Girl meets boy. Girl becomes friendly with boy. Girl fucks boy. Girl becomes stressed because boy isn’t claiming her as his girlfriend. Girl wants to move on but doesn’t want to lose him as a “friend”. I’ve had so many women tell me how they’ve been talking to non-comittal guys for months and want more, but he doesn’t seem to care. The easy answer is to stop talking to him if he doesn’t want you the same way you want him. But they don’t want to lose that friendship, so they keep on going through the motions, hoping one day he’ll realize they should be more. That’s right, friendship has become the latest in the line of weak ass excuses for holding on to a dead end relationship. I call bullshit. I’m not talking about life long friends who earned their spots, these are guys they’ve known for a year or less. Somehow this nigga you randomly met at a cookout four months ago has become your best friend on the planet. You’re willing to suffer through relationship purgatory because your lonely ass feels some kind of connection? The word “friendship” has been misused more times than Joseline’s post op vagina. Just because you laugh together, ate a few meals in front of each other, and shared childhood memories doesn’t mean you’re bffs—it means you two are cool. That man is not your true blue friend, he’s the guy you were talking to and got attached. The entire reason he has your phone number is because of the sexual attraction. Women meet a lot of guys, but when one with the right mixture of looks and charisma gets in that ear, it’s a wrap. His jokes are funnier, his lies are more believable, and the smiley face he leaves after a text is suddenly proof of love. Is this friendship or is this infatuation? Face it, every human being has people they crush on, even if you wouldn’t take it there, you still show favoritism to those people. When that infatuation is aimed towards someone who would rather abuse those feelings than reciprocate, you end up getting played. There is this entire “Thirsty” movement where people are afraid to show how much they like a person for fear of getting played. Thirsty is niggas who are liking your two-month-old facebook pics at three in the morning. Thirsty is hoes who take pictures in their little sister’s bra with a face full of make up then post it like, “Just woke up, I look a mess“. Those people are thisrty for attention. Admitting to liking someone you’re talking to and inquiring about where it’s going, isn’t being thirsty, it’s being adult.

It’s been six months and you two aren’t anything serious or exclusive, just people who talk and fuck. Do you tell him you want to try a relationship? Do you force him to be with you by threatening to cut off the coochie supply? Do you bury your emotions and pretend you’re okay being friends who fuck? I’ve found that many women are afraid to speak up, so they choose the last answer. Girls hold all the power, but for some reason they don’t want to rock the boat by communicating their feelings. “If I tell him how I feel, I’ll turn him off“. Hold the fuck up. Wanting to be his girl is going to make him distance himself and not be your “friend”? Good, because that means he didn’t fuck with you like that anyway. Let’s pretend you play it the coward way and keep your mouth closed and suppress those emotions. You fail. Once you start to fall for that guy, there is no hiding that. Do you really think you can continue to talk to him every day, fuck him every weekend, and not go crazy? Relationship Purgatory is real. There are men who chase women who aren’t looking to settle, there are women who cry over men who refused to be caged. It’s a huge problem that can easily be solved if people weren’t so afraid to walk away from stalled relationships. I want to focus on the women, because they created an entire category just for situations like this, females call it:

THE FRIEND

No woman wants to seem like she’s weak, dick whipped, and waiting on a man to decide if she’s good enough for the title. So they created “The Friend” or “My Friend” label, which protects her from being thought of as a dummy that’s being used. “I don’t care what he’s out there doing, girl, he’s just my friend, it ain’t that serious” two minutes later she’s in bed playing Melanie Fiona confused as to why her Friend doesn’t want to settle down and be her man. The Friend is like a boyfriend without the exclusive rights. He’s everything she wants in a man but the only thing holding her back from making it official is that mutual agreement of “I belong to you“. Unlike the hated Friendzone, when a girl describes you as “My Friend” you hear the excitement and you know what it’s code for. Men purposely get into the Friend category so they can get the milk without buying the cow. On the other side of the fence, there are many full-bloodied Spartans who acquire friends so they can have dick and conversation without the stress of a hard up nigga trying to handcuff her. If you’re disciplined enough being someone’s Friend could be a good situation… but that’s a big “if”. There are the Bassicas out here who don’t talk to other guys because they’re waiting on The Friend to make it official. In her simple mind being his confidant who supplies pussy = girlfriend in training, but rarely does it work out that way. The Friend category is supposed to make it easier to accept that he’s still fucking other women or doing shit he has no business doing, but in reality, it can cause just as much stress as if he were your real boyfriend. You still love him, you still get moist thinking about him, you still bend over backwards to help him out, but unlike a boyfriend you can’t check him for not doing what he’s suppose to be doing relationship wise because he’s a FREE AGENT. What man would want to leave that kind of life for one where he has to be monogamous and answer for his actions? He got the ass without making a commitment, why make one now? If Microsoft came to a kid in high school and made him a VP, college can suck a dick. He’s already won. When you make any guy who’s not your official boyfriend the C.E.O of your pussy, he has no incentive to make you more than just his friend.

