Men know after the first conversation how long it’s not going to last. Understand that it’s easy to box a woman in and classify her in the same category as prior exes or flings. This isn’t a case of males being assholes, it’s a survival instinct—Woman X is reminding you of Woman Z who turned out to be a waste of time, so Woman X gets placed in that “Never Take Her Serious” box. There are always personality traits that tells a man that your value is limited. Good time girl, a fling, something to do, a friend… doesn’t matter how you sugar coat his label, you’re pussy. Your job is to scratch a physical itch maybe once, maybe twice, maybe for a summer, or every time he visits the city, but in our male mind we’ve boxed you in as something to DO not someone we would seriously be with.
Most of you know this. You either proclaim that your personality is so bomb that you’re not pussy or point that there are always exceptions to the rule. Yup, it’s come down to that—chasing after these user men because you desperately want to be the exception that proves that pussy can one day get a wedding band. I’m not here to rain on your Basica dreams, I’m here to give you some insight into the male mind. No matter how much I write about “are you the wifey type or just pussy,” there are women who still don’t get the underlying message. When you get Ghosted, it’s proof that the person was NEVER into you the way they pretended. This “One That Got Away” anxiety has too many of you making a fool of yourself in the name of loving someone that never wanted you. Instead of dwelling on why they’re acting different or why they suddenly went missing, you need to let go! Stop having relationship problems with someone you’re not in a relationship with. Stop seeking closure with someone who gave you their ass to kiss. Most importantly, learn to read the signs so it won’t happen again. Today I’m going to run down some early tell signs that will help you walk away or hit reset on how a guy looks at you before he decides to Ghost you.
You Like Him More Than He Likes You
The way you meet a person isn’t that important. The number one question single people ask happy couples is “how did you meet” because they’re searching for an easy solution to repeat their formula. That girl met her guy on Tinder, and they’re vacationing around the world—you met a guy on Tinder, and he was trying to get you to drive to him and have a house date. That girl met her guy at a gas station, now they’re engaged—you met a guy at a gas station who turned out to be a stalker. Fuck the “how did you meet” stuff and accept that you can and will attract men wherever there are men breathing air. The crucial part of this process is how you come off when your paths cross. If you’re on his dick with a cheesy smile, his ego will box you in. Doesn’t matter if he had to come up and get your number or if you played hard to get, your nervous energy has already given you away. There are women who I advise who don’t mind making the first move and approaching a man, but they then proceed to act like he’s just one of many, this humbles his ego. Guys eat that shit up and chase. Meanwhile, there are a lot of you “come over to me if you want me” chicks who melt the moment a cute guy showers you with attention, and he proceeds to plunder you senseless. Again, it’s not about the “how” of meeting or approaching it’s about the power of your personality.
Their jokes hit harder when you want to fuck them. That’s how he knows you’re open… Your mouth gets extra-smart when you think a guy is fine. That’s how he knows you’re open… You will let a man who just met either keep you out all hours of the night or agree to see him less than 24 hours because you’re sprung off the shallow traits. Ladies, you think your game is tight, but it’s not. Men are poker players! Guys who know the game are trained to pick up on the vibe of who doesn’t fuck with them and who will fuck them. All the little shy games you play like having an attitude, mean mugging, playing it cool, or being overly professional are just as obvious as those women who blush and over-laugh. Men hunt pussy, not girlfriends, not homegirls, not text buddies—they want to fuck on something. He knows how attractive he is, how paid he is, or how funny he is, therefore he knows what to lead with to impress your type because he’s seen your type several times before. The majority aren’t Spartans, you aren’t unique in the way you come off. There is a look women give handsome men. There’s a special treatment women give men with money. There is a vibe women give men who are funny or charming. Within the first hour of meeting you or that first text exchange, a man knows if you like him more than you should. He’s not flattered that you think he’s bomb af, he’s licking his chops because your thirst for a man like him is going to lead to easy pussy.
