve worked on your insecurities… but how can you showcase the new improved you when no one is beating down your door?
How many attractive men shoot their shot at you monthly? If the answer is little to none, while other women regardless of how they look, are getting plenty, then it’s time to start fresh and figure out why you’re not being approached or only being approached by the usual suspects. I bet you’re attracting the same types because the “Brand” you’re putting out to the world is trash. Your energy, your vibrations, your spirit is off. And it’s not because of a damn retrograde, you’re not showcasing anything externally that would make a person of stature, see you as a MUST HAVE.
Let’s clear one thing up. Being pretty does not make you approachable! Each month I get at least one email where some girl with a bunch of pretty IG pictures asks what’s wrong: too mean-looking, too many followers, blah blah blah. It’s none of that. It’s about—Access!
The men that discover you online or approach you in person need something that’s going to put you on their radar that’s different from the rest. A woman worth shooting his shot at because she gives Unicorn vibes, not just in photos but across the board. Right now, there’s a man who is well off financially, no kids, never been married, who doesn’t think quality women exist because all he sees is messy and basic women. How does that man find you, the diamond in rough? Knock on your door? A magic spell? What are you actively DOING to be discovered if you’re the kind of woman that doesn’t approach first? Too many amazing women are wasting away waiting to be discovered and appreciated by someone other than the same old clowns. But how the fuck is that going to happen when you’re bad at promoting yourself, luring new men in, and creating the leverage that comes from having a roster of top-shelf bosses to pick from.
Seduction, feminine charm, sex appeal, you can’t use any of these things if you go unseen. Do you have a smartphone? Then you can find a man. Do you go outside for any reason? Then you can find a man. There are women with four boyfriends, and you can’t get one! There are women getting CashApp’d by multiple suitors, and you can’t even get a second date. Stop crying and think about the “why” of your situation so you can improve your life, not complain about it.
Why is your phone dry and your DMs empty or filled with simps? It’s not because the Universe hates you, it’s because you don’t know how to bend this world to your will! It’s time to Spartan the fuck up and start attracting men that allow you to use the information in my books by this time next week! The secret that I’m going to break down today is approachability! Being approachable isn’t about a look; it’s about energy. Online, in the streets, at work, you have to unlock your feminine power, and learn to tune your frequency to a level where men who don’t usually shoot their shot will be moved to chase after you. So, let’s go through some basics to get you primed to attract.
8 Things That Will Instantly Make You More Approachable
Every woman reading this can increase her chances of attracting a high quality man to put on her roster by 50% in one week just by understanding male psychology. Men of all races and age react to the same triggers, face, breast, or ass. The physical leads to the initial contact, especially in a world of internet dating swipes and social media flirting. No one is looking at how nice you are or how smart you are at first. Your hairstyle, your eyes, your smile, that’s the first glance shallowness of males. You can cut your hair, get braids, or change hair color, and some guy you’ve been following forever will finally like a picture because that slight change makes you more desirable.
Most of you stumble into these things and play dumb. “Guess who reached out to me again,” no shit, you just posted a picture of you looking cuter than usual. “OMG such and such who plays for the Rockets just liked my pictures what do I do…” No shit, all those new likes you normally don’t get has you on his explore page. Let’s be real lady, all of you can turn on the physical beauty when you try, but it takes more than that to consistently attract men who want to do more than just fuck you, and that’s what I’m more concerned with, the strategy of attraction no matter how you think you look.
Why should you even care about what men think or invest your time in feminizing yourself? Because men wield the power of choice! 9 out of 10 times, they’re the ones asking a girl out. Women rarely speak first or ask men on dates, so if a man never approaches you then you’re going to be alone. You all know that going after a man can be a shortcut to get exactly what you want, but 80% of you reading this will NEVER approach a man first. This is why I want you to learn these eight steps to bring them to you…
The Mindfuck of Feminine Prowess
The first step is the mental foundation of feminine prowess that will lead to practical feminine baiting. I don’t like Masculine Vs. Feminine propaganda that tries to tell a woman to change or dumb down herself to get a man. Some of you fill your brains with that bullshit, and where has it gotten you? However, men are infatuated with many feminine attributes. Softening yourself, being vulnerable, letting him lead, etc.. A man loves to feel needed, and it gives him power when a woman can be a “damsel” at times. The key isn’t to become that but to mindfuck these men into thinking that you have those qualities. Why? Before the dating stage, men are lured in and seduced by the fantasy of who he wants you to be based on the little that he knows. To soften yourself, be a princess, and act sweeter than usual, will net guys who tend to be providers. Women who get tricked on, and I’m talking thousands for not even a nude, know how to roleplay in the “please daddy… thanks, daddy… I miss you, daddy” sort of way. While this isn’t about Ho Tactics, I want you to understand that giving a man a little flirty submission works in attracting a wide range of high caliber suitors.
