So he has no job, cheated on you, and his dick is little. You finally broke up with him last month after you gave him opportunity after opportunity to change. Come November you’re back with him. You can’t explain it to your friends, fuck; you don’t even feel the need to justify your decision to anyone. You still have feelings for him and you always will—it’s not your fault, right? Wrong bitch.

It blows my mind that girls have no will power when it comes to ending a relationship. NONE. You know the main reason new relationships don’t work. It’s because women never truly end the old relationship. A female can be six months removed from her last dude, she’s stopped texting him, unfriended him on Facebook, and erased his number, and is now in the midst of a new relationship. Then like clockwork she will let that old nigga come back into her life and turn it upside down. WHY?

You want to hear about the time I was accused of rape? Well you’re going to hear about it anyway. This girl who I was with for about four months, she got engaged. Me being the unapologetic asshole I am, I decided to test her commitment to her new boo. I had no romantic feelings for this girl, or a desire to “hit it one last time”; I just wanted to conduct an experiment. So after talking to her on the phone for a day or so and doing a shit load of reverse psychology, I got her to admit that she missed me yada yada. The next day I go over to her place and I smash. Not only did I smash I got her to give me head (no reciprocation on my part) just because we men find some kind of sick pleasure knowing that your girl is kissing you after slobbing us—I blame that mentality on rap music.

A few weeks later I called her and said something ignorant like “you tell your fiancé how I hit it in yall bed”? (Funny thing about girls who cheat, they don’t mind joking about their adultery) She wasn’t in a joking mood, she sounded sad. Now even though I was playing games with her, I still thought of this girl as a friend, so I asked what was wrong. She said she couldn’t keep it in and told him what happened. I was like “WHAT!?!” you don’t tell a man something like that, not unless you want to get the Celie special. So I assumed that the wedding was off. She said, no he’s okay… Apparently she told him the Kurosawa version of what happened. I came over just to say hi, I forced myself on her, and she just went with it. “YOU TOLD HIM I RAPED YOU!?!” she was automatically like “don’t be mad at me!” She broke it down that she couldn’t not tell him, but couldn’t risk him leaving her, so she came up with something that wouldn’t make her seem at fault. I never ran into her man so it was never drama, but still, I don’t want anyone thinking of me in that light. But it was a reflection on her, and some women in general.

She was willing to throw everything away with a guy she was in love with, just to relive something with me that wasn’t really that serious. Not to downgrade myself, but a one night stand with me isn’t worth your relationship. One orgasm is not greater than a wedding. We men have no problems letting go. Sure some niggas are more clingy than others, but most of us knowthat when you break up with a girl, it means the end of romance—not the end of the pussy. Every ex-girlfriend I’ve had, I’ve gone back and smashed. I’ve never gone back and actually had another relationship, but I’ve double dipped the chip whether they had a boyfriend or not.

I don’t think girls realize that about guys, we don’t pop back in and out of your life because we miss what we had, we just miss the way you ride it. It’s like when you’re The President and you get Secret Service. After your time in office is over, you still get to keep those Secret Service agents. The longer you were with a girl, the longer your access to the coochie will be. If I dated you for a month, it’s cool if I don’t get to hit it ever again. But if we were a couple for a year, I have pussy privileges for up to two years afterwards. That’s the benefits of getting into a relationship in the first place, guaranteed repeat pussy.

Females aren’t looking at it as sexual; the guys that girls go back to are the same ones they complain about to their friends. “Girl he ain’t shit” “the sex wasn’t all that” “he broke” but for some reason you’ll pass up Andre Anaconda to get shitted on again by Post My Bail Paul. To women it’s an emotional thing. If a woman has love in her heart for you, that cancels out bank statements and long strokes. When a girl sees her ex, she sees the fun times going out, the sweet times cuddling, the playful times wrestling around, the excitement from arguing etc… “I like my new guy but he’s boring” yeah it’s hard to get use to somebody who doesn’t grip you by the throat at least twice a week. In the end I think it goes back to Nostalgia. Nostalgia will blind your ass. Nostalgia will have you driving pass his house in your new man’s car. Nostalgia will make you suck a dick with your engagement ring on.

“But it’s hard to let go. Every time I think he’s out of my system he does something to makes me come running back”—bullshit. What’s hard about hitting ignore on the phone? Or not responding to a text message? Girls and ex-boyfriends are like Fat girls and Krispy kreme. You’ve been working so hard at the gym, then you drive pass that Krispy cream and it all goes out of the window. You don’t have to drive thru and get a dozen glazed—you want to. It’s willpower. The past is the past, yeah there were good times, maybe some great times, but there is a reason it’s over. Show some will power and just say NO! He doesn’t want you back; he just wants to see if he can still get it. We’re men; it’s all about the chase. So why let yourself get caught?

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