I once received an email where a woman wanted me to create her online dating profile. I wrote everything up for her in a way that was witty and appealing… then she says “for picutures should I just use face shots, I don’t want them to see my body yet…” What the fuck do you mean “yet”? You can’t catfish your own dating profile and hope you drop 20 pounds before he asks you out. Men are abundant, thirsty, and easy to snatch. But insecurity has too many of you leading wit the wrong energy!
There was a recent internet debate sparked by a tweet that women should never weigh over 180 if they aren’t pregnant. We live in a world where some women don’t want to date because of their size, and it’s because of the damage that men do your self-esteem. Men sit back and laugh because they know it’s all one big mindfuck to humble you into submission. Knowing that men are ALL CAP why feed in to it? Why do women care what men think about their weight? “Because G.L., I need these men to fall in love with me so I can be happy!“
Zendaya skinny is going to find you love?
BBL hourglass is going to find you love?
Fitness competition hard is going to find you love?
The worst thing a woman can do is try to chase what a man says he wants instead of being who she is! Men wanting to fuck you based on having an ass minus the stomach isn’t the gateway to happiness. Starving yourself into a calorie deficet that makes you moody won’t stop you from getting ghosted. Men will lie online about what they like and don’t like, then go outside and continue to chase a variety of body types. Meanwhile confused women will try to fit into this perfect package and end up with body dysmorphia, health problems, surgery scars, and still not find a man who wants them for more than a turn.
Today, we need to talk about weight. I don’t care what age you are, what race you are, or if you’re the size of old Bebe Rexha or new Bebe Rexha, you need to understand the game, specifically the mind of men, when it comes to looks and the psychology behind losing weight before you date.
How To Make A Man Thirsty!
What’s the difference between thick and fat? Who decides when the PH replaces the F? The Answer is: Who gives a fuck. There is a debate in America over what’s attractive in a “thick way” and what’s unhealthy in an “obese” way. Think about the last time you got on a scale. If you had to put that weight on your forehead and walk around would you be proud or ashamed?
For the past century being curvy or volumptious has been a badge of honor in the black community. Black Americans of a certain diet mixed with certain genes are statistically more “stacked” and that look has created a lust within all types of men. Shapely isn’t seen as out of shape. With most things, these body types became apart of the culture. On one side there was Mainstream pretty, the Madonna, blonde, petite, goddess. That’s what was pushed in the 80s. In the 90s the Pam Anderson, still slender, but large fake breast became the staple. During the 21st century media wasn’t dictated by white men trying to force white women down everyone’s throat, it became diverse.
Suddenly the thickness that was always popular in black and Latino homes became a part of the wider culture. Remember when Kristie Alley famously proclaimed her love for Black men after she lost her Cheers figure. Lisa Lampanelli’s entire stand up is built around Black men wanting to do her because she’s 6 feet with wide hips. In the past ten years or so White women have used this notion of big is okay and not just in the Kim Kardashian fetish body part way. It’s not just about the curves, it’s okay to be wide, tall, and shapely in any form.
Look at yourself in the mirror. Think about your best feature. Okay. Got it? Now ask yourself what would your best feature be to a man if he saw you walking down the aisle at a Supermarket. Be honest. Now, does your best feature match the same feature you think men would like?
Most of you don’t really know how to answer that question because you don’t know what men think, just what you’ve heard men say. A man’s mouth doesn’t hold much weight because males contradict themselves daily. I’m going to break it down to you like this.
First with Science: “According to an evolutionary perspective, physical attractiveness functions as a cue of mate quality and reproductive value (Gangestad & Scheyd, 2005; Hume & Montgomerie, 2001;Gillian Rhodes, 2006; G. Rhodes, Simmons, & Peters, 2005; Thornhill & Gangestad, 1999). People have therefore evolved to pay attention to physically attractive individuals and seek them as partners. Aided by this advantage in the mating market, attractive people are expected to enjoy higher reproductive success.”
Next with Male Thirst: Men are always on the lookout for traits that subconciously point to a woman being a healthy reproductive mate. No, not every man wants to have a baby with you, but our DNA is hardcoded to always look for those things that have always lined up with child bearing. Hips, as you have to spread to carry a child. Breast, as that’s the food source. Smell, as that’s how pharamones are released.
When you look at your own body, do you like your ass because you’re attracted to big asses? If you’re bisexual, maybe, but as a woman finding a man with a big ass or hips isn’t apart of your mating ritual. So your want for a large ass on yourself isn’t genetic, it’s socially engineered because you’re apart of a society that has made that a festish. Therefore, if you don’t have a large shapely ass, and want that because you think it will make you look better, it’s influence, not DNA. The same thing applies to breast. Males drool over titties, most of you don’t get it, but some of you are upset that yours aren’t that big or may not sit the way you want and think about surgery to correct this (or may have gotten it already). Again, this isn’t your DNA. It’s society, those images you’re raised with that says “this is beauty,” that has you changing a part of yourself or wishing you could change it to attract men, not turn yourself on.
The truth about attraction is that when you’re in that supermarket, a man is going to always look at: Body, Face, Hair. Curves equate to sex. Smaller equates to him being able to dominate you. Certain facial features check various boxes depending on the man. Culturally smaller noses or light eyes is something that’s been beat in the minds of american men, but a more pronouned nose and dark eyes could tick off boxes for other men. Your hair style or texture, again that’s culture brainwashing as men are looking for something that signals “feminine” which usually means long, or swooping, in a way where he can quickly label you as feminine and not masculine.
