Don’t Be Ashamed That You Got Played… Become Wiser

Get your popcorn ready. Let’s go back in time to when this girl wrote me with the most epic cautionary tale. The girl– let’s call her Kay, met this guy– let’s call him Jay, at an upscale event. Jay was a polished and professional business owner, but despite his lavish lifestyle, she didn’t get open off the whining and dining. She dated Jay for four months, and during that time, she fell for him pretty hard. She thought enough time had passed that she could let down her guard and have sex with him, and then this happened:

Last Thursday, we went to one of my favorite restaurants. I had a great time. I was feeling it. He knew it too, and knew when we got back to my place it was about to go down. (I mean I hadn’t had sex in four months!) So he dropped me off at the door and “went to look for a parking spot.” I came upstairs to my apartment and waited to buzz him back in. It took a little longer than usual but street parking is ridiculous here, so it didn’t seem too suspect.

Anyway, he rang the bell and I buzzed him in. Fast forward, we started fucking like rabbits. About 20minutes in, he stops and says “babe you hear something at the door?” And I say “no”. But he stops to “go check it out” but comes back, says he didnt see anything, and we keeping going.

When we were done, I got up to grab some water and I notice that ALL of my electronic shit is GONE: MacBook, iPad, iPhone, iMac, camera…. The only thing left was the big ass tv mounted on my wall. I WAS ROBBED. I looked at my door, there was no forced entry but it was unlocked. So immediately I thought, his dumb ass came to check the door when we were fucking and forgot to lock the door, then some bold nigga took the opportunity to rob me.

I called my best friend who stays across the hall to see if he saw anything. When I described the night, he was alarmed because when I told him about *** parking the car and coming up for us to have sex, he said it seemed strange because he saw *** coming into the building with two of his brothers. He thought I was having one of my usual house gatherings and that I invited all three of them over.

So I’m guessing you’ve already came to the conclusion: yep, when that nigga stopped to “check out the sound heard at the door” he was really just unlocking the door for his brothers to come in to steal my shit while I was getting dicked down. Nigga was fucking me and stealing from me SIMULTANEOUSLY!!! The first time I fuck him, he robs me blind…

The crazy thing is, this guy isn’t an anomaly; he’s the norm. Her story is extreme, but every day a relationship ends with a robbery. Kay had her iPad taken. Most women have their dignity, trust, and sometimes their virginity taken by scum like Jay. Right now, there are thousands of intelligent women being set up by men who aren’t half as smart. How is this possible? Is it the sex, the looks, or maybe they are criminal masterminds? I’m convinced that 98% of these heartbreakers aren’t Keyser fucking Söze, they’re regular guys who have one critical attribute—The Bullshit Factor.

Male Hos Vs. Female Hos

The Art of Bullshit isn’t about how good your lie is, it’s about how convincingly you tell that lie. Female Hoes sell sex, Male Hoes sell dreams. If I am a predator, I’m going to approach a girl I find promising, size her up, get to know her, and use that knowledge to exploit her ass. If she’s broke, she’ll probably get open if I tell her how much money I have. If she has money, she’ll probably get open on how well-read I am. Most women either want a wealthy man who can instantly change their lives or a man who is their equal, and they can partner with and be a power couple.

If the girl is basic or ratchet she just wants the vibes: Fun, Dick, taking pics to show her other ratchet friends she’s back OUTSIDE.

Predatory men use texting, dates, even your dating profile to sniff out which one you are:

Low Hanging Fruit with money but no man… he has a gameplan for your ass

Cinderella looking to glow up and hit the lottery with a high-value man… he has an entire story planned out.

Young party girl or turnt-up little Thotty? …he’s going to love bomb you the quickest cus you’re light work.

Not all men are interesting, rich, and intelligent. So, like most dudes on the internet: They have to fake it until they make it. Here’s how Male Ho’s lie without making it an OBVIOUS lie. First, he massages the truth…

“I’m Jim, I work at Macy’s, and I share a one-bedroom with my brother” isn’t going to make any panties moist. Therefore, it becomes, “I’m James, I’m a buyer for a major retailer, and I’m staying with my brother while I shop for a new condo“.

James looks a lot more promising than Jim’s broke ass. He’s not making up a fantastic lie; he’s merely stretching the truth like Gabby Sidibe in a pair of S/M boyshorts in order to get your phone number. That right there is how Players game you.

