Degree, Career, and then Dick is what I tried to stress the last time I talked about college. However, staying on the right path of academics over boys is nearly impossible even for the most focused females who are currently packing their bags for college. Higher Education isn’t limited to scholastics; college is a chance to major in people as well. From roommates to mentors to crushes, these people will help you to discover who you really are and lead to the biggest growth of your life. The crazy thing about growth is that it’s littered with trial and error. Over the next four years, you will make mistakes… a lot of them… but hopefully never the same one twice. Consider this your orientation, print it out and nail it to your dorm room wall. I know the 17 and 18-year-old girls are going to screw their faces up. You 90’s babies think you have all the answers because you haven’t been played since 10th grade and no man in your city has what it takes to talk your panties off. Don’t be naïve, baby girl. When it comes to high school boys, you may have them all figured out, but college is a jamboree of intelligent men from different states and countries. Just because you were able to see through local niggas who are now bagging groceries at the local Kroger doesn’t mean you are good enough to dick shield yourself from a guy with a British accent who runs track and majors in political science. Your coochie will get ran through unless you check your ego and reevaluate everything you know about “boys” because you’re now in the land of men.

High School Boyfriends Do Not Exist In This Dojo

By winter break your back home boo’s going to be fucking that girl from your gym class that you hated. Long Distance high school relationships rarely work because men and women are at a stage in their life where they want something new. The thirst for knowledge and sex is normal and undeniable at this age. I know, I know, your relationship is different you two have been through so much and will beat the odds blah blah blah. I don’t care how much you text, Skype, or call, jealousy and indifference will set in. You can’t stay in every night phone boning with your boo while your roommates are out having the college experience. By the second month you will feel like an outsider because everyone’s clicked up and you will start to resent your relationship for making you isolate yourself. Stop being selfish and do your boo a favor by ending it. Don’t act childish and sabotage your relationship in an attempt to get him to break up first. Keep it real and explain that you need all of your attention for school, and you don’t want to neglect him or anchor yourself. I’m sure you can stay cool and fuck in his Grandma’s basement during summer breaks. Breaking up doesn’t mean that love is going to disappear. If he hasn’t gotten your former best friend pregnant by the time you graduate maybe you two can start a new more mature relationship based on the foundation of what you had when you were teenagers. Either way, don’t show up the first day of school with boyfriend baggage.

Roommates Don’t Wash Their Ass

Girls are nasty. You may be clean, neat, and wash your ass twice a day, three on a hot day, but don’t come into the college experience thinking your roommates share your love of hygiene. You will probably be paired with a W&T chick, Water & Towel. W&T chicks are those girls who jump in the shower, let the water hit them, then towel off. No soap, no scrubbing, these hoes think shower water shoots Dove and they don’t need to put any work in. It’ll only take a month for them to get comfortable enough to start leaving panties on the floor, and don’t dare ask them to pick them up because she’s going to hit you with, “I’m going to wear them tomorrow“. Basic bitches love twice rocking panties between washes. Victoria Secret body spray does not mask the smell of an improperly washed ass! But you know what? Let them nasty hoes be nasty. Do not get into arguments about cleaning. Keep your area neat, and have one of your study buddies drop a dime to the RA about the stench of those twice rocked panties. The tragedy at Bowie State proved that we are living in a world where arguments turn deadly even in college. Filth, eating your food, loud company, all of that shit can be handled through proper channels. I know you want to go hard and check that hoe, but even the hardest women can’t stop a kitchen knife. This isn’t the street where you lump a bitch up and she’ll fall into place. This isn’t your long time homegirl who you put in her place then squash the issue. These are strangers from all kinds of crazy backgrounds and you don’t want to be caught in the crosshairs when one of these bipolar bitches go Klebold/Harris.

