Contrary to popular belief, men are nicer than women. Women can be polite, sweet, courteous, and all that charm school jazz, but they all have that bitch switch that can flip when they don’t want to be bothered. An ugly guy keeps blowing up your phone, you were nice enough to give it out, but ten text messages a day and the switch has to be flipped. A guy in the club smacks your ass, you look back. If he’s cute, you say something smart, yet flirty. If he’s ugly you shit on him for that disrespect. When it comes to interacting with the opposite sex, women tend to curtail their kindness depending on how attractive a man is. It’s not just a physical attraction, if a man is funny, smart, paid, or whatever it is that a particular girl is into, he gets special treatment. To quote what my high school sweetheart said to my boy ‘Tino, “No, I’m not on my period, I just don’t fuck with you like that”.

Cold world. Men, for the most part, are nice regardless of how attracted or unattracted they are to a woman. Think about this. Guys are extremely shallow, will play with a girl’s emotions to get what we want, and talk shit behind her back. However, face to face they are as charming as can be. We don’t have a bitch switch, we have a “Get The Hint” switch. Get The Hint is a passive aggressive method we have been using to get rid of girls we weren’t interested in since the first ancient nigga figured out it was better to find a short cut to the watering hole than risk bypassing the hut of an annoying chick he smashed.

Men are so nice in fact that they take on female friends they don’t even like. I was at a party and my boy introduced me to his “friend”. I thought she was pretty and I asked him why he hadn’t cuffed. He said I would see by the end of the night. As we left, he said, “You see how she acts, that’s why I don’t go hard at her, she’s annoying”. The funny thing is, by being nice and continuing to see her and show interest, he’s allowing himself to be annoyed. Why pretend to be friends, hang out, talk on the phone, and laugh? I’m from the school of put up with the headache for sex, love, or not at all. Since daycare we have been told over and over again, “Don’t be mean to girls”, it’s become habit by the time we’re grown. Even bad boys and goons are kind, they may be more aggressive, but they’re not going to rip your number up in your face. Only when he’s been hurt or disrespected will a man pull the fangs out, express his true feelings, and throw aside the “be nice” programming. We’ve all met that guy who wasn’t afraid to shit on his actual girlfriend, but when it came to a new chick, that nigga was a complete gentlemen, “I only took her number because I didn’t want to be mean, baby”. That’s not game, dude actually gives more fucks about hurting the feelings of a random female than his own woman. Hopefully the guys you meet will keep it 100, but in case you run into these sugar coaters, here are a few things to be aware of.

“I Would Like To Thank The Academy”

I used to think reading signs was simple and that women were being naive, but I finally get what girls are talking about. It’s not as cut and dry as if he doesn’t text or call then he’s not interested, because men will still entertain you. Because of our reluctance to be honest and say, “Stop calling me, I don’t like you like that”, we send mixed signals to women. The average dude who has a one night stand with a girl he didn’t like won’t text her the next day, “I only wanted the ass, I won’t be calling you again unless I’m bored”. He thinks that, but he’s sensitive to the fact that she’s in a delicate position so he does something worse than shit on her. He continues to get her hopes up by texting, “I had a nice time too ”, knowing damn well bitches love smiley faces. Men are confusing, not because we’re complex, but because we fake interest in an effort to spare feelings. It’s ironic, by refusing to be rude and leading women on, we create this fake reality which not only wastes her time, but ends up scarring her worse than that initial rejection would have. Mr. Perfect is trying to be nice by saying he’s too busy to hang out with you, yet he does stay on the phone and talk all night. You think he likes you and is just being held back by emotional baggage because his actions are clearly telling you that he’s into you. You’re not crazy, he is sending signs that he wants you to be his girl, but that’s the point. When it comes to faking interest, men are Daniel Day-Lewis. You know Abraham Lincoln is dead, you know this is just a movie, but after two hours of watching him at work, he will make you believe he is Abraham fucking Lincoln. There is no emotional baggage, no hectic schedule, no playing hard to get, he doesn’t think of you as wifey or pussy, you’re just blah. Through your love sick eyes you see a complicated relationship, but in the end it’s just a bitch ass act. That boy doesn’t have the stomach to reject you like a man, so he performs until you Get The Hint.

High School Conversation

Unlimited Talk, Text, and Data but you two aren’t saying shit. While looks may draw you to each other, one conversation can be the difference between turning someone on and turning someone off. There are girls who assume that because a guy asked for her phone number that he’s interested, that’s half true. He was interested initially, but that doesn’t mean you are going to automatically keep his attention. I only lover her when her face is fresh. The joy of meeting a new chick, the excitement of expanding your roster, it’s a crack high. Yes, men do daydream the same way women do. We go to bed thinking about wifing shorty with the sexy lips, wondering how our kids would look, and get pumped when we see her text. Men invented romance, it’s not all about putting our penis in a vagina. The funny thing about men is that our lust seems to wear off much faster unless she hooks us (my book talks about this in depth, so don’t ask, be patient). This is why you may see a man who is extra nice at first, promises the world, and swears that he’s not just after sex. It sounds sincere because it is, it’s that initial high taking over his brain. The moment he spots another girl who excites him, you say something he doesn’t like, or you reject his advances, then you get moved to the back of the line. How can you tell if he’s into you? The contents of your conversation will reveal all if you’re willing to take your head out of the clouds, stop smiling, and actually pay attention.  High school boys spend a lot of time talking to girls. They don’t have anything legit to say, so they flirt, joke, and ask when they’re going to get to see you. A man is not interested in you if he’s twenty plus years and old still talking to you like you’re prom pussy. There’s a difference between a man who asks how your day was and means it, and one who is just trying to get brownie points. If he really cares he will ask deeper questions: Is your co-worker still tripping? Whatever happened with your aunt? I’m going to kick you off the phone, you know you have a paper due in the morning. A man who is interested will be invested. If you’re a grown woman and your “friend” only wants to talk about sending nudes, when you’re coming over, or always has his friends playing Xbox in the background, then he’s not invested in your life, he’s invested in his life. Stop having high school conversations and his acting won’t hold up.

