There are more people in dead end relationships than there are people in serious ones. No one really respects the title of Girlfriend or Boyfriend anymore because personal experience proves that most of the time these people you fall in like with turn out to be practice. Cheating is big business because supply and demand for outside sex is at an all time high. Women are afraid to be alone and men are too comfortable to leave, so it causes this outbreak of TBL, Taken But Looking. Men and women both know that a person who is unhappy in a relationship is easier to attract than a person that’s single. Women love forbidden fruit, the guys who are taken are much more appealing than the boys who are clearly single for a reason. Men love the lack of stress that comes with a woman who is already involved, because unlike men who cheat, women who creep tend to be extremely careful. Not until I began this site, did I truly realize the extent that women cheat. I get emails from these women and I don’t judge them, I want to give them hi-fives, for the 007 shit they pull off. Is it okay to pursue someone in a committed relationship, no one can tell you YES or NO, because your morals are just that “yours”. I’m from the school of No Fucks Given About Your Relationship, which in this day and age has a huge Alumni community. The big problem is when all three parties involved find out. This entire sideline chick vs. main chick battle isn’t new, it blows my mind every Monday when I see people shocked at the Mimi/Stevie J/Joseline relationship. There have been sideline hoes trying to jockey for position, bottom bitches too dumb to walk away, and niggas sweet-talking both of those idiots out of pussy for centuries.

I’m more interested in marriage. What happens when guys like Stevie J end up jumping the broom? This isn’t, “we go together” land anymore, we’re talking vows, religion, spirituality, and joint finances. That’s an entire new world of things to consider when creeping. Regardless of the hell divorce can represent, people still have affairs. I was out with one of the homies and we were talking about the role of the mistress. He pointed out correctly that the mistress is a time-honored tradition. Most of the powerful and successful men throughout history had a sidepiece, and to this day it is still seen as a rite of passage. The thing about tradition is that time and technology have a strange way of making it obsolete. In today’s “I want to be seen!” world mistresses have evolved, they are no longer willing to play the side while another woman plays the front. These hoes have risen like Caesar and those funky ass apes, and are no longer happy to get in where they fit in. 50 years ago a woman with the looks, IQ, and social status of Kim Khardashian would have made a perfect 2nd mistress for a Trump son, but in the 21st century she’s a main bitch. The Inmates are running the asylum! Getting out of pocket, not taking birth control pills, causing niggas their golf stroke and endorsements, it’s all fucked up now. The honor of being a mistress has faded. I’ve already written about New Pussy and the reason men are drawn to it, but I want to talk about the other woman as a person, not just a sexual conquest. I have an open mind so when a woman hits me up wanting to know how to get her married boyfriend to get rid of his wife, I can’t condemn her for being evil, shit happens. I’m going to address the Mistress who wants to be the wife, the Wife who wants to stay the wife, and the finally the Husband who doesn’t know which one he really wants.

STORMING THE CASTLE

So you meet a guy a few years older than you, attractive, well spoken, has a career not a job, and is financially stable like a mofo. You just hit the jackpot, right. No, you’ve been down this road, something isn’t right. Is he on the DL, is he lying, he can’t be that perfect. He finally admits that he’s married. A man that on the ball and with that much sense, of course somebody landed on Plymouth rock first, killed all the natives, and laid claim to that dick. Married men seem like prizes because the work has already been done. That dog’s been house trained and gone through obedience school, so compared to the strays that come sniffing your ass, he’s extraordinary. The catch is, that woman who had to go through the bullshit and laid the foundation for him to be such a great find; she’s at home waiting for him. His wife is not about to give up all the work she’s put in over the years and join the rest of the frustrated females in the single pool. On the other front, your married pursuer is not about to start over with a woman who’s not battled tested. What’s a pretty young thing to do? You go hard. Scarlett O’Hara and Anne Boylen are two of my favorite fictional and historical women respectively. Some people would label them manipulative cunts, I call them smart. When dealing with a married man who’s pursuing you, use common sense. Why does a married man want you? You represent something his wife can’t give him. It could be youth, energy, sloppy head, bisexual tendencies, whatever it is, you have it, and he wants it bad. The motive is established, but how bad does he really want it? Is this going to be something ongoing or is he on that Drake shit, “Tryna see what that pussy’s like so one time is fine with me“? No way to really tell for sure until you fuck him, and in this day in age I’m going to assume that if you’re agreeing to meet with a married man for a weekend in Vegas you’re not going to be as stingy as Anne Boylen was with her kitty. You smash, he falls in like with you, you fall in love with him, and you two can’t stop sneaking around.

