I got an email last week that broke my heart. This really nice woman who has written me updates about the life and times of this guy she really likes wrote to tell me that the guy had met this girl a few weeks ago and quickly made her his girlfriend despite the fact that she thought she was first in line for the title. They were basically a couple for four months; he just didn’t want to make it official yet. Now she’s alone and confused. What went wrong? I promised her I would talk about it when I got back so let’s get into it.

It’s my firm belief that everyone will find someone in life. But the hard truth is that no matter how good of a catch you think you are, there will be those who will throw your ass back in the water. What makes a guy a friend and what makes him the love of your life? Women have all kinds of types and deal breakers that confuse their blueprint. Men are far simpler to understand when determining which girl we make our Main Chick and which girl we Rehearse with. Men have Rehearsal Chicks. They aren’t side hoes, they aren’t jump offs; these are girls we meet and treat like our real girlfriends but we never give them the title. They’re simply practice, a warm up for the Main Chick we’re currently seducing or the Main Chick that we know will come our way.

Family Doesn’t Matter: I don’t care if you meet my mother. I don’t care if you and my brother are close. My cousin Dartaye told you that you’re the best girl I’ve brought around— who gives a fuck. Bringing you around my family doesn’t mean we’re in L, it means I brought you around my family. My boy once introduced two girls to his mother the same day! I shit you not because I was there for both introductions, laughing my ass off inside. “This might be the one, mommy”. My nigga! You see the way she lit up like a Christmas tree when she heard that? Meeting someone’s family can be a serious step in a relationship, but welcome to the 21st century where those kinds of noble acts have become just another game we play. When you go to the family barbeque enjoy yourself, feel invited, but don’t read too much into it. Just because you meet his family doesn’t mean you’re close to joining his family.

Facebook Official:If you love me and I’m your girl, put it on Facebook”. Fuck out of here with that. I wish Moses was around to see how girls dick ride Mark Zuckerberg so he can throw the Ten Commandments at Facebook and destroy that false idol. This notion of “you have to make it facebook official” is the dumbest shit ever. If you two are dating… and dating… and dating that’s not in a relationship. If you two are in a relationship, then he’s also in one with the weed man because he sees his ass just as much as he sees you. Facebook is a sea of potential Main Chicks, girls you’ve always liked, girls you met at work, girls from school, etc… Why would he ruin his pool of potential pussy for a girl he’s really not that serious about? If he hasn’t given you the title in real life, why would he acknowledge your ass in the cyber one? Only dummies make their Rehearsal girlfriends Facebook Official knowing they’re going to be up at 2am Liking pictures of girls they really want to be with.

Swag Factor: How is it possible that a guy could be playing house with your ass for damn near a year, then after only a few weeks of knowing a girl he makes her his Main chick? Swag. Niggas on ya clit cus you shop at Neiman Marcus. Um… No bitch. Girls fuck up by thinking a closet full of designer clothes and rocking the same discounted Louboutin’s that every other broke bitch has is being 5 star, when in actuality dressing like every other chick is being basic as hell. Men like cleavage, we like ass, we like hair, but you don’t have to come out the house looking like you’re auditioning for the Bad Girls Club to make us want you. Getting us to break our neck to look at you is easy; getting us to want to be with your ass is the hard part. A girl who has real swag can show up in some shit she found on the Forever 227 clearance rack and some thrift store boots and still diarrhea on every fancy chick in the room, because she knows how to carry herself. It’s not all about image, it’s mostly personality. Let’s be honest, a lot of women are annoying. Men are afraid to say that, but a lot of you gorgeous motherfuckers annoy the hell out of us. It’s not about being Ratchet or giving attitude, that’s easy to handle. Talking too much, being flighty, being too needy, not communicating– that shit makes us accelerate the search for a main chick so we can toss you aside. A girl with that Swag Factor has intangibles that make her the one you will give the title to the day you meet her regardless of how long you’ve been rehearsing with that other broad. She can be bi-polar and erratic but every time she goes HAM our dick gets hard because she has that natural swag that it would take a basic bitch 12 Harry Potter movies to obtain. Why did he pick her over you— that bitch is electrifying, you’re oatmeal sweetie.

It’s Not About Sex:He stayed around for months before we even had sex, it’s not about sex with us, he loves me!” You’re his rehearsal not his slut. This is practice for his potential soul mate. Our Main chicks won’t be easy to fuck so why put the focus on pussy. He’s not going to come over because he wants to hit, he’s going to come over to talk, unwind, get his head right. Women can be used for more things than their vagina. Just because he’s not trying to throw the pipe in every time he sees you doesn’t mean he’s not using you.

Heartbreak Kid: Men are sensitive. We get hurt and we put up walls that are hard to break down. Once you get exposed by a female that shit will never leave you. Most Women aren’t Chris Brown proof; well most men aren’t Spartan proof. Girls don’t seem to understand when a man is in a fragile state because we try and hide it. We’ll still go out, laugh, joke, and watch sports like we’re normal. But internally we’re still thinking about how Elise told us it’s not working and is now fucking that Idris Elba looking nigga. Men can’t come out and cry on each other shoulder’s because simp behavior is not accepted. So we move on to the next female we meet to get over the last. We rehearse with the new girl because honestly we aren’t ready to give her the title of girlfriend. Eventually that rehearsal chick will gain your trust and your heart will heal enough to be in a relationship again. But more times than not, it won’t be with the girl that helped you get over your ex. Be real, she saw you at your most vulnerable, do you really want that hanging over your head? Men appreciate the nursing back to full strength but once those Danger Room exercises are complete, it’s on to a main chick. Regardless of how much she held you down, it was just practice for something better.

How Do You Know If You Are A Rehearsal Chick: How long have you been together as boyfriend and girlfriend? Oh he’s not really your boyfriend by name but he does everything a boyfriend does. Last time I checked the first thing a boyfriend does is make you his god damn girlfriend. I can go get a whistle, stop traffic, and tell little kids to cross the street that doesn’t make me a fucking crossing guard. Wake up! You can meet all the family members and homeboys in the world, but unless that man thinks of you as his girlfriend in his head and verbalizes that you are an exclusive couple, you’re just a stepping stone. You love him he’s your baby awww how cute! There is always an opening for a sidechick, if you want the nigga that bad go apply. Accept it, he chose another bitch over you! You wasted months of your life making the man into a perfect boyfriend, why would you still lust after that asshole? If you have sense then make the hard decision to leave the rehearsal before it’s over and find a guy who’s going to make you number one in his life.

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