“How am I supposed to do better and know better if no one has ever shown me what love is supposed to look like…”

Parents are supposed to be the model you study when it comes to love, but the majority of men and women I talk to experienced one of these childhoods instead:

An abusive or broken household void of love.

Divorced parents who took shots at each other.

Parents who stayed together too long and secretly hated each other.

If you’ve never seen your mother be shown love, grace, respect, and high-value treatment, how are you supposed to recognize that in your own life?

If your father left your mother, cheated on her, or abandoned you to create another family, how are you supposed to trust any man to be loyal?

If your circle of friends is filled with people who have the same fucked up stories or are constantly mistreated by men, then it’s easy to slip into the mindset of “There’s nothing out here…” But regardless of your parents’ relationship or the dating lives of your friends, you STILL want love—You STILL believe in love. So how do you break this cycle?

The problem when manifesting the love you desire isn’t the lack of solid candidates. It’s the mental disease of not knowing when to recognize “healthy love” and walk away from “unhealthy passion.” It’s the self-sabotage of “I’m not good enough,” or “what happens once they get to know the real me.” It’s the lifetime of bad habits that you brush off with “that’s just how I am,” instead of addressing your bullshit.

You overreact because you were raised to be defensive. You shut down because you were raised not to talk back to authority. You assume the worst because you’ve been taken advantage of. The average adult spends so much time trying to heal from things that aren’t even their fault. Parents won’t admit they failed you. Instead, they tell you they did the best they could and to stop crying.

How is a person with this kind of backstory supposed to communicate, let alone date, in a healthy way? They can’t! Most adults are broken, failing forward, and falling for people who are also damaged. This is a world filled with kids from broken homes creating new homes that are even more broken because they’ve never been taught that love isn’t a struggle. It’s time to reverse course and stop pretending!

Men + Trauma = Tragedy

Male Excuse #127: I don’t know how to give you the love you need because I come from a rough upbringing. I was mistreated, so I don’t know how to treat women, how to deal with my emotions, and no one cares enough about me to be patient and fix my pain.

Shut the fuck up, with the gaslighting, bro! These are the clowns y’all like cuddling up with? Really?

No one’s life story is picture perfect, but accountability is the difference between a man who blames his past for his present versus a man who strives to be better despite his trauma. You can’t fix a person who is in love with playing the victim. Nevertheless, every week, I get a story about a woman who’s stuck on some broken man and desperately wants to love him into being better. Welcome to the world of male manipulation.

Red flags are easy to spot. Green flags should be just as easy, but so many of you take a Red Flag and paint it Green because you don’t know what to look for in a relationship. You stay on social media brainwashing yourself with a bunch of bullshit “If a man does this, he’s good. If a man does this, he’s bad” but when you’re face to face with a man those cut and dry “bad man/good man” traits are hard to see because you want what you want. Why are you attracted to the “bad boys” versus the decent guys? It’s not hard-wired in you, it’s because most predatory men size you up, and infiltrate your heart using this SCRIPT…

Attention. Dick. Rejection.

Attention = He chases you, wants you more than you want him, makes you feel valuable, special, and all the excited feelings that movies tell you are a sign of falling in love.

Dick = He fucks you like he just got out of prison. Sucks the soul out of your pussy. Then he wants to go again. Sex isn’t just sex; it’s proof that he wants you, like really wants you, and that’s all you’ve ever wanted was to be shown love. Unlike other men, he’s attentive to your needs and shows you with passionate strokes, deep kisses, and talks you through an orgasm you rarely get to experience until the physical becomes spiritual.

Rejection = The best tool to control a woman is to pour attention, give her epic dick, and then fall back. Mindfucking a woman AFTER she’s comfortable, happy, and satisfied, will convince her that no other man out there can give her these feelings. She will do the most, put up with anything, and most importantly, stay loyal to a fault because that woman knows it all can be taken away again if she doesn’t fall in line. That’s the power a Toxic man brings into an unsuspecting woman’s life.

Repeat after me: Attention. Dick. Rejection. That’s how certain men operate, and even if you know this trick, it’s hard to stop because in between those steps, he’s saying and doing everything you’re looking for from your Prince Charming. It’s a hustle, and today I will teach you how to spot the signs, take action, and turn the tables on this unhealthy relationship so you can Spartan up and turn it into a healthy relationship.

What A Healthy Man Looks Like Vs. What An Unhealthy Man Looks Like

Dating is supposed to be about vetting a man to see if he’s compatible with THREE things: Your personality, lifestyle, and future ambitions.

