How do you make a man feel the same hurt that he made you feel? You did everything right, compromised, held him down, were loyal and selfless, and in the end the man whose mouth claimed he loved you showed actions that proved he really didn’t give a fuck about you. People tell you to be thankful it ended, to move on, to take a break from dating, but offer no practical solution to how to stop feeling like you just lost at life. You don’t want to hear that “This too shall pass” shit. When you’re alone, you think about how he did you wrong. When you’re with other people, you think about how he did you wrong. Even in your dreams, he’s there and you wake up thinking about how he did you wrong. Nothing in your life seems the same, you’re agitated, annoyed, lacking energy, and unable to focus. You have to fake having fun, fake that smile, and fake like it’s “whatever” when you’re around others because you don’t want to be seen as just another weak bitch that got caught up. Why is it that this boy who calls himself a man gets to run around as if you never even mattered why your heart breaks every day?
There are plenty of men that hurt just as bad or even worst when they get broken up with, but why is the guy you loved/love not acting like a typical broken male? He’s not frustrated or depressed, his life is moving forward as if all the times you shared were nothing. Why isn’t he hurting? Where is his pain? People talk about Karma and Justice, yet you don’t see it. The only thing that will make you happy is exacting revenge, because then he will be forced to place himself in your shoes and think, “I was wrong, why would I ever treat another person like this, I’m sorry!”
How do you make him feel this pain? That’s a question I get a lot from women and also one that Cosmo magazine makes a fortune off of with their basic bitch lists of “How To Totally Get Revenge By Hooking Up With His Hot Friend” *Cher From Clueless Voice*. No matter if it’s some situationship dude who was never officially yours or an actual boyfriend; women scorned want some kind of justice. You grow up hearing about good conquering evil, fair winning out against unfair, but when you start dating, you all will learn one lesson over and over again… The only rule in love is that there are no rules! Relationships operate in shades of grey; there isn’t a clear white hat versus black hat script. Men do what they want to do when they want to do it no matter who you are, what you look like, or what you do for them. A new guy may say it’s not about the pussy, then once they get the pussy, tell you it was always about the pussy. Fuck Fair. A boyfriend may claim you’re a team, spoil you, promise to never leave, and then pop up with a new version of you and news that the “team” is going to be rebuild minus you. Fair doesn’t exist.
Your parents and TV taught you that if you do everything right you reap rewards. Then as you grew older, you saw that the rules don’t apply the majority of the time. Love that man, be faithful, and compromise and he will reward you. So why didn’t he? Where’s justice for him not playing by the rules? He shouldn’t have the right to lie just to get the milk for free, pick up and leave just because he’s bored, or reject you for another woman when you did nothing wrong. That’s not how life’s supposed to work. Nevertheless, that IS how life works, so fuck your image of “supposed” to work. The reality that you all have seen more than once is that men follow their own rules… Guess what? Women too can follow their own rules and should. Many females prefer to play fair, and then when things don’t go their way, they want someone to strike men down. Which brings me to the reason I’m writing this.
Why Choose Revenge?
I received an email from an older lady, she and her boyfriend were both attorneys and things went well for about a year. Her boyfriend decided to switch careers and go into either the food truck or restaurant business with some friends. She stood by him, and even helped the entire group get their plan together. By their second year anniversary he was out of money and now leaning on her for help, she didn’t mind because he had literally paid all their bills when they first moved in together. This wasn’t a user, this wasn’t a bum, this was a “good” man. The business never took off and he was beyond stressed because he didn’t want to go back to practicing law. In the midst of this limbo he takes her over to his mother’s house for Sunday dinner and when they’re alone he tells her that he’s moving out, their relationship hasn’t been working for a long time… and he found someone else. This came out of nowhere, so of course she freaked out and called this man every name in the book. His mother came in to calm down the situation (his plan all along) and knowing she wouldn’t get violent around his mother, her guy admitted that he fell in love with the graphic designer that was helping the team design the food truck and that he’s going to move in with her ASAP.
