I’ve touched on ratchet women and the embarrassing levels they stoop to in order to get love and keep love. The more cultured people laugh at those examples of ignorant girls who thirst so hard for a relationship that they end up throwing fists, swallowing lies, and generally making themselves look messy, all in an effort to lock down a man who sees her as nothing more than a trained monkey with a convenient vagina. The Ratchets don’t have time to read what I write or listen to my audio books, but you’re smart enough to understand what I write… so why don’t you apply this shit and win?
Today I’m talking to you, Ms. Highly Educated, I have a career, but I still can’t land a fucking man… Let’s shine a light on the educated, gainfully employed, self-proclaimed classy, non-hoeish women who toot their own tits because they didn’t lose their virginity until college, have a 401k, and can count the number of partners they’ve had on one hand. These women aren’t ignorant, they’re quite intelligent, they’ve been raised to focus on priorities, covet education, and should have self-respect… yet they do the EXACT same shit that the ratchet girls do in a quest to find love. How can two different classes of women take such different roads and still end up sharing the same dick, regurgitating the same heartbreak story, and feeling the same sense of hopelessness?
Has to be the men right? Men are responsible for the world’s evil because they fuck you for a few years, never commit, go find another chick, and write songs talking about her beach is better. Wah Wah Wah– bitch bye! If it happened once, you can cry victim, if you continue to allow it to happen you’re a masochist. We can all acknowledge that there are a lot of users and abusers out here, but any human being with a brain can overcome another human being with a brain trying to game them, so I rebuke all victim talk. Let’s go back to these educated, everything going for them, Being Mary Jane types. These women are often just as pretty as they are smart, and despite what misogynist say, having their own career, money, and home does not directly collate with them being overbearing and demanding bitches. Professional women aren’t held back by bad looks or by some cliché “I wear the pants” attitude, so why aren’t men hurdling the gate to get to them? Don’t believe the statistics and the hype, there are plenty women with careers and a good husband. I live in LA and I go to these events and see young power couples of all races getting it in. The ability to find that dream partner boils down to the individual woman, not some nationwide conspiracy to punish goal orientated females for daring to leave the kitchen.
Let’s keep it 300, all women have a personality type that turns them on the most, no matter her skin color, where she was raised or how hip or unhip she is. You met a certain personality wrapped in a nice package that made you tingle in a way no one had been able to make you tingle before, and since then you have been trying to find someone like that person. When a man with that personality type pops up again and is interested, it gives you a feeling of “finally”! You shut down shop and hope that this time you don’t get burnt. There is no such thing as a bad man, only a bad man for you, and most of you have been burnt by the same exact types over and over again because you WANT WHAT YOU WANT without regard to what’s healthy. Even a blind cat learns not to bump it’s head into the wall after the second time, that cat’s blind, not stupid, so it uses other senses to avoid hurting itself. Some women refuse to use the wisdom from those past relationships along with common sense in order to avoid hurt. Instead, these ladies use their eyes and their ears only, not their intuition or brain. This results in you crying over yet another cheater, pimp, or mama’s boy. Those two senses told you that he looked good and he talked even better, you wanted what you wanted, therefore you allowed that desire to override the brain when it warned, “Bitch, the last time you fucked with a guy who said he was an Importer/Exporter you ended up spending your vacation money to bail him out!” Undisciplined attraction is what makes educated women fall for the same bullshit that uneducated women fall for.
Dick A Make Her Dumb
Swag A Make Her Cum
The moment you let a dick whip you into denial you become a fool. The moment you let the thought of being single at 40 scare you into settling you become a fool. The moment you allow the statistic that 99% of bitches in your city are going to die alone convince you to put up with a man you’re comfortable with rather than continue looking for one that will make you happy, you become a fool! These dudes don’t give a fuck if you graduated Summa Cum Laude– excel at sucking this dick. These dudes don’t care if you got a promotion– use that bonus to preorder this Xbox for daddy. These dudes don’t care if you care more about Black Lives Matter than celebrity gossip– your well-cultured ass still ain’t getting a return text until the morning. You should feel accomplishment for everything you’ve done in life, but understand that all of your greatness is wasted the moment you box yourself into fucking with bum ass dudes!