Back in the day this kind of Lazarus pit pussy would earn you a spot on the roster as the kept mistress. This guy would take care of you financially and keep you comfortable so you would have no reason to call the house and ruin a good thing. In the 21st century women are not happy with the Janice Rossi (Google it) apartment across town and “don’t call me, I’ll call you” relationship. You were sexy enough to catch his eye, cool enough to keep his attention, and good enough that he continues to risk everything—why the fuck would you stay his mistress? Damn near any woman can get a married guy to flirt, but you got this nigga creating fake business trips to get up in that, you deserve to be a main bitch. Despite all of the lusting, this married guy doesn’t want to risk his stable home by getting a divorce. It’s not that he doesn’t think you’re great, but he knows it may just be a phase, we’re men, the only thing we stay loyal to unconditionally are football teams. He doesn’t know if you’re going to flip once he files for divorce or if he’s going to want someone even newer than you. If he cheated on her, of course it’s a high chance that he’s going to repeat that if he marries you. You’re not dumb, you already know the risk, but proceed with your side pussy coup. The first thing you have to do is cut off the sex, not in a mean “go fuck your wife” bratty way, but in a calculated teasing way that has him forgetting to pick his kid up from school because he’s beating off to the nudes you sent. Next, you have to build your case for wife status. Don’t rely on “we’ll figure it out, baby” we’re talking about his life, not where you should eat tonight, plan plan plan. If he’s worried about money and assets being split, talk that over. If he fears losing custody of his kids, then help him situate himself in a manner where the judge will feel as though his new home will be a better environment than with the mom. If he’s just being indecisive and wants to have both of you on his dick, then you have to be willing to walk away, not bluff, but really step away. Don’t play the dummy and put up with excuses that will have you waiting more than a few months. That entire BS about wait until the kids are older, or until she’s on her feet, will keep you the mistress for at least the next few years. By then he will have tired of your complaining and will have found a new younger more obedient jumpoff. This is not a secret relationship, it’s a hostile takeover, win or lose, it shouldn’t take much time. Step your strategy game up just as much as your pussy game, and those papers should be filed within six months from when you first started the affair.

DEFENDING THE CASTLE

You are his wife, this is your home, and you’re not going to let the stupidity of a man with a hard dick ruin your life. It’s time to lock the gates and prepare to fight off the Ho’barians trying to take what you helped make. Ladies: Another woman cannot steal your man, he chooses to go. Maybe it was a lack in judgment, maybe he’s been unhappy for years, who cares what excuse he brings to the table, a grown ass man doesn’t just fall into pussy. The other bitch isn’t Bewitch she didn’t twitch her nose and make your man eat her ass, he dived in. Too many women focus on the endgame, the walls have already been destroyed and the other woman is casually walking towards the throne room ready to take her place. Stop waiting until the last minute to save your marriage! If he’s already started to fuck her, it’s not much you can do but hope that it was just a fling. You can’t defend something that’s already been captured. Let’s start at the beginning, before your husband walks into that club looking for something new or logs onto Facebook sharing his sexual fantasies with the girl he claims is “his brother’s friend“. Marriage is about compromise and communication, he has to work to keep you interested and you have to work to keep him interested. If you’ve gotten to the point where you’re unhappy and are thinking about creeping, then he’s feeling the same way. No one outside of his mother knows your man better than you do, if he’s acting strange or distant, why would you ignore it? Don’t swallow the work excuse or the money excuse. You’ve seen him stressed over those things before and he didn’t react that way, it’s something deeper. He may never admit it, but he doesn’t have to, it’s your duty as his wife to play Mamma, Therapist, and Porn star. Figure out the root of the problem, don’t say, “fuck you and ya stank attitude” and then wonder why he’s fucking your cousin six months later. The moment you said yes to the ring, you said yes to his problems. If you were unhappy sexually, emotionally, or plain old bored you would be a woman and vocalize that before you go get attention from another man. He’s not going to be that vocal. The male instinct is to avoid conflict with women, especially when it comes to her being inadequate. Pull it out of him and have a real talk. Don’t make him afraid to share things with you by catching an attitude, just listen. You can never curve his want for New Pussy, but you can keep the fire lit in your relationship, and ensure that he Jedi trains his dick. As for other women who are throwing it at him like crazy, there is nothing you can do if you’re not around. Yeah you can come over and put an arm around him when that hoe with the donkey ass starts laughing too hard at his jokes, but who’s going to scare her away when you’re not around? It has to be him. Take care of your business at home, whether it means making steak or making it nasty. Be a friend as well as a lover, and put out any fire as soon as you smell smoke. If he still decides to step out on you, then it wasn’t meant to be, you did everything a good wife could, and his trifling ass just wanted to be greedy.

