Life would be so uncomplicated if you took sex out of the equation. You would know a person wanted you for you and all of the game playing would cease because the manipulation for sex is the only problem men and women have. HA! Sex doesn’t create drama, people do. The actual art of love making, fucking, smanging, or whatever ratchet terms niggas are using to describe intercourse these days, is the most uncomplicated act on the planet. A dick goes in a vagina until someone climaxes. If you were to put your clothes on and walk away after that, there would be zero drama because both parties got what they wanted—sex. It’s not the bumping and grinding, it’s the over analyzing before, during, and after sex that makes people act a fool.

Homie said he was looking for something serious, a woman he could grow with so you drop your guard and panties. You fuck him, not because he promised you that spot as the woman he wants to be serious with, but because he turned you on. However, it’s assumed that because he did say he was looking for something real, you  having sex will solidify you as first in line for that relationship he claims to be looking for. HA! Homegirl gets you open by talking nasty on the phone, and all you can think about at work or school is busting that open. During the sex, she tells you it’s yours and says she’ll never give it away. Now keep in mind homie, you didn’t wife this, promise ring this, or even agree to be anything more than friends, but because she submitted in bed and LET you dominate, your ego assumes that indeed is your pussy. You beat it up, therefore she’s not going to talk to another guy for the rest of the summer. Double HA! I repeat– Men and Women both make crazy assumptions based on things that happen before the sex, during the sex, and after the sex that complicate their relationships. Who is leading whom on? No one, because it’s sex not rape, meaning no matter what someone told you before sex to get it, during sex to get you off, or after sex to keep getting it, you agreed to the situation. People lie and even more lack the ability to openly communicate, those are the true reasons relationships go south, not sexual desire. The moment you consciously take off your underwear, you can’t play the victim.

What’s happened in our culture recently with women especially is that they feel used and rejected after sex instead of fulfilled and relaxed. These girls aren’t bitter because the dick was small, he came too fast, or any of the physical acts of pleasure. Many of these ladies are pissed because men have lead them to believe that sex is proof of something more. Fucking someone is not the same as putting a down payment on a house! What high school did you go to that taught you that raw dick was the same as a diamond engagement ring? “But he said…” isn’t an excuse because regardless what he said, you agreed to let him insert his penis in you. Let’s be honest, you wanted to fuck because you liked him the same way he wanted to fuck because he liked you. Like is not love, it’s not even a building block to anything, it’s simply an attraction usually based on how someone looks or how someone treats you.

Okay, so you fucked a man that didn’t really want something serious. The reaction I’ve been hearing is this: “This is why I hate boys. I should have just kept my pussy to myself and waited.” Waited for what? These are the same girls’ bad mouthing hoes, but they openly admit the only reason they fuck in the first place is to make a boy commit to being with them. If fucking for a relationship status isn’t the definition of whoring yourself out, then I must need to refresh my Wikipedia. You’re telling me that unless sex leads to something legit, then you don’t want to fuck because the entire act is pointless. Hey, genius, if you’re that serious about commitment why not wait until you date this man, get to know this man, and get a commitment from this man to have sex? Does dating, interviewing, and entering into a monogamous relationship take too long? Can you not keep your panties on whenever he’s around? I repeat—Sex isn’t complicated, you make it complicated by lying to yourself and being undisciplined.

Celibacy… it used to be for clergymen and women of faith until some scorned ratchet with a Keyshia Cole CD decided it was the solution to all of her relationship problems. You had a one night stand that dogged you out, be celibate. Your boyfriend cheated on you, be celibate. All the girls you know are fucking, be different and tell boys you’re celibate so they’ll want to fuck you more. Going thru a religious conversion, prove it by telling people who don’t give a fuck, that you’re celibate for Lent. What was once a sacred vow has become a gimmick. Celibacy is the Herbalife of sexual fads. People jump on the bandwagon; tell the world, then slowly slide off a few months later, as if no one will notice. I noticed. Does celibacy work? Work at what? Frustrating yourself? Wasting your AAA batteries? Making you cranky? Yes, that shit works. Does it make your romantic life better? Fuck no. The same results you got from being celibate you could have gotten if you would have simply said, “I’m not going to fuck until I trust that man completely.” So all of you people who are saying, “I just felt refreshed and full of life” with your Summers Eve commercial grin on, stop stirring the Kool-Aid. You don’t need to use the C-word to better your life; all you need to do is have the self-respect and will power not to fuck a nigga just because he has dimples and a curved dick. There is no magic abstinence power that will keep you from making mistakes; there is only practical application of, “earn this pussy with your actions.”

