If a guy used to go out with your friend you shouldn’t pursue him after that relationship ends. False.
First, is she really your friend? Women have way too many categories and levels when it comes to friendships. You have your sisters who aren’t related by blood but may as well be. Then you have the hang out friends, work friends, school friends, church friends, do my hair friends, back in the day friends, friends of friends, frienemies, the list goes on. The point being that only a handful of those females are girls you would consider true friends, the rest are associates. Not because you don’t know them, you’ve probably known some of your associates for years but your intuition keeps her from joining your inner circle. Women may not be good at reading men, but they’re really good at reading other women, thus the separation of true friends from the girls they merely associate with. “We can shake our ass together, but I don’t invite that hoe over my house, we ain’t that cool” It may seem phoney but it makes sense. Good friends are hard to find and you don’t ruin that by hooking up with their old dick. Just say no. But what about the close associates, the girls you only fuck with because you work or club with them? Do they deserve the same loyalty as your real friends? Hell No! Think of it like Mean Girls. You’re Cady, there’s Regina, Gretchen, and Karen—the crew you care about. The other girls in the hallway of life are background actors… they don’t fucking matter.
The world is too big to be dating in the same circles, but we do. Call it laziness, but I call it convenience. Some of the best relationships can blossom from a random conversation between the boyfriend of a friend who left you two alone while she went to the bathroom. You’re not going to end up exchanging numbers while your friend is pissing, but six months later if you two run into each other you’re going to remember how cool he was and ask innocently, “Are you still with Tia?”. Why feel guilty? You like him, he probably likes you, see if you’re compatible. Don’t take him off the board because of a past relationship that didn’t work out. In high school you’re expected to end up with Erin’s boyfriend who was once Jackie’s boyfriend. In College the odds are in favor of you eventually fucking someone who used to date one of your sorority sisters. In the real world this behavior suddenly becomes taboo but the rules remain the same— you have the right talk to who you want to talk to. It’s a small world when you’re horny. You could find other men, but women feel safe talking to guys they’ve met before. You already have a reason to start a conversation, you have mutual friends…
You Don’t Owe Her An Explanation: If you’re crushing on her man then I’m guessing you’re not best friends. You two aren’t Jen and Evelyn close, you’re Royce and Jen “cool” meaning that this bitch is alright… sometimes, you might cry if she died but you wouldn’t be front row at the funeral. If that’s the case then you don’t have to wait for the wound to heal. You really think that because she gave you a ride home from work once, you have to wait two months to add her ex-boyfriend on Facebook? The key word is “ex”. A man isn’t a possession; just because she rode his dick doesn’t mean she copyrighted it. If they break up on a Tuesday there is nothing wrong with going out to dinner with him on a Friday. Sure, you could call her and ask if she would mind, but that makes it seem as if you were plotting all along. Regardless, what can she say to you that will make you change the fact that you’re feeling him? It doesn’t matter if she hits you with a “Go for it, his dick’s awesome” or “I don’t care, he ain’t shit anyway”, she doesn’t approve! You’re forcing her to lie, because telling you “NO” makes her look jealous. She’ll give you her empty blessings, then as soon as she hangs up, the next call will be to her ex, warning him that she better not see him with you. Don’t sabotage yourself before you even make a move for him. Keep your feelings to yourself, if you’re that concerned about what she thinks, then allow me to break it down: “I don’t want you fucking my ex-boyfriend no matter how long we’ve been broken up. What was mine will always be mine! Even when I get a new man he’s still mine, so kick rocks you sneaky whore and find someone who didn’t penetrate me!” Now ask yourself do you really give a fuck? Are you going to let the tag along girl who drives you to the club decide who you date? I didn’t think so. Fuck her permission slip, go for it.
Ignore Gossip: Prepare to be called out. You didn’t cheat, you didn’t take him, but you may as well have once the streets get a hold of the rumors of how it came to be. Don’t try and fight fire with fire. If she posts a subliminal jab at you on Facebook, don’t comment, let her vent. If you happen to see her at the club and she makes a comment about, “hide your man, before she steals him”, don’t take off your earrings and square up on her, ignore it. The most hurtful things scorned women spew are sexual insults. You’re not taking the plastic off the dick of a grown ass man. New dick doesn’t exist. Your boyfriend has put his penis in other women before you; he’s gone down on other women before you. Why would you pay attention to his ex-girlfriend stating the obvious? Let her call you sloppy seconds or talk shit about how he licked her ass. I’m sure she wasn’t his first stop on the freak train. You do not actually taste her pussy when you two kiss, so don’t let it bother you. Cancel out all of the negativity and slander. You know the situation and what kind of person you are. You met a guy you liked and now you want to be with him. It doesn’t matter where you got him from, it only matters where he’s taking you.
They Can’t Stay Friends: Men are competitive, but we are firm believers in the notion of “bros over hoes”. We stay loyal to our friends because men don’t use the word friend in vain. We don’t have a hundred friends, we have a few guys we consider our niggas, and a bunch of other dudes we’re cool with. So if a guy goes Tim Riggins on his boy’s Lyla Garrity it’s not the end of the bromance. Regardless of how macho we act, most guys can forgive their homies. Brotherly love often runs deeper than pussy, but sisterly love seems to falter in the midst of a love affair. There is no such thing as “chicks over dicks” because women are far more territorial when it comes to the opposite sex and would rather end a friendship with their girl then lose a guy who wasn’t ’bout shit anyway. One meaningless penis will turn best friends into bitter enemies. You’ve been like sisters since pigtails and Clarrisa Explains It All; a boy should not be able to turn you two against each other but it happens everyday. I’ve seen it happen, I’m sure most of you reading this have seen it happen. So if your bestie is capable of slitting your throat over a man, then what will a girl who’s only an associate do to get revenge? That’s why you can’t allow your new boyfriend to stay cool with his ex-girlfriend. He may not be the type to creep, but women get creative when plotting revenge. She’s going to do everything in her power to show you up. She may not even want the guy back, but now that you have him, she has a point to prove. You don’t need the drama; tell him to cut her off if he wants to be with you.
Your Future Is More Important Than her Past: Buffet style delayed dating is the way to go. You take mental notes of all the men who come and go in your associates lives, ranking them in order of “I’d fuck him” to “why would she even fuck him”. Once their relationship ends, open yourself up to the possibility of going out with him. Who’s to say that one of those guys won’t turn out to be your soul mate? Just because she couldn’t work the stick in the Porsche doesn’t mean you’re banned from test driving it. I’m not talking about betrayal of your true friends; I’m talking your happiness versus pissing off a girl you talk to once a week. You’re the Queen Bee of this Mean Girl’s flick; she’s the random bitch from the mathletes who doesn’t have any lines in your film of life. She should feel honored that you didn’t go full Spartan and take him while they were dating. Now that he’s single her claim is null and void.
I don’t care if she pretends they were only “taking a break” she choose to step out of line; hell no she can’t get her spot back. If it’s so hard for a woman to find a man she genuinely likes, why would she let a meaningless associate twat block her from a potentially good guy? To loudly quote @Dontbmad_hoe, “NOW THAT SHIT KRAY”! This is Sparta; you take care of your needs first, and worry about the next bitch later. If she wants to continue to be cool with you, then she’s bigger than the bullshit, and you may want to think of upgrading her from associate to real friend. If she chooses to stop talking to you, then so be it. Real friends are hard to find, but associates are replaceable– Letoya Luckett.