Love and Basketball set a lot of women up for failure. As awe-inspiring as it was to see best friends become soul mates it also planted this passive ass idea of “I won’t express my feelings, I’ll just friend him into wanting to be with me”. Its one thing to be lifelong friends and then you start to have feelings when you mature, that’s natural. But it’s totally unacceptable for a GROWN woman to know she has a crush on a guy, suppress it, and try to pass her feelings off as sisterly because she doesn’t have the courage to say, “I like you, and not in the help pick out my nail polish type of way“. A lot of women tend to be shy when expressing their feelings to a guy they’re feeling and the best way to avoid being rejected is to appeal to his platonic side. It’s so much easier for a shy girl to exchange numbers under the pretense of “let’s talk about schoolwork or gossip about my friend I think you like” rather than tell him she wants his number because she thinks he looks good. By coming off as a buddy she doesn’t have to worry about him saying he has a girlfriend or flat out telling her he’s not looking for a relationship, it’s a no pressure situation that allows that girl to Trojan Horse her way into his life.

The stress comes into play when you two become close and you realize that you want to take it to the next level. Now here comes the pain of “Does he think I’m pretty… Why hasn’t he made a move… Have I told him something in confidence that turned him off…”  It’s an endless guessing game and it’s a result of the fact that you initially bullshitted about why you wanted to be friends. You know damn well that you weren’t looking for a new little brother, you were attracted to him. Now after months of hearing him talk about other women who you don’t think are right for him, you want to scream because you can’t take being overlooked.  #Bed #LieInIt. If you’re sick of being the homegirl every time you meet a new guy, then you have to start being honest with yourself from the jump. Why the fuck would you treat the man that gives you butterflies the same way you treat the ugly dude you gave your number to when drunk? “I don’t want him to think I like him, so I’ll play it cool*knocks on skull* what kindergartener taught you how to pick up men? If you want him to look at you with the same lust in his eyes he has for other women, you have to open his eyes to the fact that you’re more than a cool friend he can trip with, that you have boobs, a functioning vagina,  and most importantly that you want him.

You’re Not Ugly

It’s been my experience that if a guy doesn’t find a girl attractive he’s not going to spend time with her, platonic or otherwise, unless he’s getting something out of the deal. A nigga might give a hug or drop a few texts messages on the ugly chick who’s letting him copy homework or loaning money, but we aren’t taking her out in public for fear someone may think we’re hitting that. To be the homegirl who he hangs out with him in public means that he thinks you’re cute. Its easy to explain away an ugly girl who he’s having sex with to his boys, because pussy is pussy when it’s crunch time. However, there is no amount of “she hooking me up with her girls” or “she’s mad cool tho” that will stop his ratchet ass homeboys from clowning his platonic friendship with Busted Brenda. It sounds shallow but that shit rings true more times than not. If I’m calling you my little sister and we’re not related you have to look good, because you raise my stock. Other females judge a guy by how fly the girl he’s next to is, and when you’re single it’s super easy to pull a girl who thinks you’re with a bad chick. “Oh that’s not your girlfriend?” followed by Miss Curious handing over her number is a trick every man should be able to pull off if he picks his homegirls properly. If you’re in a situation where you and your homeboy are only hanging out indoors and not going out to eat or hitting up the club together then he probably thinks you’re not girlfriend pretty– on to the next one. But if he doesn’t mind you being by his side wherever he goes, take that as a sign that you’ve passed his beauty test.

You’re Not One Of The Guys

But don’t guys want a girl who can talk about sports, who won’t trip when they look at another girl’s butt, and hit the strip club with him?” Fuck no! What you’re describing is another man. A man doesn’t want to be in a relationship with a person that similar to himself unless he’s gay. Guys say dumb shit like that for the same reason little kids tell their parents “I’m only eating ice cream for dinner when I grow up” It sounds good in theory but in the long run that’s not going to fulfill our needs. As much as we complain about girly things, the reason we love females is because they do female shit! Ladies, it’s awesome if you’re into the same things we are, it gives us something to talk about initially, but if every time we’re hanging out you want to talk about Young Jeezy and Kobe’s stats, you are going to make us look at you like a dude. You’re not sending “take this pussy” signs you’re sending “I don’t even have a pussy” signs. I knew this girl in college who would always come up to me and talk about wrestling, so of course I was friends with her because it was cool that someone with breast would give a fuck about that stuff, but not once did she ever flirt or say anything remotely sexual, so I didn’t cross that line. Years later she gave me the blues in a Facebook Chat about how I never tried to take her out. In her mind she was flirting, in my mind she was just one of my niggas. The point is, if you want to take it to the next level you can’t leave it in the hands of a guy because we are blind as fuck! By being faux platonic you’re shooting yourself in the foot. I’m not saying pop your titty out and throw it in his mouth, but you can’t be stealth if you want a guy who sees you as just a friend to get the hint. That girl could have easily gone from Triple H to Triple X over the course of a phone call just by saying one dirty joke, but she went the shy route and regretted it later. Find a way to connect with him, show him you have a lot in common, but don’t go so far down the “guy road” that he forgets that he’s talking to a sexy ass female.