The only reason I’m going so hard on celibacy is because I’ve seen it fail on an epic scale over the past three years. 99% of the women that have come to me asking advice as a celibate woman, buckled when faced with a nigga that had good game. The same thing they became celibate to avoid, they still fell for. The crazy part is that because some of these women had been out of the game for months, even years, they couldn’t see through the transparency of a man who had patience, good game, and didn’t mind tricking bread to court her. In the end these girls ended up full of regret, telling me they didn’t understand why they failed God’s test. The problem is that sex isn’t a fucking test. Sex isn’t evil, wrong, or impure, but for some reason people think that by going against their human nature, they are going to get a gold star in the afterlife. Yeah, okay. Dear, cobweb coochie, your body is a temple, not a tomb, it’s okay to let people enter. I swear with my hand on The Torah, The New Testament, The Quran, and my other hand rubbing the Buddha’s belly, I’ve seen celibacy have more negative long term effects than positive ones. So why is it still so popular? Take away the elitist pretenders on Facebook and Twitter who brag about it to seem “different” or holier than those who choose to enjoy a good old fashion fuck session. Take away the girls who are legitimately a part of some religious movement that demands they go through this. We are left with three types of women that are celibate for all the wrong reasons…

i’m afraid to date, so let me make up an excuse for being single

We’re keeping it real today, right? So let’s call it what it really is, baby doll, you don’t get the attention you want from the boys you like. You don’t have the clit courage to go flirt and converse with the opposite sex. You are afraid to death of rejection, so you turtle up and wait for Prince Charming to come to you. He hasn’t come to you, he’s actually walked right by you, and all you could do is look down at your shoes as opportunity passed you by. To your friends and associates, you’re a great girl; you’re funny, eclectic, and full of personality in your own unique way. They ask you why you don’t have a boyfriend, what are you waiting for, what’s wrong with you. No one wants to hear that bullshit, so instead of saying, “I’m a fucking coward, who is still stuck in 5^th grade shy mode,” you do what anyone backed in a corner does. You get defensive and make an excuse. You’re celibate because there are too many diseases. You’re celibate because your friends have all gotten involved with bums. You’re celibate because there aren’t any good-looking guys on campus. You’re celibate because you don’t date co-workers, and all you do is go to work and go to sleep. You’ve never stepped foot in a catholic church, but the word celibacy has become so trendy that you can use it to save face like, “It’s not that I can’t get dick, it’s that I choose not to for the greater good of my temple,” that’s so fraudulent.  You’re celibate for all of these reasons that seem legit to outsiders, but you and I both know that you’re full of more shit than a colostomy bag. The moment a guy hops in your dry ass phone, smiles in your nervous face, or shows any kind of legit interest, that vow gets broken because you no longer have a reason to front.

i’m a hoe, and I need to stop

I had a reader come up to me and burst into tears because her problem was that she loved having sex but knew she needed to stop. I thought she was out there slinging pussy like club flyers, but turns out, she had sex with four guys in the past three months, all of who wanted to be with her, but she didn’t want to be with them. The last guy she had sex with tried to slut shame her by calling her names, all because she refused to be his girl. She blew it off, but that shit stuck with her. Like many females, it lingered until it exploded. She liked sex, but apparently, it was wrong of her to use boys as objects… because a male told her so. SMH, when will you all Spartan Up and stop giving a fuck about the judgment of men? This girl was not unique. So many sexually charged women have been transformed into sexually repressed women because other girls or bitter men don’t like the idea of a female being free. Sex shouldn’t be something you’re giving out like candy; it should be reserved for those that you have a real connection with… BUT we all go through times where we need a spontaneous release and it is your right to fuck who you want, when you want, and under the circumstances you dictate. Your Pussy = Your Rules. There is no right or wrong number of partners you should have, I just watched The Ten Commandments and Moses didn’t say shit about the limit of dicks a woman should take in a lifetime. All of this guilt is invented by humans who think they know you better than you know yourself.

