Who hurt you and why can’t you let it go? Your childhood wasn’t ideal, how much pity do you need to move forward from that? Your first time loving someone ended with betrayal, how much anger and regret needs to build up before you get over it? No one appreciates what you do for them, how many times do you need to keep pointing that out before you stop being unselfish? 9 out of 10 people are never going to change they’re just going to complain. Hurt feels like armor at first, it keeps you safe, but it’s actually a cage that stunts you emotionally and poisons every choice you make. You love being petty, you love bringing up the past, you love having an attitude, you get off on reminding people about all you do for them, and you really love shifting blame for your mediocre life onto someone else. That’s your safe place–reminding people that nothing is your fault because being a victim feels better than the admission that you have no idea of how to do better.
Let’s define what it means to be damaged. I’m referring to those that have been traumatized by people or events, and instead of seeking to come to grips with those things, they continue as if nothing is wrong. Ignorantly allowing those wounds to fester, spread, and turn them into a shell of their former self. All of this happens in silence, it’s a form of depression that works under the surface then roars its ugly head the moment they try to connect, trust, or love someone new. You don’t want someone to turn back around and hurt you after you’ve already explained your pain, so you settle into this little bubble where you remain guarded and miserable. I guarantee that more than half the people reading this pretend they’re not bothered in public then cry into their pillow in private. It’s time to talk about these mental issues instead of faking like everyone is so tough well put together.
Let’s do a checklist: You complain about shit from the past that you can’t change. You distract yourself with whatever dumb ass news story that’s dominating social media. You self-medicate with shopping, drugs, or drink. You claim to be over everything and everybody…but that doesn’t stop you from letting the same types of people that hurt you before right back into your life to hurt you again. One day you’re blessed and highly favored, the next day you’re crying about how things will never work out for you. Now be honest. You’re not random, you’re depressed and have no idea of how to shake those hot and cold moments. Life forges you like fucking steel, not so you can be hard and cold, but so you can cut through the bullshit. Yet, life’s lessons are lost on you as you recycle exes, fall in love with obvious liars, let shady family and friends continue to manipulate you, and point the finger outward instead of dusting your weak ass off and taking a stand! This universe is built to help those that help themselves and the first rule of ascending is don’t expect another human to play fair. The reason why I’m so loud has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you all. To see an intelligent woman make a dumb decision over a dick that isn’t even hers is a waste. To see a stand-up guy turn towards misogynistic views because he can’t deal with a woman’s rejection is a waste. All of you have the potential to be happy and to rise above your past, but you keep slipping back into the bullshit because you’re afraid to truly work on yourself.
Just because you’re damaged doesn’t mean you’re broken. If you’re single it feels hopeless when you realize that for anyone to love you they will have to learn you, and when your past is filled with mistakes you wonder who would want that. If you’re in a relationship that’s struggling it feels as if the only option is to put up with it because who else would accept you in your current state except the devil you know. Stop feeding into negativity and regain faith in yourself. There is nothing wrong with you that can’t be fixed over time and no trauma that can’t be healed with self-love. Life may not have given you the results you were expecting, but that doesn’t mean your story can’t change overnight. Don’t say “I deserve better” mean that shit! If you lie to yourself long enough, being comfortable starts to feel the same as being happy—but it’s not real. Do you truly love yourself or are you just stuck in a body living a life that you can’t change so you make do? Laugh at celebrities because that makes you forget about your own flaws. Get enraged about politics because that helps you channel your own self-hatred somewhere else. Plop your ass in front of a screen and watch a TV show, because watching fiction helps you numb your facts. Here’s an idea… Instead of avoiding all your issues let’s lift that rug where you’ve hidden all the things you’re ashamed of, and start to glue your life back together. Today I want to talk about rebuilding because if you can’t build with yourself how can you ever convince another person to build with you?
Addicted to The Same Type
“Why are men always lying about dumb shit?” Um, why do you continue to talk to men that consistently lie in the first place? I notice a pattern with women (don’t worry we’ll get to the men below) when they complain about Fuck Boys, they talk around the real problem. A girl would rather question why a man acts the way he acts then question why she’s attracted to a man that consistently acts in that fucked up manner. If I own a cat that scratches at me every time I go to pet it, I’m getting rid of the fucking cat, not psychoanalyzing why it’s being an asshole. Damaged women are attracted to flawed men as if being emotionally unavailable is Maca Root. The core of this attraction, from the people I’ve studied, is that a woman feels that if she works hard to understand why a man treats her like shit, he’ll repay that compassion by doing the same investigation into her issues. Let’s keep it real, you wish you had someone who was brave enough to sit you down and ask why you’re hurting. You wish a man cared enough to try and understand and fix you, so you pour all this love into their problems hoping it’s reciprocated…but it never is. You waste all your time and energy on a guy that either runs off with another girl or is content to have you waiting around until he decides if he wants more. You rebuild a man for the next bitch, ensuring that he now understands how to now be a good boyfriend, meanwhile whose left to rebuild you? This leaves you stuck crying about how good you were to someone that’s off being Mr. Perfect for his next woman. When you find the energy to finally move on and try to love once more, guess who gets your pussy throbbing next? The same type of man!
