“Our husbands weren’t brain surgeons, they were blue-collar guys. The only way they could make extra money, real extra money, was to go out and cut a few corners” – Karen Hill

Goons, Thugs, Hoods… these men may not be the most educated, they may not be the most attractive, but they live life according to their own rules. These men don’t take shit or bite their tongue. They hustle by any means necessary and regardless of the situation they were born into they are going to get theirs. Goons are about that life which the average person looks down on. From the wise guys on Staten Island to the hustlers down in the 504, Goons are a catch 22. They’re the type of guys women claim not to want, but they’re the type of guys they usually fall for.

A lot of women aren’t Chris Brown proof, but even more aren’t Goon proof. Most women don’t make the first move, so they are usually left settling for guys who show the most interest. Most wavy niggas have a surplus of pussy, so they become  just as reluctant to speak first as a shy girl. Young Usher Raymond is not going to risk rejection just because you gave him shy eye contact. A Goon on the other hand has no problem yelling your name across the food court to let you know he’s trying to take you out. Goons have been living by YOLO before Drizzy made it the motto. Those niggas don’t care about rejection. They see something they like and go for it, it doesn’t matter if she’s out of his league or a bustdown, these men don’t wait for signs, they get at you. Because of this reckless pursuit of pussy, Goons monopolize local hood chicks and turn out girls from the suburbs with ease. He may not be your type, but he showed interest, persistence, and probably said something ignorant that made you smile. Of course you’re going to give him your number, you may not plan on going out with him, or think he’s just someone to laugh at, but Goons go hard in the paint, once they get that number they’re going to win you over. I know the fine wine sipping, judgmental women are going to say, “That could never be me, I need a man with ambition and education”. Take a break from blowing smoke up your own ass and be honest, if Method Man circa 1991 approached you on his way to the bus stop, his Goon appeal would have melted your panties.

A degree doesn’t make him more of a man or a better boyfriend. Right now some girl is fucking with geek ass Michael who gets upset when people call him, “Mike”. Michael is struggling trying to find work with that degree in business so he’s taking his short comings out on you. Asking you to pay his loans for the month, running to his mother’s house instead of working through an argument, giving you missionary sex every night, yeah he’s a real winner. Dude can write a business plan but his ass can’t buy groceries, make you cum, or keep you from yawning. On the other side of the tracks you have Mike Mike who didn’t finish high school until he was 20, sells weed, and still lives with his mother. But Mike Mike makes sure you have money, isn’t afraid to yell at you when you’re wrong, and will fuck the hell out of you with the lights on and door open while his mom vacuums in the next room. Both Mikes have shortcomings. Just because one is a Goon doesn’t mean you should be so quick to dismiss him as a loser. Being a Goon doesn’t automatically make him a loser. Losers are the type of niggas who brag that they have seven pairs of Jordans but have to ask their girlfriend for gas money because his pockets stay on flat. Losers are content with mediocre jobs and throw away money on the most basic shit then expect their “wifey” to sit in the house with him and watch redbox movies because he doesn’t have $24 for a Friday night movie. Most Goons get girls to fall in love with them because despite their roughness, they have extremely big hearts and will ride for their homeboys and die for their women, no questions asked. There’s one type of email I always answer on a case by case basis which is “My boyfriend is on the wrong side of the law, should I leave him alone?” Most people react with “why would you get involved with someone like that from the jump it’s only going to lead to jail or death”. It’s not that black and white and really does depend on the situation. Here’s my thing, you can reform a Goon and he can grow into that person you can be proud to raise kids with, but it may take more work than you’re willing to put in…

DON’T BLIND YOURSELF

 