Click Up

During your first week in school as you get situated you’re going to be introduced to damn near a hundred people, from fellow freshmen who are also nervous and looking to find a support system to upperclassmen who’ve been through the routine and want to take you under their wing. You can’t afford to be anti-social when going off to college. You can’t hide behind your phone and refuse to hang out, if you do, you’ll be calling home crying for mommy to let you enroll in a community college next semester because you can’t make friends. You chose to come to this school so now you have to be social. When a guy comes to talk to you it may not be because he’s trying to fuck, he’s trying to make friends too. When an older cat sparks a conversation about your major he could be trying to beat, but at the same time, he could be an asset to helping you with your classes. For the first time in a girl’s life she will be forced to be friends with multiple men who really are platonic. Embrace this and have associates, these people are the foundation of your life in school and some may be able to help once you graduate. However, do not alienate the females in favor of the guys. I saw this happen my first year, the girls who never really had platonic male friends went crazy and only hung around the boys. Next thing you know rumors went around that she was fucking everyone. That Regina George shit still exists in college and it’s even worse. At this level, the Mean Girls are backed by Sororities, and once one of them decides they don’t like you, it’s going to be an uphill battle for the next few years to repair the reputation you got Freshmen year. Click up with other women. You may not be able to pledge your first year but that doesn’t mean you can’t ease yourself into the circles. Greek life may not be for you, cool, there are other groups too. No matter if you’re into Fashion, Politics, or just want to get together to talk about which part of Fifty Shades of Grey made you the wettest, communities of sisters are right there on campus. Don’t just hang with your race or religion either. Go to parties outside of your comfort zone, and expand your circle of associates. Freshmen year is not the time to be shy and hang in your room Facebook chatting with your homegirls back home who are settling into their lives of being local pussy, get a crew.

Drugs Are Bad (Lies We Tell Parents)

“We Pop A Molly, She Bust It Open” – French Montana

When I think about college, I think about drugs, because it’s a big part of the experience. I won’t incriminate myself, but let’s just say Eminem’s music made so much more sense to me after my freshmen year. Weed is harmless, and I’m sure this is a point where most innocent girls are going to put something in the air for the first time, but watch who you get high around. Niggas be scheming for that YOLO moment where you’re drunk off cheap vodka for the first time and ready to do whatever. One minute you’re dancing then the next minute you’re waking up next to a guy whose name you don’t even remember. Keep that click I told you to get around you when you’re at these parties so they can watch your back. If you’re hanging out never leave one of your friends to walk back to the dorm by herself because you’re bored, you need to wait or make her leave when you do. Pills have always been big, but now Hip Hop has made it as acceptable as rolling a blunt. Do whatever you do, but don’t go HAM trying to act as if you’re a big girl about that high life. My Sophomore year my homies tried to lure these two pretty Freshmen girls over to their crib with promise of E. Of course these little girls wanted to experience the legendary party drug for the first time and what followed was the shit of legend. These girls literally went from kissing each other to trying to murder one of the dudes. That shit almost got everyone in that house arrested and one of the girls was never the same afterwards. Drugs are serious fun, but they’re also serious trouble, know your limits.

Student Athletes Will Reupholster Your Pussy

Heisman proof your pussy! Local rap stars that got a song played during the mix—he ain’t shit to you. Drug Kingpin pushing a Benz through the hood—he ain’t shit to you. However, when a young woman gets a taste of campus celebrity, she can’t help but get open. NFL, NBA, can you say check. Going to college with some of these guys is like working at Apple the first year, its ground floor exposure to something that could be huge. I’m not going to get into the NCAA and all the perks the schools give these guys, it is what it is, and any nigga who gets up at 5am to workout deserves mountains of pussy. Some guys handle the power with grace while others abuse it. Beware the student athlete who sees you as his next prize. Regardless of how many girls are throwing it at him, he will get bored with being chased, he wants competition. Homie doesn’t want Becky from the old hoe who’s been slobbing on him since he was a Red Shirt; he wants the virgin or limited miles Freshmen. Pretending not to care about his campus celebrity will only turn him on more. He’s going to behave himself at first, let you know that he’s not like the rest; he just thinks you’re a cool person. Awwwww. Your built in the 90’s pussy won’t know what hit it when a nigga that gets ESPN time tells you how special you are. Books closed, legs open! You’re missing class to get that D, because unlike your back home boo, homie gave you that first orgasm and now you finally understand why people love sex so much. A month later he’s too busy with practice to text back and you’re taking the long way to class because you’re afraid to pass by him and his new girl. You just got the first F of your college career. What if you don’t care about a relationship, you just want to fuck him because you like his six-pack? Do your thing; it’s only college, nothing wrong with casual sex. It’s not like your future husband will ever find out about your University sexcapades. However, you do have to be extra careful when jumping off with a popular athlete. He probably won’t tell your business, but the haters will. You’ll be the girl #18 smashed for the next few years. This causes jealousy from other women who wanted to sample him and hate from the men who couldn’t bag you and now spread rumors that you only fuck for BCS tickets. Don’t spend your Freshmen year defending groupie rumors or being that paranoid girlfriend who shows up at practice to make sure he’s not fucking other hoes. Weigh the pros and cons before you go after that future pro.