Many of you are very independent, come from homes where you had to grow up fast, and still shoulder a lot of responsibility that causes you to have control issues. When it comes to being “sweet,” it makes you feel dirty because you were raised in a tough environment where things like hugs or compliments, made you seem weak. Therefore, you can’t reciprocate love in a way that’s not strong and masculine, which directly interferes with the typical male’s love language—to give because he feels needed. If your disposition is to never need a man for anything, it shoots yourself in the foot. Being courted often requires the dominant role of the romancer and the submissive role of the person being romanced. If you’re a woman who can’t let go of that masculine role long enough to allow for that traditional treatment, you’re going to blow your shot.
The tactic of Feminine Baiting is all about suspending this dominant personality to lure a man in. In public, it’s as simple as asking for a man to reach something on a grocery shelf, online it’s as simple as posting a picture of your fingernails and asking what color you should get. The moment you ask a man for his opinion or pretend you need his assistance, it lowers his guard and brings him into your clutches. These men want to be of use to you, especially those with money. The women that play on a man’s ego, get his attention.
I’ve seen this often in person. The LA girl goes to a bar, but sits their tossing her hair and scrolling her phone, so the pretty boy she wants to come over and buy her a drink, doesn’t. Instead, Pretty Juan ends up in an hour long convo with the chick that asked him to watch her purse while she used the restroom. “She’s not even cute” doesn’t matter in the moment because a man is going to ALWAYS pick the closest friendlier option than the pretty anti-social looking one. This one tough girl from New York has too much pride to be nice and sweet to a guy that Dms her, so the man falls off and chases someone she describes as “corny.” That woman isn’t corny; she just knows how to play the game. You all should be playing the game because the older you get, the more you’re going to depreciate. You must use strategy, not just bull rush hoping a guy takes a chance on you. No matter if it’s reciprocating compliments, asking a stranger to show you the proper way to shoot pool, or anything that makes a man feel good inside in terms of flirty submissive actions, it mindfucks them into liking you more.
Think about perception, someone can think you’re a bitch just because of a facial expression or your natural attitude, then after you become cool laugh about how wrong they were. In dating you can’t afford to waste time on perception, you have to make these men see what YOU WANT them to see… Throughout these next few sections, I’m going to talk about specifics that make you stand out, but for you to truly vibrate at a level where these men will chase, you have to play a mental game. Marilyn Monroe was an act put on by a woman who was failing at life and knew that hypnotizing a man through his eyes and ears would get her the world. You can do the same thing. You are a tough girl, you should always be a tough girl, but you have to create an alter ego that allows you to play the role of Diana because you can’t be Wonder Woman 24-7. Trust in the process that you will always get more results with honey, not vinegar.
Make Your Brand Personable
Let’s start on the online side as that’s where most of you live and do your hunting. What would make a man follow you on social media? What would make a man who already follows, message you? I know you’re cute and know how to work your angles. What then? Personality! What kind of pictures do you take? What captions are you using? What themes are you tweeting about, or what stories are you posting to FB? Either you’re personable or you seem problematic. Even men who think you’re pretty enough to shoot their shot will be turned off if all you post is gossip, shit talk, ratchet rap lyrics, and pictures of Don Julio 1942 being poured in your mouth. Why? Because they see that all over the internet.
Originality is queen! The good thing about being original is that you don’t have to try; it’s natural. The problem is that the brand you’re trying to get across isn’t of someone who has a lot to say, you’re attempting to be “cool” and “savage.” You’re emulating the girl on your timeline with all the likes, you’re trying to talk like influencers or rappers, and it just makes you seem basic as fuck. Spoiler: high-quality men, don’t want someone who ends every sentence with PEROIDT and GANG… know who thinks that’s sexy, little Dirt-Dirt with two baby mamas.
