A former NFL coach said one desperate need leads to multiple bad decisions. In his context he was describing the common practice of blowing all your money and draft picks on a rookie QB instead of filling your other holes first. But that statement translates to relationships even better. There comes a point in everyone’s life where we want someone to call our own, keep us company, and sincerely love us. No matter what’s going wrong in your life, there is a magical cure all—Being in love. Nicholas Sparks books, love songs, people holding hands in the mall, it all promotes this idea of “get in a relationship and everything will be okay”. A relationship is not Andrew fucking Luck, no matter how much you think one good man or woman can come in and save your season, it’s going to fail unless your team has a solid foundation to support that star player. Relationship girl is desperately seeking someone to love her, understand her, and ride for her like those men in the movies. She desperately wants to find a guy the same way her bff did and end up engaged by the end of the year. Desperate Desperate Desperate! Everyone has a need to be loved, but hers is overwhelming to the point where it’s all she thinks of. Why can’t the Relationship Girls or the Handcuff Homies of the world be happy single? These type of people are looking for a quick fix to plug the holes in their life, but recklessly jumping from relationship to relationship without taking time to enjoy the freedom of being single can set you back for seasons to come.
While there are a shit load of men who thirst for relationships, some of us have figured out the perfect loophole to find happiness and still have fun along the way. “I’m not ready for a relationship right now” aka “You haven’t impressed me enough to give up my other options”. We choose to be single for as long as possible, sometimes it’s fear of commitment, but other times it really is that instinctive feeling in our gut that this girl isn’t what I want so why settle. We have those same thoughts that Relationship Girl has, but instead of going Washington Redskin crazy in the draft, we sit on our draft pick, trade back, and build around that major need so we don’t make reckless moves that fuck us for years to come. Now we may get burnt and miss out on a great women because we’re holding out for better, but at the same time being that practical lets us figure out who we really are, what we really want, and mature in the meantime. If men can wear their single status like a badge, so can women. To be single by choice is the ultimate freedom. It means you have options but you’re disciplined enough not to give them the title until you’re 100% sure and 100% ready. Do not let people guilt you into thinking you need to be with someone in order to be complete. A lot of chicks pop fly like they’re single by choice, when in reality those girls are wishing a nigga would throw a rock at her window, tell her she’s his everything, and thus give her a purpose in life. Not every girl wants to be in a relationship. For those women who are really about that life, you can’t let society force you to conform to the idea that you need to belong to a man in order to be happy. There are people who have been in shitty relationships for six years and hate their partner but are trapped by this dumb ass fear of “I’ll never find anyone else” at this point in life. Then there are the One & Done people. Their relationships always last around ONE year and then they move on. Make it to a year, get cabin fever, break up, jump right back into a new relationship, repeat cycle. Both of these type of people dread being alone so they either stay in destructive relationships or jump from commitment to commitment. Being Single is not a dirty word! It’s actually an invaluable experience if you truly embrace it.
Date Multiple People
Dating more than one person at the same time is not Hoe shit, its smart shit. You can type, text, and drive at the same time, but you can’t juggle dating three different dudes without getting confused? In the words of that actor who plays Nick Fury, “Multitask motherfucker”! You shouldn’t be trying to find a man; a man should be trying to find you. Do you know how much time you’re wasting dating one at a time? By the time you figure out Mr. Perfect has three kids by three different women, you’ve wasted two months. Two months where you could have been auditioning other guys. I get that sometimes there aren’t many options, maybe you’re shy or not the best looker therefore you don’t get approached much and are forced to go out with the one half decent guy that asks. You don’t have any other suitors so he’s who you focus on and catch feelings for. WTF? Why are you hard up to be with some half-wit that’s not even turning you on? Because he’s showing interest? Where are the sparks? He’s not your man just because he takes you to Cheesecake Factory and knows your middle name—he’s just a guy you’re dating. Your pussy is the NFL and this guy is trying to make it through the combine so he can get drafted. Don’t just let this 3rd stringer walk in, be mediocre, and make the team just because no one else showed up. Save the pity party about looks and being introverted for someone who buys into those weak excuses. If you have a vagina then you have men who want to date you, it really is that simple. Stop making excuses about not getting approached and be more proactive. Dating doesn’t have to be about finding your soul mate, it can be a fun activity for those who enjoy being single. You’re building a roster of cool friends, some who have potential, others who don’t, but it doesn’t matter because you’re enjoying the company of the opposite sex not on a deadline to pop out babies. Men want what they can’t have, and those girls who actually mean it when they say they’re not looking for a man, are always on the top of the most wanted list. There is nothing slutatious about having dinner with Tim on Tuesday, concert with Tony on Thursday, movie with Phil on Saturday. You’re single, go explore.