The Jumpoff Friendship

A woman will agree to a purely sexual relationship, even promise not to get insecure or jealous, but still get emotionally attached. Some men are known to fall in love with their part-time pussy and get simped out, but more times than not, it’s the female who gets caught up. One excuse this girl gave was that once it passes a certain period, a Friends With Benefits situation should end and relationship discussions should start. In other words, she wanted her pussy to be promoted for its hard work. You have the right to renegotiate the arrangement, but do you really think a man who’s had his fill of you for a year without having to work for anything is emotionally invested in being your man? The bigger question is can you trust a man who would agree to that kind of arrangement in the first place? Jumpoff girls usually aren’t hoes, they’re women who have been hurt and aren’t ready for a full relationship but still want to have sex with someone they’re comfortable with. Although it’s not an exclusive arrangement, the majority of these women don’t fuck anyone outside of their FWB. Men on the other hand aren’t going to be content with one pussy. We’re gamblers; we can’t stop while we’re winning. We need to double up, even triple up, because we live in fear of the day when we won’t be able to fuck who we want to. The thing to remember is that while a man can learn to love his jumpoff for what she provides, he rarely falls in love with her. No matter how nice and innocent she is, it’s always going to be this perception that she’s giving up free pussy to me, then she’s my freak. You can spend months building that bond with your fuck buddy, but at the end of the day, he doesn’t want to wife his freak. A nice girl who he has to work hard to fuck and has no history of doing freaky shit, that’s who he’ll throw a ring on. Leaving you to sit scratching your head wondering what she had that you didn’t. That’s the hypocritical nature of men, we love nasty girls, but we don’t want our future wives to have done anything that seems morally questionable like being a jumpoff. It’s unfair, because agreeing to be FWB doesn’t make you a slut or less classy. However, in the mind of the man you’ve been fucking, it could make you seem like damaged goods, and that’s not a stock he wants to invest in long term. If you want to use him for sex, use him for sex. Don’t agree to a jumpoff situation because you think it’s going to end with him promoting you.

The Virgin Friendship

I’ve never had the patience needed to conquer a virgin, but there are guys out here who are built for the deflowering life. Most niggas run as soon as they here, “I’m a virgin” because they don’t want to waste months or years trying to talk a girl into her first time. We live in a world where getting laid has never been easier, a decent looking guy doesn’t want to wait three months to smash a girl who’s already bust it open, and if his game is tight, he won’t have to wait three weeks. So when confronted with the challenge of a girl who could be difficult or get emotionally attached, they pass. Virgins do not want to throw away their first sexual experience on some pretty boy who tells her, “I don’t even care about sex” while trying to slide his hand down her pants, so she waits… and waits… and waits. It’s hard for these ladies to trust, which makes Virgin Hunters the most dedicated guys on the face of the earth. They build a friendship with a girl who they know isn’t going to be easy, then go all in. They put her at ease by pretending not to care about sex, settle for making out; eventually becoming someone she can trust. They know these chicks have a breaking point, and when the time is right he will use the threat of him moving on to another girl to convince her. Now she’s depressed about losing her friend and thinks, “He does care about me, let me just get it over with and stop acting so immature“. Reverse psychology at its best. Being a virgin doesn’t mean you are afraid or immature, it means you have standards. Instead of giving it up to some smooth talking guy who just wants to fuck you and scream out “First“, you should wait for love. You can’t make someone love you, but you can hold out until you find that person who proves himself. Don’t think because you’re a virgin you’re handicapped, that you’re less desirable than No Walls Whitney, and no man will take time to get to know you because you’re not giving it up. Be irresistible, have the type of personality he’s blown away by, and instead of guys trying to fake friendship, they’ll be lining up to claim you as their woman, sex or no sex.

