Female self-confidence is on the rise and the men they may have gone out with last year aren’t on their radar this year. But where does that leave the Average Joe? Just because he doesn’t make six figures a year or dines at five star restaurants does not mean he’s not a catch, but in this Hip-Hop obsessed culture, some women confuse material possession with being a winner. America is built on the blue-collar worker not the first round draft pick. 9 to 5 type of men are the norm, and most women will marry this type of guy but insecurity makes it harder for today’s men to have the confidence to approach and court women if they aren’t wealthy. Today let’s break down attraction and how men and women can better connect on a deeper level.

I received an email from a guy we’ll call Ben. Ben’s not one of these “ain’t shit” dudes, he’s not just looking for a one night stand, he wants a woman he can build with. The problem is Ben, like most men, wants a top shelf, high value trophy type of woman looks wise. You know the type of woman I’m talking about, one that’s default pretty where any man of any race would stop and say, “Damn, did she really come out of a vagina?” That’s not unrealistic. Just like there are men in small towns that look better than Channing Tatum, there are regular everyday women who would put any girl you can name on TV to shame. America is a pretty place, and Ben just wants his slice of the pie:

“Here’s the issue, alot of average ass girls hit me up, and ask for my number and what not. They’re cool and all but I don’t like them. Its funny how average girls are the most persistent but it makes sense because they are not BAD. The thing is I only like BAD girls,extremely attractive women, fine dime bizzles,10/10 chicks, etc but it seems like they only like thugs, niggas with tons of money and I’m just a normal dude. You said it yourself “Be yourself” i can but they have hundreds of other thirsty niggas tryna hit them up. If I hit em up wouldn’t that just make me look like just another thirsty nigga trying to holla. Any ideas? Can you break this down for me?”

I know some chicks are going to get mad that he’s seemingly dissing “average” looking girls, but I respect his honesty. I get emails similar to this from women every week, but they code their shallowness with claims that they want a “nice” guy over the physical. One girl said she wanted a nice honest man, then slipped in that the fellas who approach her and have those sweet qualities aren’t her type… aka 6 “4” and deep chocolate. I’m sure those sweet guys who she looks past would point out that she’s being too picky and that she doesn’t look like A Bag Of Money her damn self, but it’s her pussy, she should be picky. It’s Ben’s dick, he should discriminate as well. Beauty, brains, and a good character, who says all three doesn’t come packaged together? Looks aren’t everything but it’s 90% of the reason we talk to strangers.

We’re all shallow people, let’s not front, and let’s save the “beauty is skin deep” shit for preschool kids. Women want eye candy just as much as men want eye candy, and how much money you have and the city you live in shouldn’t stop either sex from getting the total package. I always preach confidence to women because I know that a woman with the right charm and wardrobe can walk into any room and leave with the number of the best looking guy. Pussy runs the world, and although he may only rate you an average “7” in his mind when you first meet, put that combination of personality and pussy on him and he’ll upgrade you to an “11”. Dick on the other hand does not run the world in that fashion. The percentage of men who would turn down a butt naked Beyonce is small. The percentage of women who would turn down a butt naked Trey Songz is a million times higher. I was in a spot where a famous athlete that women swoon over got rejected by my homegirl. I was in a car with a well-known rapper and watched him bag this ratchet chick for sex– shot down. Regardless of the man’s attractiveness, it’s harder to win a woman over. For guys like Ben 10 it’s a bit more complex than confidence, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to win if you master the approach. Jay-Z, not the heartthrob of the century but has ran through more dimes than a parking meter, told you niggas how important good game is. “When I go at you hard I can get it through leather/ You act like Jigga can’t get at whoever…” look beneath the surface of that lyric, it’s not about a hard dick, it’s about game! That shit is real. Pussy is extremely powerful but it has a weakness– Good Game. Going at a woman the right way evens the field and gives every man on the face of the earth, no matter how he looks, a shot at landing a dime.

