Why don’t black men commit, why don’t college guys commit, why don’t the guys in my city commit? Why do they treat me like they love me then act as if I mean nothing? Those are the questions that women ask… Why do girls give up the box first, and then ask for a relationship? Why do girls think sex equals a relationship in the first place? Those are the questions that men ask… The disconnect between men and women has and will always be, “what does sex really mean?” Certain women think that any man who deems her worth fucking and feeding, also deems her worthy of a relationship. Some girls say this aloud; some keep that shit to themselves and assume a man is smart enough to know what she expects. Either way, it’s a game that women usually lose. I’m not talking “overtime field goal, damn that was close” lose; bitches are being blown out by men in terms of this relationship battle. The reason being is that by the time a woman has “the talk” about what they are going to be, that man has already gotten the pot of gold. Even if he likes her, he’s not going to be pressured into being with her. Her conversation and friendship isn’t priceless, so he walks away with his head high because he got the only thing he saw as valuable—pussy. In the end, all the woman gets is a lesson in, maybe your naïve ass should have gotten what you wanted first like a normal person.
Most women have no idea how to spark a man’s interest with their clothes on; sex tends to be how shy women, insecure women, and nervous women show a man that they like him. Outside of the bedroom they try too hard to impress or try too hard not to seem like they’re trying to impress and it comes off as bipolar. Women play these games because they hear guys talk about, “I hate corny bitches that act like xyz…” When women who haven’t had success with love or women who do those “corny” things hear guys say that, a light bulb goes off like, “Now I understand men, they say they want this, I’ll act like this,—I’m saved!” Bitch, no. As a result of not understanding the difference between what a man SAYS he wants and what a man ACTUALLY wants, a generation of women have grown up not knowing how to interact around men they crush on. Women are afraid to showcase their real personalities because the majority aren’t confident in their ability to hold a man’s attention without the games or sex trapping. These girls are so afraid to say the wrong thing and ruin their shot with “him” that the end result is usually—do what he wants to do and don’t ask too many questions or it’s back to eHarmony.
The solution is to stop being obsessed with what a man wants, stop overthinking your every action, and stop being so hard up for dick that you come off as some weird, giggling, submissive little girl who strips down her personality in order to impress a man. To not be some relationship ninja who thinks her pussy game is so spectacular that all you have to do is fuck him for a month and he’ll suddenly utter the words, “we go together.” Girls who follow the Spartan code and refuse to think of any man as rare can pull this off because they have real confidence that they can get any man they want; others will stay unsure of their worth and continue to fall for that same trap repeatedly. But! What about those women who do show their bomb personalities, who aren’t being overly submissive, and who prove to these men that they aren’t some basic chick? Why are there still men who refuse to commit to the best woman they’ve ever dated? Should women actually wait around for a man to get to a right spot in his life for love? Is the excuse, “I’m Just Not Ready For A Relationship” real? Let’s break it down.
Don’t Be Scared Homie
Fellas, consider this a closed room meeting where the girls aren’t listening and let’s be real with each other. Commitment is scary, I don’t care how tough you are, putting your feelings in the hands of a girl and trusting her to not fuck you over, causes paranoia. When is that risk worth it? Let’s say you met a girl you really like, she’s girlfriend pretty, not just some nickel you gassed up. She’s forward and communicates, not the typical girl that beats around the bush and expects you to read her mind. She’s supportive, not in a cook you dinner and let you hold her car, bottom bitch way, but like a motivating partner instead of a spoiling mother. Finally, she fucks like a champ; she’s not turtled on her back, eyes closed, taking dick with the excitement level of a flu shot. To sum it up, you’ve met a girl who’s not like the rest. All the excuses that you give the corny girls, you don’t want to give her, a big part of you wants this girl as your girl—but you’re just not sure what to do… Stop being a pussy, that’s what you do.
