You’re together, but not together. You say you’re single, but you don’t seriously entertain anyone but them. They drop I Love You, but won’t claim you. To top it off you have some kind of unwritten rule that you’ll only have sex with one another. Who would ever sign up for this half-ass part-time bullshit? A lot of women, apparently. He’s in his bag, you’re in your bag and there’s no time for love, so it is what it is… until it gets a lot deeper and you drown in feelings that you never meant to catch.
It’s hard not to catch feelings if you’re texting a guy daily, seeing him weekly, and he’s saying all the right things. You don’t want to stay on the dating apps, you think you found THE ONE. You don’t want to take a new number or respond to some random’s DM, again you think you found THE ONE. Rotational dating is a waste of energy, because you would rather see how this guy works out. This is how dating multiple men fails in real life as 75% of the women who email with me on a monthly basis never do this step correctly. Instead they fall fast and hard for a dude who says “you’re my girl, not my girlfriend” hoping you remain faithful to a non-title while he can remain community dick. Falling in love is an eruption, a magical escalation as you two grow together, not a series of “You cool enough to fuck, but not really be with,” dates! Right now, someone is crying over a man that’s not their man. They’re waiting for a text back, going through horrible anxiety, and confused as fuck as to why a person they are not officially with, has so much power.
For those women who don’t catch feelings, good job! Keep getting money, dick, or attention out of these fools. This article isn’t for you. Today I want to dive into non-official relationships from the male POV. Yes, there are a lot of guys who catch feelings too and even go simp wild when a woman won’t give him the title, but there is a much larger number of men who make a career out of stringing women along by treating them like girlfriends but not affirming it. These types of males will never change their methods, it works too well, so the solution is for you to take back control of your heart. If you’re currently in your feelings you need to play close attention as I go through:
Women Who Are Waiting For Men To Upgrade Them Romantically
Women Who Fall In Love With Wealthy or Popular Guys
Women Who Are Deep Into Dating But Still Aren’t Being Claimed
How Men Separate Strong Women From Weak Bitches
“I guess he found a girlfriend, he posted her the other day,” is a message I received from a reader who I told repeatedly to walk away from this guy who said he loved her but refused to claim her on any level. Within a month of them not talking, here this man was putting a new girl on his Instagram page. Why? Because it only took him weeks to see that the new woman was his Game Changer and the old one was always a placeholder. You’re not going to make it to IG his page, let alone to his last name, if he has already decided your value is limited.
Why do men do things like this in the first place? Why not do it? A loyal, cool, submissive woman who comes to fuck you when you want and would bring you soup if you were sick, that’s better than one and done sex with local ratchets every other week. Consistent pussy that doesn’t come with the girlfriend stress, think about that. Not all women will fall for this, and like in the my reader’s story, the moment a woman stands up and says “no benefits without a relationship” a man either falls in line or runs away. This is why some of you spend months with guys waiting while other women get asked to be official instantly, it’s a matter of vocalizing your standards. Think about your own life and how vocal you are about commitment, have you been the trophy that made demands or have you been merely a tool to be used?
The male thought process: “She looks good, I’m going to go after that.” There is no master plan or grand strategy at the inception of meeting any woman. It’s all a feeling out process. Are you cool? Do you have an attitude? Are you accessible schedule wise? Once a man bags you, meaning gets your number, goes on a date, and can now assume that you’re feeling him, he tries to fit you into a box, wifey or pussy. Lust can confuse these feelings. Every pretty woman can feel like a Game Changer the first few weeks, because we’re thinking with our dicks. Assumption is your enemy. You assume because his dating app said he was looking for something real, it’s true. You assume because he’s giving you compliments, and talking about a future with you early on, he wants something deep. There are even men who don’t say a word about what they want, they just make you feel special, so you assume that’s proof that he’s looking for more out of you. That’s all bullshit. You can’t assume anything!
Some men are predators who lie because that’s all they know and they’ll basically ask what you’re looking for and mimic that for as long as it takes to win you over. Some guys are genuine, they’ll tell you they aren’t looking to get back in a relationship, they already have a situation with someone else, or they don’t do relationships at all. There is a final category, men who don’t even know what they want because they truly don’t care one way or the other. How a woman responds to these three types of men once this question or conversation topic is brought up determines everything.
Conviction = I hear what you want but here is what I want.
