There’s nothing more nerve-racking than spending the night for the first time at a guy’s house who you really like. This isn’t a house date that goes long, and you leave at 1am; this is all night into the morning where you’ll reveal things about yourself, and even more importantly, you’ll discover things about him.

Are you the only woman that sleeps over?

What happens when you find an earring, panties, or that box of Tampax SUPER under his sink?

Will he turn his phone on do not disturb because he’s hiding something?

Is he expecting sex?

What if you deny him and he kicks you out?

What if you give in and the sex is weak as fuck?

What if you get performance anxiety yourself?

What happens the day after?

No matter how old you are, don’t feel ashamed about having all these questions. Today I’m going to break down things to expect before and after a sleepover and some things men HATE that women do when they stay the night and violate our space. So, if you’re about to take that next level. Pay close attention.


Let’s start with intention. What does it mean when a man asks you to stay the night? Is this something deeper? Is he signaling that he now sees you as a girlfriend in the making or someone he’s ready to take that next step with? The answer isn’t as simple as you may think. We, as men, can be very selective about who we let stay over, depending on our maturity level. Some young-minded men use the “sleepover date” as a gimmick to get to the pussy faster. Some men aren’t looking for another notch, so they use it to test a woman’s true compatibility. Of course, special cases such as men who live with their parents or have roommates or have custody of their child. These types are usually in a box where they are forced to be careful about who comes and goes. I don’t know why you’re fucking someone who still lives at home, but this is a judgment-free zone. Ultimately you have to vet using the information at hand. The moment a guy brings up staying over, not just coming over, do a mental recap in terms of who he is and what he’s shown you so far.

How long have you been dating?: If this is the first or second week of dating this man and you’re already spending the night, then come over here so I can shake the fuck out of you. I understand that house dates are happening more frequently now, but world events should never push you to move so fast that you damage your value before it’s fully established. 14 days and you’re spending the night over a man’s house. What could he have possibly done in two weeks that have dropped your guard, and you trust yourself to stay the night? Nothing. It’s lust. If you two haven’t had sex, then he’s going to use “stay the night” to finally crack you open. You can push away his hands when it’s a house date, but most likely, you won’t push him away when you’re sleeping in the same bed.

Have you had sex already?: Let’s say you’ve already had sex, and he’s not going for the Trojan Horse dick tactic of “spend the night so I can slide it in around 2am”. This is more favorable as post-sex actions tend to reveal genuine interest. At the same time, it could be about the party element of spending the night, not proof that you’re on a fast track in his heart. What drives men to go out usually? To party and meet women hoping to have sex. If you’ve already proven to be down to spread your legs, then the natural evolution is to have you come over, drink, smoke, eat, or whatever you do to have fun and then have marathon sex sessions. Think about that in terms of convenience. He doesn’t have to drive, entertain, or cut his time with you short because it’s understood that you’re not going anywhere. This frees a man up to fuck you on his terms, with no performance anxiety, because that pussy isn’t going anywhere soon.

What’s his living situation?: Men who live alone may ask you over quicker because they want the company, they like the home-field advantage when it comes to seducing you, or they know that certain women date so low that they’re impressed by guys who have their own place. Asking you to come over on a house date the first week is usually the tell-tale sign of this as a man wants you to see his place and wants to test you in private. In this respect, it may not be because he likes you a lot, but because that’s a part of his dating technique, invite women over and see if they give in. It’s a reason why they call it a Bachelor Pad, ladies. Alternatively, some men don’t live alone who will say things such as, “My roommates gone for the weekend, come over” or “My ex has our son, why don’t you stay over” these guys aren’t having you come over out of a deep need to sleep next to you, again it’s about the party element. Without a roommate or a child watching over, they can fuck you front, back, and sideways making all kinds of noise. That’s the appeal, You’re his Pussy Buffett, not his girlfriend in the making most likely.

It’s up to you to do the homework by reading between the lines. What do I always preach? Date like a fucking Spartan, do not jump at house dates, overnight dates, fly-out dates, or vacation dates. I know how men think. The object of the game is to get you alone for as long as possible in order to break your defenses and open you up for sex. If you’re overthinking this sleepover and think that it’s some big admission of his feelings or a special occasion where he’s going to ask to be your boyfriend, you’re most likely setting yourself up for failure. Inviting you to stay over his house isn’t some grand romantic jester. It’s about having sex in sessions. The irony is that most of these guys will probably cum fast or only get up for sex again in the morning, but judge the intention, not his sexual prowess. Wait until you’re entirely comfortable with this man to spend the night, don’t be bullied or finessed.