The Give It Time Friendship

Let’s say you’re not afraid to speak your mind and you’re fully aware that you don’t want a friend you want this guy as your man… but it’s not the right time. Different states, school, work, baby daddy just got out of jail, whatever the obstacle, you can’t dedicate yourself to being with that person until it’s resolved. Congratulations, unlike most people you can actually communicate your feelings without the fear of being thought of as thirsty. However, there are still pitfalls that will fuck you up before you two ever get a chance to give a relationship a shot. The main one being assumption. He likes you, you like him so you assume you should do all the things couples do, but you won’t put a label on it. WRONG. If you have things keeping you apart, then getting pass those things should be your focus, not keeping the romantic fire lit. You’re not ready for him to be your boyfriend because you’re out of state and it wouldn’t be fair, yet you’re on the phone every night with him cupcaking, having phone sex, and making future plans. You’re doing exactly what you said wasn’t fair. He’s still a free agent, just like you, but the way you two carry on it doesn’t feel like it. It can be all good for a minute, but what happens when he gets busy and doesn’t call as much, or takes longer to return texts? Paranoia. Maybe he’s found another girl, even if he did you can’t say shit because he’s only The Friend. Meanwhile, every time this nigga taps another bitch on instagram, your heart breaks because you’re insecure. It’s always the tough talking chicks who claim “I have no fucks to give” yet give endless fucks about guys who aren’t even theirs. What’s the solution? Slow down the communication. There is no need to be phone boning nightly if you two aren’t bout that life. You’re not platonic friends, the only reason you talk is because you are attracted to each other. If you can’t act on those feelings then you should keep a safe distance until the time is right. It’s great to build a friendship before the relationship, but raise your hand right now if you have the discipline to be close to someone you’re crushing on and not get jealous. You lying. You don’t even have a picture of your Grandma, but you got a picture of The Friend as your screensaver– your ass is open. Some women can text a guy they want but can’t have every day, even give up the ass, and not get emotional over it. Other women can’t overcome their feelings for The Friend and obsess over him after each new call. You know which category you fall in. Only take on as much as you can handle or you will catch feelings.

If you start to think of this guy as your “baby” and fantasize daily about being with him, then you’re in too deep. Be honest with yourself and admit that it’s no longer about having someone to talk to when you’re bored, it’s not about casual sex, you’re starting to fall in love. How long do you wait for your friend to become your boyfriend? You don’t wait, you make shit happen. Instead of keeping your mouth closed and hoping he gets the hint, Spartan up and lay it all on the table. If he doesn’t want to go there with you, then take your talents elsewhere. There comes a time when a grown woman can no longer afford to play with The Friend. Unless you want to graduate to Mimi status and be a main bitch to a nigga who carries his sideline hoe’s pregnancy test in his pocket, you have to get in the habit of demanding more from these niggas. You deserve a real boyfriend, so why settle for a practice one? It’s not about pressuring him for a relationship, it’s about coming clean to the guy you like and having the power to walk away if he’s not looking for the same thing. Don’t waste years of your life in the name of friendship.  Dude didn’t grow up with you, your bond wasn’t built on years of unconditional love, that nigga wasn’t with you shooting in the gym sitting in the salon. That chubby nigga who loans you money and sat for hours while you got that full weave put in, he’s the real platonic friend; he’s the guy you can’t afford to lose. Do you really think not talking to The Friend  you’ve known for 7 months will kill you? “He means so much to me” *lip tremble*. I know 16-year-old girls with bigger balls than your sentimental ass. Remove his dick from your mouth and Grow The Fuck Up! No man is irreplaceable. The hole in your heart won’t be from the loss of his friendship, it’ll be from the loss of what he represented– LOVE. You want a man. Stop pretending you don’t and start going after what you crave. You might get rejected, it may not work out, but it’s better to go after the man you want than to lust after the friend you don’t need.