You’re a classy woman, you’re educated, you’re well versed in multiple topics, and you’re funny as hell. Show that! Make jokes, ask questions, suggest books, your entire online persona should be a history of someone who seems cut from a different cloth, not proof that you’re Suzy SameShit. All those men that come across your picture will scroll through to scout your looks. The secret is that the pretty photo isn’t going to enamor them as much as being able to nod along or laugh at the things you’re writing or doing. In a world full of imitation, nothing hits harder than a woman that is genuinely different!
I want you to do an exercise to test how personable your brand is. The next picture you post, no matter if it’s on IG, Twitter, or FB, pose it in the form of a question. For example, do I look better in the red or blue, should I cut my hair or keep it this length? Numerous men are dying to start a conversation with you, and you are blind to it because you’re not interactive. Pose a question and respond with charm to those men who give an opinion. You don’t have to flirt, a simple “thank you for that” or “Really?” reinforces that you’re not mean and if the man is bold that will give him the green light to reach out to you privately, or start to correspond with you more often instead of stalking. Test it out this week, and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.
The Makeup Isn’t Working The Way You Think
I usually leave makeup alone, as I think a lot of it looks good. But me watching as a married man who could care less what’s on your face is different from what a potential boyfriend is thinking. 10 out of 10 men who I’ve talked about this subject with HATE the way women wear makeup. There’s a reason why you get those “I like you better natural” comments. It’s not cap; it’s the reality of what makeup often means to men. It feels fake, it looks like an act, and it also comes with past baggage if a man was catfished. I introduced one of my little homies to this girl I knew, they were both around 19, and I thought they would vibe. Wrong! He texts me, “She’s phony without the makeup.” That’s harsh, but it’s the reality of how men talk behind your back.
Guys aren’t that stupid. They know why you’re using concealer and don’t mind, they like the lipstick or gloss, and eyeshadow never hurt anyone. What’s happened over the past five years is that a lot of women are going for the full face looks, and half of them can’t even apply it right, so it comes off looking like clown shit. “I’m doing it for me!” Hush Basica, if you were doing it for you, it would stay on your phone or the group chat. You’re single, and you’re trying to lure in men. There’s nothing wrong with beauty gimmicks, but the problem is you don’t actually know men want.
No one wants a woman whose entire social media or dating app pictures look like a club promo flyer! Are you trying to date or get booked by Vogue? No man wants to be a date and realize that you still feel a need to do a full face of makeup just to go bowling. Your use of makeup probably has zero to do with insecurity or skin issues, it’s just fun, but I’m spilling some man secrets on the things they tell me, and it’s hurting more of you than it’s helping when it comes to not getting a second date.
Recently a woman who I advise told me that she redid her IG, no more fancy pictures, just candid shots of her cooking or working out. It resulted in a bunch of new men trying to take her out and an old trick sending her an email of his bank account. She reverse-engineered her IG to tap into the feminine prowess of “I’m just a down to earth woman that loves to cook,” and it got her way more attention than the glossy professional photos. How can something as simple as being natural trump the gloss of a well beat face? Because men are scared they’re not getting the real you, they’re nervous that you’re too high maintenance as if that’s full face will be a daily routine, or you invoke feelings of all the groupies who do the same things trying to land a baller. Look around your feed; the internet is a parody! To do the opposite of what the rest are doing puts a spotlight on you.
Simply put, a woman’s face doesn’t need to be blemish-free, void of acne scars, freckles, or need a visual trick to make her nose not look as big. Often having a fresh face makes you look younger and gives normalcy to your vibe. That’s what so many guys want, normal, not Oscar Night glamor. Get dolled up for your night outs, take your pictures and show out, but have some balance. Show off how you look, no filter, no tricks, and allow those men to see you in all facets so there won’t be any “what does that look like without the wig, lashes, and bronzer,” concerns.
Sexy doesn’t have to be Thotty:
The men who watch you, are they enjoying you as eye candy or are they falling in love with your persona? If you don’t know the difference, then you’re losing. What does your social media say about you? Are you goofy? Are you down to earth? Or is it just some show where you’re trying to flex like you’re an influencer? If you don’t have a model brand that’s bringing in income to your social media, then why are you trying to compete with the Kylie’s, Ari’s, or Chyna’s? When you’re in the public eye, you do shock photos, you have to party all the time, and you must be ultra-creative with the outfits, this often translates to overly sexualized photos. That’s a niche for a particular section of women that make their living that way. You’re not them. We talked above about parody. You can’t out sex the internet thinking that ass and titties alone will get the attention you want. Yes, you’ll get attention if you’re holding your nude breast or twerking your ass, but guess who’s going to be in your inbox? Perverts asking to impregnate you or D-List athletes and celebrities trying to prostitute you. I’ve read so many screengrabs, from low-level men to movie stars, and trying to be overly sexy does send the wrong message. You can get mad that such and such is coming at you like a ho, or you can learn the strategy that women versed in seduction use, less is often more.