Indecision = I know what I want, but I don’t want to turn you off if that’s not what you want, so I guess I want whatever you do.
Women who date with conviction, no matter if they want a relationship or want something casual have a certain power. You can always tell how strong a woman’s conviction is because she doesn’t tell you, she proclaims. For example, a lot of women say no sex before a relationship, but when push comes to shove, those legs throw back into a peace sign. A woman with conviction gets tested, plays along, but stops herself and reminds him, that’s not happening. A man bags, pleads, but she can’t be moved. At that moment, she’s already passed the test that the last 7 women he’s slept with failed. From there respect is established, doesn’t mean he’ll change or behave himself, but the foundation of something deep begins to form based on that kind of conviction.
Women who date indecisively want to be liked, so they play follow the leader. Yes, they’ll throw in things such as, “I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with the right person,” to give the man the hint that she’s not against it but that shot is a Styrofoam bullet. Men swat that shit away and proceed to run over her with what he wants.
Let’s focus on those of you who date with indecision. You say you don’t know what you want, but if I were to ask you face to face you would tell me, that you want the traditional dream, a man who only has eyes for you, that claims you, and loves you for life. Yet, you’re currently out here dating far away from that dream for fear that you won’t get it. In your mind, happiness with men is something you need to earn by being loyal even before a commitment is made. This, beloved, is why you’ve been fucked over in the past and will be fucked over in the future.
“But G.L., I didn’t want anything serious, I swear, he’s the one that kept talking that love stuff and saying we should be exclusive.” Oh, Basica, here you go acting as if you don’t have free will. Do you blame the salesmen for telling you how sexy you look on a motorcycle or do you blame yourself for buying a fucking motorcycle when you were really shopping for a car? Your IQ is bigger than your shoe size so save that victim shit. If you were trying to protect your heart from a serious relationship you would have kept him at a distance, been out dating other men as well, and only talking to him when it suited you. Instead of continuing to be single, you let a wolf in sheep’s clothing tell you that you’re pretty, put the tip in, and expose you for the lonely love-sick woman that you are. And now here you are, unsure of what he wants from you, trying to hide what you want from him, and stressed because you don’t know what you should do next.
I’ve talked to thousands of women who have the same exact story. Meet a guy, start talking romantically, have sex, wait around for him to decide what it’s going to be. Why are you letting these men decide your relationship status? Why are you putting yourself on the shelf for zero return on your investment? That’s right, because you THINK you need him. “Ain’t no ring on my finger, so I can do what I want” …on paper, but in reality you are choosing to be controlled. It’s not your pussy, it’s his pussy, and all he has to do to keep it is show up and give you enough attention to make you think it’s headed in the right direction.
Guy: You know I fuck with you heavy, but I’m just doing me right now.
Girl: I’m not looking for a man, so don’t even trip.
*Two Months Later*
Girl: So what’s going on with us?
Guy: Whatchu mean?
Girl: Whatchu mean, what I mean? You know what? Fuck this!
*Girl walks storms out. Spends all night listening to Jhené Aiko “Back On My Bullshit,” convinces herself she’s done with love and about to be a savage… next morning he still hasn’t texted.”
Girl texts: Did you still want me to come over tonight?
Guy texts back: IDC. Come Thru.
And that’s how easy it is to keep a girl on your dick. Men will never change because it’s too easy to keep pussy on the leash. Who needs a title, she’s given herself one while he’s still single. Ladies, throwing fits never work in terms of changing a man’s mind. As men we already know you were full of shit when you said you didn’t want anything serious. The male ego makes every man think he’s the GOAT. “She’s saying that now, but once I lay this dick, hook her with these jokes, and have her living life by my side she’s going to fall in love.”
A man doesn’t have to be looking for a serious relationship in order to go hard, date you at a high level, and love bomb you. Men like to chase more than they like to catch, so breaking a woman down via dating and treatment is less about her and more about the male ego. What happens when you tell a guy that you don’t want anything serious either? It challenges his inflated ego! That’s like telling Bobby Flay you’re not really hungry but you’ll have a little bit of his food. The chef is going to make you crave more by pulling out all the seasonings. Pressure busts pipes! When you try to play as if you’re just as emotionally unavailable as the males, savvy men expose you as a liar. He knows you’re not a savage, you’re a princess who had her little heart broke and is now trying on a new mask. Weak hearts and sensitive souls aren’t built for situationships, yet here you are trying to be brave… and here he goes slowly but surely doing all these sweet and charming things to drop your guard.