Don’t Lie to Your Girls

Your friend asks you what’s up with you and Wayne and you say, “That’s the homie” who are you fooling? You don’t want to come off as lame for falling into the friend zone with a guy, so you lie about how he’s too this or too that for you to date. But as soon as your friend begins to dig for info you hit her with the classic, “What, you like him or something? I’m just going to let you know now that he be talking to a lot of girls…” Why can’t you just keep it real and say you like Wayne but don’t know how to tell if he likes you? I’ve seen multiple girls cock block themselves because they can’t admit the truth. You lie to your girl about your feelings, then because you don’t want to seem like a hater you hook her up with your boy. End result—your bff ends up fucking the love of your life. Now it’s awkward. He’s wondering why you’re not acting as cool as you were before and she’s wondering why you want to change the subject every time you bring his name up. He was never your homie/brother, he was always the guy you wanted to be your man, and if you would have told someone around you how you felt you could have avoided being hurt. Confide in your girls so they can help you figure out where you went wrong instead of pursuing him.

How Many Guy Friends Do You Need?

How many male friends can a girl have? As many as she fucking wants to. If you feel more comfortable hanging with boys than you do girls then that’s your right. But learn to separate the guys who are truly just the homie from the guys you want to get to know on another level. If you meet a guy and you invite him to hang out and you’re flanked by every nigga in the dorms, he’s going to think you’re hoing. Your intentions are innocent, true, but remember people talk and slander. Those other guys, they either think of you as their little sister or ass they want to tap once you’re drunk enough, and will hate on the new guy to protect their spot. When a Hater Chick who doesn’t like you sees that all of these guys like to be around you, she’s not going to think, “she’s just a cool broad who guys are comfortable with” that hating ass hoe is going to think “she’s sucking a lot of dick”. Slander Jealous Bitch Slander! Now she’s telling anyone who will listen that you hooked up with 5 out of the 8 dudes you’re cool with. Those niggas doesn’t want to seem like lames who hang with a girl just because, so a few of them will low key lie on their dicks when asked if they’re fucking you. “I can’t speak on it, my nigga, it is what it is” while smiling through his teeth. That’s how the girl who hangs with nothing but boys becomes the girl no one wants to date. You think you had a good night at karaoke with your new potential boo, the next morning he’s calling you his homegirl because he’s heard the rumors and doesn’t want to be the one who wifed the freak. You can’t stop people from spreading lies; the solution is to keep your circles separate. If you have a group of guys who you clown with and party with keep them on that side of your life. Don’t try to merge the guy who asked for your number with the rest of the niggas who keep you company when your phone’s dry. Men need attention; we don’t want to feel like we’re on the same level as eight other niggas no matter how much we like you. Make it clear that yeah you have male friends and some might like you, but they’re strictly platonic, he’s the one you want to chill with one on one. It’s better for him to know what kind of person you really are before everyone begins to tell him what kind of person they think you are.

We Don’t Forget Sex Stories

I don’t care if he’s the crush you can’t own up to or your Back Up Dick in training, there is such a thing as over sharing. When you are friends with a guy you like why would you tell him the same intimate details you would tell your sister? Men don’t listen that much, but our ears hit record as soon as sex is involved. If you tell him about cheating on your boyfriend, fucking on the first date, or getting an STD that shit goes on your permanent record.  A year down the line when you two finally get the balls to start talking dirty to each other he still hasn’t forgotten about dude you smashed after the Jamie Foxx concert while you claimed you were in love with your boo. Even if you two take it to the level of having sex, he may not want to commit to you because of things you probably forgot you told him. Even though he knows you’re a good person those two times you confessed to him about letting out your inner slut will make it hard for him to trust you. I know you want to be open and honest and share everything with a guy who seems like the perfect friend, but the things you told him as his homegirl may not be things he wants to know about his girlfriend. I know you like to talk and talk and talk… but be selective on what you share if you think he’s boyfriend potential… we judge.

Seduce & Destroy

The main reason guys see you as just the homegirl is the lack of sexual attraction, you haven’t sparked that side of him that makes him want to rip your clothes off, bend you over and shift those kidneys. Instead you’ve sparked the side of him that wants to play smack your ass, talk about TV shows, and get advice on which one of your girls he has the best shot with. This isn’t the movies, you can’t just throw on a tight dress and do your hair differently and make him want to jump your bones. You have to make him aware that it’s okay to think of you sexually, and once a man thinks of you sexually he’s free to think of you romantically. All of the conversations you’ve had as his homegirl can be used as ammo if you have the balls to get off the sidelines and go to war. Start slow so you don’t catch him totally off guard. A few late night conversations, a few dirty texts, even a quick peck on the lips goodbye instead of a hug can start to make him want you. Don’t confess randomly “I want to be with you” take your time and show him through your actions, be calculating, and get creative with the way you flirt. Learn how to push his buttons and be aggressive when you need to be, trust me when I say it’s damn near impossible to defend against a woman who knows how to properly seduce. I guarantee you that in less than a month he will be the one that’s screaming inside because he’s starting to see you as more than his homegirl. I don’t care if he has a girlfriend, isn’t the type to commit, or whatever bullshit excuse you keep telling yourself as to why you shouldn’t go for it, either you go for him now or end up the jealous best friend to a guy you never wanted to be friends with in first place. A woman who acts gets the wedding ring, a woman who regrets gets the wedding invitation.

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