There’s an art to showing off your beauty. Bikini pics are natural, and you’re not trying when you do that. Mirror pics of your outfit are humble brags. Exercise picks give you an organic way to show off your butt. The moment you feel a need to bend over, push up, or arch your back on a bed, it smells desperate. Some of you have men that always watch your stories or snaps, and you feel a need to always show out like a party girl or a girl doing big things, but does there is nothing feminine about most of the things you’re doing in your stories. You can take shots, and you can give lap dances, and you can twerk at the brunch party…nice. But that isn’t going to get someone to reach out to date you. The result of doing too much is that you’re going to be painted with the thot brush. That’s good for selling Only Fans subscriptions, bad for trying to get a high-quality man to reach out for a conversation more profound than “do you do fly outs?”
Again, it’s all in your branding. The internet should be fun, but it’s also a huge research factor when dating. Even if you meet him offline, he’s going to ask for your social media or hunt it down. He’s going to go through every picture and watch every story. Why aren’t you getting asked out again? Because the real you conflicts with the internet actions, and that makes the man think you’re just a ho trying to play him, you have a bunch of men in your DMs and all kinds of things that aren’t true. They approach differently if the image is consistent and classy. Don’t try to keep up with the girls who are getting a gazillion likes to the point where you compromise your integrity.
Showcase Your Personal Sexy
What’s the balance of being sexy enough to get the proper attention without being boring? Always dress to impress yourself. You know what your body looks good in. As we take your brand off the internet and the world of static photos, the way you dress will directly influence the rate at which you’re approached. It doesn’t matter if you only go outside to go to Target or work; there’s always an opportunity for a random meeting that can change your life. When it comes to “how did you two meet” the stories of men who stop a woman randomly because of what she was wearing is at the top. It’s the reason I approached my wife in the supermarket, her hair was freshly done, her little crop top was fitted, and she was oozing sex appeal without trying. Men don’t need much to thirst over, so again, it’s not about clubwear. It’s about everyday wear being the Spartan armor that makes you feel sexy, which then translates to being sexy in the eyes of every man that passes by.
One of my original rules is that a woman should never be dressed like its laundry day. If dudes are rocking jeans and t-shirts that are tighter than yours, you need to reevaluate your fashion choices. I don’t care if you’re going to the store to grab a loaf of bread and some Playtex gentle glides, show the fuck off. Basicas say shit like, “it doesn’t matter what I wear. They are going to be on me.” Then why the hell are you single and still fucking your ex-boyfriend from a year ago? Because you walk around wearing the type of clothes bad bitches paint in. Show some cleavage, buy some pants that hug your ass, dare to throw some Nair on those rough ass legs, and rock a skirt for a change.
Unlike the internet, going out in public is a one time chance to catch that new eye, so it’s okay to be a little sexier than usual. I repeat you know what looks good for your body type. You’re not too short too tall too small or too big, your body type can and will get attention from men if you highlight the positives and embrace your inner goddess each time you leave the house. Trust, me I’ve preached this for years, and women are amazed at how feeling sexy really translates to being approached more. The secret is, it’s not the clothes, it’s the energy. Your mind goes from, “I never meet anyone,” to “I’m looking good,” every time you catch your reflection in the mirror. That’s what I need you all to tap into. Positive inner thoughts will always lead o positive outer results.
Soften Your Face Raise Your Vibration
If you walk around with the same expression you have when taking a shit, you have a problem. I don’t care how pretty you are; no man wants to start a conversation with a woman that looks eternally constipated. Most guys aren’t willing to walk up to a chick that has that ‘first time having anal sex’ expression, so they keep walking. Women hate hearing “you should smile more,” but let’s pause the “misogyny” game for a second. Women are artwork. You are a masterpiece. To be angry, mean, or bothered wrinkles that art. When a woman laughs or smiles, it’s like shining a light on her face. It’s contagious, it jolts those looking at you, and warms them up to speak. Yes, walking around smiling is crazy and random. The trick to using your feminine energy isn’t to fake a smile in your pictures or grin when you’re in line at the store; it’s to be silently powerful.