“How could I not fall in love? He was doing things that even my boyfriends didn’t do” DUH! HE HAS SOMETHING TO PROVE TO YOU AND HIMSELF, WHICH IS THAT HE HAS THE SAUCE TO MAKE YOU THIRST AFTER HIM.
Remember, exclusive but not official women are way more fun than one night stand ones. As men we can train them, mold them, and it all comes without any commitment that prevents us from going after new women. To go out and find new pussy after new pussy week after week is exhausting and stressful. It’s always better for a man to have a roster or at least one loyal fool who can be his trusted companion. The difference between a woman who roster dates and a man who roster dates is that the man is having sex with everything that let’s him hit. Men are sluts. But think about that from the standpoint of your emotions. It’s been 3 weeks and you really like him, you’re over his place, sex happens, and now you’re waiting to see how he changes. He doesn’t change, it’s normal. He sees you, he sleeps with you, but you can’t call him anything other than “Friend”. Your friend has other “friends” and that hurts that no matter what he says he’s not going to cut those other women off. You can’t say anything about this, you can go date other men do…but you’re not fucking them. Now the paranoia sets in, here you are exclusively busting your pussy over for a man who is casually slinging that same dick into whatever woman he feels like that day.
I know successful sugar babies and ho’fessionals who know how to keep the line between romance and finance clear. I also know women who fuck their tricks for dinners and shoe money because they don’t really care about the money, they want love, they want a boyfriend. There are normal girls who date wealthy men and go full blown Pick Me, just to prove that it’s not about his money. Neither of these ladies get what they set out for because they don’t understand the mindset of a man who loves the single life.
Athletes, musicians, or even under the radar men with wealth love the idea of having a harem of bitches. One is his young freak, the other is his therapist, the other is like his sister. These men have a handful of women that serve purposes in their lives that he doesn’t want to live without. “Don’t you get tired of just fucking random girls,” you’re missing the point. It’s no longer random, it’s a team of familiar women that he rotates. When one gets boring or reaches her limit he brings a new one in. Why would a man with this mentality ever want to settle down? He has friendship, companionship, and it’s all void of the drama that comes with labels. Trying to slide a guy like this into the role of your official man is like pushing a 800 pound fucking rock up a hill. He’s not going to budge because he’s comfortable in his freedom. “I’m worth cutting off those other women,” No, you’re not. You’re worth getting more time during the week than them. You may hear stories, meet family, and see sides of him they don’t see, but those other women aren’t going anywhere.
A man having money makes it harder to leave because they spoil and they make up for lost time in extravagant ways. If you’re using Ho Tactics, these kinds of men are easy marks, but if you’re a softy and just want a man to call your own, the materialistic shit stops working after awhile. Still, even after you get sick of the status quo, you won’t leave. Who else is going to show you that kind of love and support… is the counter your mind slips in. There’s no one else out here as good… is the reinforcement your mind hammers in. Stay until it makes sense to leave… is the final nail that keeps you in the placeholder position.
It doesn’t matter if he’s a hedge fund geek or a hustle in the street goon, the true reason you never leave is hope. The whiplash from blitzing you with love and treatment, then reminding you that nothing is official creates hope that you can upgrade this relationship. You believe that he loves you. You believe that you can wait out or fix whatever excuse he’s giving you. And you believe that the nuclear option of threatening to walk away will make him cave in. Of course it doesn’t, because men understand that women hate starting over!
Most of you run back and forth to the same 2 or 3 people for most of your 20s into your 30s. Recycling people who’ve never truly made you happy, because you either think they’ll change or you’re too lazy to step outside of your comfort zone. All this time you’ve been given on earth and all these lessons you’ve learned about how to be successful, and you still chose to make the same mistakes with the same people. If that isn’t insanity I don’t know what is…
If You Want Sex Have Sex
Beloved, if you just want sex from a guy it’s this easy, “Come over tonight”. You don’t want to be that forward because then that guy will think you’re a freak. Wait. I thought you were this progressive woman who didn’t want a relationship, so why are you worrying about the opinions of someone whose beard you just wanted to wet? You don’t want to come off like a slut, so you act like you’re not just trying to fuck even though you are just trying to fuck. Huh? Doc Brown explaining time travel makes more sense than the madness of women pretending they aren’t looking for love.
