When I say I Love Lindsay Lohan, it isn’t some blind admiration for a celebrity or some demented crush by a fan. I really love her unconditionally. Every generation has that one person of immense talent who just fucks up at every turn, but in today’s TMZ world of cell phone cameras and instant access, Lindsay Lohan seems heaven sent. A modern day Maximus dragged into the coliseum to do battle not with a crazed animal, but with herself. Every new headline, arrest, and lesbian affair is a proclamation by the great one, “Are You Not Entertained”.

The Ten Reasons I Love Lindsay Lohan

 

10) I know who killed Me: It may be one of the worst movies ever made, but to watch it is to watch a woman so totally fucked up that it has to be a miracle from god that she can deliver her lines in the first place. Rent it, and keep in mind that after every scene they were yelling “CUT! Lindsay needs a hit”.

 

9) The pipes: she can sing. I’m not talking about Jennifer Hudson level, but in the J-Lo, B. spears category, she delivers. Check out her song: Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father). Talk about Daddy Issues.

Lindsay Lohan Pictures, Images and Photos

8) Not Too proud to bag: With no one willing to hire her, Lohan went to her pal Curtis Jackson aka 50 Cent and asked for a one million dollar loan… did she repay it, no one knows. But how gangster is she to tell a nigga “let me hold something” and never see him again.

 

7) Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories: Remember on The Dave Chapelle show when Charlie Murphy told stories of hanging with a coked up Rick James? This would be better than Rick. I wish to god I could be a fly on the wall at Hyde or Chateau Marmont when LL is in the building. “What did the white girl say to your face?” SMACK!

 

6) Coke head hot: Let’s not deny the obvious. 98 lbs or 130 lbs, Lohan Is a sexy beast.

5) Poor Lil’ Fire Crotch: The infamous Paris Hilton teasing of Lindsay Lohan was one of the greatest examples of “when bullying goes wrong”. Not only did Paris ban Lohan from hanging with her. She insulted Linds in public several times referring to her simply as “ the fire crotch” with Paris’s then boyfriend adding “I think she’s worth about seven million, which means she’s really poor. It’s disgusting. She lives in a motel, in New York.” For the first time Lindsay became a sympathetic figure in Hollywood.

4) She’s gay, sort of: Asked if she was a Lesbian she replied “Maybe… yeah.” From the Butch DJ, to the Israeli Soldier Girl waiting outside of the court room, the fire crotch seems to have no problem finding chicks who want to see if her Herbie is fully loaded.

 

3) Blame the Black Man: After kidnapping three guys in a GMC Denali Linds went on a wild ride down the PCH at 100 mph. They say at one point, Lindsay boasted, “I can’t get in trouble. I’m a celebrity. I can do whatever the fuck I want.” Once the police arrived and arrested Lindsay, she did what any white girl in trouble would do, “the black kid was driving”. Boo yow!

 

2) Mean Girls: One of the greatest movies ever made. And no matter how bad the movies after it have been, you can always go back to Mean Girls and say, “this little bitch had it”.

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1) She just doesn’t give a fuck: I love Linds because she knows she’s a mess. She knows coke is bad, she has a drinking problem, and her mother and father are evil people. Yet she still talks to them and does drugs unapologetically. Lo’s knew she was on house arrest and still went to France to party. I know hardcore criminals who won’t leave their mother’s front porch for fear of the ankle bracelet going off, and this bitch goes to the south of France??? She’s paid millions of dollars to be in movies and doesn’t show up. She turned down a role in The Hangover that could have revived her career. Why? Because SHE DOESN’T CARE about anything but getting fucked up. …that’s my girl.

 

In the end it may seem like I’m applauding suicidal behavior but the one person I don’t worry about is Lindsay Lohan. Like Robert Downey before her she’ll get her shit together and be loved by the masses. Ten years from now she’ll do an interview talking about how wild she was and everyone will laugh and think it’s cute. Until that day, I’m going to keep enjoying this ride.

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