Inbox full… of shit

Social media is an easy way to get your signals mixed because you’re doing a lot of guessing. Unlike talking, you can’t tell if someone’s being smart, serious, flirting, or just being polite. Some people will get gassed and take a long chat conversation to mean that there is genuine interest. Men, to our credit, rarely hide the thirst, which is good because it takes the guessing out of things. Women play it more subtly, beat around the bush, and assume because he’s entertaining DM’s, Wall posts, etc… that he’s feeling her. A woman will be quick to log off or not respond if a guy is doing too much, and if he’s too hard up, she’ll flip that bitch switch and let him know she’s not looking for love—with him. Right now there is an internet pimp typing to one girl he really likes, while pacifying a chick who annoys the hell out of him. Letting that girl know she’s wasting her time, she’s not his type, or whatever is hard, so most fellas take the easy route. Honesty is brutal, but it’s also the most decent thing a person can practice. If your boo-thang who gives you butterflies every time he logs in isn’t going at you with the same intensity that the dudes you don’t like are, then read the writing on wall. He’s not shy, he’s not trying to get over a past relationship, he’s waiting for you to Get The Hint. If that nigga really liked you he would have been taken that conversation offline. Let’s say you met offline, talk on the phone regularly and like anyone who’s lusting, you stalk their Facebook or Twitter, only to realize you’re blossoming relationship is not a part of that online life. I can’t tell you how many emails I get dealing with, “He won’t acknowledge me online” or “He talks to other girls as if I don’t exist”. First off, no matter how jealous you are, you can’t expect anyone to preface every statement online with “I’m talking to someone”. It’s the internet, no one wants to hear about your relationship unless it’s bad news. You have to give people room to have fun and be social without insecure constraints. However, if you find that your guy friend is going out of his way to conceal you, then he doesn’t fuck with you like that. Untagging himself from pictures with you, limiting what you can see on his page, deleting your wall posts, and only inboxing… you’re not even the side hoe, you’re the hide hoe.

One Date Minimum

If a guy likes you, he will try to have sex with you early. That’s not disrespectful, a man who doesn’t test the hoe waters, is a fool. The thing about being genuinely interested is that we don’t care about that initial rejection, real niggas respect a lady for being a worthy advisory then continue to pursue. Guys who aren’t really interested may still try to hit, but it’s a half-ass attempt because she’s not worthy of his Kobe in the Playoffs type game. You got him to go on a date with you, congratulations, but that doesn’t mean shit. I wager that the date you got him to take you on was on the same level as your high school boyfriend, and about as romantic as “can I put the tip in?” A man who thinks you’re not on his level, ugly, or easy will take you on a budget date, pop for the ass, then punish you for not giving it up.When are we going out again, that was fun?” Never, bitch! You were acting like you were too good to fuck, cost me $43.57, and you stepped on my J’s twice! Of course, the uninterested man won’t verbalize that, he’ll just suck it up and say, “Hopefully next week, I’m supposed to help Moms out, so I’ll see”. Sign this coon up for Othello because he has you convinced he’s actually busy. One real date is usually all you will get from an uninterested man. He doesn’t want you or your box unless it’s being served on a silver platter. So unless you’re offering to pay, coming over the crib to chill, or trying to double date with your bff he secretly wants to fuck, he’s not going to go out in public with you again.

No Urgency

If I like you, I will want to see you often. The ultimate sign of interest is passion. Standing outside to get sneakers, that’s passion. Sitting in a rainy stadium to watch your team, that’s passion. Rearranging your schedule, canceling plans, or traveling as far as you have to in order to see the woman you’re crazy about, that’s passion. No man makes excuses not to see a woman he likes, but he will create a laundry list to avoid the women he doesn’t like. Open your fucking eyes, if he was down for you, he would be around you. Where’s that man you’re refusing to talk to other guys for? Where’s that man you’ve been bragging about online? Where’s the man that you’re thinking about right now? He’s where he wants to be, and clearly that isn’t with you. Talk is cheap and these men are making you girls cum with Wal-Mart whispers. He didn’t say he didn’t like you, so that means he likes you… huh? Those braids under that weave must be tight as hell for you to act that dense. You’re too smart to be assuming, waiting, and hoping. I know what victims are going to scream, “NC, tell these men to grow some balls”. 21st century men are too lazy to change their own tires, you think they’re going to change their mindset, especially when they’re winning? Men aren’t going to read this and suddenly start keeping it real, the Get The Hint switch either ends in females giving up the ass in order to get his attention back or with her actually getting the hint. That’s a win either way. Even if he thinks the chick is wack, he won’t burn that bridge because six months from now he may need attention, sex, or a payday loan from that same wack chick. Even if you’ve deleted his number, he knows that you’ll still pick up, because you still like him. Would you still like him and pick up the phone if he told you the truth that you were annoying? …Exactly. Get The Hint, is fake, but it works. Men won’t change, so that means you have to evolve in order to see past this theatrical bullshit. Conversation, Recognition, and Pursuit, if he’s not giving you that, then he’s just not that into you.