“…I know this sounds bad, G.L. but don’t judge me. I’ve known this man since I was 22 and I know for a fact that God put him on this earth for me. He cheated, I cheated back and we moved beyond that. He broke up with me, but came running back because he knew there was no other woman for him. Yes we have been very toxic for each other over these past eleven years, but I can’t see myself marrying another man. You say to choose yourself and be a Spartan, but I say you have to choose love above all else. Can you please help me win my soulmate back because I already know there isn’t anyone else for me…”

That sad shit above was a question sent into my podcast, but I felt it was a good opportunity to revisit this topic of soulmates, soul ties, and this idea that in a world filled with millions of eligible men, there are women who believe that ONE MAN and ONE MAN only, is for her… Basic Bitches believe in love with ain’t shit men like 5 year olds believe in the tooth fairy, and it’s time to stop.

I bet you believe in destiny, fate, someone with a matching personality and astrological sign who will come in and be the missing half that completes you. I’m not shitting on romance… I’m shitting on delusion. Manipulators will use your “this is fate” superstition to exploit you! “My soulmate is a black man so I’m not dating any other race,” is what a woman told me years ago, and because of this stubborn ideology she ended up choosing the wrong black man who abused her. One of my good friends was in a severely toxic lesbian relationship for nearly five years but wouldn’t leave because she swore that woman was her soulmate. Just last week I had an Asian woman swear this British man who slid in her DMs was her “soul tie” because he loved the same obscure steam punk books she loved… come to find out he had a wife and a kid.

The point is, the moment you declare that someone is connected to you on a spiritual level, you paint yourself into this corner where you have to make it work regardless of the pain it’s causing you. Spoiler Alert: LOVE ISN’T SUPPOSED TO HURT

Do you know who believes in “Soulmates” the most? Nice, sweet, loyal, ride or die women. The self-centered “Bad girls” don’t by into that shit, they use these clowns. The seductive Hos don’t buy into that shit, they dig into the pockets of the same men you fall hard over. It’s the “nice girls” that are filled with delusion. These men chase bad girls and spend money on hos who don’t even like them, then turn around and play games with YOUR heart because you’re naïve. You believe that because a man has been in your life for years, he belongs in your life forever! EARTH TO BASICA, it doesn’t work like that.

A man hanging around in your life, crawling back when he fucks up, or telling you how special you are after he’s made you cry, does not equal love, it equals manipulation. Men use Placeholders as safety nets. He hangs around in your life because he knows you think your connection is magical. Bitch this ain’t Hogwarts, that man isn’t magical and your up and down relationship isn’t destiny, it’s pathetic. You’ve wasted all these years going back and forth because your common sense has been destroyed by this foolish concept of “we belong to each other.”  No matter what he does you’ll take him back, you’ll have a baby by him, you’ll believe in his potential… and year after year he fails you.

Pay close attention to what I’m about to write because this article can save you from wasting years of your life. The first step is to look at how this world works, not the Disney fairytale image, but actual life. When you look at power couples over the past twenty years, you see that great men select from that pool of non submissive women, and the nice women are left struggling with lesser men. You’re not basic, but you chose low vibrational men! Why? What makes you settle for less, what makes you take what’s given, why do you sit and think “If he’s in my life, it’s for a reason, let me keep working on him until we’re happy?” You don’t step out of your comfort zone, you take what life gives you and label the guy who sticks around and has a lot in common with you as a Soulmate. Fuck that! It’s time to wake up from that delusion and Spartan Up!

This idea of a soulmate, one person that you are meant to be with is magical, hopeful, and comforting. It’s also misleading, blinding, and dangerous. The average person relies on some kind of faith to get through tough times. Everyone will go through heartbreak, and the easiest cure for being rejected or abandoned is to remind yourself “They weren’t the one for me, my soulmate is coming.” That hope makes you get out of bed and push through the pain. When your friends or family gives you advice, they all regurgitate the same thing, “He wasn’t the one, baby girl, have faith.” Married people will confirm that they are with who they were meant to be, even those who were divorced and remarried will stand firm in this belief that you eventually get it right due to some grand design. So by this logic, the person you broke up with was just one person on the road to your soulmate, and you can take comfort in the fact that you will eventually meet that person. This type of optimism that allows you to move forward and dry your eyes is awesome… but here’s the fucked up part.