You worked so hard, probably went into debt to gain a good education, only to act dumb over dick. “I want a nice, loyal, guy“. Bitch where? When’s the last time “nice” made you cum? Swag. Humor. The ability to be aggressive with you in a way that makes you wet… be real, that’s what you crave. Your dating life is a rerun because you choose the same toxic types with the same toxic characteristics, and expect a different outcome. You like the flavor of ain’t shit men, but you also want those same ain’t shit men to treat you differently from the other women they fucked over in the past. It doesn’t work like that! You think because you have a good job, he’s going to change for you? You think because you’re loyal to a fault, he’s not going to fumble you? Earth to Basica, your job title, obedience, nor gorilla grip pussy is going to make him respect you on a genuine level!
A man knows you’re a bird after 2-3 weeks of dating you. The really intuitive men know in a matter of days if you’re “special” or just another boring bitch that needs to be ran through and ignored. Go ahead, tell everyone that you bring more to the table than other women… but look at the results of your dating life without ego– you don’t bring anything different to the table, you’re in the same boat with the rest of them. Why can’t you win? Because you fail to understand that at the end of the day ALL MEN crave one thing, a personality match. You don’t have a personality, you have a list of accolades you read off to seem important.
Your money means nothing, he’s not looking for a sugar mama, your beauty means nothing, he can find someone that looks like you or better on his IG explore page. Your personality is the only thing that can make you stand out, and look how you come off on dates or when texting. You don’t blow anyone away. You don’t connect, you’re awkward, you’re defensive, and ironically you’re naïve as fuck. These men see you and hope you’re different, you may feel different during the first week, but then it crumbles. You can’t last in his life because beyond your superficial pros are a laundry list of cons. 7 out of 10 women who think they’re fire are actually basic as fuck at the personality level.
Basic Bitch Test
No matter if you’re single or in a relationship, ask yourself “Am I actually basic as fuck and don’t want to admit it” or “Am I settling for a basic ass man and don’t want to admit it.” I’m not attacking the hookah smoking ratchets, the easy targets, I’m targeting you Ms. I Stay In The House and Read Way Too Many Books About Dating. You’re basic because you don’t apply anything I write, you just read, agree sometimes, then say dumb shit like “That won’t work”. Then you’re back to getting smutted out by a man who is going to ghost you. Personality goes two ways. You have to be a strong woman to attract a strong man. But if you’re not secure enough to be a strong woman by being a fucking Spartan, then of course you’re going to chase superficial men. Oh he’s tall. Oh he’s dark. Oh he has these piercing eyes. Oh he has a sinister attitude. If you’re on that level, then the mirror aka THE UNIVERSE, is reflecting back to you that you still haven’t matured into power.
Every new year is a new chance to you to attract better, yet you keep going in circles. You’re still turned on by the same juvenile qualities you were attracted to in high school. Your taste has yet to upgrade from these Fast Food quality men. At your core you still have this basic Disney princess mentality that you can somehow turn the bad boy into your prince charming.
“Be mean to other women, I don’t like a friendly ass man,” Bitch he’s not even friendly to you!
Why would a man respect a woman who doesn’t even respect herself? Why would a quality man wife a woman who any random tall dude or aggressive dirt ball could fuck based off of one or two house dates? The reason quality guys ghost you or don’t apply pressure is because they hear your story, see how you move, and realize you’re a typical love starved bird with a big ego. You like to fix up men, you get bored if there are no arguments, and you don’t know how to vibe with guys who aren’t damaged. You have no value, so you attract men who don’t value you. That’s not victim blaming, that’s pointing out the reality of your life so you can Spartan the fuck up.
FOR THE CULTURE
The elephant in the room, especially when we’re talking about black women who reach a high level of success, seems to be their inability to connect with those successful men that she finds herself surrounded by on a cultural level. She can talk their talk and walk their walk, but for a good number of black women they have a side that can only be brought out in the company of someone who speaks the “language” of the culture.