Can this man handle your attitude and calm your moods respectfully and patiently? Can this man fit into your family life, get along with your friends, and spend quality time with you, no matter his schedule? Can this man bring something to the table that instantly makes your life better—teach you things, expand your mind, add to your net worth, and prove that he’s on the same page in terms of what you want, be it marriage, children, or career aspirations?

…or is that asking too much?

“Come as you are… just be kind of cute… fuck it you can even be half-ugly, I just don’t want to be alone anymore” has become the mindset of too many women who repost memes about standards yet throw pussy bassed on small talk and attention.

Laides, you get mediocre men who don’t know how to love you because you’re not vetting properly! If you don’t know what I mean by the word “vetting” or what to ask specifically on a date or in a relationship, CLICK HERE for a free ebook that takes you through the steps. I don’t have time to hold your hand through the basics. Today is about the advanced course that most of you should be ready for– keyword SHOULD. Dating with power isn’t just about knowing what a healthy relationship looks like; it’s about pushing a man’s buttons with questions! Men should serve ONE PURPOSE: Better your life.

Do you ask questions or do you snoop?

Do you clarify or do you assume?

Do you know the kind of man that compliments YOUR PERSONALITY or are you walking around like your coochie is a universal remote: Anyone can activate that shit???

If you can’t verbalize what you’re looking for, how can you take steps to attain it? The unhealthy habits of your childhood have made you a passive airhead as opposed to a master manifestor! You don’t set goals, you sit around! You’re a bystander, not a creator, and that’s why your results are so inconsistent. You’re one step above a fucking NPC (Google it, Basica)! You have the same wants as every other basic bitch online, you watch the same shows, reshare the same TikTok’s, wear the same type of clothes, thirst after the same men, and end up falling for the same male lies because you’re a fucking SHEEP not the main character.

The life you live isn’t one of manifesting, it’s one of reacting. You don’t know what you want until some other woman shows you what’s possible! Power is knowing that something is already yours before it happens. Doubt is the disease of convincing yourself you’re not good enough. The problem is you’ve lived in doubt for so long that moving in power seems impossible. Not after today…

The Ultimate Dating Test:

Find a piece of paper because I’m about to put you to work. Below is a short test that will be the most important thing in your dating life in terms of correcting how you think. Let’s begin…

Question One: Husband or Fuck boy… You went on a first date the night before. Things went well. The conversation was great. You kissed, but that’s it. It’s 3pm the next day, and you haven’t gotten a text, a call, or anything. What’s your next move?

Question Two: Wifey or Pussy… You’ve been dating long enough to finally have sex. It was good, nothing has changed so far. But this weekend, your “friend” has been busier than normal and has made no plans to see you. What’s your next move?

Question Three: Proof of Investment… You’ve known a guy for a few months, and his birthday is coming up. What do you offer him? A) Ask if he wants to go out. B) Gift him something he likes. C) Plan something for him.

Answer those questions honestly. We’ll come back to them later.

What A Healthy Man Looks Like

No relationship will be perfect, but the difference between picking a partner who will traumatize you versus picking a partner who will uplift you is a very thin line that requires that you pay attention to what I’m about to lay out: How To Spot A Secure Man. How To Test Compatibility. Sex Vs. Love.

How To Spot A Secure Man: In a healthy relationship, there is no battle between the sexes because this man will come in not wanting to control you but to protect, treasure, and enhance you. The difference between a secure man and an insecure man boils down to: Motive and temperament.

A secure man is looking for a woman to love. An insecure man is looking for a woman to control. A secure man is open-minded enough to listen and understand before speaking. An insecure man jumps to conclusions because his ego is fragile, which makes him as defensive as a 9-year-old caught in a lie.

When dating, you’re vetting to see what a man’s motive is. Yes, he wants to fuck you, but that’s not a bad thing. The question is does he see more than a vagina? Does he see those wifey traits? Does he truly listen to what you’re saying or play along? Does he ask deeper questions about your philosophy on life, or just keep letting you talk? Vetting also consists of testing a man’s temperament. Does he talk down to you? Does he complain about small things? Is he easy to trigger? Does he talk as if he has everything figured out, or does he invite your thoughts on a topic?

How To Test Compatibility: Be yourself and then watch something magical happen. “But G.L., the last time I opened up to a man, let my hair down, and didn’t try to fit in, I got ghosted.” Exactly! It’s a trick question.