Notice how your actual body weight isn’t even on the radar, because if you’re 220 pounds and smelling good, dressed in a way that accentuates your shape, and have facial features that appeal to him, he’s not only going to look he’s going to stare. You don’t make men thirsty, but getting down to 102 pounds or shoving silicon in your chest, there are several other ways to turn his head.
The biggest problem with dating isn’t turning a man’s head so he sees you and wants to talk to you, espicially in the era of online dating where most of you will meet men through a phone. The biggest problem is your personality is tied to your fear that you’re not enough– pretty enough, slim enough, thick enough, girly enough, short enough, tall enough, it’s always something that makes you doubt your beauty. That doubt trickles down to the dates where your personality doesn’t shine because you’re afraid that he won’t like you for real.
Weight loss if you’re unhealthy is great. Cleaning up your diet, no matter your size, espicially in a world of Uber Eats delivering diabetes at your front door is always advised. But beyond the fitness of wanting to live long, the obsession to become what a man is looking for is a dangerous loop, as we as men are looking to fuck everything and until we meet a woman who is mentally secure and emotionally satisfying to us– The Game Changer. The weight of your personality, that’s what’s most important.
The Dark Side Of Weight
Let’s dive into the mental and emotional aspects that I mentioned. One of the negative stereotypes about bigger women is that they do anything for a man because they’re loyal to a fault due to the fact that no one really wants them for them. Yes, I’ve met some plus size ladies who have been suckers. But it has nothing to do with their weight, it’s their self-esteem. They let some guy love bomb her and the next thing you know she’s paying his car note. I’ve seen it happen dozens of time with some of my own female friends. But the same shit happens to skinny bitches too. It’s about the person not the size because low self-esteem has everything to do with self-love. When you think you can’t find love, you’ll do anything to keep it. The reason why bigger women are stereotyped is because traditionally they are seen as long hanging fruit.
For example, you have two Basicas at a club. One is smaller the other larger. A man who has heard the stereotype only chooses the bigger woman based on the propoganda that she will probably fall for his game quicker. Because his friends, social media, TV, etc… have created this idea that larger women will fall for game quicker, he puts it to the test. In reality, both women have holes. Plus sized women just get tested more often due to the world we live in that has painted them as easy marks.
Another wrinkle is gaslighting. Men will say things about a woman’s weight to purposely lower your self-esteem. Why? Think about it! He doesn’t hate big women. Why would he? The reason they comment on shit like that or give backhanded compliments is to put you in check. If he makes you think you’re unattractive, then you will cling to him because now you belive no other man will want you. This is the game!
I once hooked two friends up on a sort of blind date. She came to me after the date and said, “Your friend called me fat”. I thought she meant “phat”. This girl has an hour glass shape. Big ass, hips, D cups and no stomach. So I said he must have been joking. She maintained that he was dead serious. She was laughing while telling me this, but then the next day she tells me how she ran 5 miles. He got into her head with one off handed comment and made this girl, who looked like she was drawn by Todd McFarlane, go overboard in the gym. I didn’t get to talk to him about any of this until three weeks ago. He told me, “I never said she was fat. I said bigger women like her are usually attracted to me”. I died laughing because he honestly didn’t think that was offensive. He was like, “You saw my exes, you know how they looked, I tend to want a girl as skinny as a rail.” He maintained that he was making an observation not disrespecting her. But even after saying all that he hit her up that night trying to get her to come over.
At the end of the day, men are attracted to all sorts of things, and they know what buttons to push to make women bend easier. Be aware of this mindfuck. It’s not that you’re too big for him physically, you’re too big for him mentally and males win when women shrink and bow down.
Reclaim Your Weight
Confidence. Do you fucking know it. Being comfortable in your skin is all about owning who you are, not waiting for goals to be reached to level up. Once I lose 20 pounds I’m going to be a problem. Fuck that. Once I get this surgery, they won’t be able to tell me anything. Fuck that. Once this new nose heals, I’m back outside. Fuck that!
Calling a confident thick woman fat isn’t going to make her cry. She isn’t in denial, she knows how much she weighs, but her confidence level absorbs all of those mean comments, and she can easily hit anybody with the classic, “But your man likes it”. And it’s probably true. Being smaller than someone doesn’t mean you’re better. She knows that these men talk shit on Lizzo, but would probably fuck if she eye fucked him took him by the hand. The male contradiciton is understood by confident women, so they don’t buy into “but he said,” like a lot of you Typicals do. Look at you, trying to change yourself to catch a husband, meanwhile you see Marriage pictures on facebook filled with bigger women who got what you’re still after. Why? Confidence wins.
In the end it’s about what you think of yourself not what we think of you. If you’re not happy with your body go to the damn gym. If you don’t want to do that, then go get the surgery. But understand that it has to be about you, and only you! Trying to build yourself into a woman that an NBA player would want to fuck, or become so skinny that some Tec CEO will want to Sugar Baby you out because you now remind him of the 19 year old girls he couldn’t get in school, those are gimmicks. Gimmicks don’t work in the real world of love. One last question: If you found someone to love you as you are right now… would you still want to change something? Be who you are, don’t kill yourself trying to fit a mold, and allow your personality to shine through while you confidently order a cheeseburger with bacon and pour some ketchup out for Karen Carpenter.
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