The language I’m referring to is metaphorical not an actual dialect or slang. I’m not saying successful black women need a ghetto thug who speaks Ebonics; it has nothing to do with being hard or thuggish, it’s more of a shared way of relating to things down-ass person to down-ass person. Ashley from Baltimore spent her entire teen years being ratchet in the streets but a nerd in the school, and then went off to a prestigious university. Four years later, she’s even smarter and much more cultured. Four years after that she’s working in finance, making bank, owns a home, but is still single because she hasn’t met anyone besides guys at work or shitty hookups from the women at work. The odds are Ashley’s met plenty of so called “good men” but when she looks around at her new world, she can’t find those men like the ones from Baltimore that gave her that tingle because those dudes never made it to her level and if they did they got snatched up and married. She can’t relate to these lame ass blind dates or geeky co-workers, so she gets tired of waiting and goes out to places that she’s grown beyond to find her kind of man. She doesn’t need a real nigga, she needs a real connection, so she slums it with guys who aren’t nearly as accomplished as she is. That’s what a lot of you professional women are afraid to admit, you either go back to the old dick you’re used to or allow Fifty Dollar Dick to access your Hundred Thousand Dollar Pussy because you’re tired of waiting.
The 2010 census showed that Asian women marry outside their race the most and black women the least. You can joke stereotypically that Asian men have small dicks so Lucy Lius’ looks elsewhere and that black girls are left out in the cold because black men want other races, but that’s complete and TOTAL bullshit. You gravitate to the men who you can connect and relate to the most in terms of personality. I have two black homegirls who are the most open-minded ladies I’ve ever known in terms of romance. They date any race and don’t give a fuck about that same level of “coolness” or trendy fashion that’s make or break for some other women I know. When it comes to dating other blacks, they do bring the Carlton Banks types around as opposed to the cousin Will’s. One of them has also battled being called an Oreo her entire life, so it makes sense that she would rather talk to those men who don’t act like the people that made her high school life hell. They represent the diversity of black women that reality TV seems to skip over. Other women do feel strongly about finding a brother, but a down ass Timberlake white boy could probably slide in as well. This is not based on something as shallow as skin color; it goes back to what I said above– personality type.
There are tons of professional non-athlete/non-rapper black men, but poll any career woman in a major metropolitan city, and she will tell you that most of those niggas are super corny. No shit, show me a millionaire without a jersey, trust fund, or musical talent you’ll most likely find a geek. These aren’t the cool nerds like on TV either, they can come off like assholes and are a little weird. What happens is these equally successful men get passed on. While they fit the description physically, financially, and in terms of ambition, they don’t have that flavor or speak that language. Some of you are saying, “It doesn’t matter to me, being able to stand on your own two feet and having the intelligence to hold a meaningful conversation is most important.” That may be true, but will a man like that ever be given that chance to show you he has those qualities?
The Cornballs Vs. The Cools
If you see Isiah the 34-year-old investment banker at a housewarming and he’s dressed nice, but not flashy, he’s engaging, but not the life of the party, you wouldn’t really be drawn to him enough to walk over and find out more about his life, you’d probably wait for an introduction or not talk to him at all. Isiah is probably awkward, but he musters up the courage to introduce himself. This dude doesn’t have typical swag, he’s going to try to break the ice with some lame joke, a compliment that is slightly creepy, and stumble through conversation. If you were at a club with your girlfriends you would probably laugh at him, blow past, and walk to the bar, but you’re in a more intimate setting so you probably put up with his weak ass game. Isiah will see you zoning out, he wants to seal the deal, so he mentions something about his Mercedes and what he does for a living. Stop! Right here is where ratchets or hoes would tune back in and hop on Isiah’s corny ass dick, but as a professional yourself, this man’s money means nothing, you’re a fucking boss—“He don’t see this bag on my arm? Céline not Coach, boo!” Not only did Isiah not impress you with his awkward weird flirting, he insulted you when he checked your Hoe-Fax in the middle of the conversation by bragging about what he does. I have been a fly on the wall in so many of these instances, and it’s painful to watch a good dude crash and burn because he doesn’t know how to connect with a sister without bringing up money. These Isiah’s are the reason a lot of women on the fast track would rather date down than utilize the patience to deal with someone who comes off as initially corny and rude. First impressions matter, and while Isiah could have turned out to be compatible once he took you on a date and showed you his sweet and charming side, he blew it. You know who doesn’t blow it? Big EJ, the ex-college football player turned entreprenegro!