When you feel powerful when you feel like you’re winning at life, what do you naturally do? You soften. Your shoulders aren’t tense, your eyebrows aren’t slanted inward, you’re at peace in power. Now take that feeling and walk outside during your normal chores or routines. You will naturally beam. When you do catch someone’s eyes, you will naturally smile the same way you do when you see a cute baby. A Spartan’s mastery of her power allows her to drop the field of “leave me alone,” and pull people into that glow that comes from being high vibrational. It’s not just a smile; it’s a magnet!
Negativity rests in many of you throughout the day. You’re mad at the news, mad at a friend, mad about work stuff, that anger comes from you not feeling in control of your life. Calm yourself, live in the NOW, and in that now, you can’t control anything but your current mood. Silent Power! Feel that, walk with it, take pictures with it, and you will see how men, women, and opportunities all migrate towards you. Test it out. You’re going to be pleasantly surprised at the results.
Put The Phone Down
Women are on the phone because they don’t want some random bothering them… but at the same time, they’ll ask a woman with a wonderful boyfriend, “where did you find him?” What’s the point of building this brand of a sexy goddess when you’re going to hide the billboard behind a tree? When men see you in public or spot you at an event, they have to think if you’re worth the risk. How many times have I told you that men with options don’t like to put themselves on the line to get rejected? The same way you don’t want to speak first, a man doesn’t want to speak either without at least an indicator that you’re not going to shoot him down. Fucking your phone tells him, “I don’t want to be bothered,” and he’ll second guess his choice to speak, justify his actions as not wanting to be rude, and go about his day.
Put the phone down, take the earbuds out, leave in the now of normal life without the distraction of other people or things. You have all day and night to go home and play with your phone. If you’re too shy to live in your own skin without a distraction, then you’re never going to pull people to you.
The Art of The Eye Fuck
I’ll end on something I first wrote about in Solving Single: The Eye Fuck. This is the most important tool for women who don’t want to officially make the first move. Eye contact is important, but a lot of girls don’t know how to properly eye fuck. Looking at someone and looking at someone you want to talk to are two entirely different glances. If you’re shy, you probably look away often, as you don’t want people looking at you. If you’re trying to come off as unimpressed and cool, then you most likely give a man you’re interested in a poker face. What the fuck is the point of any of that? “I don’t want him to know I like him,” are you 12? You can snatch a man’s soul in an instant with the right eye contact, which is why I always push for you to practice and master this step. You automatically eye fuck a person from a distance because they can’t see you. But can you do it when they’re 10 feet away or next to you? Pornstars, the pro ones, not the ones fucking on a GoPro, have the best eye contact. Watch one of them give head and look up. She’s acting; she’s getting across her want for more through the eyes alone. That’s the emotion you tap into; I would suck the soul out of you. Think this as you practice in the mirror, you’ll see that to really feel that way, creates a different gleam and focus in the eye, then the normal “I think he’s cute” playful glance.
The next time you see a guy you’re interested in, no matter where you are, initiate eye contact. Wait until his eyes lock with yours. Hold it for three seconds. The hardest thing about eye contact is the turn away. It’s always abrupt, and you don’t want him to be the one to break it first. At the three-second mark, bite your lip slightly, men have oral fixations, so this takes his eyes off your eyes and shifts focus to your mouth. Now that he’s looking at your lips, smile and find something else to look at. Now he’s looking at you, he’s waiting for you to look back at him, but you don’t have to. What you just did was tattoo his brain. Now he has the confidence to talk to you because you gave him an unmistakable signal. If he’s interested, he’s going to come over and talk to you—guaranteed.
The Spartan Billboard
Live your life knowing that you’re a billboard no matter if you want to be or not. Men are constantly looking at you in public, scrolling your pics online, or inquiring about you if they’ve met you before. You can’t control the attention. What I want you to get into the habit of is controlling the narrative. Stop stumbling through life. Be strategic! What you wear should be sexy and invoke your personality, the things you talk about or post should be enticing and give peek into your brain, and above all else the mindset you walk around with should be in tune with the fact that you have power over men. Instead of crossing your arms and just waiting, ease up. Be conscious of your body language, aim with your eyes, and feel that charge of being a woman and you will always manifest what you want to come to you. These are easy steps that will lead to you collecting man after men to point where you’ll never have to ask the asinine questions of “where do I meet the good ones,” there are everywhere in Sparta! Now go step your game up and attract a damn date!