“G.L. could you PLEAZ talk about how men fake feelings? I’ve been with this man since last July of the pandemic and he finally confesses he moved to fast and wants to slow it down A YEAR LATER. I’m not dumb, and I’m not alone as my co-worker told me that something happened to her, but she was engaged at the time. My guess is that most men do this to women on the regular and are super fake and unsure of what they want, which is nothing. I really think that faking feelings is good topic.”
Do men fake feelings or do you read too much into their actions? What does it take to make you exclusive? What does it take to make you agree to be his girl? What does it take to accept a marriage proposal? All it takes is a man to ask, and so many of you rip off your Spartan armor and reveal yourselves as Basicas thirsty to say “Yes! You can have me based on basic ass treatment”.
8 out of 10 men you meet DO NOT WANT YOU… but they will play along for a very long time as if they do. These guys see you as “okay” and when a man is lazy he’s on the hunt for a girl like you who’s low maintenance and starved for affection. I know that hurts your ego, but you need to hear that so you can do better! Don’t sit there and talk about how great your intuition is when your life story is filled with examples of you being used, confused, or heartbroken. If you were so fucking amazing at discerning the male agenda, you would be winning right now when it comes to love.
The moment a guy takes you out and texts you “good morning” you’re swinging from his dick and missing all kinds of red flags. You never stop to think about his true agenda, let alone vet him at a high level. Why? Because you don’t know how men think, you assume, you pretend, and you talk a big game, but there are so many pieces you’re missing!
Today I’m going to break down the mind of men and why they settle in the first place. There are women who we, as men, see as trophies… then there’s women who we see as something to do or “safe options” to settle down with or start a family. Being the safe option never lasts. There has never been a man in the history of settling who doesn’t eventually grow bored. You THOUGHT you were his “everything” or “soul mate” only to get blindsided with the fact that you didn’t mean as much as he led you to believe.
Some of you start off as “Wifey Types” but begin to do insecure things that make a man see you as less than what he did those first few months. Sure, he’ll keep you around, but the feelings, the energy, the chemistry has leaked out, and now here you are just something to do, no longer that prize.
If you’re ready to finally open your eyes to male games and also look at your own actions to truly attract and inspire high quality men who actually want you for life, not just until they can do better, then clear your mind and let’s begin…
Why Low Maintenance Women Get Chose
Low-Hanging Fruit: A woman that's easy to attain with minimal effort.
Why do men deal with Pick Me’s and other weak types as opposed to strong empowered women? Simple, that man who you consider to be Top Shelf, isn’t… Emotionally he wants a fast-food bitch until he’s mentally ready to date 5 Star women. That high powered attorney can date any woman he wants, yet he goes for a woman who you say “isn’t that cute” or who is unemployed because she doesn’t require the bandwidth that you do. Pay attention to where a man is in his life. When a guy is rebounding from a breakup, he needs something safe and predictable. When a guy gets rejected or ghosted by a woman he wants, he needs a new option who is easy to attain and won’t hurt him. When a man is depressed or stressed about his career, he needs stress free companionship who can submit and make him feel like a king. Men choose partners based on where there own ego or self-esteem is at that moment.
Instead of picking himself up and going after the type of women he usually chases, he changes his strategy and aims lower. That weird shy girl at work finally gets asked out. That friend of a family member who he didn’t think was that pretty finally gets flirted with. That plus-sized woman or the girl with kids gets moved onto his roster. Why? Because men stereotype women based on looks and personality. These types tend to be starved for high-value men, and in his mind they will be easy to manage.
If you’re a high value woman why are you even worried about Pick Me women and who they’re pulling? Because you are thirsty for the level of men they seem to easily get. You want that same attention, but recognize that those women aren’t winning, they’re just getting settled for. Women with low standards and zero boundaries are jokes to men. Him putting his dick in her doesn’t equate to love. To submit to a man who only sees you as an ego stroke or as low-hanging fruit that can make him feel powerful guarantees that you will never earn his respect or love. Sure he’ll have “love for you,” but he won’t be in love because there is no passion in a slave relationship, only the love of obedience.
Are you low-hanging fruit?