The Pick Me’s think the way to a man’s heart is to be convenient. Queens know that the way to snatch a man’s soul comes through his ego! Make these guys squirm. Stop being so available. Make them unsure if you like them, and in turn, they will overcompensate. They will act extra because they want a reaction. I have stories for days from girls in LA who have had your favorite celebs chasing after them because they never act like groupies. A lot of you are groupies for these regular ass dudes in your city, and they all know it which is why they’re able to blitz you with attention, fuck you, and move on to the next. Learn to do more than play hard to get—BE HARD TO GET.
He Doesn’t Really Talk To You
Every few weeks I get a story that includes some form of “let me show you what he texted me… what should I write back?” I’ve read all kinds of text convos, and the one thing that stands out is that men and women don’t actually talk these days.
He likes to text so you text, not talk because you’re used to letting a man do what he wants to.
Earth to Typical Tina—there’s no such thing as a relationship where you mostly text. What you’re in is a situationship. If a man is into a woman, he will want to hear her voice at least once a day. I don’t care how busy his life; a man finds time because extraordinary women are addictive! Your early relationship is built on texting “WYD” and sending flirty Gifs… a Spartan’s early relationship is built on a man blowing up her phone or trying to Facetime her. A dude will test you to see how much time he has to invest in you. If you like to text more than talk—great, that means he can keep recruiting new bitches without you holding him up. In terms of sexual chemistry keeping it text-based works better because you two can sext and turn each other on, not talk about real things that bond people.
By the time you go on that next date, sex is going to happen because sex and how your day was is ALL you text about. Fast forward a week later, you’re confused as to why he’s not texting back as quick or showing you the attention you’re used to… You’re shooting off all these paragraphs cursing him out. He’s playing stupid. Now you’re worried that you’re overreacting and pushing him away even more—welcome to the world of being a Basica who never got to know a man. You over-think, let him play mind games, and ask everyone “let me show you what he texted me…” because you’re trying to guess the personality of a man who you should have got to know through conversation, not endless texting. Make him pick up the phone! Have verbal conversations. 6-hour dates aren’t the same as constant conversations where you get to know a person day by day. The more you know him, and the more he knows you, the less likely he’ll Ghost you.
You Fuck Him Without Much Effort (Duh!)
“GL my cousin slept with her now husband on the first date—GL my best friend sucked her boyfriend’s dick in his car the first day they met—GL I waited 90 Days like Steve Harvey said, and he still fell back after sex.” These are real things I’ve heard over the years. Realize that it’s not the sex; it’s the connection! If a man thinks you’re amazing, funny, the opposite of all his exes, he’s going to want to keep talking to you after sex because you’ve shown how rare you are based on his life experience. If a man isn’t trying to settle down and is just hunting pussy, it doesn’t matter if you’re the most interesting chick in the world, once he busts a nut he’s out. You will never know which type of man you’re getting when It’s the first date, so it’s better to hold off if “true love” is more important than riding his beard. Ladies, fuck who you want to fuck, but you know how 90% of men will react after they sleep with you. Therefore, a smarter strategy will always be asking yourself—has he earned this bomb ass pussy or is this just lust telling me to slide my panties off? Know yourself! Know your history! Know the best strategy to get what you really want! If having sex too fast has burnt you in the past—stop. If you tried using some 90-day shit and see that all you did was waste time—stop. Follow your own sexual compass! …and if it’s broke, I have an entire book about vetting that can help you make a better choice.
The Level of Dates
A man values what he invests his money and time in. Look at the way he’s courting you in terms of initial dates, is he investing any real money or time to see you and get to know you? The first date should show you if he’s trying to impress you like you’re special or if he’s just phoning it in like you’re another typical bitch. Driving to meet you, not halfway, but all the way, is a basic effort. Taking into consideration the activities you like to do, or the type of food you like to eat is a basic effort. Every man knows how to be romantic, thoughtful, and impress a woman! Yet, some of you reading this never experience the bare minimum dating effort because these men see you as either easy or cheap. A grown ass man who invites you out to drink coffee in the same outfit he wears to play ball with his boys is already showing you where you rank. I get it, you ladies want to be careful, not lead a man on, make sure the place is public—but fuck drinking a latte, there’s plenty of quality restaurants where you can do the same thing, and more importantly, challenge him to step up and wow you.