When you sip that soulmate Kool-Aid your entire life, you get impatient and you get paranoid: You date and date and date, but nothing happens. You meet a handful of great guys, but they don’t want what you want. Next thing you know, you’re deep in your 20s or entering your 30s and you’re starting to second guess this soulmate shit. “Damn, maybe Victor from 12^th grade was my soulmate and I missed out… Oh shit, if I missed out on my true soulmate, then I’m destined to settle! I’m single because I was too dumb to notice that Vic the asshole who tried to fuck my cousin just needed a second chance!”  This line of thinking may sound exaggerated, but it’s a real life concern. People are so afraid that they missed out or that they will miss out on “the chosen one” that they get desperate, and when women get desperate they become vulnerable. A woman who has taken the wait route as opposed to the Spartan take route will begin to panic with each passing birthday. That woman will then force the next appealing guy into that mythical soulmate box. I’ve heard too many sob stories about, “he felt right, we connected, and I know he was my soulmate.”  That man felt about as right as any above average dude with good conversation and better dick skills, feels. Your love sick mind was so open to this magical idea of a dick of destiny that you ignored the facts of the relationship in favor of some assumed fate.

Lovesick basic bitches be like, “I don’t want to be perfect, I just want to be perfect for someone”

You read the same type of books, like the same kind of music, hate the same type of ratchets, and unlike your last four boyfriends he makes you cum first. Drop the fucking confetti from the sky, you’ve done it girl, you’ve found the man that completes you on the most basic levels! Fast forward to four months later; your pussy is no longer new, so he’s no longer racing over to fuck you. You realize that those books you both like, he doesn’t read anymore. Music talk has become redundant, and the days of making fun of ratchets in the mall are over because he doesn’t want to go anywhere with you. All of that electricity you felt during the first few months has been downgraded to a few random sparks, but you refuse to acknowledge this. To top that off, you’re starting to notice things about him that aren’t attractive. He doesn’t communicate when he’s mad, his boys come before you, he’s gotten real comfortable with calling you out your name, and he suddenly has two new “homegirls” that he’s texting with that he swears have been around for years. Despite all of these red flags, you roll with the punches and try and make it work? Why? Because you think—no, you KNOW he’s your soulmate. According to bad Rom-Com movies, the strip mall psychic, and all your bottom bitch girlfriends, you only get ONE soulmate, so you feel pressured to make this work because you’ll be single forever if you give up on him.

You want to know the truth about soulmates? It’s a fucking leash that keeps weak minded women in check. It makes hopeless romantics hang in there and put up with horrible relationships. It makes wives forgive cheating husbands multiple times. It makes girls who are just at the dating stage agree to be exclusive but not committed. You feel like the last single girl in the world, you’ve grown tired of the dating circus, and you’re sick of trying to compete with the hoes and the Spartans that seem to attract men effortlessly. The clock is ticking, and you’re mentally exhausted, so you suspend your common sense and give into the next guy that compliments your personality without holding that motherfucker up to the standard you’ve always had. For the sake of proving this man is who you are destined to marry, you become overly loyal and allow your IQ to drop to that of a fucking brick. The end result is months, even years wasted on a man that turns out to be dick, not destiny. It’s time to stop believing in magic, and start believing in the results in front of you.

But He Opens Up To Me

Most men are tanks; they don’t open up easily or often. To be paired with a man that actually communicates his emotions, cries, and confesses his shortcomings is like finding an episode of Real Housewives where Kandi doesn’t mention her mother—the shit is rare. The fact that he feels comfortable being human around you proves that you have a deep bond and through the ups and downs you will hold on to this as the ultimate proof that his love is real. Being someone’s therapist doesn’t make you their true love. Men are human beings, every three or four relationships, a guy will get to the point where he needs an outlet, and if you fall within that rotation, he’s going to open up.

