Reading your site makes me afraid to get in a relationship. That annoys the hell out of me. Ignorance is not bliss, it’s just plain old ignorance. Yeah, you may have slept better before you truly knew the level men stooped to in order to get in your pants, but who doesn’t want to be informed? That’s like saying, “Please don’t make sex offenders register. If I found out my neighbor was a rapist, I wouldn’t be so comfortable leaving my door open” sorry to break the news but not knowing doesn’t make you safe, it’s makes you a target. We live in a age where every girl knows a girl who’s been fucked over, and now they are so afraid of falling for the wrong man that they sabotage themselves before even getting to know the guy’s last name.  Women don’t just avoid the men they aren’t attracted to, a lot of them stereotype and avoid the ones they are most attracted to out of fear. He “looks like he’s a player” and you don’t got time for that. What kind of half-ass reasoning is that? You’re afraid of getting hurt based off his zodiac sign, his resemblance to your ex, and the way he makes your heart beat when he looks at you? Grow. The. Fuck. Up.  Fear is a weak emotion based solely on uncertainty. No, you can’t be 100% he doesn’t have a girlfriend. No, you can’t be 100% that he will call after sex. No, you can’t be 100% sure what anyone says is actually the truth when they are trying to get something out of you. Now, you can worry about if he’s going to do you like the last guy did you, your cousin’s boyfriend did her… or you can drive out that weak ass fear and Spartan up.

Basic-TrainingI don’t write to make women paranoid. My goal is to make you more cautious than you were a week ago, smarter than you were a month ago, and tougher than you were a year ago. There is no shame in being played, being dick whipped, missing red flags, and making the wrong choice, as long as those experiences grow you. Do you want to end up like these bum magnets who were born in the 60’s and still walk around talking about, “men ain’t shit”, or do you want to take your place as an evolved woman who’s smart enough to say, “those men over there ain’t shit—I learned that five years ago. Now meet my husband, Dr. Is Shit”. When I give women insight and relay cautionary tales, you shouldn’t react like fucking Scooby Doo, shivering in the corner every time a handsome guy makes eye contact with you, “Rut roh, Shaggy, he looks like he may bottom bitch me or hit it and run, let’s hide until he’s gone”. This is Spartan boot camp, and I’m like that Drill Sargent in Full Metal Jacket toughing those recruits up. Instead of spewing insults about how you can suck a bowling ball through a garden hose, I’m trying to help you realize your value so these guys can stop treating you like three holes and a warm mouth. I want to turn Recruit Ratchet into someone who will be able to delete the number of a guy who always wants to chill, yet doesn’t want to claim her. I want to turn Private Basica into a stone cold killer, so that when her baby daddy comes knocking on that door after cheating on her, she’ll G-up and tell him to eat a dick, and have the strength to never go back. You won’t make it through my basic training by being basic. So that means no more fear. Spring time is hear, it’s time to throw on your big girl leggings and break free from all the relationship “what if’s” that will keep you from making a real connection.

Run But You Can’t Hide Forever

fuck-loveA man can only disappoint you if you let him. “I can’t control who I fall for”, the hell you can’t. Women can push babies out and hold shits in for three day weekends, you mean to tell me you can’t check your lust for the first four dates? I talk to these women who are all open and in love in less than a month, it’s not because the guy is that amazing it’s because they want what he represents that bad. Of course you’re afraid he’s going to hurt you, you don’t really know that nigga. Would you give a person your ATM pin after three weeks, because you liked the way they smiled and had great conversation? Fuck no! You don’t trust them enough not to rob you, but for some reason you trust those same type of guys enough to fuck you??? Get to know these men, instead of being suckered in by his first month best behavior act. I’ve written on that topic a dozen times. Here’s the problem that’s happening– instead of putting that detective work to the test, some women just stop dating. Dating is too much effort so she becomes celibate, hides in the house like a cat lady, and waits for Scandal to come on. What kind of pathetic shit is that? You want all men to be upfront and honest with you, so until that happens you just won’t play the game… Really? You do know we’ll see flying cars and a third world war before we’ll ever get to the point where guys keep it real. Know who says, “I don’t need a man to be happy“, women who need a man to be happy. Unless you’re a nun, no one believes this anti-man shit you keep preaching, you are upset with those men you’ve come across, but why are you letting your past make you bitter? Get over your immature, “men are just out to hurt me” mentality, and put in the work it takes to separate the boys from the men. You don’t really want to be alone listening to Adele, you want a great guy to prove to you that he’s not like the rest. How can he prove to you that he’s different if you ignore his advances or refuse to speak due to your self-imposed penis exile? Your last boo hurt you… hell your last three boos probably hurt you, but is that the man who asks your name at the supermarket’s fault? No. He could turn out to be from the Ain’t Shit Clan, as well, but if you’ve been up on the things I’ve been trying to drill into you, then you are equipped with the tools to at least weed out the average liars. Men aren’t your enemy, your thirst to be loved is the true culprit that constantly cripples your common sense and allows these losers to infiltrate. It’s up to you to trust in yourself to be smarter than you were the last time you had your heartbroken. Simply giving up on love is unrealistic and cowardly. A confident woman can talk to five guys who “look like players” and not get played because she’s not hard up to the point where she will believe the game he spits and she’s not looking for a man to tell her she’s special in order to feel special. Stop backing down from the challenge because it’s too hard. Scared money don’t make money, and cowardly coochie won’t make it to the chapel.