How can you vent about needing a “Russell Wilson Type” when those type of men don’t even get your nipples hard? Look at the last four guys you really liked, I bet you they all had more in common than not. Look at the last four guys you didn’t feel chemistry with, I bet they had their shit together emotionally. He’s corny, he’s a nerd, it’s just something about him. Yeah, that something is called, “Being too secure.” Dating someone that has their shit together only points out just how far behind your own life is. Have you ever seen a young person be given a job above an older person? They resent them on the surface but what’s really going on is that they resent themselves for still being their age and not as far along—it’s the same thing with damaged people trying to date a person who isn’t insecure, a constant self-loathing reminder! The easy fix is to pursue someone who will allow you to play make believe, someone either worse off than you or that needs fixing. That shit never works, and you’re left bogged down with someone else’s problems while yours grow and grow.
Another piece of this fucked up mental puzzle is the want to prove and validate your past through the men of your present. Damaged women are constantly chasing the ex that hurt them or the man that rejected them because through conquering a man like her shitty boyfriend or absentee father she can prove to herself that it wasn’t her—it was him. The problem becomes that when you pick men with those traits, you’re skipping over the clear fucking message of—stay away from men like that you idiot! Your head’s hard and your pussy is moist, so you end up riding the dick of a guy that pushes you away and pulls you back in only to push you away again, and you end up calling that “true love”. You’re not dumb, you know these things, you just refuse to articulate them. You see a guy on Instagram that has the same dumb ass hair cut as your boyfriend from two years ago, and you automatically like him for a reason you don’t tie together. You go to a bar and flirt with a guy that has the same smart-ass sense of humor as the guy that fucked you and never called you again, and you automatically feel a spark for a reason you don’t tie together. Get the picture yet? You’re not woke to your own toxic attractions, you’re sleepwalking through life because you refuse to admit you have a problem choosing men. Your hormones are locked onto those with a high chance of shitting on you, but when someone asks why you’re single you respond with some basic bitch slogan like: Because boys suck! No, beloved, the boys you try to turn into men suck because you equally suck. You break up, blame the guy for acting the way guys like him act, and then rush back on the market to repeat this step. Pump your breaks! Stop dating for a minute. Stop taking phone numbers. Stop responding to DMs. Understand what you’re chasing after because it’s not male love. You’re driven by the lack of self-love tied to something that hurt you in your childhood or adolescence and that needs to be healed before you start dating again.
Assuming Everyone Wants to Play You
Another type of damaged woman is the one that is overly cautious and full of attitude. I get emails from a handful of women that will run down a normal date then always end it with, “So what do you think? He’s trying to play me, right?” You want someone to co-sign your paranoia because you’re deathly afraid of going through heartbreak again. You can’t spend life in a shell! Men want pussy—who doesn’t know that? Should men not want to fuck you? A part of falling for a woman is first being sexually attracted to her, you can’t get one without the other, and anyone that tries to blow smoke up your ass about how he fell in love with your mind first is lying. Kill all this noise about not wanting a man that objectifies you and wanting someone that’s “just a friend” because you sound naïve. I get it, a man led you on then fell back. A boyfriend broke up with you after he got all the benefits of your unselfish behavior. A guy who said he wasn’t like the rest treated you just like the rest, and you’re sick of crying over men. You think the solution is to throw on your Savage mask, turn Cardi B up, and live a life where you fuck these men before they fuck you—but you’re not built like that, cupcake. You think the solution is to avoid dating, focus on work or school, and buy a case of batteries—but you still lust for love, princess. If you sit out the game for fear of being injured how many championships do you think you’ll win? People are sneaky and devious but you can’t tell me that any woman that’s read the majority of this website or any of my books can’t outwit a player or see through a mindfuck in a week or less? Being damaged isn’t just about the obvious bad behavior or funky attitude, it’s also about being so stuck in your fear that you refuse to give anyone a chance. You don’t have to ask me, your friends, or google if someone is out to get you—assume they are, but go into battle knowing that you’re a fucking Spartan, and no dick tactics formed against you can possibly penetrate your mental armor!