For those of you who read MDLWLY, there is power in staying the night. If this is the 4th or 5th date, there is no better way to check and see if he’s hiding something than staying the night. If other women also spend the night, trust that they are hiding things. A small necklace in a common area, a toothbrush, and of course, panties under the bed or couch because other women love marking their territory with their nasty draws. Additionally, pay attention to how a man checks his phone around you. A date is different, vibrate or airplane mode for hours isn’t the same as overnight. If other women are in his life, they will eventually call or text that night or first thing in the morning. You don’t have to stay and have sex to find out these things, I’ve had many readers tell me stories of other women popping up while staying the night or in the morning, and they’re thankful they didn’t fuck.  Still, I know that if you’re ready to spend the night, that means you’ve already made your mind up about sex. You’re going to throw those legs back and do all the nasty shit you’ve been texting each other about. Now, let’s go through the post-sex run down:

Rules For Staying Over A Guy’s House

So, you did it, you gave in to those raging hormones and had sex way before you said you were going to with this particular guy. Don’t panic. Maybe he won’t be an asshole and ghost you. Maybe he’ll see you giving it up this fast as proof that you really like him. No time to weigh the consequences because right now you’re in his crib, lying naked in his full-size bed, under sheets you know he hasn’t washed in weeks. He’s sound asleep, a casualty of that WAP, and you’re up thinking of shit to do. You may be bored. Should you wake him out of his vagina induced coma to drive you back home where the nosey neighbors will see you doing the walk of shame from his car to your house? Call an Uber and upset him because you “snuck” out? OR do you cuddle up and continue to spend the night?

Most likely, you’re going to spend the night.

I used to love letting girls spend the night, just in case I misfired. If she spends the night, that guaranteed you’d have another chance to prove that you’re not a ten-minute man, plus girls tend to do kinkier shit at 3am than they would at 10pm—trust me. Either way sleeping next to someone for the first time is a very intimate act. A guy spending the night at a girl’s place isn’t usually a big deal because men show themselves out. Dudes don’t want to sleep next to you, and here your snoring and farting once their dick goes soft. They don’t want to wake up to you using the word “boyfriend” because you now assume you two go together. And they definitely don’t want to stay the night if you have a kid that may run in the room in the morning. Men are notorious for going home after they hit because they’re not comfortable at a woman’s place. However, at his own place, he’ll sleep like a baby often times leaving you to your own devices. Here are some rules that MUST be followed if you don’t want this to be a one and done.

Be Confident In Your Pussy Game: You’re an adult, if you’re going to cross that line then fuck like the champ you are. Don’t lay their with some Corpse Bride Coochie, limp moans, “oww, mmm, ouch” that will make a dick shrink if it feels like you’re not enjoying it or only doing it to please him. There is no need to be shy at this stage. He just ate your pussy and you’re going to play hard to get? Be proactive and show him that you were worth the wait. The time for cat and mouse is over, be a fucking lion, go Nala on that dick and leave that bastard’s mind blown.

Don’t Wake Him Up: After you destroy his world he’ll likely dose off. He’s recuperating, not in for the night. When he’s ready to beat that thing up again, he’ll let you know. There’s no need to whisper, “are you awake” you see his damn mouth open and the drool leaking! Don’t start grinding your ass back on him, thinking you’ll wake his dick back up faster than it wants to. All you’re going to be left with is a slimy ass and a frustrated box. Trying to jerk it, suck it, or tease a dick before it’s ready will just frustrate you. Relax and wait. If he has stamina, he’ll be nailing you to that cross before dawn.

Don’t Masturbate: I don’t care if you have your pocket rocket in your purse, and he came too quick for you to get off. If he turns to you finishing yourself off, he’s going to think you’re some kind of freak… which may be accurate, but leave something for next weekend. Remember that men need to unwrap women. There are pussy tiers that have to be unlocked. Additionally, if you’re over there moaning and groaning, he’s going to get the hint that he didn’t do his job. You may think that’s a positive, but think about how the male ego is set up. You offended his stroke game. Now he’s paranoid that he can’t make you cum, that you’ll go snitch to your group chat, or worse, sub him on social media. I’m pretty sure this isn’t the first or last time a man left you unsatisfied. Chill out and naturally see if he redeems himself the next round.

Tell Him You’re Going To The Bathroom: If you’ve never been to this guy’s house, don’t get too familiar before he gives you the green light. I know the game. Women never want to give the impression that they’re taking a shit, so they will even hold in their urine. Don’t do that. Before sex, go to the bathroom. “Is your bathroom down this way,” is a perfect opening for him to stop you because he didn’t clean it, to tell you that the handle has to be jiggled a certain way, or any condition that often exists in a guy’s apartment. When you get to the restroom, be detailed orientated! If you’re going to snoop for tampons, do so quietly. If you’re going to look through the medicine cabinet, take your time. You won’t believe how sloppy some women are. Hell, my one homie told me a story about a girl not flushing at his apartment… and I’m not even going to tell you how I learned what a Diva Cup is. You’re only human, but men need to see you as a fucking fembot, so protect your image.