If you have a problem where you don’t want to have sex, but you end up with your panties hanging from the ceiling at the end of every date because you think that’s what men expect, then that’s a serious issue. You do need to take a break and figure out why you feel the need to use sex as a tool to get guys to like you (daddy issues alert… daddy issues alert) because you don’t have to have sex to be loved. If you’re simply being celibate because that’s the only way you can think to conform to what the rest of the world is doing, then you’re wasting your time. As you mature you will naturally stop wanting to explore sex with every cute face, you will find that one person that completes you, and time will reveal the true you. In the meantime, you can’t look down upon your sex drive as wicked, this isn’t 321 B.C. so stop being brainwashed and stop trying to pray for a pussy that stays dry and a brain that stays void of filthy thoughts. You like to give head, you like a finger in your ass, you like to ride cock while getting your nipples sucked until you squirt—you can’t hide that from yourself and you won’t be able to hide it from a man you want. Pressure bust pipes, so instead of swearing off sex completely, why not learn to handle that pressure by building up will power in those situations. Trust yourself to take things slowly, that doesn’t mean stop altogether. Don’t run away and embrace a lifestyle you really aren’t prepared to go through with or you’ll be back to square one the moment you have a drink and the real you cancels out the fake you.

i’ve been hurt, and this is the only way I know how to stay safe

Celibacy is a safety net. It’s a way to hit the brakes on life, by taking away the thing you believe to be sinful and causing all of your stress. If you’re born again or dating Tim Tebow, then do what you believe you have to do to bring inner peace. My problem isn’t with the faith based practitioners, it’s with the fraud based. You’ve just gotten divorced, you’ve just had a baby whose father passed away, you were sexually assaulted… take some “me time” to get your head where it needs to be, but why go to the extreme? By taking a vow, and let’s not get it twisted celibacy is supposed to be a serious vow; you are trying to solve a temporary problem with what is supposed to be a permanent lifestyle choice. Chances are that your state of mind will change after you give your mind time to heal, but because you made that promise to abstain from sex, life becomes complicated all over again. You were celibate because your ex-fiancé fucked your best friend. External forces defeated you and made you take your ball and go home. A year later, you’ve gotten used to not having sex and you feel good, not because you are no longer horny, but because that man who broke your heart is gone. It was the guy, not the sex that caused drama, but you can’t see that. You meet a new guy who seems nice. He pursues you, and you let him know what happened in your past. Unlike a virgin, men don’t run from celibate women because niggas know that unless you’re rocking a Whoopi Goldberg habit, you are still down to fuck. The more you like him, the more you want him sexually. You then realize that all of this “let’s know our spirits first” talk hasn’t stopped your human desire to sit on his face. Sex is a part of you, but because you took a vow, you are conflicted and most likely you’ll stress yourself out over the decision to break it or not to break it.

Instead of being dramatic, how about you handle your business like an adult. You don’t want to have sex until you meet someone worthy. Live that! There should be no vow, no gimmicks, no need to share it with the world. This month you’re not having sex because this month there is no one in your life worth having sex with. Why is that so hard to admit? Why make this serious proclamation knowing that you’re two good dates from being right back in the doggy style position? If you’re only abstaining from sex and dating because relationships are “hard,” you’re not celibate you’re basic. You don’t need the crutch of celibacy to take control of your sex life, you always have the power to turn that switch on, or turn that switch off. You can give yourself whatever sanctified status you want, but at the end of the day, most people lack the courage of their convictions because they’re going against their very nature in hopes it solves life’s problems. Since the beginning of time women have been made to feel ashamed of their desires, so it is no coincidence that when setbacks happen your first thought is to stop doing that which men tell you is evil so you can feel “pure,” “refocused,” and have better luck with love. The superstition of sex as a negative is a chain that enslaves women, and it’s time to rebuke that brainwashing and take back control of your body and mind.