Chasing After Rejection
The saddest sign that a woman needs to do self-healing and awaken her inner Spartan is when she chases after a man that’s making it clear he doesn’t want her. At least twice a week I get asked, “Do you think he likes me,” then presented with evidence where a woman should already know that he doesn’t. The dating stage is complicated, it relies on signs and assumptions. You can text all week with someone or go out on a long date and feel as if they get you, then the next week they switch up on you, leaving you confused. I’ve covered in exhaust how people put on fronts during the honeymoon stage of getting to know a person and that only through time and patience can you truly be sure of an agenda. Still, when you’re hurting and looking for a savior in the form of a lover, it’s hard to see the writing on the wall. You’re expecting him to not call you after sex—but he does like nothing has changed only to fall back before having sex again. He takes you out on three dates, you don’t have sex, and he seems as if he likes you even more than you like him—but he falls back. Everything is going good, you think this is about to be official—but he stops texting you with the same enthusiasm and he doesn’t make plans to see you as he once did. Talk about confusing! All of these rules you try to follow get turned upside down, and you don’t know why this keeps happening to you. Instead of accepting that his falling back is proof of incompatibility, you try to win him back and that’s where you ruin your life.
A man will reject you in such a subtle yet obvious way that every part of you will refuse to accept it. The ego hates to be humbled so it reaches for an excuse that will make the rejection sting less. You want to learn how men think. You want to backtrack to see what could have gone wrong. You want to stalk his social media to see if he found someone else. You want to text him paragraphs asking what you did wrong. You want to call and say, “Fuck you, clown! You ain’t all that anyway!” These thoughts race through your head, but the truth is you just want someone to like you or give you another chance to show that you are likable. When you have gone through various men falling back multiple times, each new rejection reminds you that you aren’t what guys are looking for. It’s not just one or two men—every man that has gotten to know you has shown that. Even when they come back trying to talk to you again, it ends the same way, so the victory of “they always come back,” is meaningless. Those guys didn’t return because they felt as if you were special, they are either bored or gaming. What hurts more, a man that comes back and plays you or going out and meeting a new guy that doesn’t live up to his potential? You all want the comfort of that old thing but you fail to notice that by being constantly rejected by a person that knows you intimately it does more damage. How many times are you going to let him come over late at night for a talk that turns into his face between your legs? How many times are you going to unblock him hoping the bullshit he texts you is any different from the last time? How many times are you going to to let someone keep sampling you only to remind you that you’re not good enough?
“Stop chasing after men that don’t fucking want you!”
– shit women who don’t take their own advice tweet every day.
Knowing how males think won’t make one take you back. Texting a man paragraphs on top of paragraphs about your feelings won’t make him reconsider you as the wifey type. Unfollowing a man on social media won’t make him call you. Posting a meme about “They always want you after you find someone else,” will not inspire remorse. Going to go fuck your ex or some random that happens to be around won’t send a message that he’s missing out. If a man wants you, he goes all in to get you! There doesn’t need to be outside pressure or blackmail to make him see you for what you as special! He either does or he doesn’t. If he’s not showing love, he’s not feeling love—it’s just that simple!
How it feels when we are into a woman: She doesn’t have to text you first, you reach out whenever she’s on your mind. Even when you’re busy, you find time to see her. You give without expecting anything in return. You don’t reach out exclusively at night when you want pussy. You don’t leave things unsaid when you know she’s upset for any reason. You don’t have her wondering what you are, you tell her she’s yours!
You can’t check any of those things off your list because the men you’re crying about don’t fucking want you. Nevertheless, you play yourself by continuing to reach out until he’s forced to respond. If and when he responds what happens next? A man’s lies are as strong as fentanyl in the ears of a weak woman. He calms you down with a “sorry” or a lame excuse as to why he’s been acting that way. You forgive him, let him back in for as long as he’s bored or on break from the life he would rather be living, then he pulls the same trick. He pushed you away because he didn’t want you the way you wanted him, you pulled him back because you hated to be rejected, did you think that was going to last? Reaching back out or being receptive to you reaching out again doesn’t prove shit but the presence of boredom or horniness. “My friend got back with this guy that was playing games, now they have a kid together and are happy,” turns into, “Remember my friend, her baby daddy broke up with her for another girl, why are guys so fucked up!” Someone really told me that and all I could do is laugh. Of course he left her because she forced a relationship on a man that didn’t want her. It happens everyday and dudes will always find an escape route because no one wants to stay with a Placeholder! You’re so damaged and desperate that you deny this truth in favor of the narrative that he manipulated you. No Basica, the snake fell to the ground and slithered away, you ran through the grass looking for the snake because you don’t have any other options, and he bit your ass. Don’t be bitter, be better! Your insecurities made you fall for the type of treatment that a more powerful woman would have never put up with, so what separates your gullibility from her wisdom?