Gum, Mouth Wash, Toothbrush: Speaking of image-making… A girl can forgive a guy for being tart in the morning or after a few hours of eating the cooch, but women have a standard of excellence to live up to, keep EVERYTHING fresh. He’ll never want to let you stay the night again if you wake up with your breath smelling like you just went ass to mouth with a Ninja Turtle. And DON’T use his toothbrush… he knows where your mouth has just been.

Track Your Cycle: If you know that your Aunt Flow is en route, decline, or come prepared. Again, don’t ever feel bullied to spend the night or think that this is the final time he’ll ask. You don’t have to be totally honest about why, just ask to push it back. Rescheduling isn’t the same as “no.”

Have A Condom on deck: I once woke up early in the morning and rolled into the pussy, no condom, no nothing. Being that reckless makes you nervous in-between doctor’s appointments. A guy who’s half sleeping and has easy access to a vagina will not be in his right mind. If we put the onus on these simple ass men in terms of safe sex, we’d have another baby boom. Guys are nasty, lazy, and they think that because they fucked you once with a condom, it’s okay to go in the second time raw. Don’t get caught up with sneaky raw sex because Plan B  & a McGriddle is not the breakfast of champions. Have a condom in your purse and be ready to toss it his way.

Stay off your phone after sex: He failed at putting that doesn’t mean you run to your timeline. Basicas love to tweet shit like, “He’s asleep, and I’m sitting here bored.” You want everyone to know you had terrible sex 15 minutes ago? Is there an Emmy for worse bedroom performance that you want to be nominated for? No one cares what you’re doing or who you just fucked. Now is not the time to complain with a subliminal post, to ask your BFF what she’s up to, or to text other men on your phone. He may not see it, but what happens if he does? You get ghosted, and you never came, double L.

Don’t get mad if he cums fast: Premature ejaculation happens. See it as a triumph, not a tragedy. Your shot, crumbled his dick like paper, props! If you suck your teeth or mumble under your breath, that will lead to an argument, things get said, and something that could have been fixed before morning splits you apart. Fast sex doesn’t always mean bad sex. Cumming fast the first time you have sex or during the first round of sex is normal. New pussy comes with a level of mental excitement that’s combustible, and as you know, a man doesn’t control his dick; it’s involuntary. Spending the night means he gets a chance to redeem himself. It’s the main reason he probably wanted to have you over because he knew he wouldn’t last the first time. Be understanding, not passive-aggressive, and see what he has in the tank during that follow up session. If it’s still trash, then this probably isn’t a man you want as your boyfriend. But that’s a decision for the next day, don’t strain the night by making this man feel inadequate.

Dressers are off-limits: you want a shirt to sleep in, then ask him for it. Don’t go opening drawers and be shocked when you find his 8ball of crack, a gun, or his other bitch’s clothes. In all seriousness, you don’t want to invade someone’s privacy and be caught red-handed. That’s a violation of trust. Snooping in open areas or in the bathroom is one thing, but to rummage through a dresser or a drawer without permission tells him that you’re not to be trusted or invited over again.

Don’t Fuck The Roommate: If a guy doesn’t live alone, stay in the room. His roommates may think you’re community pussy, and try you. You may not be that type of person, but mixing with friends in your night clothes is never a good look. Trust me, I put this in here for a reason!

DON’T STEAL: Someone recently told me how she took something from a man’s Condo as a joke. He didn’t find it funny, and she didn’t see what the big deal was as she was going to give it back. Ladies, it’s not the intent. Taking his boxers because you want to smell like him, taking another girl’s jewelry she left behind to be a smart ass, it could even be a DVD you wanted to watch. Don’t do it. Men are looking at character, never the intent behind the action. Males hide their trust issues, but they are deep and messing with his “stuff” is a dealbreaker. Leave with what you came with… but it’s always smart to “forget” something so the next woman who comes over knows you’re running things now.

And most importantly…

HAVE FUN: Lust got you into the bed, but what gets you two to the love stage? Enjoying each other’s company. Talk to each other after sex, share your views on things, you’re comfortable and he’s vulnerable so use this time to embed yourself into his mind as more than just “come over” pussy. That first night should be filled with wanting to stay up all night because there is so much to talk about between rounds. If you can’t connect on that level with a man, then what’s the point?

In the end, respect his space and follow these rules or be equipped with Uber money for when he rolls over and asks, “So… you got a way home?