Compatibility is a two-way street, and since men are the gatekeepers to relationships while women are the gatekeepers to sex, it’s the men who have the power of true rejection. A man can get your pussy and then decide you’re not right for him, hell sometimes they don’t even want your pussy, all it takes is a week of texting you to realize you’re fucked in the head and he’s better off with porn or his ex. What gets a woman chosen every single time is a man seeing part of himself in YOU. That girl who your ex is now with… she may not look better, be smarter, or even have a job, but guess what? He feels a compatibility with her that he would never and could never feel with you. He won’t tell you this, but we all know it, when looking back on our exes… I loved her but it wasn’t this kind of love.

Here’s a secret: Men grade on a curve. As a man, if I don’t like how you react to not getting your way, but I love the way you look, your sense of humor, and our shared interests, then I don’t give a fuck that you’re a bratty little bitch. I still want you. This is why women you perceive to have horrible attitudes still win at life. I don’t care if you’re a sweet, loyal, hard-working Christian—you’re always going to be boring on texts or trash on a date because you haven’t dealt with the baggage from your past. If a man is still rejecting you, even on a curve, that means you don’t have at least four amazing things going for you that reflect back on him to the point where he sees you as a twin flame. Four is a very small number, and you can’t meet that quota. Your personality is in a deficit, so it’s going to be a “no” from every man who knows he can do better.

How do you correct this? Recognize what the universe is teaching you and stop fighting it! There is a lesson when you get your heart broken or your feelings hurt, or if some guy you like just doesn’t chase you like you want. Not only are you incompatible with him, but you also have incompatibilities in general that you need to work on. What does a healthy relationship look like for a man? It’s a woman who isn’t perfect, isn’t flawless, isn’t submissive, isn’t a robot, but who has her shit together where it matters.

If you’ve been on more than three dates this year and none of those men were blown away to the point where they wanted to quickly commit to you, bought you something expensive just because, or crashed out because they couldn’t have you on their terms, then you’re not doing it right!

Every single man can spot “different” after a few conversations because most girls are flavorless. You think what you wear, the pictures you take, or even your career defines you. No one gives a fuck about that stuff. Guys who aren’t just trying to borrow your pussy for a night are bored to tears by the average woman because once you’ve met HER, that unicorn who posses wit, intelligence, and grace, how can you take any of these damaged Basicas seriously?

Testing compatibility starts with testing yourself! Would you date yourself? Would you want to spend 24 hours with yourself? Don’t lie, because most of you play on your phones or drown yourself in TV just so you don’t have to live in your own head! You’ll never be a Unicorn if you still think like a donkey, act like a donkey, and project jackass traits! Ladies, you have girlfriends, sisters, or cousins. You can read their flaws blindfolded. But can you read your own flaws? Who hurt you? What are you afraid of? What are you running from? Why is your nervous system so fucking friend that you can’t act normal when dating?

Conquer your own mind, work through your own trauma, forgive those in your past who fucked up the way you think, and you will begin to erase those flaws that make you a walking red flag. To go on a date and be yourself—  your healed self— will unleash your originality. You’re not boring, you’re just hiding. You’re not dry, you’re just afraid to be disliked, so you play it safe. You’re not flavorless, you’ve just been stripping away what makes you sparkle because no one has told you that it’s okay to let loose! Be a fucking Spartan. That power will always make you compatible, and I promise you it will change the way men pursue you.

Sex Vs. Love: Does he just want sex? Will he want you after sex? What does your relationship look like years in the future when sex is no longer filled with “new pussy” lust?

Someone wrote, “your relationships aren’t deep, you have raw sex, eat food together, and call it love.” So let’s unpack the final traits of a truly healthy relationship so you can no longer blame ignorance for your mistakes.

Love is… A man who listens to learn you because he’s so into you that he wants to know how you think, so even when you’re not around, he can close his eyes and imagine what you’re doing. It’s an obsession with a woman’s soul that never leaves and only grows. You will see this in elderly married couples where that woman still has that man wrapped around his fingers. He’s not a simp, he’s not whipped, he’s forever smitten. If your parents didn’t share this kind of love, okay, but know that it’s not rare—it’s the norm for a man to feel this way about a woman. So look out for how he listens to you.

Sex is… A man who listens to earn points so he can fuck you faster. He’s not asking about your life, he’s not following up about something you shared, he’s talking about himself, he’s nodding along bored, and he’s looking for a way to bring the conversation back to something sexual because that’s all you are to him, a nut in the making.

Love is… A man who responds to patterns emotionally, financially, and physically. A man who loves you can’t read your mind, but he will do the next best thing—anticipate your needs. Supporting you with his ears when you had a bad day. Being there to hold you when he knows it’s been a long week. Buying you something without even asking, because your smile is his reward. There has never been a man who hasn’t shown up and shown out for his woman. Real love comes with receipts, and if you don’t see the above in your relationship, then he’s a chapter that needs to be turned, not your happy ending.