Think about that, you hold a man down emotionally and then help him financially, and now he’s in love with another woman who is on the payroll that you are payrolling. She told me this: “I’ve asked God to destroy his life like he’s destroyed mine.” That’s deep. It’s also internally toxic. God isn’t a hitman and there is nothing you can do besides learn the lesson that was put in place for you to learn. An angry woman doesn’t want to be preached to about lessons, she wants to sneak in his room, glue his dick to his stomach, and force that motherfucker to piss while doing a handstand for the rest of the week! To this day that woman has yet to find a new boyfriend, she’s dated but she can’t focus, she can’t trust, she can’t open up and allowed herself to be loved because all she thinks about his her ex who is STILL happy and in love with that graphic designer. Is this your life or your future life? Are you so consumed by hate that you will cause yourself to be single for far too long. Let’s talk about revenge in a real way, so you understand how stupid you look, not letting go of that pain…
The New Man Revenge
Basic Bitch Plan: I’m going to find someone better than him and that’s going to make him so jealous and angry because at that moment he will know that I was special and he messed up.
People project their internal feelings about themselves onto other people or situations to make sense of this world. If someone hurts you, the mind thinks, “What could someone do to me that would make me jealous or angry?” The truth is you don’t know how another person thinks; you only perceive it based on how you think. As a woman, you’re trying to hurt a man by doing things that men don’t catch feelings over the same way a woman would. What’s the number one thing that would make a woman jealous? To see the man she wants with a woman that is more attractive. Therefore, when you come up with ideas for revenge, you project your own fear and it comes up with: Get a man that’s more handsome, and show him. Here’s where you’re going to fuck up in trying to take revenge. Non-Simps don’t give a fuck about the next man’s looks or the next man’s money. When it comes down to the mind of a man: Old girl x New man = I already had that bitch, enjoy my leftovers clown. Most women feel incredibly sick when they see a bad bitch on their Ex’s arm, even if they’re over him, but men rarely do. Know the difference between the way you think and the way men think, we don’t get bothered by the same things as females, so stop trying to solve his algebra by using your geometry.
Let’s pretend that this Ex does care enough to be jealous. Your plan will not work because it’s too complicated. First, you get back out in the dating field so you can find that “perfect” man, most of you can’t even date properly so that’s going to take a minute to find a guy who can cause real jealousy. Then you have to make that perfect man your boyfriend, because you can’t look stupid parading community dick on Instagram, as if it’s real love. After those two steps are complete, you have to show your Ex that you’re happy with this new fine ass boyfriend. Your plan for revenge is to shallowly go after eye-candy, lock down some Michael Ealy looking Dick into an official relationship, and then pass the word to your Ex so he can react. By the time you do that he won’t give a fuck because he’ll be either married or on his third new chick. Despite saying she’s over him, a basic bitch gets excited at the first sign of a man from the past showing any kind of attention again. “He’s been blowing my phone up since he saw me boo’d up on Facebook,” you want a cookie? An old boo calling is not a victory. Throwing another man in an Ex man’s face doesn’t make him want you back; at most it will make him want to fuck you again. “But if he wants to sleep with me that means he wants me back,” no no no, stop baking that bullshit Petty Crocker, that’s not what it means at all. This is the animalistic nature of men I don’t think many females understand in terms of male competition: If you fuck another dude or are with another dude, we want to use you like a Dog uses a tree. We mark our territory just to prove we still can. Therefore, the fact that a man is calling you or trying to see you after you go get a new man doesn’t mean he’s feeling hurt or regretful. It means he wants to play the competition game. To fuck another guy’s girl and prove that the pussy is still yours if you want it, is one of the best feelings in the male world, in girl terms I describe it as looking in the mirror after a bomb make-up artist beats your face—I’m The Shit! Attempting to fuck you again under the nose of a new man isn’t an emotional investment; it’s a game, so even when you tell him “no” it won’t bring about any true sense of hurt in his heart.
I remember a girl who I was messing with (messing with means fucking without dating) had enough of me so she started talking to someone else. She comes over and tells me “Don’t call me anymore, I’m talking to *insert rapper name* of *insert rap group*” She felt a need to specify who he was because she was hoping I would react. When I made a joke, she could tell that I literally couldn’t care, and impolitely screamed, “FUCK YOU!” This girl, like many, was looking to prove that she was a pretty girl that could get any man to actually be with her, that it wasn’t anything wrong with her, and that I was a fool for treating a diamond like a CZ. Her new relationship was not about her wanting to be happy, it was about her wanting me to feel remorse. You can’t win when a man truly doesn’t give a fuck. Affirmation is what’s at the root of this revenge pain, it’s not enough to get a new man and live happily ever after, you want validation from those men who didn’t think you were good enough. There is no amount of stunting that will make someone change their mind if they never wanted you in the first place. Take a million vacation pictures, throw a grand wedding, post about how happy you are, but if you’re doing all of these things while still keeping an eye on your Ex to see if he sees you doing them, then he won. Your mind is still on him, while his mind is still on someone else.