Of course you’re going to say “hell no” but look at your life. Some of you are super easy to date, you don’t make demands, you don’t mind going over his house, you’re down for whatever. Men love that shit. They want to see you all the time, because you’re chill as fuck unlike these other women who demand more than Ubereats and Disney+. Eventually you realize that you’re not getting your worth and mention to him a place you want to go, and what happens… “Um, I’m busy this week, maybe next time.” As long as you remain low maintenance, that man will keep dating you because dating you is easy. The moment you try to Spartan up, he starts to distance himself from you because he’s not after a girlfriend, he’s after a woman who will submit to him and let him do what he wants. So many of you remain low maintenance because you’re afraid to risk the dick. All of the advice I give can literally change your life, but you’re scared to take it because that little voice in your head whispers, “what if he stops wanting me” SPOILER ALERT, he never wanted you from the beginning, princess!
Silly Basica, you still think male attention and lust is the goal because your life revolves external love. Fuck that. Respect must be established before you even think of giving these clowns your heart! These men will chase you out of lust, they may even get into a relationship out of convivence, but they think of you as a pet not a partner. They can cheat on you and not have to worry about you leaving. They can verbally abuse you and not have to worry about you breaking up. They can get you pregnant and leave you hanging, and you’ll still run back trying to have another kid with them. You’re not stupid, but you are weak and brainwashed. “I can’t do better than him” is how low vibrational women think, and too many of you ARE low vibrational… you just don’t admit it. You would rather be that woman he settled for than be single and alone. You would rather try to change a man who can never be changed than start over. This is why your romantic life is shit, you’re ignorant to your own flaws! You know that he’s only with you until he finds something better or someone even more submissive and weak to exploit. Therefore, before you cry about predatory men or narcissists, ask yourself WHY you’re allowing these guys to enter and then stay in your life in the first place. The truth is you only know how to be easy; you don’t know what power feels like because you’re not used to standing up to men, pushing back, setting standards, and letting go the moment they show you that they’re not looking for love, just obedience.
The next time you date a man, ask yourself, “Why is he after me?” The next time you agree to a date, ask yourself, “Is this a date that shows value, or is he fitting me in?” You don’t want to believe that you’re the Pick Me girl, but you may be. You may not be low-hanging fruit in your own mind, but have you actually observed your actions? Are you overly shy? Are you way too into this guy to the point where you pick up every time he calls and sees him everything he asks? Are you quick to forgive? Look at your life, the past and present, and you’ll see times when you did the most in pursuit of a man’s love. Realize that the goal isn’t to get men to like you. It’s to get quality men to fall in love with you. Stop trying to get along with these guys and stop being groupies because he looks better than your exes or has more power and success than you have. Spartans have standards and set boundaries that buckle for no man!
Why Men Fall Out Of Lust, Like, or Love With You
Ladies, if you brought so much to the table, you wouldn’t be single right now or constantly dealing with fuck boys. I’m not telling you anything you don’t already think! This is a safe space where you can be honest about your real life so I can help you. No matter how you look or what you have, you have issues that come out the deeper you get into a relationship.
Childhood trauma, trust issues, attitude problems, depression, anxiety, and a head full of secrets that you don’t tell anyone about because you’re afraid to be judged. You may be beautiful on the surface, but internally you’re an ugly mess. How long can you date until your true nature comes out? Some of you can wear that “I’m strong” mask for months, while others can only keep it together until you’re tested. When a man doesn’t call or text for a day, you explode and show your true colors as a paranoid bipolar train wreck. Let a man treat you too nice and watch how fast that triggers your “I don’t deserve someone so nice” impostor syndrome. And let’s not start on how you like to create fantasies in your own head about what he’s doing wrong or what other women he’s after based on your own fucked up imagination. What QUALITY man wants a woman that’s over 25 and can’t communicate like an adult and who is controlled by her past demons? None of them! They stick around until they’ve seen enough, and then they abandon your ass… just like the everyone else in your life. No adult should wait until they’re in a relationship or deep into the dating stage to realize they need therapy. You know what’s holding you back, so do something about it. Stop running from your trauma and stop expecting the people you date to fix you. Seek help so you can come with your shit together!
