A girl wants a relationship- Why is this bitch so thirsty? She should just be content fucking me with no strings attached, putting mileage on her pussy, and hoping it leads somewhere.

A guy wants sex- Why is this nigga so thirsty? Yeah, I post pictures wearing nothing but pasties and talk about how I wish someone would give me some bomb head, but that doesn’t give him the right to inbox me!

Apparently everyone is thirsty and liking someone or even giving them an innocent compliment is cause for ridicule. Black people are blessed with the mutant power to take a word and overuse the hell out of it. We’re like the fucking Smurfs, all these words in the English lexicon, yet we choose to latch on to one, make it mean whatever we want it to mean, then run it into the ground. Take the word Hoe, Ho, or Heaux (if you’re fancy) for example. If you want to take it to mean a woman who sleeps around for status or goods, cool. But in the hands of Bitter Nigga Smurf it means a woman who got him to splurge on Texas Chainsaw tickets and didn’t fuck. In the hands of Bitter Ratchet Smurf it means a rich white woman who dared to get pregnant by Kanye West. Don’t even bother to correct their definitions because that too is “hoe shit”. Now we have the word “Thirst” being blown out of proportion and misused. People have always been “pressed”, “hard up”, “infatuated”, etc… but “Thirsty” just rolls off the tongue so much better. I remember carrying a girl’s books for her in middle school. Was that thirsty of me? Well, according to you ignorant bastards being nice to a girl is the same as texting a picture of your dick at 4am. This year a ten year old boy won’t be able to give his classmate a Valentines card because the dreaded “T” word will be dropped on him. “You gave her a Princess Jasmine cut out heart? Nigga you thirsty.” Welcome to 2013, where it’s all thirst everything.

Death To Screen Grabs

A lot of you are perpetuating this thirst craze for two reasons, either you want to draw attention to the fact that you’re getting attention, or you want to embarrass someone who’s not showing you attention anymore. Strippers, Hood Models, and random internet flirts, want EVERYONE to know that they are wanted. It’s not enough to be confident, take nice pictures, and live life. They need thirst to validate how much of a bad bitch they truly are. Every day a tabloid site has a screen grab of a text between some Buttaface freak with low self-esteem blasting a ball player or entertainer. Look yall, he’s offering to fly me out of town for a weekend, the thirst is REAL!!! What we don’t see is the 73 text messages before that where she’s talking about how good she sucks dick. Because those women get infamy from doing that dumb shit, average hoes have jumped on the bandwagon quicker than a new 49ers fan. Ratchelle Ray can’t catch the attention of a rich nigga, so she thirst traps an internet lame then puts him on blast so she can feel just as special. Look yall, he asked how my pussy taste, the thirst is REAL!!! What do you get out of that besides a tiny bit of online attention? Likes don’t equal $ and Retweets don’t deposit into your bank account, so why are you trying so hard to get noticed? Some goofy looking dude in a fitted hat sent a message asking to eat your box. OMG! Call TMZ, you’re famous! Sit ya happy ass down. Screen grab the part where you met him at a motel and asked him to cum in you.

One of the reasons women give for going public with acts of thirst is often, “He disrespected me, so I had to air him out”. If he’s out there leaking nudes and calling you out your name, I still don’t approve of stooping to that level, but I understand it. However, all it takes for some woman to feel scorned is for a guy not to call her back or shower attention on another woman. Let’s get this straight… you fucked him… knew he had a girlfriend… and it was all good. But once he stopped responding to your texts or had the nerve to set his Facebook picture as his new bitch, he disrespected what you two had? Let’s call a spade a spade, you were hurt and wanted to embarrass him so you went back into the folder on your PC labeled “Texts-Skypes-Chats” and exposed him for being a guy who sends really horny messages. Water is wet, the earth is round, and men like to talk dirty. You haven’t exposed shit that isn’t common knowledge, you’ve just made other men leery of talking to you, and other women think you’re messy. If you’re getting ballers to take you on trips, washed up rappers begging to suck your toes, or have dudes with girls begging for nudes, congratulations, you are in demand, but don’t let it gas you up. You are not the first or the last creature with a vagina to get that level of attention. Bad bitches get offers to get their ass ate every week, it happens to you once and you’re acting as if you’ve won the lottery. He’s being thirsty for sex while you’re showing how thirsty you are for attention, and guess what– we’re laughing at both of you.

Planet Of The Ass Eaters

Real thirst does exist and everyone has thirsty thoughts. It’s normal to lust after things, but the key is not to let those thoughts turn into thirsty actions. You have to Bella Swan that shit and curve your appetite. New Niggas have no chill, they’re so ADD that they go at women like they’ve never seen cleavage before. We’re in the midst of the “Nobody Got Time For That” generation that doesn’t know how to be subtle and build through conversation. These coons expect girls to open their legs just as fast as their PS3 loads because they don’t understand patience. What happened to getting a girl worked up by verbally sparing, then making her wet without using the words “fuck”, “eat”, or “I’ll pay for it”? The internet happened. It’s a buffet of women who are putting their prettiest pictures at the forefront, quoting nasty rap lyrics, and making it known that they’re single. A hard dick and broadband internet speed will expose a non pussy getting man every time! They think because it’s after 10pm, it’s cool to randomly hit chicks up talking reckless. One of my homegirls off twitter shared this DM with me. This nigga came at her talking about how he had to beat off once she changed her Avi. Where the fuck do you live that you pull women with stories of dick jacking? Is a bitch supposed to curtsy and feel honored that you rubbed one out to her static image? I couldn’t even laugh, I felt embarrassed. He’s probably not a bad dude, it’s just that nobody taught him how to talk to women. Let’s keep it real, the chicks he has smashed were probably basic bitches who have zero options and do get open as soon as any guy says “my dick’s hard for you”.