Bitch, You Messy
Wait until I get my money right. You don’t know the shit my father did to my mother when I was younger. Fuck this school, I’m going to drop out. I can’t stop popping pills. I’m addicted to sex. I hate my weight. I don’t have any real friends! That Beez In The Trap video made me moist, maybe I’m bisexual. No one knows what I’ve been through!!! People have fucking issues. There are things going on in your life that you need to come to grips with before you can worry about getting into a serious relationship. This need to have someone come in, sweep you off your feet, and tell you how great you are, is only a Band-Aid. A boyfriend or girlfriend can help you heal to a certain extent but most of those deep issues have to be worked out by you. Let’s be honest, humans are selfish, we don’t want to deal with other people’s shit. Yeah we’ll suck it up and try to be understanding, but it’s hard to stay involved with someone who has never gotten their daddy issues resolved, can’t manage their money, or has self-esteem issues. When you’re single—you’re focused. Being in a relationship takes all kinds of energy, how about taking that same energy and directing it inward. Fellas, don’t shit on the girl who’s in college and turns your invite to dinner down, she needs to focus on her education, not being someone’s girlfriend. Ladies, don’t demand a baller, when your bank account can’t even cover the valet charge at the arena he plays in. Some women are quick to hit a nigga with, “where is this going” it’s not going anywhere because you have anger management issues that when mixed with flavored vodka scares the fuck out of him. If your life is messy why the fuck would you want to complicate it by introducing another person into that hurricane of drama? Misery loves company, and no matter how sexy as fuck misery appears on the outside, it will always bring you down. All the messy people reading this, don’t pretend your life in order and that it’s nothing love can’t cure, get your shit together first. No one will ever be issue free, but come to the table at peace with yourself.
Being Lonely Isn’t the Same As Being Single
Don’t listen to slander from people in relationships. They will try to make you feel like less of a person because you’re “alone”, but secretly they’re envious because you’re FREE. You can fuck who you want, go where you want, and not have to call a damn soul when you’re running late. I was eyewitness to this woman who told this other chick to “grow up” because she walked up to the bar and got this guy’s phone number. That bitch was hating because she’s on lock with some dude she settled for, but homegirl is free to sample as much dick as she wants. Being in a relationship is not always a sign of maturity. How many couples argue about young ass shit, sabotage each other, and go through fake break ups on a monthly basis? Most. She’s loose, she has an attitude, no man’s ever going to want her, blah blah blah. Just because you don’t fall in love with every nigga that calls you pretty, doesn’t mean you’re un-dateable, it means you’re content with being in a relationship with yourself. Sure there will be times where you feel like a fifth wheel, or you don’t have the comfort of coming home to somebody, but you’re only as bored as your personality. If you’re a fun person you’re going to find entertainment in any crowd. You’re happy shaking that ass in the club while your handcuffed friends have to stand around talking to each other. You’re happy in your soft ass bed with your bottom bitch, Mr. Fingers, while your homegirl is in her bed with a nigga that snores and busts nuts in two minutes. Look on the bright side of being single and satisfied and enjoy it while it lasts! One day you’re going to be happily married, yet still think of that single life as some of the best times of your life.
Just because you’re single by choice doesn’t mean you’re going to stay single. Once you’ve cleaned up the mess in your life, have experienced dating multiple people, and found comfort in being alone then you’re going to be a well-rounded individual. The time you spent being single was like an NFL team building their roster, slowly but surely you’ve made moves small and big that have made you a better person. When that Game Changer comes along, you will recognize them right away, because they’ll be forced to wow you. You’re not going to make a thirsty decision because you are already dating people who would love to be with you, that means not only are you in high demand, you know your worth, and won’t commit for anything less than a winner. Maybe it’ll be a #1 pick or maybe you’ll end up with someone who came undrafted, either way by making the smart choice not the desperate choice, you have put yourself on the fast track to that championship.