Melanie Fiona wrote the ultimate dumb bitch anthem, “4am”. Unlike the horrible video that castrates the lyrics in order to offer up a twist “bitches are just crazy, non man hating” ending, the actual song is phenomenal. A late night confession that dares to be honest when laying out the contradiction that runs through the head of a woman who has disrespect thrown in her face by a man she’s in love with. Its 4am, she’s not stupid, maybe she’s paranoid, but it’s warranted because this isn’t the first time he’s done this. She knows she shouldn’t put up with it, but despite intelligently assessing that she’s in a fucked up situation what action does she take? None! This dummy doesn’t even bother to leave the bed. She simply continues to cry and complain. In our 21^st century world of complacent “I can’t leave him cus I love him” women, this isn’t just a song, it’s a battle cry. She’s not going to do shit but bark because if she bites him, that may be the end of their relationship. She will accept any fabricated story he pulls out of his ass, because she desperately wants to believe that he is the perfect man and that all the time she’s put in wasn’t a waste.

When women are in bad relationships, people love to say, “You can do better“, as if those four words are going to inspire her lovesick ass to rise up. While it’s nice to motivate, you can’t teach anyone self worth. The fear of losing a man, even one that doesn’t respect her, makes idiots out of smart women. Let’s be honest, she can’t do better. Every weekend there is at least one woman up at 4am waiting for her man to come home smelling like stripper booty juice so she can curse him out and have make up sex, this is her life because she allows it to be. Those who haven’t experienced this don’t understand why any woman would put up with the drama. Stop giving these people credit for knowing their value. You can lead a girl with low self-worth to a good man but you can’t make her date him. The moment you turn your back she will be texting the man that breaks her heart on a weekly basis because misery turns her on. When a woman has only had four serious boyfriends her entire life you have to break down her mindset. The 1st boyfriend was immature, the 2^nd one was never as fun as the first so she got rid of him, the 3^rd boyfriend felt real but broke her heart, and the 4th one has treated her better than the three previous combined. Beautiful, smart, ambitious women settle for mediocre men because compared to the others he’s a step up. Some women think they are only as good as the men they have been with. It’s like $10hr doesn’t seem much to you but to a person who is used to making $6hr it’s a fortune. Her boyfriend may not have a real job or plan to get one, but he calls her beautiful everyday, and for a woman who’s never had someone say that, it’s heaven. There was an episode of The Boondocks about Catcher Freeman, it told the embarrassing story of a slave not wanting to leave his master because he had come to love the sub-human life that had been laid out for him. You can’t tell a Catcher Freeman chick she can do better, because she truly believes life on the plantation is better.

“This muthafucka thinkin I’m stupid….

He must of bumped his head”

Embarrassed people are quick to say, “I’m not stupid” in an attempt to save face in light of their stupid behavior. Have you ever confronted a woman who got played by a guy or allowed herself to be used? When forced to own up to their bad decision they still deny it buy shifting blame. He was good at lying, I’m not the only one he fooled, maybe it was my fault for being so mean… Or they pretend like they allowed themselves to be victimized like it was some sort of convoluted Ocean’s Eleven plot, I had it under control, I knew what he was doing, I’m not stupid, he gonna get his... That sort of hubris will always come back to bite you in the ass. Admit your mistakes! A student can’t see the board because he needs glasses, but he doesn’t want to look like a nerd, so he makes other excuses as to why he failed. You’re only hurting yourself trying to deny the truth, no one else gives a fuck if you pass or fail, just like no one gives a fuck if you end up marrying the wrong guy. Two things that men are great at are missing the toilet when pissing and determining how dumb a woman is. In every relationship, a man will test a woman to see what they can and can’t get away with. We’ve been doing it for so long that it may not be conscious at this point. He will see how long he can get away without calling, staying out late, looking at another girl’s ass in front of her, etc… If he can get away with Tier-1, he’ll graduate to Tier-2. Now he’s seeing if he can get away with talking to another girl behind her back, not taking her out anymore, flirting with her friends, etc… If you continuously turn a blind eye early on and keep giving that man more and more rope, he’s not going to hang himself, he’s going to hang you! By the time he’s reached the top Tier of dummy testing it’s going to be too late because he knows what to say to cool you down and you don’t have the balls to leave him. He doesn’t think you’re dumb, he knows it. Now he’s fucking other women, not even bothering to come up with good lies, and verbally or physically abusing you. You may not be dumb when it comes to reading, writing, and arithmetic, but you are a moron when it comes to men. Yelling at him, “I’m not stupid, I know what you’re doing” is like putting a sign on your door that says, “I know you’re going to rob me” instead of buying an alarm system. Stop letting shit slide.