“But G.L., if a man loves me, he should want to help me work through these issues,” are you bad at reading or just that damn stubborn? Hiding your trauma and then exploding once you’re in a relationship doesn’t make a man want to hold your hand tighter it makes him wonder what other emotional issues you’re hiding. You’re a grown ass woman who can’t own up to her problems, fix that before you date! Men are used to women like you, which is why they date multiple women and take their time entering relationships. The more a man dates, the more he realizes that the prettiest women have the darkest secrets. “Why are you still single,” isn’t him flirting. It’s him worried that you are mentally unwell. You’re 27 and haunted by the shit that happened when you were in high school. No man is going to fix that!
The irony is that many of you get dates easily. It’s not hard to find a man who wants to take you out once or twice. The problem is that they ghost you after a few dates. You don’t know why… but if you think hard, the answer reveals itself. You say little things that snitch on yourself. Jealous women make certain statements. Control freaks make certain statements. Insecure women text certain things or can’t take certain jokes. These men who don’t want to play therapist or undo the damage another man did will ghost you or walk away after they get the pussy. Not because they don’t want anything serious, but because they don’t want anything serious with a woman showing signs of being emotionally unstable.
The other side of the fence is the toxic relationships that happen when a woman with all of this repressed trauma comes across a man who is also damaged. Some guys have savior complexes, so he won’t run away from you, he’ll put up with your crazy so long as you put up with his. I get these kinds of emails all the time, “We were together for 4 years because we couldn’t see how bad we were for each other,” No, Basica, you could see it, but you didn’t want to walk away because you were comfortable. Now here you are, finally free of that toxic relationship and back on the market, but you’re SCARED AS FUCK that these new men out there won’t have as much patience for you as your ex. That’s why so many of you run back to the same men. You know you’re damaged goods and don’t want to be exposed by these new men who think you have it all together.
Why Men See You As Second Place Pussy
Ms. Emotionally Scared: You’re holding onto past trauma and abuse. You spazz out for attention. You drink, smoke, or turn up too much. You can’t confront your demons, so you create this Them Vs. Me scenario to justify why you’re so savage. You’re not heartless or as hard as you pretend. You’re a scared little girl who doesn’t know how to heal. Predatory men feast on women like you because they know you’re attracted to drama and rejection.
Ms. I Don’t Deserve Love: No one ever poured the love into you that you crave, so you’re constantly doing the most to impress others and earn their affection. You fall fast and ride hard for those who wouldn’t even walk for you. When you meet a genuine man, you get anxious and sabotage it because you’re so used to chasing love that you don’t trust anyone who would unconditionally care about you. You believe you deserve to struggle which is why you always let the wrong men into your heart.
Ms. I Need To Match Him: You’re one of those self-loathing overachievers who hate these women who get spoiled for no reason. You feel a woman has to bring something to the table to get a high-value partner. The problem is you keep working, keep trying to reach the top, and don’t really date because you don’t think you deserve a relationship until you’re on Forbes. Bums and scammers feast on you because you don’t see these men as anything serious, but you fall for them anyway because you are overworked and starved for love. You’re the woman that wants to be in a power couple but ends up supporting men. You’re a walking contradiction, an educated fool who thinks she’s better than other women but ends up getting the bottom of the barrel men.
I can go on and on with the “type” you may be. The point is you’re not being passed up because all men are dogs or don’t know a good thing when they see it. You keep losing because, at your age, men are wise enough to label you as a Placeholder, not a Game Changer. No one will ever see you as 1st place until you dig into your past and destroy those things at the root of your insecurities. You need to work on yourself before you date. Not your bank account, not your looks, or any of the superficial shit. You need to mentally understand why you’re “something to do” and then do the work to mentally grow. “There’s nothing wrong with me. I am who I am. If you want me, accept it,” and that’s why you’ll fail at love forever. You will find men who fuck you but don’t want you. You’ll find men who get you pregnant but don’t want to marry you. You’ll get the ring only to realize that this man only married you out of guilt or his own low self-esteem. Do you want to waste your life being this miserable basic bitch who keeps pointing fingers? Let go of this victim mindset, sis!
No one is entitled to a “happy ending.” Until you become self-actualized enough to let go of your overblown ego and change your victim mindset, you will continue to manifest toxic and limiting relationships. You’re in purgatory, not ever works out for you, no one ever loves you—and guess who the cause is? You! You’re in a purgatory of your own making.