Big EJ is also at the housewarming, and he’s extroverted, has a tank top on to show his biceps, is telling jokes, and has everyone ready to TURNup! A man like this sucks people in, but more importantly, he sucks the professional woman in by being a breath of fresh air. Unlike Isiah who had to come over to you, you will probably find some excuse to go over and grab a drink when EJ is blocking the counter, that way you can say something sassy yet flirty like, “can I get through, or are you charging a toll?” You know EJ is going to return fire. The next thing you know you two are bantering back and forth in a way that makes your panties moisten for the first time since you broke up with your no good Ex-fiancé… who EJ kinda reminds you of…weird. You get the point. That man whose type you are drawn to will be the one that wiggles his way into your heart because he has the flavor you desire. Meeting a guy like that in a world where you’re surrounded by corny men is rare; therefore, you over-like him and let a lot of bullshit slide. EJ could turn out to be a cool cat, but too often EJ turns out to be the man that takes you one step closer to just saying, “fuck it, let me see how pussy taste cus I can’t deal with these niggas!” EJ will turn out to be the guy who needs your help to get on his feet, has other women he can’t cut off, a Peter Pan complex that makes him not want to commit, and all kinds of deal breakers that you should walk away from. However, EJ also throws dick like it’s an Olympic sport, always makes you laugh, and is there for you to open up to in a way that you can’t with the stuffed shirt intellectuals at work. “Focus on the good times, ignore the red flags, help him become the African king you know he is, and you’ll have that happy ending you deserve,” says the Basic Bitch side of your brain.
You come home from work two hours early and find EJ in the bed with Kenyetta, a bitch with mixed matched Milky way glue-ins, a tattoo on her neck, and her donkey ass all on your Egyptian sheets getting pounded by your man. How the fuck did you, a woman with two degrees, climbing the corporate ladder, only fucked four and a half men, and the owner of some of the deepest waves of Malaysian weave on the market, end up fucking the same man as an unemployed ratchet? You ignored the signs early on and convinced yourself that making it work with him was better than continuing to weed through the Isiah’s of the world. Knowing that you’re in a destructive relationship is easy: The pros don’t outweigh the fucking cons! By the time you tell EJ to pack his shit and go be with them hoes that he spent your money on, it’s been eight months of your life and you’re about to hit another birthday…back to being single like that 43% stat said you would be. You can blame your lack of finding a good man on EJ being fool’s gold, the city you live in being too competitive due to hoes, or real men being afraid of a woman with a career… or you can look inward at the reasons you find yourself attracted to these same grade of men repeatedly— looks, flavor, excitement.
You can have all three of those qualities and someone who adds honesty and loyalty to that equation as well, but you have to be willing to discipline yourself from Dick types and only allow Hubby types to embed themselves in your life (Chapter 24 of Solving Single: Is He Hubby or Dick—read it now). The solution isn’t to date above your class or out of your race, you have to date smarter! You can find the man of your dreams in any form or on any level if you do your homework and use your common sense. Don’t take that to mean you should give out your number to any peasant who calls you beautiful; it doesn’t make much sense to backtrack with a 22-year-old GameStop employee when you’re a 29-year-old nurse practitioner. As I’ve said many of times, it’s more about the quality of man you select, as opposed to settling for the quality of man that selects you. You can pick a man who makes double what you make and comes with that T.I. swagger, that doesn’t mean all of your prayers have been answered either. Rich niggas can be even more hot and cold, emotionally distant, and dishonest than the broke ones. Know who these men truly are, before you fall in love with the idea of who you think they are.
You CAN help who you fall in love with because falling in love doesn’t happen in a fucking week. He has the personality that makes you warm and the looks that make your stomach do somersaults… you’re not a fucking 13-year-old so why so open? During the time you’re getting to know any man you have to dig deep and question everything he does, push through the role playing that all men do when they’re trying to get with you, and utilize that same brain that led you through college and landed you in a great career. You have no right to call any woman a basic bitch when you keep slumming it with the same basic niggas they entertain. Ghetto hoes don’t know any better, you do, so I have no sympathy when you get fucked over. In the classroom and in the boardroom there are lessons you learn that help you achieve success, men are no different. Study these boys to make sure they are indeed men, because your GPA, PHD, or AGI won’t keep your heart from breaking the same as the woman with the EBT.