Glasses off, Cape On

Cocky guys tell, Confident guys show. Car salesmen work hard as hell to sell Hyundais. They have to run down all of the crazy shit the car does, because no one really wants a Hyundai. Car salesmen don’t have to sell a Bentley, they open the door, let the customer sit in, and it’s a wrap. Regardless of your exterior, you have to know that under that hood is a Bentley engine, you don’t need to be loud and braggadocios to make her pay attention. At the same time, you can’t sit by the wall, make creepy ass eye contact, and expect her to see how great you are, you have to know when to initiate conversation. It takes heart to walk over and ask a bomb ass girl her name, thugs and rich niggas have mastered the art of “that bitch don’t want me, the next one will” and so should you. Thugs don’t care about rejection because they have a harden view of the world, most of those niggas have survived traumatic circumstances from an early age, so asking shorty with the pretty eyes for her number doesn’t put fear in his heart at all. Men with money don’t care about rejection because they are driven by that Robert Redford, “If I really wanted you, I could buy you” swag.

Money may not be everything but it’s the best vest a person can have, when going into the battlefield of love. The one thing both of these men have in common is that they don’t give a fuck. The average guy has insecurities that he can’t mask by being hood or having a Rolex, so where does his strength to tap a girl on a shoulder come from? Inside. You have to motivate yourself, build your ego, and throw caution to the wind if you want the power to talk to the women of your dreams. As a teenager, I felt better about talking to girls when my boys were around. If those niggas were a few feet away, fail or succeed, I was going to be all right. Times when they weren’t around, I would let girls I thought were pretty walk right by because I didn’t have that same courage. If I wanted the trophy girls and not the dusty chicks, I had to get my mind right. I pulled from dudes on TV who I thought had crazy swag and aggression—wrestlers. By the time I was in college there was no girl I wasn’t man enough to pull because I carried myself like I was The Rock. Fuck your boyfriend, fuck what your friends told you about me, I’m the Great One, and I’m going to call you tonight. I never learned to raise my eyebrow, but my pussy batting average was insane because of that confidence. Psyching yourself up eventually goes from being an exercise to being a part of who you are, not just when it comes to romance but in the professional world as well. Clark Kent and Superman are the same damn people, but in Lois Lane’s eyes one’s a sweet goof, the other’s big strong and fuckable.

I know a lot of you guys are big talkers on the computers, but are wallflowers in real life. It’s time to unleash the real you, and eventually you’ll be strong enough to talk to any woman in your path! Don’t get discouraged the first few times you try and get shot down. When you meet higher quality women, they’re not going to be easy to win over because they’ve seen it all. These women won’t be as impressed with your car as the local chicks were, they’re not going to think you’re as sexy as the girls in your college did, and those clothes you think are fly are going to be last year to her. However, that confidence will always shine through. When you spot her fine ass, mean mugging across the room, bored with everything, remind yourself you’re the best in the world, walk over to her and control the introduction. Don’t creep over like a little bitch and beat around the bush all corny. You got two minutes before she dismisses you as a clown, so know your objective, act like you been around bad bitches before and make an impression.

She’s Pretty, Not God

My nigga @handsumdevil once wrote something like, “Dudes on twitter go crazy over the most average looking girls, most of these bitches wouldn’t even be considered cute in LA“. I laughed because being in Los Angeles and near the huge community of actress/model/singer transplants who roam around looking for breaks does desensitize a nigga when it comes to beauty. Regardless of where you live, you shouldn’t be star struck by any woman’s looks. She breaths like you, walks on two feet like you, and takes shits like you. The thirst from niggas behind a keyboard is to be expected. When you spend most of your day looking at AVI’s and not flesh and blood women you’re going to get a little hard up. The amount of clit riding that goes on in person however is where most guys fuck up. One of my boys is obsessed with giving girls compliments, and that shit makes my skin crawl.