This is why guys ghost your ass. They don’t think you’re worth the trouble and are observing early on that you are filled with confusing actions and double talk. You don’t mean what you say or say what you mean, thus your vibe comes off as weird and chaotic. You’re the real life version of deleting DMs moments after you send them. You overthink everything because you’re mentally weak and unsure about how you may come off. “Bro, she’s a weirdo,” that’s what men say about women like you. Yeah we’ll smash that pussy to smithereens, but once you cross that weirdo line you will never ever be considered wifey material.
Casual sex can be had, and is being had by women who truly enjoy not having strings, but your idea of casual sex is: Can’t be a one night stand. Let’s get on a weekly schedule. We don’t have to have sex every time, I want to just chill sometimes. You want a friendship, not a fuck! You can call a duck a dog all you want, but at the end of the day that motherfucker still quacks. Being exclusive but single is the dumbest relationship status ever created. Bitch, you want a man, not a dildo, so just admit it! Label it whatever, but you’re still engaging in something serious and putting the same pressure on each other as a real relationship. You know his Mom, let him go raw, and are afraid to even like another dude’s pics on IG because you would feel bad– sounds like you need to redefine serious. In the end, someone always gets hurt because you don’t need an official title to catch official feelings.
If You Want Love, Get Love
I’m not insensitive to the battle going on in your head. There are so many “I need a male perspective,” or “Do guys really think like this,” questions being asked on social media because for those women who didn’t have fathers or brothers or older mentors, it’s hard to know what to do in order to attract and hook someone you really like. You assume guys like “cool girls” who don’t stress and who come off as down for whatever. You assume that you can just nice, loyal, or submit your way into a man’s heart. Baby doll, few men appreciate or upgrade a woman based on her being “a real one”.
In this world you have to SPEAK THE FUCK UP about what you want and be strong enough to handle the reaction. If you caught feelings a long time ago or if you’re currently catching feelings. Claim the relationship you want by having a talk about where you want to take it. Not a demand, not an ultimatum, and not an argument because he just hurt your feelings. Adults don’t wait until the bad times to bring up what’s bothering them.
“My friend’s cousins co-worker started off casual and they’re married now.” Shut your silly ass up with your basic exceptions. Do you want to keep hoping that you’ll be the 2 out of 10 women who gets a “I guess we go together” relationship or are you going to be a fucking Spartan and demand what you want?
You think Alicia Keys met Swizz Beatz and was like, “Keep working things out with your wife, I don’t want a relationship, I’m just trying to be friends with benefits and not stress you”. Hell no, Alicia set the rules and Swizzy broke a world record sprinting out of Mashonda’s coochie because she was worth it. You are worth it too! Stop giving away Promo Codes for your pussy because you’re lonely. Any woman who knows her value doesn’t need to undersell herself in order to lure a man. If a Spartan decides that she’s through being fuck buddies and wants her friend as her man, she plants her flag in his dick, then tells him to leave it there or get the fuck out. C.O.N.T.R.O.L! You hold the pussy so you control the situation, always. Stop getting gassed by these guys who tell you, “You’re mad cool, every girl should be like you” because I bet that same clown who feeds you that cool shit, hasn’t made you his girlfriend. What he’s really saying is, “You’re mad dumb, every girl should be like you because I don’t have to put in any work”.
It’s okay to embrace your romantic side and be a girly girl in the 21st century who still sees marriage as a huge part of her end goal. Don’t pray for love, don’t visualize love, then tell the next person you meet you’re focused on securing your bag and don’t want anything deep. The universe knows when you’re lying.
How To Break Free
Are you a stop along the way, or are you the fucking destination? Stop having these practice relationships and be true to yourself! There is no backdoor into a relationship, so go through the front by laying your expectations out there the moment you start to like him. I’m not looking to jump into a relationship, but I’m open to one. That’s authentic. If you’re currently stuck and don’t know if you should stay or leave, then remember this, there is nothing to LEAVE, you two aren’t anything, you have no ties. It’s not about leaving it’s about living. You stopped living your life for someone who wanted to rent not own. Those days are over. Spartan Up!