“I’m hurting and he don’t even care”

“You don’t care about me” is the biggest sob story on earth. You get upset, feel like you’re not being treated right, and cry to your abuser that he doesn’t care… okay. What do you expect him to say? “Girl you know I love you, if I didn’t I wouldn’t be here trying to make it work“. Get a wet towel because that kind of assurance is the same as busting a nut in your face. Saying he cares and actually giving a damn are not the same thing. How do you know if someone cares? They show it, duh. These men are on that Mitt Romney shit, selling you dreams, and your monkey ass stands and cheers every time he promises a better tomorrow. A change is going to come, if you let him tell it, but what’s the plan to get there? “I’m sorry, I love you” followed by eating your box is not a long-term plan to solve your relationship problems. Does he care about you? Yes, he cares if you live or die. Does he care that you are unhappy? Hell No. Why should he? He can either change up how he treats you, which requires a lot more effort and probably takes up a lot more time… or he can continue doing things his way, kissing ass, and dicking you to sleep when you get in your feelings. A bullshitter will always choose the last option, and it’s your fault for giving him a second option in the first place. There should be one option: If you want to be with me, prove that you care by showing me respect.

“I don’t deserve this life…

I’d make the perfect wife”

You don’t speak up for yourself, you don’t carry through with your threats, you let him do whatever he wants. My God, you would make the perfect wife, I’m surprised you aren’t getting offers every day. Wake the fuck up and stop blowing smoke up your own ass. You’re not a wife you’re a punching bag. You can’t even get a man to respect you, how the hell are you going to get him to throw a ring on it? Get. Your. Life! Many things in this world are unfair and uncontrollable; choosing to be with a man that makes you miserable, bitchy, and depressed isn’t one of them. We’ve already established that you aren’t mentally challenged then how do you explain being in a bad relationship? He tells you he loves you, he looks better than the normal guys who ask for your number, he puts up with your behavior, and the sex is good. Someone needs to smack you in the back of your basic ass head. This world if filled with men who do those same things… and on top of that basic shit they do a lot more to prove that they care and respect you. Can you do better? Of course you can, and if someone says that to you, they aren’t hating on your relationship– they are mad that you’re wasting your love on someone who doesn’t deserve it. Do you want to attempt to do better? No, because you’re afraid of being single and lonely for the rest of your life. As if Tall Eddie the unemployed mixtape rapper with no college education is the only man who will ever truly love. Stop being a punk and Spartan up! These Catcher Freemen chicks are lazy, they don’t want to go find work up north, they would rather stay on the porch with good ol’ Massa. The Devil you know is not always better than the Devil you don’t!

Bum men stay winning because too many women are content with mediocrity. There are millions of good men in the world who would find you attractive and would love your personality, flaws and all. I don’t care how you think you look or how big a bitch you think you are, your options for men are not limited to who you think you can attract! Better men will rarely pop up out of nowhere and ask for your number. Most of the time it takes real effort to meet quality people. Part of the reason you can’t do better is because you aren’t willing to work for it. You are too afraid, shy, or prideful to put your self out there, and would rather deal with lames in your comfort level. Finding a better man is too hard, so stick with the one you got until he tosses you to the side. Even after he moves on, complain about how good he used to treat you as if you suddenly got amnesia when it comes to the nights he had you crying your eyes out. That mentality is so tragic that it’s funny. There is nothing I can write to make any woman strive for better if she’s not ready. There is nothing her family can say to point out that she’s being undervalued if she’s not willing to listen. Its 4am, either you’re the type of woman who will pack your bags and leave forever or you’re the type of woman who will continue to lay in bed, bitching and moaning about the situation.