“Tell these men to date like gentlemen, GL!” Nah, how about you start raising the bar like the Spartan you were born to be! Don’t be mad at him because YOU let him fuck for the cost of a Grande Macchiato. House dates, car dates, hanging out with groups of friends—who taught you that shit was cute? Stop accepting these low maintenance dates in an attempt not to seem like a gold digger. Never overcompensate to get chosen. Guys chase the unattainable and fuck and duck the attainable! You know this, which is why you get in your feelings every time you get hustled out of pussy. Make them work, sis! Get in their pockets! Ask to go to nice places and do new things! No man Ghosts something that they feel they invested too much in.
The Schedule Switch
This guy you’re stressing over had so much time when you first met, didn’t he? He would hit you up during the day, at night, want to see you when he got off work, even cancel weekend plans just to get some time with you. That’s what a man should do—is what you were thinking during this period… then he gets comfortable. His job switched his schedule. He’s doing a lot more hours at work. He’s trying to study for a big exam. Blah Blah Fucking Blah. Ladies, understand that men hide behind half-truths. Let’s say he has to help his friend move at 8am. That now gives him a reason to not see you for the rest of the day, even though the move only took three hours. Yeah, he’s putting in more hours, but If you knew his XBOX Live name, you would see that working didn’t stop him from staying up and playing the game until 2am in the morning.
Guys hide behind their schedule because they don’t want to deal with you once they got what they came for. “Why doesn’t he just tell me this and let me go do me?” Oh Basica, you must not have read the archives of this site… A man would rather freeze pussy than turn it loose, it’s called having a stable, beloved. What he’s doing is living his life with the freedom he wants, and he only has to pretend to like you a few hours out of the week when it serves him. He’s already done with you, but you’re the blind one that thinks these are “relationship problems.” Spoiler Alert: You’re not even in a relationship! You’re the part-time vagina who was silly enough to fall for “I’ve been busy, babe.”
The Art of Ghosting
Why is ghosting so popular? A) It allows you to walk away without confronting a person with the true reason you don’t like them. B) It leaves things open-ended, which allows you to make up an excuse that sounds nicer and come back for seconds one day. For a person to Ghost the right way, they need a smokescreen. Unless it’s a one-night stand, most people aren’t just going to disappear, it’s usually a slow fade. Ghosting is such an anxiety-inducing phenomenon because it leaves the Ghosted person asking, “maybe they’ll come back.” Don’t be ashamed if you’re clueless when it comes to catching on late to what’s going on. Here are some examples of smokescreens that men use—
“You Stopped Calling Me!” = Start by playing soft phone tag with a girl. You don’t answer but call back when you know she’s not free. When you do talk, it’s only for a second because you’re about to go somewhere. You text her something dry to keep up appearances, but it’s not the usual banter when you were into her. Eventually, communication slows down. You’re now free to ignore her calls completely and text her “Let’s talk when things cool down on my end.” Months later, if you run into her or if you’re horny and need someone foolish enough to recycle your dick, you can hit her up like nothing happened. She’ll give you attitude, but you can hit her with—You’re the one who stopped calling me. Now she’s mind-fucked enough to give you a second chance because it seems like miscommunication not a lack of interest—this is how weak-minded women get exploited, don’t be her.
“A lot of things were going on with my family” = Again, half-truths. A sickness or death in the family can easily be used to get rid of an expired pussy. Someone losing their job or taking on extra responsibility is something a woman can’t argue with because it’s family and females are typically always about taking care of family. This frees the man to fade away and then pop up when he wants another round, and the woman won’t question it, she’ll just understand that he had to go handle business.