You can’t win this battle by being smart, because players have levels to their games. You have to learn how to vett, not just spot their red flags, but expose their entire fake ass character before you’re the one getting fucked and robbed…

Spotting Red Flags Before Attachment

The most dangerous time to vet a man is after you already like him. What that niggas has you hooked… you ARE HOOKED.

No matter what he does, what your friends say, or what common sense pops into your mind, once you TRULY are into a guy, you will make red flags turn green with delusion:

He disappears?
“He’s busy.”

He gives vague answers?
“He’s private.”

He only talks about himself on the surface?
“He’s guarded.”

He asks a lot about your life but never reveals much about his?
“He’s just a good listener.”

No. Sometimes he is researching you, not bonding with you.

A man who is trying to play you does not need to tell a huge, movie-villain lie. Most men stretch the truth just enough to sound more promising than they really are. In the article, the warning is clear: male players “sell dreams,” often polishing ordinary facts into a better-looking fantasy version of themselves.

That is why you vet before attachment.

Not after the sex.
Not after the sleepovers.
Not after you start calling him “different.”
Not after you have mentally cast him in the role of your future husband because he knows how to order appetizers.

You study his ass early.

How does he answer direct questions?
Does his story stay consistent?
Does he give more than he takes?
Does he open up, or does he keep you talking while he stays mysterious?
Does he make you feel guilty for asking basic grown-woman questions?

Because that last one matters.

A man with nothing to hide may not love being questioned, but he will understand why a woman with standards needs clarity. A man running game wants mystery because mystery gives him an exit door.

Why Social Media Stalking Doesn’t Work

Looking through his Instagram is not vetting. You can scroll his followers, check tagged photos, look up old comments, find his ex, search his job, and still miss the truth sitting right across from you.

Why?

Because social media only tells you what he performs.

Vetting tells you how this motherfucker operates.

A player knows women look for clues. He knows you care about family pictures, vacation photos, job titles, mutual friends, and whether women are commenting heart eyes under his posts. That does not prove character. That proves he knows how to decorate the crime scene.

Real vetting happens through conversation, consistency, and contradiction.

You ask.
You listen.
You circle back later.
You compare words to actions.
You notice what he avoids.
You pay attention when the story changes.

The article makes the bigger point: communication is what creates real bonding, not time alone. A player may spend months around you, but if he is only gathering your story while never truly giving you his, you are not building intimacy. You are being studied.

That is why stalking his page will never replace asking better questions.

A woman who cannot question a man in person is not vetting.

She is guessing with Wi-Fi.

WHY Do Men PLAY GAMES?

Sex, Money, and Lodging are the top reasons a man will play out a girl. Sex is obvious, we’re all after that even the good guys. Money is a long time hustle and takes a guy fluent in bullshit to pull it off on a large scale. It usually begins when the guy who’s gaming sells the girl on himself and all the big things he is doing and then he begins to slowly but surely ask for “help”. The first few times a Player will pay your loan back. It’s all game; he’s building faith so he can get deeper into your pockets. You let him hold a hundred dollars; he gives you back the hundred and takes you out to dinner. You don’t feel bad about “helping your man” because he’s looking out for you as well… at first. Next time its can I borrow three hundred… oh shit my car’s in the shop… five hundred… Then he calls in real trouble, now you’re hitting your family up for a few G’s.

Next he creates some fake argument in order to break up with you. He’s gone with your money and your family’s talking shit behind your back about being a silly hoe. Lodging is the hustle no one talks about but it’s become the most prevalent because it allows you to get the sex and the money while she’s putting a roof over your head. Remember when moving in with someone was a big deal? Today niggas are quick to default on their lease as soon as they pull a girl who has her own place. It starts as temporary then he never leaves, but you don’t mind because you get to play housewife without a ring awwww.

I had a homeboy who stayed in this girl’s college dorm for half the school year because he was piping the common sense out of one of her roommates– swag. The shit is insane how niggas will say they love you in order to get hot water and a soft bed. Regardless of his true objective, once a player gets his fill or the victim begins to see past the bullshit he makes up an excuse to end the relationship or flat out disappears. He learned what worked and what didn’t, and he’s off to play the game again. You’re left behind trying to figure out what went wrong.