If you bury your head in the sand you’re going to drown come high tide. Too many women use “Don’t Tell Me” logic, fooling themselves into believing that he works construction at 2am in the morning, so they can sleep better at night. A man in the fast life is going to be protective, he doesn’t know if you’re a snitch or trying to set him up. But there comes a time where he has to open up to you if you’re really his chick. Don’t let his Goon ass tell you “I don’t talk about my business” six months into the relationship. His business is your business because if he’s living with you, using your car, etc… and shit goes down, the police are going to look at you like a coconspirator.Your honor I swear, we didn’t talk about his business, I thought he was a club promoter” don’t play yourself. Before you make a commitment know what he does for real. At first he may try to feed you bullshit, but if he expects you to drop those draws, you should get him to drop that wall of secrecy. Finding out that your man is knee deep in credit card fraud or runs a chop shop isn’t something you want to find out once you’re already in love. You should have the choice of staying or going, not the burden of, “Oh well it’s too late now, that’s my baby”. Fuck that. Ask questions, evaluate, and then decide if you’re about that life.

BRING OUT THE BEST

If Goons had higher education to go along with street smarts they’d be dangerous. The thing is it’s never too late to educate yourselves and use your brain to succeed in a different avenue of life. Most of my boys who are in the life are smarter than those I went to college with, but how do you translate that to a resume, to a position, to real money? You need someone to drive you. Clearly his parents didn’t do all they could or he wouldn’t be in that life, so he needs other guidance. If you get caught up with a Goon and really see potential to be with this guy, then you have to be the one to knock sense into him because no one else will. You’re not his mother, but all men need to be molded, regardless if they’re a square or trapping. Point to a successful man, you’ll find a strong woman next to him. Regardless of how much we poke our chest out and claim to be the superior sex, males would be lost without female influence. Hoes will spend a Goon’s money and bounce when he falls from grace, because she was only in it for the bread. Ratchets will be there in his corner loaning him cash to move another pack so he can get back on his feet, because she wants the power that comes with being with a Trap star. A smart woman that sees potential is going to show tough love, because she wants him to evolve into a better man. He doesn’t need money to re-up, he doesn’t need conjugal visits, or money on the books while he’s locked up, what he needs is to an ultimatum that will make him get his shit together. If he’s making money, check his ego, show him pictures of how George Jung ended up, and tell him to invest the money he has into something legitimate or go back to school. If he falls be there to help him find an alternative way to make money. He’s going to do what he’s going to do, but that decision is going to be harder if you tell him you won’t be around if he continues down that road.

BUILT FOR THE STRUGGLE?

One of my big homies is in prison for the foreseeable future, and I was surprised to find out that he just got married to his long long long time girlfriend while in the pen. I made a joke to his brother that she finally got what she’s been demanding since I was in high school. Despite the things he’s done he’s a good guy, but when she looks back on her life and relationship with him, was it worth it? She had a time where she was living rich, then it turned into raising her kids in poverty after he first got knocked. Were the few years of love and balling worth it? Drita from Mob Wives is a prime example of, “If I knew what I know now, I would have never even gone on a date with him”. Is this a guy you can marry and raise kids with? Keep that in your mind from the very beginning; even you think it’s not serious. You may think of him as just your Goon Dick, or a D-Boy sponsor, but a nigga who’s treating you right will grow on you especially if he’s showing you that exciting part of life that squares can’t. Maybe you can deal with the parole, the other baby mamas, the financial ups and downs, and the rest of the drama that keeps things stressful yet interesting, but can you deal with the struggle of being alone while he’s in a cell? More importantly, should you have to deal with being alone while he’s in a cell? The answer is no. There are thousands upon thousands of women out there who are off the market, keeping that box tight, because they’re waiting for their boos to finish that bid. He’ll finish his bid, go back a year later, and the cycle starts again. I don’t think the answer is to avoid these men all together, because there are a lot of diamonds in the rough that need a good woman to help turn it around. The world is filled with reformed Goons doing it major. At the same time if he’s not willing to change and keeps holding on to this Tony Montana dream of turning a Kilo into a mansion, you have to be strong enough to end it. Don’t wait until he’s out of jail, don’t wait until he finds a place to stay, and don’t give him chance after chance to straighten up because once your threats become hollow you lose all leverage. You may get that ring on your finger and a man who genuinely loves you, but in the end that life will leave you broken, miserable, and looking a damn fool— Kay Corleone.

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