Real men make decisions; they don’t keep smashing and agree to be exclusive without a title with a girl they’re in love with just because it’s the safe route. Girls do fuck themselves over by not standing up for themselves; however, you know that girl isn’t cool with being your untitled dick cozy. That girl really likes you and she’s being a trooper because Basicas have told her to “wait for that man if you love him,” and here you are exploiting that naïve loyalty. Your male ego is saying, “She’ll be, alright,” but she won’t be! The right dude will snatch up the best girl you’ve met because you’re leasing when you should be buying. The issue of “why aren’t we together” will grow into resentment, and she will turn into a crazy bitch, but a crazy bitch that you created by torturing her with a half-ass relationship!
All men are afraid of The Switch. We’ve all been with multiple women, and we all come to the same conclusion: The average female starts cool, then transforms into that annoying ass relationship girl or jealous Erica Mena psychopath as soon as you lock them down. Black, White, Asian, Latino, it doesn’t matter the man’s color– we don’t want to commit because there aren’t any women worth committing to these days. You know that’s not true. That’s a commitment issue based on past experiences, and you should have grown from those bad choices. You’re old enough to date, wait, and put these girls to the test to make sure they aren’t annoying, clingy, crazy, or hoeish. It only takes a few weeks to figure out if a girl is right for you, but here you are months in, or even years in, and you still don’t buy into a girl that’s shown you her greatness. This cowardly indecision has to stop! Man to man, let’s get to the root of your real fear, because “not ready” is a cop out, and we all know it.
FEAR OF GIVING AN INCH
You give a girl an inch; she’ll take a mile– start picking out wedding colors and start writing her first name with your last name, regular and hyphenated. She won’t tell you this, but it’ll slip out in the little things she says and does. Your future is now her future, and while you want her as a girlfriend, you aren’t even thinking about marriage. The older you get, the more women consider you, “the one.” That’s how females are wired, they love hard way too fast. Not to say we don’t, but males are more of a live for the day, not plan for the future, type of people. You’re not ready for marriage, and you shouldn’t be, but that’s not the same as not being ready for a relationship. Dating a girl is just getting to know her as a person in order to see if she’s even worth fucking. Agreeing to be monogamous aka “giving up the title” is showing her that you don’t want to date other girls, you like her, and want to see how far it can go once committed. Marriage is on an entire other level; it’s basically merging for life. She’s cool, you love her, but you don’t LOVE her that much.
As men, you have to understand the difference between giving her a shot and giving her your last name, and not think that one immediately follows the other. Girls get overzealous, but don’t let chicks rattle you with tough talk. I’ve heard girls say scary shit like, “I don’t have time to waste, if we’re going to be together, he better be the man I’m marrying.” She’s talking out of her ass, trying to boost herself up because she’s been dogged out. Don’t listen to that and let it run you off, if you sit and talk to her you’ll see that it’s a defense mechanism, and she’s willing to take it one day at a time just like you. If she is a psycho “you better propose by my next birthday” girl, then drop that bitch like you dropped Michael Vick from your fantasy team.
FEAR OF PUBLICITY
Men see those girls on social media writing about, “my bae is so good to me… my bae a trip… waiting for my bae to get off work,” and shake their head at that corniness. There is no way you want to be the “bae” to some lovesick girl who feels a need give strangers play by play on your relationship. We men are built different, we don’t need that kind of attention, nor do we covet it, but some girls take pride in having someone and have to inform the world. Maybe it’s a ploy or maybe she is legitimately happy to be yours. Either way, you don’t want to deal with that circus. You’re afraid that the moment you make it official, she’s going to blast it off as a status update and expect you to do the same. You can’t explain to a girl that it makes you uncomfortable; she doesn’t see the problem, so she expects you to act the same way. To even break this down to her from your POV will seem like you’re making an excuse and lead to an argument. “What you got to hide? Which one of them #NoFilter Hoes you fucking? Do you already have a girlfriend?” That’s enough to make a nigga stay single for life. An argument about publicizing your relationship—that’s the shit you were afraid of.