The New Me Revenge
Basic Bitch Plan: Glo Up on this dude, make him regret curving me, and then curve him back so he can see how it tastes.
Ugly ducklings that grow into Swans, so to speak, or bigger girls who slim down fall into two categories. Extremely confident yet still humble because the character they developed when they weren’t popular has made them emotionally and physically beautiful… then you have the insecure ones with a chip on their shoulders that causes them to see every cute guy as that crush that didn’t want them back when Mike Jones was popping. Attention from men now causes resentment towards all men because in your mind you think, “This is the type of bitch ass dude that wouldn’t even speak to me in 10th grade.” Now you want to make them feel unwanted like you felt unwanted. This form of revenge is hard to pull off because it’s based on negativity over time. This isn’t an 80’s comedy where you take off a bitch’s glasses and pull her hair out of a ponytail and she’s suddenly the prom queen, it takes time for you to reshape or grow your appearance. If you’re going to change what you perceive as flaws, the fuel should be self-love, not approval from those that didn’t care to look beyond the surface in the first place. You’re going to wait two years, friend request that co-worker from your old job, let him see by your picture that you dropped 40 pounds, and then unfriend him? Is that really going to hurt his feelings?
Let’s say that you run into an old crush, he clit rides you about how good you now look. He then asks to take you out, and you accept, but no show– it still solves nothing. One passive aggressive rejection is not going to cause him to empathize with the years of pain you felt going through life feelings as if you weren’t pretty enough. Men, even the best-looking ones, get rejected, but they don’t internalize the way you imagine they will once you give them a dose of their own medicine. Men are breed to think, “Fuck that bitch,” and move on within a few minutes of being curved. Becoming physically beautiful, but remaining internally ugly isn’t going to take that chip off your shoulder. The new you isn’t new if you’re going to live life being petty. I talk to tons of women who now find themselves suddenly being treated as if they’re more attractive than they were in high school, but the pain they still carry doesn’t go away because they now have the power to reject men. You want a “sorry” for all the names, all the jokes, all the lonely nights, but you can’t change the past. You can only make up for lost time by not even acknowledging those who refused to even look your way back in the day.
Basic Bitch Plan: Pop back up on him and let him have sex, then never give it to him again so he’s left feeling used and unwanted.
Don’t laugh because this shit is actually the most popular. Men use women for pussy more than anything else. I don’t even want to see the statistics on how many women have had sex with a man who didn’t want her afterwards just in the past year, because it would probably set the feminist movement back a hundred years. There are women who use men just for sex, and those women can tell you how men will chase hard if you discard them like meat. Most “good girls” don’t go about using dicks for fun. They need something more, and naively trust their heart over their minds and let the wrong ones in. “I wish I could take back my pussy,” is a common feeling, not because of bad sex but because what followed was a flat out rejection or a series of games that hurt like hell.
For the fellas reading this, I don’t think you all realize how much it hurts these women when you reject them after sex. It’s one thing not to call her after getting a number, she can deal with that. It’s one thing to not call her after a first or even second date, she can deal with that. However, to lay down with you and let you inside her (probably raw) was her being all the way vulnerable in sharing something she’s probably only shared less than ten times. To have her personality she showed you not be good enough and her vagina not be good enough, that’s a blow to her ego and self-esteem that she won’t truly get over. Contrary to popular belief, the vast majority of women aren’t sluts or freaks; they don’t have sex just to have sex because you’re cute. These women, even the ones who let you hit quick, are doing so because they see something in you. Sometimes it doesn’t take a man being manipulative to get sex, it usually only takes a man being himself. Therefore as a dude that has good personality to go with your looks, you have to understand your role in this type of trauma that leads to this dumb ass idea of revenge sex.
“He asked for my number and took me out that means he would be with me,” that’s false knowledge that many women walk around believing, but we, as men know that’s not true. We take pussy out just like we take wifey out; we chase the fetish just like we chase the beauty queen. I’m not asking you to stop being men, I’m asking you to be more transparent. You don’t have to say, “I just want to fuck because I have a fetish for your ass, but your face ain’t hitting,” but if there is something about her looks, background, or about her character that just don’t line up with what you need in a future wifey, tell these girls, “I’m not looking for anything serious.” That really means “anything serious (with you).” That’s the soft truth that a woman will understand, and it’s a way to be honest without being mean. If she still fucks you after you tell her what you’re looking for is only fun, then she only has herself to blame, and the trauma of “why doesn’t he want me” won’t occur because she had verbal proof that you weren’t EVER trying to deal with her on that serious level.