Some of you are motherly; your sweet non-judgmental vibe makes you easy to talk to. A Spartan woman is a great confidant, but she isn’t in the habit of pacifying lames. She doesn’t want to hear about his college loans or broken car, she’s going to tell that simp to grow some balls and go dominate a career where he can make more money the same way she did. You Mother-Love chicks are going to pat him on the back when he complains, agree that life isn’t fair, and blanket him in pussy until he feels confident again.  Romantics see male sensitivity as a confirmation of love because guys are quick to point out, “I never tell anyone this stuff, only you.” Aren’t you special! Now your coochie is wet because you have discovered the power to get a man to cry on your shoulder. It’s not that serious. What’s this openness leading to in terms of his relationship with you? He admits his faults and blows snot bubbles when talking about the father that left him or the mother that was a crack addict… but your relationship is still shit. So many dudes talk openly about the past, but they still act like dicks in the present. You have the same problems any other woman in a bad relationship has, but because he’s an open book, you feel a sense of loyalty and a need to make it work.

But He Wants To Be With Me

A man you like asking you to be his girlfriend shouldn’t be shocking or miraculous. I know women who get dudes trying to lock them down every other month, but these women don’t read too much into it. A boss ass bitch knows she’s a prize that every man wants and since she only dates guys she’s mutually attracted to she’s always going to have the best options to choose from. Of course the last guy that took her out is clit riding her personality and begging to make it official—Duh Spartan! But Spartan’s are more concerned with actions and what a man is doing to earn her exclusivity. The proof is in the courting, not in the asking. These weak minded, book smart/dick dumb Hannah Horvath hoes are the ones that jump for joy when a cute guy considers her good enough for main bitch duty. Instead of questioning if it’s a good fit, they react like an unemployed person who gets offered minimum wage.  Being asked to be someone’s girlfriend isn’t winning; it isn’t even entering the homestretch.

There are guys who are afraid of commitment, but there are also guys who give out commitment like club flyers because they know that’s what girls want. We go together now I can fuck for free because it’s technically mine. Now I can borrow money because we’re a team. Now I can avoid arguments by saying, “So what if I was on her Instagram page, who am I with!?!” Just because he was quick to throw the title on you, doesn’t mean he’s your soulmate, it means the guy doesn’t feel like courting your ass and knows you’re the thirsty type that won’t turn down a chance to have an official “him.”

But He Makes Plans For Our Future

You know how many make believe baby names I’ve come up with, wedding locations I’ve fantasied about, and business partnerships that were created with random girls at 3am on the phone? Human beings are dreamers, and when you’re in a honeymoon stage of getting to know a person you share your dreams in ways that feel real, but that exciting high turns out to be merely a love buzz. When I was in college we would have these meetings off campus where we would watch movies and talk about these grand ideas, and it felt good because we were all in tune with each other. A few weeks later, those conversations were forgotten because that high of sharing your thoughts with other people, while it isn’t fake or phony, is rarely sustainable when you try to put it in the frame of the real world.

Men aren’t all hustlers looking to gas you up with these tall tales of moving in together, having kids, and conquering the world side by side. It’s that Love Buzz, that fresh energy that happens when you connect with a new mind and that sexual lust that spills over and makes everything tingle. Enjoy that moment, have fun with those ideas and that fantasy, but be disciplined. All that shit sounds good, but don’t believe it until you see it. This dude is talking about how pretty your kids would be, but he won’t even give you a straight answer about your relationship status. Homie is telling you how he wants to vacation with you in Paris next fall, but you can’t even get a fucking trip to Applebee’s this Friday. How are you two going to create the next big clothing company, when you can’t even get him on the phone between the hours of 6-11pm? Stop buying these wolf tickets, stop being brainwashed by pillow talk, and put your inner basic bitch on mute when these guys start talking about what they plan on doing. Plans without follow through are like planes without wings, get as hype as you want, but your ass is never getting off the ground.