Stop crying and man up. When you were courting this girl and trying to get her to fuck, you should have been taking inventory of what kind of person she was. I tell women to interview men like their life depends on it, and men should do the same thing to avoid falling fast for a girl that has a ton of deal breakers. THOTs post hoe shit, they say hoe shit, and they are easy to expose. These attention hungry chicks aren’t stealth either; you can take one look at her Instagram and tell that bitch is extra. The moment you saw her on your first date taking selfies, you should have known this chick was going to want to publicize everything. If that was a deal breaker, you should have told her it was a turn off, or just got the pussy and ran like a normal dude. Say you did do your job and you scouted more than her pussy, and this girl gives you no indication that she will be one of those annoying girls that you see on your Newsfeed. Why are you assuming she’s going to switch or already planning for the day she tries to air you out on your Facebook wall? If you trusted her enough to hit raw, trust her enough to stay that same girl you fell in love with. The internet is a horrible representation of women; it makes them all seem like insecure selfie taking attention whores who praise their boyfriends one day, then shit on them the next. This girl that you fell for is different, she’s proven that she’s not like BriKiesha and ‘em who inbox ex-girlfriends if they wish you happy birthday. Instead of making excuses and keeping her on placeholder duty, own up to your fears. Talk to her and establish that one of your rules is that you don’t get into all that tagging and status shit, you are private. Either she respects that or she makes it into an issue. In the end, have faith that a woman you’ve connected with on a deeper level will understand exactly where you’re coming from.
FEAR OF COMPETITION
The number one fear a man has is another guy having sex with what he’s laid claim to. Fellas, you can poke your chest out, brag on your dick size, and flash your bankroll, but you can never be 100% sure that a man will not smash your girl on your watch. Every rapper has a song about “I fucked your bitch” most of us have had sex with girls in relationships; it’s the easiest sex any man can get, ironically. Now that it’s your turn to make it official, that “what if” runs through your head. Men don’t like to talk about this because to even imagine that it’s a possibility makes you seem unsure in your ability to keep your woman satisfied, yet it’s a key reason why dudes would rather keep a girl as just a “friend” than wife them. Drake’s road manager fucking your “friend” backstage isn’t the same as Drake’s road manager fucking your “girlfriend” backstage. It hurts both ways, but if she’s not officially yours you can save face by pointing out that she’s community pussy and say something that makes you feel better like, “I knew she was a hoe, that’s why I kept doing me, my nigga.”
Again, this goes back to getting to know her on that deeper level so you can trust her not to break your heart in that manner. Flirting never ends and temptation never dies, you can run from this or you can accept it. Have faith that you let the right girl into your heart and that she won’t cross that line. You can’t buy a woman’s loyalty, you can’t fuck her into being obedient, and you can’t use threats of ending your friendship to keep her from looking at the next man. Love and respect are the only ways to combat romantic competition. The day she proves that she’s more than pussy, treat that woman with the respect she deserves, the love she craves, and that title she earned. I know you’re thinking, “a hoe going to always be a hoe and I’m not trying to get caught up,” but labeling all women hoes is an easy way to end up that loser ass nigga with a grey beard in the club trying to Red Nose with a 19 year old. You have to let go of your insecurity and trust that you are smart enough to know a slut from a Queen. If you don’t know how to separate trash from class, then admit that and work on your hang ups, don’t hide your heart like some emo ass nigga with mommy issues. Giving her love and respect, then claiming you’re not ready to take it to the next level tells her that she’s not good enough. The moment another nigga that treats her nicer than you puts a bug in her ear, she’s going do her. A girl will always reward your lack of loyalty with her own lack of loyalty. That doesn’t make her a hoe, that makes her a woman that’s single. You confined her to that label by refusing to give a real relationship a chance, so you only have yourself to blame when she finds another dick to ride.
