Do you know how males think, what they're looking for, and how to make them chase you? Even after that first date, do you know what's going through his mind? What's going to make him choose you over the other women he may be dating or even sleeping with?
Every month women pretend they know the game but fuck it up and come to me for help because being intelligent isn't the same as having dating wisdom! If you want insight into what guys are thinking when they date you, how to avoid mistakes that will turn him off, or lead him to ghosting you without explanation, then stop fronting as if you have all the answers and open your ears.
I'm going to take you through a man's mind during the dating stage and later the mind of a man during the relationship stage to help you best prepare and plan for how to position yourself as the most valuable option he's ever come across…
Stage 1: Just Another Pretty Girl
Let's establish a fact that will help keep your romantic fantasies in check. Men are serial daters. If you meet him on a dating app, you're one of several he swiped and messaged. If you met him outside randomly, trust that other women are in his phone. Even if a man is in a drought, no options currently, he's still looking, and new or old women will randomly pop back into his life. My point? You will never be a man's only option. If this upsets you, then get the fuck out of the dating game. Unlike women who routinely take breaks or date one man at a time, males are constantly looking to put their eggs in every basket that pops up.
"Don't you think men should be learning how to stand out and impress us, so we pick them?" Spoiler Alert: High Value Men aren't out here asking "how do women think" because guys with money or looks don't struggle to find viable options in the same way women struggle to find quality men.
"This guy really likes me because he's blowing my phone up and already trying to take me on a vacation," quickly turns into "He’s being distant. What did I do wrong?” You get built up only to be let down because you’re a sucker for promises and attention. 8 out of 10 men are ALL cap! Women stay assuming a guy is falling in love, when the reality is, he was comparing you against another woman who eventually beat you out by knowing how to seduce him better than you.
Before you suck your teeth and think, “men are trash,” understand that this isn’t about sex or a sign of immaturity. Dating multiple people and always being open to someone better is a smart dating strategy. We as men know that the odds of that woman who blew us away on a dating app being “the one” after we’ve gone on a date or two are slim. History shows that the women we lust after the most will turn out to be problematic. Therefore, it’s in a man’s best interest (and a woman’s, but that’s another story) to date multiple people and then make a choice after all the applications are in. Knowing that men are option hunting, how do you make yourself stand out? By understanding how he sees you…
When you first meet a man, you start where every other woman starts—Just another pretty girl.
He’s talking to you because he finds you attractive on a shallow level. Your face is bomb, maybe your body is snatched, or you fit the mold of whatever fetish gets his dick hard. Let’s not play dumb. You have a mirror, you’ve gotten male attention, and you are aware of what physically brings the boys to the yard. “Why do you like me? I’m nothing special,” a woman may say, trying to play coy, but she knows damn well that it’s her ass or breast size that made men thirst after her. The foundation of what will make this man call you, text you, or offer to take you out is based on sexual attraction. Getting dates is that simple, put yourself on a guy’s radar and be his type physically. He’ll want to get to know you better and spend time and money in pursuit of this.
Given that males “types” are very wide-ranging, every woman can easily get dates if she’s bold enough to put herself out there and lead with her best assets. I’ve written about that constantly in my book, so I won’t waste time on basic attraction and landing dates. I want to focus on the male thought process when he’s actually dating you.
Before we get there, let’s look at a few scenarios: Social Media. Dating Apps. Real Life.
What exactly is going through a guy’s mind when he sees you on social media and slides into your DMs? Before a man takes that risk by reaching out to you, he will do his research first. Remember, he doesn’t even have to be following you if your page is public. Guys lurk a lot, and you—yes you, have stalkers. I’m not talking about foreigners with broken English asking to send you money or weirdos who come off sexual. I’m talking about quality men. Through this entire breakdown, I will be talking about HIGH VALUE MEN, those guys who get dates, not thirsty Xbox live playing Reddit bois who message everybody hoping some girl is desperate enough to give him attention.
If you have a profile online, there is always at least one quality man scouting you, and that’s not an assumption. That’s a fact. He’s looking at each picture, trying to find a flaw, a reason not to shoot his shot. “She’s cute, but her teeth are too big… her body is banging, but I don’t like all that makeup she has on in every damn picture… Damn, she’s bad as fuck, but why does she have so many followers? Is she selling pussy to rappers?” I’m telling you everything will be scrutinized, and most of it is ridiculous and insecure, but men are human, and that’s how they process things when trying to weigh the pros and cons of reaching out to you first.
If you happen to check more boxes than you don’t, or if you just happen to post at the right time when he’s feeling brave, that admirer is going to find his way to you. Either he’ll follow you for the first time so he can keep track of you, or if he’s already following you, he’ll finally message you with something to say. Approaching you in this way doesn’t mean that he’s in love or sees you as wifey material. It literally means you’re enticing sexually. No man in history DMs a girl because he needs a buddy to discuss Netflix movies. He’s risking rejection because what you promoted on your page—your beauty or sex appeal, is worth being left on read. Remember, high value men don’t like to be rejected. Many of the athletes or celebrity screen grabs I get are usually very dry because that wealthy man isn’t trying to write anything that can make him look like a clown. The same thing goes for less famous men who have value. They aren’t trying to play themselves in pursuit of pussy. You may see it as a generic DM, but trust, it took that guy a long time to muster the courage to write that weak line to you.