Back to sex revenge. So what’s a girl to do when she sleeps with a man who is a liar and a manipulator, one who says he’s different, but in the end the relationship never goes anywhere besides the bedroom? Basicas believe that they can fight fire with fire by coming up with some Zane Sex Chronicle plot. You call him up, act as if all is forgiven, get him to come over to your place, and then kick him out with a hard dick. Booooo. The alternative plan is to call him over act like you’re down for whatever, but this time put that bomb pussy on him. Make him feel like he’s in heaven by being dominant or extra submissive, whatever kink he’s into you fulfill it. You’re going to give him every nasty thing he’s man enough to ask for, and tattoo his brain so that he remembers your sex as the best. He leaves your crib sprung, starts calling you the next day to hit it again, but this time you ignore his call and leave him thirsting for more. He will never have you, and that has to hurt him just like he hurt you, right? Wrong!
If your pussy were good enough to make a man stay, he would have stayed the first time. If the only reason you’re throwing your box like the Hammer of Thor all of a sudden and being extra freaky is because you want to get revenge, then you’re an idiot. Sex is always supposed to be good and exciting, yet you’re withholding the best of you until you need to make someone regret hurting you? What universe does that logic make sense? Let me get this right, your solution for a man using you like Pussy is to give him Pussy? That’s like a bank punishing bank robbers by calling them back, opening the vault, letting them stuff their pockets, and then saying that’s the last time they can come into that vault. Dafuq!? He just got free money, he’s good! Who cares if he can’t fuck you again in the morning or he can’t fuck you again the next weekend, he just fucked you now! He probably bust two nuts to your zero, and now his ego is higher than when he played you. Again, this is the problem with projecting your own fear. You think that taking away something good will make someone feel sorry for passing it up. The truth is good pussy isn’t rare. Unless you’re planning on having a threesome or eating his ass, you’re not going to do anything that the next girl won’t do when drunk. What your pussy does, her pussy does, and her pussy does. Your ego is telling you, “Nope, my box is drive you crazy type bomb,” but where the insane men at tho? Your pussy ain’t drive nobody crazy, it’s leave you where he found you type normal. No amount of revenge fucking is going to make him feel rejection because any type of sex, one round, just the tip, just giving him head, only missionary is still a win for a man. You lost this round, you got used for your pussy, instead of trying to create some sex trap, focus on the reason why you gave yourself away in the first place to a man you didn’t properly vet.
The Expose Him Revenge
Basic Bitch Plan: Let the world know how he treated you so that he’s embarrassed and the next woman after you knows what kind of man she’s getting.
This method is the easiest to go to especially in the age of high res camera phones and screen grabs. No matter what a man does, hits and quits. two times you, refuses to pick up his kids, plays you for some money, you can take whatever evidence you have and post it on Facebook so that all of your friends and his circle of friends know. If it’s a super ratchet situation the shit might go viral and then he will really feel dumb… or so you think. In high school this girl tried to make fun of this dude’s dick size by waiting until we were all hanging around in the back hall during lunch. She was loud, and made sure we all heard her clown his dick and stroke. The homie had been seeing another girl too, and this was her way to shame him, but it backfired. We laughed a little bit, but not at the dude, but at the girl. As men, we wouldn’t want any girl shading us, so males rarely kick other males when they’re down. The irony is that the girls didn’t react as this little 16 year old wanted either, they actually were tougher on her than the guys were, and she became the subject of side eyes and gossip going forward. Fast forward to today, I see all of the twitter and IG reposts of these messy situations, and it’s usually the girl that gets roasted for putting herself on Front Street. I’ve seen a fly out story some ratchet posted on twitter about how the man’s house was dirty, and in the end she ended up getting ran for being low enough to still fuck a guy with a dirty house. I saw a post where this guy ran out on a bill, and his mentions were hi-fives while the girl that was dragging him mentions were, “bitch you dumb for letting him go to the bathroom when the bill came.” You can’t win this game. Men see any girl, even if she’s in the right, trying to expose another man as a bird. Women may laugh and sensationalize it, but they don’t cosign it because all women have gone through relationship embarrassment and most handled it with grace; to see a fellow woman air her dirty laundry even if the man was at fault, is just proof of an emotionally weak little girl.