Stop Pushing People Away:
The moment a man is trying to pour true honest love into a damaged woman that isn’t used to someone not having a malicious agenda, she runs. A lot of the men reading this know exactly what I’m talking about because it’s the most frustrating thing a guy can deal with—being genuine but having your motives questioned or rejected. One of the hardest things I find for women to grasp is the notion that it’s okay to let go of the hurt and receive love. They’re used to being betrayed, so running becomes a defense mechanism.
The Ballad of Ms. ChooChoo: A woman once came to me faking as if she couldn’t find love because all the men she has dealt with end up having these toxic secrets. She ran down all these past relationships to prove her point. Attached a picture of herself to prove that physically she was a 10. It was almost like a serial killer begging to be exposed. Weeks later we finally touched on her last boyfriend who “was always busy with work” and she revealed that it didn’t end quite how she told me in her initial email. He was busy with work, and she used that to justify talking to other men even though they were in a relationship. She confessed that she sent a nude to one guy. They took a break, but he agreed to keep it going because he loved her. She followed that forgiveness by accusing him of sleeping with a co-worker. That wasn’t true and again she apologized and they kept the relationship going. The next incident was when she went out with some friends, meets a guy, then ends up back at his place for sex. This wasn’t an ex or a guy she had been texting, this was a random stranger who happened to be at the event she attended. I’m reading this email thinking this was the final straw, but her confession kept going… She ends up having a threesome with that same guy and one of his friends—twice! She keeps this to herself for what I assume was months and only tells her boyfriend when he’s about to take a trip for a conference. To come full circle she didn’t have trouble finding love, she had trouble being loved to the point where she kept finding new ways to push this man away. Her sending pics, accusing him, or having ChooChoo time had nothing to do with her boyfriend not being a decent man—she was looking for a way out of something she couldn’t handle—a healthy relationship.
Stop Hating, Start Healing
Somewhere in your life story there is an incident or setback that you’re clinging onto that continues to hold you back and you’re the only one that can pull that out. You can talk to your mother or father. You can track down an ex on Facebook and have closure. You can get surgery to be more visually appealing. You can get straight A’s or amass a huge savings account… none of that is going to stomp out the way you feel about yourself. The fake smile you call “life” needs to be wiped away so you can finally admit that you’re not happy living this way. There is nothing so horrible that you can’t recover from it! I’ve seen women get incurable STDs, regroup and still find love. I’ve helped women that have gone through sexual abuse rise above and remember their power. I’ve talked to several women that had men they considered to be soulmates die, and each one bounced back once they stopped cursing their circumstances. You must find the courage to dig into whatever you hate about your life and address that because no one else will ever care enough to do it for you. There is nothing wrong with investing in a therapy session, talking to your true friends, or writing down all the ways where you feel weak or insecure so you can set a goal to repair each of those areas day by day. The answer to moving towards who you were always meant to be starts with ridding yourself of the person that’s been holding you back. When I look in the eyes of my newborn daughter these days and she grins, there isn’t any pain or worry. Each one of you was innocent until the world darkened you, and you owe it to yourself to find a way back to that place.
For the Men
I have a friend that’s a “Red Pill” practitioner, you know, down with feminism take back the man’s world from the bitches type. In terms of confidence, it works as he stays with a girl busting it open at his condo every weekend…but it’s the type of girls that he chooses versus the girls he talks to me about wanting that points to a huge hole a lot of men have. There comes an age where half the girls you’ve slept with you can’t remember and no one wants to hear those “yo, I fucked this one chick” stories anymore. When you’re in college live your life, but how the fuck are you 29 years old still asking guys, “where the hos at tonight?” You’re holding on to what makes little boys cool! A grown ass man proud to be smashing basic girls that we all could smash– you want a cookie? No one gives props for that anymore so what’s the excuse for not going after quality women or pushing away those that prove to be your equal? You’re afraid. “I ain’t afraid of shit, bro” sure you are, you’re afraid of loving a girl just like the one I described above that got a train ran on her then went back and kissed all on her boyfriend. You’re afraid of proposing to a girl only to find out she just wanted joint bank accounts. You’re afraid of wasting your life with a woman that doesn’t understand you or keeps throwing old shit in your face. You’re afraid to choose wrong, period. Girls are scary because they have the power to make us lose ourselves in them, and to give your heart to the wrong one could fuck you up for life. There are guys that are still damaged from a high school girl’s rejection ten years later. There are guys that had a hard time losing their virginity and feel a need to take it out on any woman that dares try to like him in his current state. We call women petty and emotional but there are males that take the fucking cake on acting like straight bitches.