Screen grabbing is wack, but they wouldn’t be able to screen grab if the shit men were writing wasn’t so fucking lame. When you don’t have game, you rely on desperation. Shorty has dozens of guys tapping her thirst trap instagram picture, yet a lame will think that by commenting about wanting to eat her pussy from the back, she will move him to the front of the line. That girl isn’t checking for the guys like him that like every picture, even the dumb shit. “I liked that picture of her lunch and that picture of Ryan Gosling, now she will want to fuck me” Nigga, you are a buffoon. Shorty is waiting for that one nigga she crushes on to drop a heart so she can jump up and down inside. That nigga right there is suave, he already has the number, is in her ear, and he doesn’t need to pour it on. You have to understand your own worth, be Dylan McKay with it, and when you do come out and give that girl a compliment it will mean so much more. There will always be competition when dealing with a pretty girl, but you don’t have to try so hard to even out the field. So what if you aren’t rich or look like the guys you think girls go for, confidence slays all women. Grow some balls and come correct instead of, “You would look even better sitting on my face”.

That Gatorade Dick

When it comes to women, there is a difference between being thirsty and being aggressive. An aggressive woman takes aim at what she wants, whereas a thirsty woman leaves herself out as bait for anyone who wants her. One is in control, the other will always be controlled. Women don’t have to try that hard to get a man’s attention, those who rely on thirst trapping through slutty clothes or half naked pictures are doing too much. A girl who knows she’s pretty doesn’t need the desperation of an ass shot. You in a thong will always get more attention than you in a dress, but not all attention is good attention. You can’t explain that to girls with low self-esteem because just like those guys who think they have to compete by tricking bread or offering oral favors, these girls think the way they beat out the girls with the Keri Hilson face is to expose their Phaedra Parks ass. Any woman can get sex and some form of attention, what the majority really thirst for is commitment and affection. Thirst isn’t asking to see a picture of his dick, thirst happens after she has already seen and felt his dick and is now doing circles around his crib during her lunch break to see if he’s lying about being out of town. Every guy reading this has experienced that girl who you chilled with, maybe didn’t have sex with, but she was so happy to have the company of a male that she started to text and call as if she was your actual chick. That’s real life thirst that makes us lie that we’re out of town and hope she gets the hint.

Why do girls fuck with guys who they know aren’t going to give them a title—Thirst. Why do they become side hoes—Thirst. Why do they pay for studio time for niggas who don’t acknowledge them—Thirst.  Everyone wants love, but the moment you lower your values, sacrifice your morals, and sell your soul just so you can say, “he’s mine”, you become the worse kind of thirsty. Show a girl something she can’t have and watch how quickly the thirst sets in. If he has someone, if he’s not looking to settle, or any obstacle that makes a relationship with him nearly impossible, then that challenge is a turn on and his unavailability becomes thirst inducing. We men are masters at using a female’s thirst to our advantage, for us it’s not about showing the world screen grabs, once a guy sees that your nose is open, he exploits. Whereas the average man may be in it just for sex, once the Thirstdar goes off, he plays you on a new level by asking for “favors” you’re afraid to turn down. You want me to come see you this weekend? Okay… pay my rent. You have a family cookout and everyone’s going to ask about your new boo? Okay… buy me Jordans. If a guy has money and sees that you’re open off of who he is and what he can do for you, then he uses that thirst to get fantasy sex. You want to drive the benz? Okay… let me record us having sex. You want to go on this trip to London? Okay… get your homegirl to ménage with us. Relationship baiting quickly turns into blackmail and it is like having a debit card for broke niggas and like having a prepaid prostitute for rich niggas. If you’re hard up for a relationship, a man will use you in whatever area he desires because you have no self respect. In the words of the immortal Hova, “Girls never tell me no, the most they said is ‘not here’”.

Stop jumping through hoops for these niggas. Your brain doesn’t turn off the moment your pussy gets wet, but a lot of you act like it does. He’s tall, athletic, good job, and you connect on every level… but he also has a girlfriend, a kid by another woman, and only calls you when he can sneak away. You’re either hella dumb or extremely parched to want to deal with someone like that. Don’t thirst after that fool just because he fits your shallow description, make sure he fits the most important description—availability. Don’t end up the girl who calls her bff at 2am talking about, “why this thirsty hoe up here hitting like on all of his photos?” That nigga doesn’t belong to you! His relationship status is set as single, which means he’s community dick! How are you mad at his ex girl or new girl for overstepping boundaries that do not exist? Stop getting dehydrated over these Unicorn ass relationships, and go quench your thirst with a real boyfriend. A girl who flirts with someone she likes isn’t being thirsty, she’s being normal. You’re the fool up at night taking note of who likes the photos of a man who you’re fucking, yet won’t claim you. Now that’s thirsty.