Home girl who was robbed had her guard up from being hurt in her previous relationship. She was defensive and cynical, but Jay was patient and attentive, which eventually softened her up for the big hit. You can’t defend against a Player like you would defend against the run of the mill Thirsty guy. Thirsty niggas are not trying to play you; they’re trying to fuck, preferably on the first date. Players are much more suave than Thirsty niggas. They don’t have a timetable because they’re investing in something bigger than one nut. Some girls believe that the longer he hangs around the more he cares. “He hasn’t even pressured me for sex, he’s a good one” …wait right there while I laugh at you. Okay I’m back.

Time does not bond you, communication does! We can be trapped in a coal mine for five days and if you’re not willing to open up to me, I won’t be calling you after we’re free to see how you’re doing, we’re as good as strangers. If we’re in that mine and you pour your life story out to me then I’m invested, we’re like family now. Deep conversation is how you bond with someone. Players don’t open up, they let you talk about your family, your job, your likes and dislikes. They’re researching you, not talking to you. Players will talk about themselves, but they won’t go beneath the surface because the first rule of playing someone is “Don’t get too close to your mark”. Jay spent 4 months getting to know Kay, but I bet Kay never really knew who that guy was beyond the basic info. Talking to someone and talking with someone are two different experiences; communication is a two-way street in a legit relationship.

KNOW THY ENEMY

Ya boo had a another girlfriend all this time. The love of your life suddenly changed his phone number or his texted turned GREEN (motherfuckaaaaa!). Your husband has another family complete with kids and a dog. This isn’t created by the producers of the Maury show, this shit is real life for a lot of women.

How do you stop yourself from being played in the first place? The easy and unrealistic answer is “Don’t trust men”. No, that’s how you find yourself bitter as fuck and in debt from therapy.

Education is power. Treat any guy you date like an SAT Prep book and study that bastard as if your future depends on it, because it does. You meet a guy, he talks a good game, cool. Now, over the course of the next few weeks, cross-examine his ass. Any reputable job checks the background references of their potential hires. Treat your vagina like it’s the most sought-after job on the market and check that nigga’s credentials. Men aren’t going to want to give you personal details if they’re trying to play you.

These clowns want to stay mysterious, which makes it easier to escape when the shit hits the fan. When you try to get close, they’ll make you feel bad about interrogating them. Don’t get caught up in that reverse-psychology trick of “Let’s worry about us right now, not me back then.” A girl who doesn’t dig for information is a girl who’s waiting to be fucked over.

There are only so many lies you can tell before that shit collapses like a house of cards. A lie built on top of a lie isn’t going to hold up for two or three months, keep asking him hard questions and eventually cracks will begin to form if he’s not legit. “I knew something was funny about the things he was telling me” Then why didn’t you check his bullshit when your brain raised the red flag???

If you need help with this and real steps to pull it off read my book “Date Like A Spartan”

or download my free guide: Spartan Vetting Guide

Spartan Affirmation: I Do Not Get Played

I do not date on hope.

I date on evidence.

I do not fall for pretty words without matching actions.

I do not confuse mystery with depth.

I do not confuse time with commitment.

I do not confuse attention with investment.

I ask questions.

I trust patterns.

I listen to my brain before my heart starts writing romantic fiction.

If something feels off, I check it.

If his story bends, I notice.

If he gets defensive over basic clarity, I step back.

I am not here to be paranoid.

I am here to be prepared.

I am not easy to fool because I am not desperate to believe.

A man cannot play me when I know how to turn his cards face up.

Common sense is better than X-Ray vision, stop being blinded by good looks or fast talk and start fingerprinting these clowns. Nosey is annoying, but it’s better to be annoying than to end up a sucker. Knowing his full name, where his mother lives, and his Facebook password doesn’t make you his girl. Everything you think a man should do to prove himself to a girl he likes, he knows you’re checking for. A Player will do all the little things girls put stock into just to appease you, he’s not proving anything by taking you to his family cookout, he’s playing the game. A man that’s really down for you goes the extra mile without you having to ask, he gives much more than he takes, and his life story is an open book. Listen to your brain, not your heart and always question his motives. If you think you’re being played by the man you’re with then chances are you’ve already been played.