FEAR OF MONEY
You can afford to fuck her, but you can’t afford to be with her. That shit sounds dumber than K. Michelle reading Shakespeare, but I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt. You’re a good dude who wants to treat his woman the same way you would want a man to treat your mother. Right now, your money is funny, and you can’t logically afford to spend money on romantic dates or gifts. The girl is on your heels, she doesn’t care about your bank account, she just wants to be wifey. In your mind, you know that won’t really be enough after the luster wears off. How long until she’s hearing about her friends taking out of state vacations with their men while she’s talking about how you two went to six flags for a day. She’s going to feel like less of a woman, but more importantly, you are going to feel like less of a man because you can’t spoil her the way you wish you could. Oh woe is me looking nigga, stop being so sensitive.
I’ve never seen a woman leave a man because he was broke, but I have seen a woman leave a man because he was broke and wasn’t trying to do shit with his life to stop being broke. Any girl that sticks around a dude that went out and brought himself a PS4 for Christmas but got her a $20 pair of earrings from the mall kiosk, is an idiot. She deserves to spend her life taking care of broke niggas who never acknowledge her and will never succeed. However, if you are that noble dude who will put her before you at times, and sacrifice the little you do have in order to show her a good time at least once a month, she’s not dumb, she’s understanding. How can you not appreciate a woman like that, especially in a world full of gold-diggers? You can build with an understanding girl, you can respect an understanding girl, but you shouldn’t keep her at a distance because you’re embarrassed that you can’t do more for her. Keep climbing my G, and you’re going to make your fortune, but shouldn’t you have a woman by your side that proved that she loved you for you? You don’t need to be rich to be in a relationship, so stop using it as an excuse.
FEAR OF EXPIRED PUSSY
I infamously proclaimed that all pussy expires, and any man who has been in a relationship over six months knows exactly what I’m talking about in a way women will never truly understand. The girl you are falling in love with or already love, she probably has the type of pussy that would make you miss the Superbowl this year—but by next year you will be telling her ass you’ll take a rain check. Her pussy hasn’t changed, it’s still bomb, but it’s expired, and no longer a cause for you to break your neck to hit. You have married friends that cheat, maybe you’ve been in past relationships and cheated on girlfriends, and if we’re keeping it between us men, it had nothing to do with that girl. You got cabin fever and started to miss new pussy. Who doesn’t love new pussy? From Julius Caesar to JFK, new pussy has always been behind the scenes, delivering that indescribable feeling that a chick you’ve fucked every which way can’t deliver anymore. Extreme highs are not meant to last. Buying new cars, going new places, trying new drugs, it’s great in that moment and the memory after fact makes you think it was twice as good, but you can’t really get that new high again. Are you really going to pass up a chance at real love so you can keep your options open for the day a prettier, phatter, or more interesting girl walks by? It’s a heroin addiction that most of you can’t afford, and while you can keep lying to yourself like, “I’m going to slow down when I’m 30,” it won’t happen. By the time you hit 30 you’re going to keep making more excuses because you can’t stop chasing new pussy. In the meantime, you let three women who could have been the one, walk out because you said you weren’t ready. Nigga, you were ready, you are ready, and you have been ready since your senior year of college. Keep it real, you have zero discipline and you don’t want to change your ways, because change is scary. You covet the high of new pussy more than the comfort of real love, and no man has ever had the decency to step to you and say that it’s okay to stop chasing pussy.
You’re not a simp, a clown, or less of a man if you give in to your heart and ignore your dick. There are so many women who aren’t impressive, who are basic, and who remind you of your exes, which means that those who are impressive are easy to spot because they don’t come along often. As men we need to stop masking our emotions and running from adulthood. If you love her, lock her down! Stop being blinded by past heartbreak and don’t let the fear of potential disappointment sabotage your future happiness. You have nothing to fear. You have no one to impress. You have nothing to prove. How do you know if she is really the one you’re supposed to be with? How do you know that she’s not the one if you don’t give it a shot?