PROTECTING THE KINGDOM

“You’ll never get caught, it’ll be just a few times, all men do it, YOLO nigga, YOLO!” – Your Dick

The question every married man should ask himself is, “If it was promised 100% that I would never get caught would I fuck her?“. If you answer yes, then you’re not really happy. There are a few women I would love to put through the headboard. I wouldn’t do it, because even if my wife never ever found out, I would have to live with that shit. Many married men would answer yes, no evidence no crime, and I can’t knock them for that. Men don’t always have affairs for the cliché reason of him falling out of love with his wife, it’s usually not about his wife at all, he’s looking for something he lost. A mistress rejuvenates a bored man, makes him feel like he’s in the game again. The combination of new pussy and the danger of being discovered, that’s his drug. Know what you’re getting into before you get hooked. Guys who don’t have a problem with cheating I want you to be extra careful because it’s getting harder and harder. A Woman will tell you “I won’t say anything, I ain’t that type of chick that runs her mouth” are you going to take her word? Remember those girls who said, “I don’t want a relationship either, it’s all good” then proceeded to get hostile because you never made her your girlfriend? Same shit. Women start out wanting one thing, but once sex turns to like and like into love, your perfect mistress will become your worst nightmare. Turn to the ID channel, I bet they’re showing some fool on 48hrs who killed his mistress right now. These women are not going to play the bench like they did in the past, this idea of a sexy woman who is happy sharing you for as long as you want her is fantasy. You know why Charlie Sheen had to pay for whores when he could have smashed any struggling actress on the blvd? Whores don’t want Christmas presents, quality time, or love. These girls today have evolved; they have egos that refuse to let them play second fiddle.

Brandi from work knows you are married, she doesn’t care, she just wants to see what you’re working with after years of flirting. You two start meeting every weekend and sneaking off on lunch breaks. It’s all good. It only takes one missed weekend because you had to take your wife on vacation and her eyes will open. Why is she sharing dick instead of having her own man? Why is she in an apartment while that other bitch who can’t even give a decent blowjob is in a house? Her mother didn’t raise her to be the other bitch, WTF! That revelation will eat away at her until she can’t take it. It’s not just enough to break off the affair, she’s your girlfriend at this point regardless of if you said it or not, and like any girlfriend she wants to be more. Now Brandi the girlfriend is sick of you telling her how much better she is than your wife, she demands that you prove it. This is where OG’s from the 1970’s had it better. Back then, a man would threaten his mistress, give hush money, or be comfortable that his homemaker wife would rather forget his cheating than ruin her reputation by getting divorced due to adultery. Not now my nigga. This is the age of hidden cameras, screen grabs, and the “I think it’s something you should know about your husband” text message. She’s not a mistress, she’s a woman with leverage and all you can do is pray you don’t piss her off. Life was boring before, but now you live in fear of the day she gives you the ultimatum, tell her or I will. Porn would have been a lot less stressful. Let’s say you do want to make your mistress your wife, your relationship with the woman you married is dead, and you know this new girl is right for you. Be sure. Don’t make that decision minutes after sex, weigh the pros and cons, and aim for a clean divorce legally. The biggest question is, do you want to get divorced because you want this new woman or do you want to get divorced because you want freedom? Switching from one woman to the next won’t solve the problem you have inside, it may silence it for a few years, but then you’ll be out there looking for the next new high all over again. It’s better to admit you aren’t the marrying type, then to sell women dreams to a kingdom that doesn’t exist.

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