Sex is… A man who thinks of you second. He forgets what was going on in your life because he didn’t care to remember. He doesn’t show up for you emotionally, because deep talks don’t get his dick hard. He’ll make you work around his schedule, because fucking you is the goal every time he sees you. Sure, he may buy you something, but it comes with strings attached. If you do fix your mouth to ask a favor, it always comes with a sexual response because he sees you as transactional, not special.

Love is… A man who can be vulnerable. Opening up about the hard things, compromising old habits, explaining actions, and communicating effectively are underrated traits. Recognize that a woman who can listen without using her mouth and receive what a man says will continue to be rewarded with more and more of his heart and soul. Not all men come from healthy backgrounds. Their fathers may not have opened up; there may have been women who used information against them, so the energy that it takes to lay out his thoughts in your hand is proof that he sees you as different. It’s not venting, it’s voicing. It’s not being soft, it’s being strong enough to let you into his head. Mistakes will be made, and arguments will happen, but the person who shows they know how to stay open and not shut down when times get tough is the person you can get through anything with.

Sex is… A man who remains mysterious, who weaponizes his trauma and yours, and who always has to be right because he refuses to admit wrong on a real level. Why would any man who sees you as “just pussy” show you who he really is knowing his motive is devious, sneaky, and purely lust passed? To control a woman means he has to stay dominant, masculine, and exude power over her. That power comes off as confidence, that confidence comes off as sexy, and that sex appeal gets him what he wants—your body and mind for as long as he wants to use you. In the end, you don’t know him, you don’t know what drives him beyond small tidbits he shares, and that’s done on purpose. Too many women are in love with men they don’t actually know, who don’t actually open up, and because they don’t know what love looks like, they think it’s just how men are. No, that’s not a man, that’s a predator.

Graduation

Go back to your questions from above and let’s see if you passed or failed.

Question One: Are you the kind of woman who waits for a man to chase, or are you secure enough in your skin to recognize effort in the form of a good date and repay it by reaching out to him first? A healthy relationship starts by letting go of this fear of “won’t that be chasing him? Won’t that seem masculine? Won’t that make me seem desperate,” because those fears aren’t real, they’re creations of a paranoid mind, of a friend nervous system, and of an insecure woman who wants someone, but doesn’t want to be rejected.

Question Two: Wifey isn’t the type of woman to get fucked and roll over, Wifey’s the type of woman who recognizes that if sex was had it was earned. Knowing that a man did the most to sleep with you comes with a confidence that is never—wait until he calls to fuck me again. You had sex, it was fun, now what else do you want? Tell a man, don’t ask. Come see me again tonight—is a demand. Let’s go out to a comedy show this weekend and buy me these shoes—is a demand. Even something as simple as—call me when you get off work, no matter the time—is a demand. If you can’t live in power after sex, then why the fuck did your legs spread in the first place?

Question Three: A quick way to get a man to invest in you is to invest in him, but it doesn’t require big acts like throwing a party or sucking his dick. Men are easy to spoil because they only want to see that you’re listening to them. If he says he likes a certain team, a certain food, or whatever, to be the woman who can bounce that back in the form of a small gift will endear you for life. It’s not about pussy that he’s already had, it’s not about being a sugar mamma who overdoes it because you’re projecting what you want someone to do for you, it’s about feeling seen and showing that you don’t mind putting your money where your heart is. It’s the small things that come off as personal.

Most of you probably fucked up those questions because you answered them from an unhealthy place of fear. And that’s the point I’m trying to drill into your head today. The choices that you make in dating are automatic because the way you think comes from a dark place… Is he trying to play me? Am I enough, or do I need to do more for him to like me? I knew he didn’t like me, so let me fall back first before he can hurt me.

Calm down and date like a fucking Spartan. Be confident, be self-assured, and push a man’s buttons until you get the real him, someone after love, or someone after sex. You used to be hurt, but once you heal, you’ll be able to spot someone who isn’t right because they possess your “old traits” from before you did this self-work. At the same time, it’s not your job to see a man who is struggling with issues and fix him because you can relate to that struggle. Healthy people get sick by bringing poison into their homes. Let the right ones in!

Bookmark this entry, print it out, take notes, use it as a tool to keep you honest about how you think, about what to look for, and as a reminder that real love exists and will happen if you’re a woman who knows how to recognize it and receive it.