Today’s guest post is from the homie Derrick Jaxn, who like me has played the game and now wants to help women to sidestep the pitfalls and truly win at 21st century love. He just released his first Novel “A Cheating Man’s Heart” don’t worry it’s not some ratchet hood novel or K’wan shootem up, it’s a great morality tale, and for all of you who loved Why Are Black Girls So Difficult, you will appreciate the story’s cause and effect take on black love. Scandal’s off so pick up a book!
Good Girl Gone Bad
by Derrick Jaxn
I came across #BGAE earlier this year, a few months after starting my own blog. Till that point I thought I was the last black man on earth that could write some real shit without asking you to click on a link to my new mixtape. After about 9 months, a quick email exchange and two published books between each of us; here I am.
For those who don’t know, I’m Derrick Jaxn. I talk to over 100,000 women daily, mostly through my Facebook and Twitter, and what’s astonishing is how many of them are gearing up for this war between the sexes by strapping on their hoe-boots. You could be wearing a pair now without even knowing it.
If you’re the girl who used to trust, that wanted something real and was willing to take chances to find it…until you did and got hurt. So you started reevaluating yourself to see where you went wrong. You consulted with your homegirl; the Zeena warrior princess that keeps her men on a leash and her pussy on Paypal. She settles for nothing (materialistically)less than what she wants and never has love issues because she doesn’t fall for anything or anyone. She then convinces you that being a “good girl” is just a naive phase you grow out of when you get tired of getting played by “these niggas out here” and that it’s time you wake up and be a little more like her.
So what if I told you that the biggest mistake females make today is that they’re so focused on conquering the worst that men have to offer, they forget to prepare themselves to win with the best one man has to offer?
I understand the insecurity of being the “good girl” and giving dudes a chance to gain your trust especially if you’ve never gotten what you deserved from past relationships; but even Michael Jordan missed a few shots. That didn’t mean he needed to go mountain climbing to know that he should stick to basketball.
The same goes for a good girl that’s contemplating being a hoe to full-proof her heart. It’s not like you to serial date and keep a team of niggas, so don’t think you have to just to sift through to a good one. Be you.
You don’t need 100k miles on your car before you can appreciate a smooth ride. And guess what, there’s no trade-in for your walls or your self-esteem. Once they’re gone, send em a post card and just hope you’ll eventually land some dude with luck just as bad as yours so the two of you can settle for each other. That one-in-a-million brother with good credit and strong values is going to ignore your texts for the one-in-a-million type of female that you used to be.
It equally makes no sense to entertain scrubs or play mind games in order to prepare yourself for someone who deserves you. But wait, that’s right…it’s only fair that you match what “these niggas out here” are doing. Meanwhile, common sense would vote that “these niggas out here” aren’t the golden standard for who you’re going to raise your son to be. Besides, that’s only a cop out to do hoe-shit you feel like will help you get even with the male race.
You keep going around collecting scars on your heart, and you’ll keep getting dudes who swear they got just the band-aid for you rather than the one who’s just as tired of being cut as you are. The same shit that sent Think Like a Man to the box office; a lot of low self-esteem and chicks ready to give up on becoming real women for an easy answer to their pain.
Stop losing yourself trying to be something you’re not just so you can get what you think everybody else has that you don’t. Instead, get back to perfecting the craft of being you; as wholesome and classy as you know you would’ve been had you not switched up after your first heart break.
You used to be a good girl, get back to that. You used to believe in dating one guy at a time, get back to that too. “These niggas out here serial dating.” True, but there’s also a guy right now who can’t wait to catch that one girl that hasn’t been brainwashed into thinking keeping a lot of options equates to an advantage. “But if you got a lot of dudes, you’ll never want any one of them too much.” If you’re only dating by quantity to keep your bases covered in case one dude breaks your heart, you’ve already lost. Masking your insecurity with a high Rolodex of men who don’t care anything about you keeps you safe and numb, but when that one guy who wants you more than anything comes along, you won’t be able to turn those feelings back on and show who you truly are. He doesn’t want to be just another one of your “boos”, and because you aren’t being true to yourself he’ll walk right out your life.
Instead of trying to defeat “these niggas out here”, work on yourself so that you can repel them. The more value you place on you, the less ain’t-shit that’ll come your way. Don’t believe me? Check out a drive thru at McDonalds, then check out a Subway. Salads and fresh cut sandwiches attract a lot less people in denial about their health than does the dollar menu. “But that’s just because it’s more expensive.” Well be more expensive. Require more, but never deliver less. Be the fresh cut sandwich, not the greasy ass burger and fry that any random can purchase with spare change that fell in between the couch cushions or you’ll keep attracting the same broke ass niggas that can’t afford what you bring to the table(metaphorically speaking).
Stop that trial-and-error shit, decide what you want, and be patient enough to let it come to you while smart enough to be ready when it does. The goal shouldn’t be to learn the game so you can win, but rather to remove yourself from the game so you don’t have to deal with those who play them.
P.S. The character, Jazmin in the new book A Cheating Man’s Heart went through the same cycle. But she got through it by following my advice.