Not all women are hos out to get something out of you. Not all women are damaged goods stuck on their ex or looking to push you away the minute you get close. Not all women are going to badger you about hanging out with your friends too much or call you gay because you choose to take a trip with the fellas. Not all women are going to hold shit in only to start an argument weeks later. Not all women thirst for attention and want to text twelve dudes just so they can feel secure. If the women you constantly attract or tend to lust after fit those descriptions then you should address the elephant in the fucking room—you’re chasing after the wrong ones because there’s something broken inside of you that has something to prove to the wrong ones. Ask any truly mature man in your circle or look at the shit Hov or Gucci overcame in the name of not wanting to lose a good woman and then look at the reason you’re still stuck on seeing chicks as just pussy. We all grow up and we all have to embrace the challenge of going through the Ms. Wrongs in order to get to our Ms. Right.
Typical women think any man that’s cocky and loud is an Alpha Male because they don’t know what real confidence looks like and confuse douche bag or aggressive behavior with power. At the same time, people throw the term “simp” out there liberally these days, but I’ll tell you who is the actual simp—men that hide their fear behind tough talk. You rant online or in the barbershop about ho this/ ho that, yet slide into the DMs or approach a girl based on her lack of clothes or mannish behavior. You’re talking shit about the type of girl you claim to hate while trying to put your face between her ass cheeks—that’s fraudulent as fuck. You hate her guts but want to be in her guts… huh? It’s not about easy sex because I’ve seen the screen grabs—you are actually putting in work and effort with the same girls you name call. Let’s keep it G, you push away the nice girls that will do any and everything, claim you’re not ready for a relationship, then fall for a textbook manipulator the next weekend. Girls are so confused as to why men chase the women that give them their ass to kiss, yet play games with the ones that would wipe their ass for them, but it’s simple—you’re seeking validation.
Basic Guy Checklist: Self-medicating with weed or pills. Finding any reason to drink and party. Immersing yourself in conspiracy theories that make you seem smart and woke. Reaching out to weak exes. Sliding thirsty chicks into situationships. Preying on big girls with low self esteem. Acting fake-jealous because you know a girl will take that to mean you care and come running. Ignoring texts and not communicating because you want the rush of someone acting like they care. Having no fucks to give when you go raw in a girl you barely like because it’s not like you’re doing anything anyway. Breaking up a relationship with a girl that’s moved on just to prove you still have control of her. Faking like you’re going to kill yourself if she does leave. Abandoning a chick and throwing a new girl in her face just to see what happens. These are the things damaged men do every single day because it helps avoid the real problem—depression. If you do any of those things don’t be mad, don’t get defensive, I need you to do the same thing I ask of the women, go inside and figure your shit out before you waste more years.
The Real Red Pill
When that woman told me the story of the threesome, I thought about her boyfriend and how that probably led him down a path he still hasn’t recovered from. Imagine the girl you loved doing something to cut you that deep and all you ever did was love her? There are damaged men that need to mature or let go of their pain, but there are also normal men that will put themselves out there and get played because they’re chasing the glitter of a woman without inspecting the core of her character. I want to help men to navigate the game, not in a way where the woman is the enemy and pussy is the objective, but in a way where you prepare yourself to side step the wrong types of women, and a Game Changer is the objective. When I wrote THIS ARTICLE I told you all I was working on something for the men, and that something was a new book that serves to wake up men that need motivation the same way Men Don’t Love Women Like You served to help women to Spartan Up and it’s called: She’s Not It…
“Why don’t you write a book telling the men what they need to do,” there you go. Now I don’t want to hear you deflecting with that anymore. I’ve said for years that a woman is either the wifey type or pussy. Either a Placeholder or a Game Changer, but the same applies for men. Now it’s time to ask yourself are you going to be the type of man that can grow into a husband or will you stay a dick just looking for a nut? Are you going to pretend like you have the answers only to end up like Rob Kardashian or are you going to let someone help put you up on game? I’ve talked to so many types of women and men over the years about their problems and I wish I could put the Queens that fall for the Dickticians with the Kings that fall for the Basicas, but I’m not a matchmaker. What I can do is help bridge the gap, so every man who reads it can start to attract a worthy partner.
For the ladies, I think it will benefit you all to read it too (or send a copy as a gift for a guy that needs to get the hint) because it discusses a lot of things you may not realize you do in keeping yourself in the role of Placeholder. I’ve also included Bonus Chapters for the women answering top questions about men. That alone is a must read.