No Such Thing As Half Way Crooks

Boomerang-bitchSome women get hurt or are just plain afraid of the things they think come with commitment, and instead of swearing off dating and letting her coochie grow cobwebs, they fuck their anxiety away. Erica Mena who I think of as the perfect hoe (we’ll get into that on the next one), had a great teary eyed break down on Love & Hip Hop, where she talked about how she was afraid to give a man her heart after her baby daddy, and now after being hurt by yet another man she was going to go back to being numb. There are so many numb women out here. They are emotionally detached from men to the point where guys are only good for dick, head, money, or entertainment.Use, but never lower your guard enough to get used like before”, that’s the motto. These women have the same problem as the bitter cat ladies, they want honesty, love, and a man to prove that he’s genuine, but they stand in their own way. How can you find that one special guy if you simply fuck him, then toss him because you think he’s going to do the same thing? How can you give him a chance to prove he’s serious when you play games like you’re into him, only to bluff him out after a month because he’s getting too close? Men hate girls like that because usually they are the most desirable due to the challenge they represent, but they also do the most damage to the male ego when they drop his ass for the next boy toy. A lot of guys will call these women hoes, bitches, or sluts, because they can’t comprehend why a girl would treat them like that when they were legitimately trying to establish something real. These aren’t evil women, they’re damaged, and tired of playing the male game so they make up their own rules to insure they never get hurt. What becomes of these numb girls when they get bored or when they realize they pushed a good guy away? They don’t have an epiphany, they continue down that same path and eventually they stop being numb, and just become dead to the world. Now they’re older, jaded, and unable to really love anyone but themselves because that’s the only person they know how to trust. Ladies, it’s okay to go through your phases, if you want to decide, after Alan cheated on you with your homegirl, that you want to party every night and bust it open to whoever with no strings attached, that’s your prerogative. However don’t act out and become numb, start hoeing, and go down a path that you aren’t built for. You aren’t hurting Alan by having a one night stand with some dirty hood dude, you’re acting out like a brat, and ruining your value. Being emotionally guarded can be a good thing if you know how to control it. Be numb to these dudes with weak ass game and stories of what they can do for you and how they’re different, but don’t get so caught up that you can’t snap out of it once a guy proves to you that he’s worth a shot. Be hard, but not to the point where you aren’t capable of rewarding a person for keeping it real.

Shook Ones

Relationship-TrapmentMen lie about how good you look to fuck. Men lie about how different you are to keep fucking. A man will even lie about wanting to marry you, just so he can keep getting whatever it is that he thinks you’re good for. In the end, those frauds will find an exit, leaving you to try to figure out what was a lie and what was authentic. “But he SAID he would never hurt me, why do men do that bullshit!” The same reason people still send spam emails saying they’ll deposit a million in your account if you give them $500– suckers will always fall for it. Take your head out of the sand and be AWARE, but don’t blindly accept that as your fate and live every day paranoid. I had a friend get his car stolen in Mexico, does that mean I should stay the fuck out of Mexico? No, that means I have to be smarter than he was every time I visit, and even after I get comfortable, still remember what could happen. Be ready, not runners. Not all men are dogs, and not all of them are running game, so why let your fear of their worst keep you from seeing their best? You’re not afraid of love, you’re afraid of not being loved, and it’s time to get over that. You can catch an attitude, buy a vibrator, and swear off men for a few years. That doesn’t mean when you come out of that exile, you’re going to find a good one. Most likely you’ll find that there are even more bums than before, and you just wasted two years of good box on your fingers. You could get disenfranchised and start treating these men like hoes, never getting too close, and milking them dry, but how do you decide who’s a trick and who’s legit when you’re trapped in that hoe matrix? These days we call it True Love, because those who came before us dealt with the same dilemma and decided that simply calling it “love” wasn’t clear enough. You’re not the first one to be hurt and confused while trying to figure out the real from the fake, so quit throwing yourself a pity party. Dating has never been easy, and people will never be completely honest, the secret is to face your fear by being equipped to not only survive in this world of fakes but to dominate it by knowing how to spot the real. #SpartanUp