Exposing a person seems like a good idea, but you have to ask yourself whom are you really going to expose? You expose your own stupidity. Publicist understand the art of damage control, but normal women don’t, they react with their emotions and then have to explain to their family members or employers why their face and last name is floating around a timeline about catching Chlamydia from the Comcast man. On a smaller level, we all have seen side chicks that try to come with receipts for the main chick and it doesn’t make a dent. We’ve seen Ex-Girlfriends try to warn new girls, and they get ignored because their failure and history doesn’t hold any water, it sounds like bitterness. Instead of DM’ing the person he’s moved on with you should be focused on DM’ing someone you could move on with. Keeping up this “beware his dick” campaign makes you look bored and sprung. None of this stuff is about justice, it’s about being hurt, and when you lash out in a young and basic way to ease your pain you make it worse. Now you have to deal with the the man who did you dirty coming to slander you, and you also have to deal with everyone judging you as if it’s your fault for not knowing better. When that “tea” cools down you still have to worry about the next man you date suddenly finding out you had a moment of messy when he googles you or runs into someone who heard about your drama. If you made that bed lay in it, because opening the window blinds so everyone can see the circus of your personal life damages the woman in the situation much more than the man, it’s been that way since high school and it hasn’t changed online.
“Wherever Attention Goes, Energy Flows”
-Michael Bernard Beckwith
The One Revenge That Actually Works…
“I was a guy who, when I was fifteen my girlfriend cheated on me, and I decided that if I was number one, no woman would ever cheat on me. All I have to do is make sure that no one’s ever better than me and I’ll have the love that my heart yearns for. And I never released that and moved into a mature way of looking at the world and my artistry and love until the failure of After Earth, when I had to accept that it’s not a good source of creation.” – Will Smith in Esquire
Now if you have zero reading comprehension skills you would come to the conclusion that the best form of revenge is success. Show them by becoming more than what you once were and then they will love and envy you. Become better than everyone and your life will be the validation that stings those that did you wrong. It’s all bullshit because even when you succeed they will still turn their nose up at you; there is no vindication to be had– ever. Success as the ultimate form of revenge has become a cliché. It’s okay to carry this anger because in the end it’s going to make you rich and happy. That’s not true. To finish the interview, Will talked about how at this point in his life he realized that that fire that drove him had harmed him more than it helped him to the point where at age 46 he feels lost. It’s not about making that woman wish she would have kept her legs closed back in the day because she could have been the next Jada, it’s about life making you stronger by throwing you curve balls that you have to dig deep inside to HIT. Money and fame doesn’t = success if internally you can’t let go of your own negativity and bitterness. You hit a roadblock, you took an L, you were rejected, you were manipulated, whatever it is that has you feeling petty, you have to let that shit go or it will chase you for the rest of your life. You can’t let other people have power over your life after they are no longer in it! So long as your attention is focused on those that did you wrong, your mind will never get right.
Savage Sally whose in her feelings is going to respond to this with, “So you want me to just let him get away with being a fuck boy, how will these men ever learn what they did was wrong?” If your mind is still stuck on “get away with it” then you’re hopeless. This isn’t Kill Bill, a maniac didn’t steal your baby from the womb, you got passed up—deal with it. You want to get petty revenge to rectify this sickening feeling that you weren’t good enough for some dude and that’s the epitome of being emotionally weak. You can’t look for external satisfaction for an internal disappointment. A person who doesn’t care about you can never be made to care no matter what you do.
Let me spell it out for you: This isn’t about them, it’s about you! Neither petty forms of revenge nor throwing a pity party in the name of fairness will teach you the lesson that the Universe wanted to you learn via that experience. Revenge is a powerful drive, you may even achieve it, it may even make you feel good for a little bit, but it’s not the solution to quiet your pain. To take time out of your life to plot revenge on another soul doesn’t lead to a better you, it creates an even more bitter you. Life stops becoming about what you love the more you pour energy into what you hate. If you want revenge on an Ex, never allow yourself to care enough to hate them. Release is more powerful than Revenge.
More Dating Questions: When to call? Where to go? Add Him on Social Media? The Right Date Questions To Ask?
READ Men Don’t Love Women Like You. Everything I have to say about step-by-step dating is in this book.