But He Won’t Let Go

Every time I try to leave, he tells me he loves me. Every time I cut him off, he continues to call me. Every time I try to move on, he refuses to let go by doing the right things. How can I move on with my life when he won’t let me? It’s not that you can’t move on, now that he’s showing you interest you don’t want to follow through and move on. When did text messages become the same as chains? Does the phone plan you have mandate that you pick up when that guy calls you? It is always your choice. Stop lying and making up these bullshit excuses as if you don’t have the power to do what you want to do, and keep it real. You. Want. To. Talk. To. Him. Because. You. Are. Weak. As. Fuck. But, NC, that’s my soulmate, it would break my heart to ignore his calls or not agree to meet him if he’s begging to see me. Maybe this is god testing us… “That makes so much sense,” said the person with no brain cells. UNDERSTAND that some men can be so toxic to your health. They don’t want to love you properly, but they don’t want to let you go either. The more you give the less they appreciate, and the minute you’ve had enough and decide to walk away is when they are ready to love you and treat you right. So you give them a chance in the hopes they’ve changed only to realize it was all fake. You find the strength to walk away once more and here he comes again proclaiming his love for you and you and there you go giving in. That’s not a soul mate, that’s a predator! When faced with losing something he’s become accustomed to having men suddenly go super hard and here’s why…

Attention Dick Whipped Women

A man showing anger and persistence to get you back once you try to break it off isn’t proof of love; it’s a knee jerk reaction. A man kissing your ass and making flaccid attempts to be nicer for two weeks isn’t proof that he’s trying, it’s proof that he knows how to defuse your dumb ass long enough to hook you once again. Take away a toy, a little boy cries. Take away a relationship of convenience, a man cries. Just because he cries doesn’t mean you give him what he wants. Grow some balls! You’re not soulmates because you like the same shit and have become comfortable enough to role play during sex. Show me something deeper than pet names and zodiac signs. A lot of you girls don’t know what it’s like to be loved by a real man. You know lust, you know joy, you know passion, and you know fear of abandonment. You’ve put all your faith in this promise that prince charming will come for all women, but now that you’re getting older you realize that you’ve never truly been loved.

Stop chasing your idea of what love should be and recognize what love is. Love isn’t promising to act right after he fucks up; love is him acting right from the start so he won’t fuck it up. Love isn’t telling a grown man he needs to change to keep you; love is a grown man changing on his own because he can’t imagine life without you.

Healthy relationships don’t need constant CPR! There will be obstacles to overcome in all relationships, but you fight for those that fight for you, you don’t hold on for the sake of chemistry and compatible horoscopes. Stop being confined to these basic ass ideals that say your entire life is built around waiting on a bus stop until fate pulls up with your husband. There isn’t one person out there for you, there are many.

To sacrifice your dignity, your prime, and your self-respect in order to hold on to a man you falsely label as a limited edition, will be a waste of your life. Your soul isn’t stagnant; you evolve every day to the point where you are literally a new person every five years. So by the laws of nature the person that was perfect for you at age 17 may not be perfect for you at age 24. The guy who saw the world with the same eyes as you at age 27 may outgrow your vision come age 35. This idea that everyone will end up with a soulmate is flawed—bitches die single every day, b. Start taking control of your destiny by loving those that give you a reason to love them and cutting off those that no longer complete you.

How will you know when you’ve found the right one? Wake the fuck up! It’s not about knowing, it’s about growing. If they aren’t growing with you, they are stunting your growth. Stop allowing fear of the unknown to keep you chained to dead weight!  You don’t need the safety net of a new guy or a promise that your time is coming, before you move on. Girls overthink, they worry, and they look for all these superstitious or trivial signs. Stop making addition into algebra! Your soulmate will be the one you end up buried next to—end of story. If you continue to obsess over the end result instead of enjoying this journey, you’ll end up buried next to your cat. Demand to be shown love, demand to be shown respect, and no matter how long it takes to find someone that passes the test, have faith in your value as a woman, not in the promise of a magical predetermined relationship.

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