Why Men Stay With Women They Don’t Like
Jeff has been dating Jasmine for 6 weeks, the first two dates were amazing, and the last two were just okay. Jeff is starting to notice that Jasmine isn’t very patient, and she always texts, “whatever,” as if Jeff is lying about not being able to call or see her sometimes. At the same time, Jeff does like the fact that Jasmine is easygoing and accessible. She’s not one of these girls that wants the world, she’s cool with coming over to chill, and she doesn’t have a bunch of men blowing up her phone. Red flags tell Jeff that Jasmine has trust issues as she brought up how her ex cheated on her on three occasions. But a white flag for Jeff is that Jasmine doesn’t like how women today feel so entitled to things and feels that relationships should be equal. Moneywise, Jasmine isn’t the type that’s going to ask for things or make Jeff pay on dates (not that they go out). After a month, they finally had sex. Now they’ve gotten into a routine now where sex is had every time Jasmine comes over, and Jeff can tell that feelings are getting involved. Jasmine commented that “she doesn’t usually have sex with guys she’s not exclusive with,” and Jeff ignored her. Now Jasmine is being passive and is acting like she doesn’t want to come over this weekend.
Jeff doesn’t want to be with Jasmine. He likes her okay, but she’s not blowing him away. At the same time, Jeff doesn’t have any other good options in his phone, even though he’s been still swiping on the apps. It would be good to have consistent sex and have some company on weekends… what’s a man to do? Fuck it. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out. Jeff tells Jasmine he does want to be exclusive. For Jasmine, this means he’s in love, that Jeff sees something in her that’s special, and he’s ready to cut off all those other girls to be with her. Jasmine has no idea that Jeff only likes her about 70% and that she’s getting a man only because she’s submissive and convenient. This isn’t romance it’s just something to do.
This scenario happens all the time. Some of you are currently in a situation like this right now with a “Jeff” who barely likes you and can’t wait to trade up for something better. Ladies, understand that men are opportunistic. Free pussy, no money out of his pocket, and submissive companionship. That’s a win. Even if he has to deal with a passive attitude every now and then and walk on eggshells when he triggers your trauma, the good outweighs the bad. Jeff will only break up when he meets a woman who wants him, and for the most part, Jeff won’t meet a woman like this easily. That means months will pass and then years, and Jasmine and her friends will be like, “When are you getting married?” What was hassle-free pussy got REAL for Jeff, and he may even have to marry Jasmine to shut her up OR he may finally be true to himself and tell her that it’s not going to work out.
The moral is that when you don’t communicate properly and let males lead, you become a go-with-the-flow type of girl. When you don’t ask for anything or vet their intentions you can easily get sucked into a relationship with a man who doesn’t want you but loves how little effort it takes to keep you on his dick. Being “lowkey and chill” is not a vibe that will make you lovable, it’s a trait that will get you used! Men settle for the lazy option but crave a challenging woman. You know this, you see this, and your intuition screams “he doesn’t want us” but by the time most of you get to this point, it’s too late, you’re afraid to walk away.
How do you make sure you’re not being used or settled for? Easy! Actions reveal passion! Is this man dying to show you off, take you places, and figure out how your mind works? The guy you’re dating or talking to probably sees you whenever he feels like it, and he takes you to basic places he wants to go or nowhere at all. How is that “goals,” sis? Those conversations you call “deep” are just basic rants, chit-chat, and pillow talk, not him trying to open you up.
Figuring out if a man is truly into isn’t hard, but when you’re afraid to poke at the truth, then the steps I’ve written so far will never be done. You’re happy just “getting along” and growing on these clowns. We live in a world where men are scared to chase the trophies, where they settle for what’s in their face, and where the “nice girls” end up tossed to the side in favor of the more exciting option. You are grilled chicken, the safe option on his plate, but what he really wants is Lobster fucking mac, something rich and decadent. You can’t change who you are, you can’t try to fake a personality and win his heart. This man will never see you as more than bland and you know this. You deserve a guy that is crazy about you, who understands what you’ve been through, and wants to grow with you not exploit you. If you do the self work, and aren’t afraid to vet you can always find a man who wants you!
If you’re in the dating stage, read the room early, do the things I write about in Date Like A Spartan step by step to avoid this shit or you can even email me directly. If you’re currently in a dead-end relationship, then be strong enough to choose SELF and walk away. The point is you have options to improve your current situation! Be better than a consolation prize. If the vibe doesn’t feel like this man would move fucking mountains for you, then that’s not someone you give your time to, let alone heart.
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