Be Exclusively Non-Exclusive

You’re graduating from a place where you had to date under your parent’s roof, now you can go hang out in someone’s room or vice versa. Freedom makes sluts of us all. Even virgins get broken down during the first year of college because there are no boundaries between men and women. It’s one thing to hang out with a curfew or have someone come over your parent’s house, but when you put two people with raging hormones in the same room with no supervision, anything can happen. The excuse of not being a come over and chill girl won’t protect you. Let’s face it, you probably won’t have much money and he doesn’t have much money, so going out instead of hanging on campus is probably out of the question. Because of this, sex is always a “my roommate went home for the weekend” away from going down. As much as you think you can handle being this freethinking, liberal, college person who can deal with sex casually, you’re going to catch feelings. Your high school instincts are going to always tell you “Sex = relationship” but you know its college and its part of the game so you over think things the next time you see the guy. You don’t want to come off as the little girl who had sex and now expects something more, so you front as if it didn’t mean anything. Now it’s awkward. I remember spending the night with this chick the first week of college, and for the entire school year it was weird because we didn’t know how to act around each other. Fuck Buddy relationships can’t work the way they do in real life, because you’re too close to each other. You’re risking seeing that person every day, and most of the time he will be in another girl’s face because that’s what we do. It’s messy and it will make you messy, so limit your jump off situations to one night stands or one month flings at the most.

What about real relationships? With so many boys and so much freedom, how do you control your hormones around a guy that seems like your soul mate? College is for fucking not dating but you’re meeting smart guys who actually want to have deep conversations, not just talk about mindless high school dribble. It’s only natural to want a serious relationship with the greatest man you’ve ever met in your 19 years of life. After all of these years of sitting on the phone talking to immature niggas about basic shit, you finally have an attractive guy who’s putting you onto subjects you were always curious about. PUMP YOUR UNDERAGE BREAKS. Don’t get too open, that’s a Freshmen mistake. Conversations in the quad will soon turn to chilling in his dorm. Next, “We go together” is creeping into your sprung head. You do not need a boyfriend! Why did you break up with your back home boo? Because you didn’t want to be tied down and lose focus of your studies. Just because this guy is a building over doesn’t mean a relationship is going to work, if anything that’s the reason it won’t work. Women usually outnumber men on campus, which makes your new handsome/smart boyfriend in the making a wanted man. No matter how mature and good-natured he may seem, he’s a young man with a curious dick. He’s seen the college sex movies, his goal is to be the guy who has a threesome, not the lame who handcuffs a chick. Niggas are trying to have stories to tell to the friends back home that didn’t go the college route. When he goes home on spring break and Lil Troy asks him if he’s fucked any exotic foreign bitches he can’t replay, “No, but I found a girlfriend who’s really smart, we eat lunch and watch old movies together“. That’s sweet and shows maturity, but young men aren’t going to get props for that, other guys will pressure them, “That’s not Gucci my nigga, you suppose to be Animal House thugging not on that Higher Learning Deja and Malik shit“.  Just because his GPA is high doesn’t mean he wants monogamous pussy. Mr. Deep and Witty is trying to fuck you, your dirty roommate who keeps smiling at him, and those girls with the muscle booties that run track. Maybe the guy you’re into is older, a year from graduating, and done with having the college sex experience. That doesn’t mean he’s going to be around waiting for you to graduate or controlling his jealousy while you’re at parties. In the real world, you should be looking for an exclusive relationship because you’re done playing games, but college is the time for discovery, not handcuffing. Hunting for love your first year of school could ruin you. If it happens naturally great, but it should not be something you are actively seeking out. Your parents didn’t send you to college to find a man, they sent you to get an education. Control your thirst! Get to know him, hang out, and maybe your sophomore or junior year it could turn into something, but for now keep your freedom.

You made it to a level that many people can’t, don’t blow it! You don’t want to be the girl who drops out, works two jobs to pay off Sallie Mae, and all you have to show for your first year of school is 12 credits, a broken heart, and herpes simplex 2. You’ll meet guys you just want to fuck, and guys you want to marry, but through all of the temptation remind yourself that a dick doesn’t always lead to a better life, a degree does.



Click To Read College Is For Fucking Not Dating

Comments are closed.