I got an email from a reader asking for advice on a problem. Let’s call her Gina for lack of a better anonymous name. Gina likes the internet… a lot. I’m not talking Pandora and Hulu; she likes to have online sex. She says that she is “very attractive” but shy, so it’s hard to meet guys her age normally. Online she has multiple boyfriends, and while it’s not always about sex, most of the time it is. 

Fast-forward she has a boyfriend now, a guy who she actually met online and now they are dating in real life. Her problem is that he now knows that he wasn’t the first person who she had a sexual instant messenger relationship with, and he wants her to stop being an i-hoe (Adara has yet to give me a suitable replacement for slutatious behavior so I’m rolling with hoe). Gina doesn’t see the harm in continuing on with her internet boyfriends as long as he knows that he’s her real life boyfriend. “What should I say to him, I don’t want to lie”? Was her question.

What qualifies as cheating has to be revised for the digital age since the majority of people with Facebook, voxer, bbm, skype, twitter, and aim have or will use those communication devices for private sex sessions. If you’re in a relationship you’re committed to that person, you don’t call other people you like, you don’t text other people you like—it’s just not what you do when trying to be faithful. Temptation is hard enough, constant contact with the object of your desire can break the best of us. But the internet is judged differently. It’s so removed that most people consider cyber sex/cyber flirting like watching a porn– fictional simulation. The net is a place where thirsty niggas and parched bitches can bust nuts at DSL speeds, but it all ends as soon as you power off. Those other people are no threat to your relationship, right? WRONG! It’s the same shit!

PhotobucketThere are two types of people. Those who like to talk nasty, and those who wish they could.  The internet is where even the most reserve women can unleash their inner lil kim. Where else could a chick go into a room, have sex, come out and not feel dirty about herself? The internet. I remember the first time I i-boned, it was my junior year in college, me, my laptop, and some random girl in a chat room. It started like most conversations—my age, my location, my penis size. Then quickly escalated into some freaky shit that I don’t even want to repeat, this girl knew what it took to get herself off and wasn’t shy about telling me to “type how you would like to eat it from the back now tell me what it taste like”. I went from being excited to frustrated that she was directing me on what to type. I’m a creative person I’m sure I could have done some damage, but no— she was in control. The conversation ended abruptly with a thank you, and her logging off, me sitting there limp. I felt like Lorenz Tate’s career, how could i start off so hard then end up so soft? Needless to say, that’s the last time I went to that kind of chat room. I can’t get with it, A) I’m not talented enough to type and stroke B) I’m always afraid that I’m really talking to a man. So do you delete all of your online accounts just so you won’t be tempted to i-slut around the World Wide Web? Not so fast. There has to be separation of religion and state here. Being in a relationship shouldn’t be the same as jail. You can still have a little fun and here are the rules:

Its Not Poking its “Poking”: “Who are you Poking” is what I hear from my girl whenever I’m on Facebook. “You poking one of your whores?” She thinks I’ve had sex with every girl I’m friends with on Facebook. I understand where she’s coming from. Would you want your baby boo in a room full of niggas who either use to fuck or always wanted to fuck? That’s what Facebook is, your mother, that ratchet who use to borrow gum from you in third period, and all the dudes who want to see what’s good with that box, all in one place. “Oh it’s just shy Andre from High School, we’re just catching up on old times”—bullshit. No dude is shy on the internet. Shy Andre may start talking about the time yall cut class, but he’ll end asking you to email a picture of you sucking your nipple while wearing a pink wig. If you’re going to i-slut around don’t do it on Facebook. I don’t care how private you think your settings are, girls know how to hack, boys know hack. Your boyfriend/girlfriend may not be able to do basic algebra, but they can figure out your Facebook password because jealousy turns everyone into Tony Stark. Why stress yourself over status updates and picture comments? If you can’t handle the attention that your boo is getting online unfriend them! I suggest not being Facebook friends with someone you’re seeing anyway, we live in a stalker culture, everything you write will be analyzed leaving all kinds of opportunity for misinterpretation. If you happen to already be friends and then you go into a deeper “relationship status” fine, but if you know he or she will see things posted on your wall that will make them jealous, you two need to come to an  understanding first before something as dumb as a Facebook Poke creates friction.

AIM That ichat At My Gmail:  I use to love aim back in the day. Aim was good for one thing, making a girl who you were only “cool with” get out of character. When a girl would say, “stop being nasty” that was like an invite to make her sheltered ass freak out by the end of the night. Instant Messaging is dangerous if used by the wrong person. If you happen to have amassed 60 different Buddies, 43 who are trying to hit, then you should respect your boyfriend enough to shut it down. Guys don’t care if you have a man, I never cared, if anything it makes a girl more attractive. Why go through the frustration of having to be polite to some thirsty bastard who only hits you up to ask what you’re wearing? If you really like aiming, create a new account and invite only those people you’re really cool with. I think women use IM’s like text messaging, they’re bored so they like having multiple people keep them entertained. Someone to kill time with can lead to much more. The chat lurkers are waiting for that day you and your man are having relationship problems. That’s the main reason those guys are waiting for that red “busy” sign to go down on your gchat, they know they’re one argument away from getting you to i-jumpoff with him. Don’t be naive, keep things light and flirty but save the heavy shit for when you’re single again. 

PhotobucketDM ME HARDER!:  I wish I was a girl for one day so I can see the DMs they get on the regular. I would love to fill a book full of thirsty ass messages that big tittie chicks on twitter get. I mean how many, “what’s your number” Dm’s or “I bet your pussy taste so good” messages can you get until you feel nauseous? I rarely DM, but I’ll be damned if I get a perverse DM and not respond back, which leads to a funny story. This one little girl, she had to be all of 18 (I hope—I see you Chris Hanson) wanted to have a full on chat room DM experience with me so I entertained her until I got bored, then stopped responding. Her last message “you want to just call me” had me hit the good old Unfollow. Did I feel like I was cheating? Not at all, i even tried to show my girl some perverse thing the i-ratchet wrote and she waved my nonsense away. I wasn’t getting anything out of it romantically or even sexually, creatively it was great because I found out I’m pretty damn good at describing devious sexual acts in explicit fashion in 160 characters or less. But if you have a significant other and you’re “Direct Sexting” someone on a day to day basis you’re asking for trouble, it’s a fantasy that has a high probability to leak into your real world. Now you’re business is all over the twitter spear and you’re getting dumped over someone you’re probably never going to meet. Your real life hubby/wifey > your twitter hubby/wifey. You’ve been warned.
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If you would rather choose words on a screen over a person in your face, you don’t have a problem with the internet; you have a problem with that person because obviously they aren’t doing enough to keep your attention. Men struggle with Call of Duty over pussy, Sports over pussy. But we Men aren’t use to girls choosing internet over us, when we call we want your full attention—those days are changing now that everyone has a smartphone. I’ll admit, as a man I have to constantly remind myself to show the proper attention to my girl. Most guys forget to put in that work and this is why the internet has become the spot for creeping. For females I don’t think it’s about sex that much. It’s more about the attention. Not getting enough attention from your boyfriend is a top 5 problem that women have. Smartphones keep these women in constant contact with a world where they’re as popular as their avatar is provocative. A world where guys will shower her with attention at any time of the day if she posts a thirst tap status/tweet/IM. It doesn’t matter if this attention is coming from guys she would never date, it fulfills something that her boyfriend isn’t doing. We’re all kids in a candy store when it comes to the sexiness of the internet, but we all have to be mature enough to handle the temptation online just as we do in real life.