There’s a time and a place to tell a woman how beautiful she is, if it’s the first thing you say out of your mouth it’s not going to mean as much as it would have later on. I know the gentlemanly thing is to give a bad bitch her props off top, but that shit doesn’t move a dime. Dimes treat compliments like strippers treat singles, you can put a dollar in her g-string, she’ll thank you, and move on to a nigga that’s really tipping. You have to show these girls something they haven’t seen before to really get their attention. A regular nigga will be in a club, tell a girl how good she smells and how nice that dress looks and the conversation will be dry as hell because you’re sitting their deifying her. How is she supposed to respond to that? She knows that dress would make a nigga want to eat it on her period, that’s why she saved up to buy it. Saying she looks good isn’t flirting, it’s a dead end statement. Engage her with some fun conversation that will put her at ease and open her up to more than the basic ass “how’s your day going” convo. By being an awkward ass brown-noser you’re going to make her feel uncomfortable. She’ll quickly excuse herself to the other side of the club and continue to play on her phone while you stay by the bar nursing a beer, thinking the bitch is stuck up. She’s not stuck up; your game is weak as fuck. A thug nigga will come up to that same girl, slap her ass, and say something nasty. Dime shorty’s going to curse him out and put him in his place, but two minutes later she’s still talking to him because his ignorant ass said something funny to make her laugh. Homegirl didn’t want some Goon who doesn’t know how to keep his hands to himself, she wanted a nice guy, but it was the Goon who came at her in a different and entertaining way. All women want to have fun, they want to laugh, and they want to have an experience. “Cashin Out” is playing and you’re boring her with compliments on how pretty her skin tone is. That’s simp shit. Unless you’re her dream type, women of that quality aren’t going to entertain weak game– come harder. If you’re coming off like a lame that means you didn’t follow the first step; you’re still giving a fuck. Be reckless with these women and make an impact. I once told this chick she looked like a porn star, she was offended like shit then found me later on and asked me, “which one“. You have to stand out because there will always be another guy richer, better looking, and funnier than you are trying to get a shot at that girl.

Stop Trying To Fuck So Fast

When every guy’s trying to get in her pants, take the alternate route and try getting into her head. You say you want more than the pussy, then you need to show discipline once she finally gives you her attention.

Keep It Real

If dressing like Kanye gives you confidence, do that. If rocking that gold chain makes you feel like Tity Boi, do that. It doesn’t matter how you package yourself or the tricks you use to boast your esteem, just remember to maintain who you are. Too many guys think they have to lie to get pussy, and that’s never the long-term answer. In the end if she’s going to agree to go out with you she’s going to find out who you really are. Don’t set her up to fall in love with this idea, when the real person is a totally different individual. Be a confident you, not a confident knockoff version of what you think women are looking for. One thing I stressed to Ben 10 was not to assume that because a girl is exceptionally pretty that men are beating down her door. Some of the women I thought would be the most popular are the loneliest because men are afraid to speak to them and they in turn are afraid to initiate first. Pretty girls tend to have lower self-esteem than those ladies men would categorize as average because guys fear them. She probably has a boyfriend, she’s probably stuck up, she’s probably dumb, she’s probably a gold digger. And you’re probably just an insecure pussy who doesn’t know how to approach the opposite sex– Man up! Girls and guys alike always joke about chicks with ugly girl swag, those girls who go online and brag about their beauty, but may not be the best lookers. One of the big reasons you see those women taking massive amounts of pictures and bragging about how pretty they are is because the amount of men who approach them is substantial. Yeah she may not look like Draya, but she’s more popular because guys aren’t intimidated by her looks. If men are constantly trying to get at her, how can anyone tell her she’s not bomb?

Fellas, you can’t belittle women who you don’t think are dimes, because if she was in a room with a girl twice as pretty, that “average” girl would be the one you would talk to first. No Lie. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, someone you think is five star may be just “okay” in someone else’s book. Regardless, I want my ladies to end up with the guys they think are handsome and I want my niggas to end up with the girls they think are flawless, because even if you aren’t the best looker yourself, you should never be made to settle for less than what your heart desires.  A line chicks drop often is “Niggas will talk to anything“, no they’ll talk to anything that doesn’t intimidate. It’s time to stop being shook my niggas. Having game isn’t about lying and pretending, it’s about charisma. Speak with confidence, know how to adapt to any situation, and always retain control. Strength is universally sexy and Power will turn any woman on. If you want the girl of your dreams, start by waking up and taking action.