If you never understood how an abuser could make a victim feel like the one in the wrong, then read the below email:
"I’m currently in a relationship approaching the two year mark. **** my boyfriend, is a great friend and provider, I never have a want as he looks out for me in ways my exes have never. So why am I writing you then? I was recently introduced to your book and your break down of Hot and Cold men really bothered me. **** fits your description. At least once a month, he gets in moods where he’s not himself. He pushes me away. He brings up my past (I cheated on my high school boyfriend and I was abused by my son’s father) in a way that makes me out to be a horrible person. In the past he’s nicknamed me cheater then later says it’s a joke knowing that it’s a sensitive topic. He once said he understood why I used to get smacked because I like to have the last word. He took it back and said he was joking and that I need to get over myself. In addition to this he seems to keep a list of everything he does (and pays) for me and doesn’t hesitate to bring it up.
I’m not stupid, I know he’s doing these things because of his moods not because I am a bad person. My question is given what you wrote in the book, could there be an exception to your reasoning for this behavior? Could I be triggering him to go cold by not being an equal partner financially or with my behavior? My mother says my attitude is my biggest flaw and that I will push a good man to his breaking point if I don’t correct this. I can give you more details if you would like but could you tell me if you’ve seen cases of Hot and Cold being a reaction, not just a case of a guy playing games because that’s not the case here...”
As you can see by that email I received, Mindfucking is alive and well. There are so many women in relationships who are being driven to insanity by toxic males who have figured out the greatest manipulation trick ever invented—Gaslighting. Push and Pull. Being hot and cold. Habitual lying. Twisting and re-framing reality. Turning people against you. Saying they want a woman that thinks and acts like you, only to try and change you. Doing you dirty, then making you think you’re the crazy one at fault…. These are only a few tactics used to break even the strongest women down to their most basic level until they become fearful, docile, and utterly dependent on their abuser. This defanging process happens so slowly that most women who I’ve talk to don’t even know they’re being gaslit until I point it out with specific examples from their own stories. Ladies! Recognize that narcissistic behavior is on the rise and it's time to stop pretending your can get through tis alone!
What You Will Learn By The End: How do you spot this in your own relationship when you’re blinded by love and chained by loyalty? How do you escape a situation when you’ve been told you can’t do better? How do you guard against Gaslighting at the early stages of dating before you’re too far gone?
Keep reading, because you’re about to get a Spartan Crash Course in how to become immune to the games. Let's start with ...