“Clearly, I’m not what you’re looking for” = A man that’s planning to Ghost you will ask a lot of questions about your ex-boyfriends, male friends, guys a work. He’s not jealous, he’s making sure he has an out. The moment you tell him you spoke to your ex, the guy at work did something nice, or even if he sees that you liked some guy’s picture on IG, this type of asshole will use what you did as ammunition to back out of the relationship you thought you were building. Trust, I have so many emails that go, “I know I was wrong for giving my best friend’s brother a ride because I knew he liked me, but my friend sees it as disrespect, how do I get him to give me another chance.” The Mindfuck strikes again! It’s so easy to guilt a weak woman because they are already damaged and paranoid. Every woman will have a man flirt with her, will interact online, or have some guy from the past pop up during the year. A Ghoster knows this, and the moment it happens he’ll act hurt, you’ll fall for it, and he’s free to walk away—but like all of these, he’s free to come back because he made you seem like the bad person.
“Too tired for sex” = Men talk about sex all the time, they think about it all the time, they want to have it all the time—until they get into a relationship or situationship with a woman, they’re no longer feeling. It’s not that his sex drive has dried up after only months, your vagina expired faster than he imagined it would. I write this in all my books—Vagina expires. Not the physical feeling, but the mental spark that makes a guy super-hard and lusty. In the average three-month relationship, he’s probably had sex with you well over a hundred times, every position, seen all your tricks, and while he still cums fast, emotionally he’s looking for something different.
That girl who pops up on IG, the new chick who moved into your building, even his ex who’s old pussy now has a new luster because of the time gone by… Doesn’t matter who he wants next, it only matters that he doesn’t want you. A lack of sex will make you feel unsexy. Now you’re looking for attention elsewhere, trying to make him jealous, or maybe you even say something directly. Regardless of the way you handle it, that gives him a reason to bring up other things or argue another point—now that the door is open to stop talking to you, he runs away. It wasn’t the pussy it was the woman attached who he grew bored of bending over.
“You always overreact this is why we don’t work” = The ultimate way to Ghost a girl is to make her feel like she’s crazy and that she left you no choice. Your “man” is the one who is acting different, having an attitude, not wanting to spend time or go out anymore. What do you do this fix this problem? As a woman, you respond to this more times than not with anger, not logic. That guy is waiting for you to blow up and start a fight about what he doesn’t do for you. He will then throw in your face all the things he does do for you to make you feel ungrateful. You will argue back that you do a lot for him too. He then brings it back to the original argument point that you’re always catching attitudes over every little thing. The reality is that all you do is argue, so why should you keep dealing with each other. Where’s the lie?
The man has just outsmarted you. He created the environment of hostility because he knew you would start to feel unappreciated and bottle it up. He kept poking at you with his behavior, and you took the bait and blacked out on him. Now he can say you’re crazy and he needs space. Most women in this situation will apologize and kiss ass, the men may hang around for a few more weeks to milk this new treatment… but slowly he falls back. When you ask him or send a bunch of texts, he has the perfect excuse that makes him seem like the good guy—you know how you act. You need to work on yourself before I could ever be with you on that level.
During the first month of dealing with a man, he is wearing a mask. Instead of letting the butterflies, attention, and fantasy of him being the “one” take over, stay focused on getting to know him. I understand that it’s easier said than done. You want to love and be loved, so you get excited over a person and believe the words of affirmation that are rolling off their lips are truths. Nevertheless, you’re not 17, you’re a grown ass woman. You’re not battling against men that want to use you, the real enemy is your own mind. Men have ZERO power over you. Recognize that YOU control the access to your heart. Discriminate! Why are you so afraid to test these dudes via real actions and real questions? You can’t chase off a man that was meant for you, what you do is narrow the field until you’re left with quality choices. Stop all the basic bitch crying about no options. You will continue to be exploited if you see these men as one of a kind or something that you need to cling to instead of test. A Spartan would never gush, “I want him so bad,” she thinks, “What’s his agenda?” I Spartan would never ask, “how do I get him back,” she thinks, “Good riddance!” You are a Goddess, rid yourself of these soft emotions, and project your power!