I need an Ayesha Curry. That statement has become a male rallying cry that also serves as a backhanded comment on the quality of today’s women. Let’s recap. Ayesha Curry is the wife of the current face of the NBA, Steph Curry. At first, she was just the mother of that cute little girl who would sit in Steph’s lap at post-game press conferences. Then last December she made a comment about how today’s fashion is trashy and that while “everyone” is barely wearing clothes she prefers to save herself for the person that matters. Her twitter, her opinion, her life. But hold up, we live in a world where a huge portion of social media active women dress in that manner, and many of them took offense. Who died and made this lemon head bitch cleavage police? On one side. She does have a point; these fast ass girls lack decency and class. On the other side. It’s a polarizing topic: Do certain women dress and act proactively for attention or because they’re expressing their individuality? This shit has been debated from the colony of Jamestown to the walls of Facebook, and in the end, who gives a fuck? Ayesha Curry is just one of many that have voiced an opinion on what constitutes class. No one thought it would last past that day. But it has, and I constantly get asked about it so here we are. It wasn’t so much about Ayesha calling out the so-called “thotties,” it was about the male cosign that came on the heels of her comments that made it Ayesha Vs. Any other woman that doesn’t fit into the neat, clean, box of male approval.


Let’s keep it real. I Need an Ayesha Curry is a sneak diss. A proclamation that as men we want a woman who is conservative, cool, funny, up on sports, and turns her nose down at whores that thirst trap and attention seek. Not all men used it this way, but the majority took shots at this generation of girls that live for IG likes and Snap views as if it validates their lives. We have TeeTee, who takes pictures with her ass turned towards the camera and makes sure to start her Snaps with her cleavage in frame, compared to angelic and pure Ayesha Curry who can dribble a basketball and would rather you focus on her pretty eyes. But hold up– while those traits are all positive, let’s not print out the “Regular Girls Are Winning, Again” T-shirts so fast. The same populace promoting those virtues is made up of men that say shit like they don’t like weave, fake tits, makeup, or chest tattoos… but dive face first into the box of women that have those things. Men don’t have any loyalty to one type or another regardless of what they say. Women are the ones left battling it out online, judging each other, slut shaming their sisters, and using a man’s preference as proof that Team This is better than Team That. It’s Mortal Kombat for niggas that want to pit women against each other, but would fuck both.

ayesha_memeNeither woman is right or wrong in their lifestyle choice, but after that tweet, Ayesha was drafted to be the Anti-Thot and her name used to remind those other girls what they lack. Those women who were guilty of doing those things for attention felt like those dudes who got called out on Nicki Minaj’s “Looking Ass Niggas” for buying one bottle in the club. Human psychology: When someone is exposed publicly to a point that it marginalizes their life, they lash out defensively. Girls who are living in the way they feel is fun don’t want to be told their taste in clothes is garbage, the filters they use are ratchet, and their personalities are undesirable. Men who are living life within their means and trying to have fun don’t want to be told that they’re less manly because they can’t afford bottle service. Men attacked Nicki’s song. Women attacked Ayesha’s initial comments. Why? Because the shoe fit their lives and it made them want to debate. Nicki’s song was squashed after a few weeks via male response songs and jokes, but Ayesha Curry has remained as a metaphor for what’s right in women, making any other woman who doesn’t have her qualities less than.

The comeback of “But you ain’t a Steph Curry,” doesn’t work. Men and women both know that males routinely get women not on their level. Dude doesn’t have to be a Steph Curry in terms of money, looks, morals, none of that shit. He can still walk into a room, spark a conversation and leave with a woman that has way more going for her than he has going for himself. Few women are holding out for “Steph Curry” or actually turning down relationships because a man isn’t on that level. On the other hand, men will keep a woman in a Placeholder position if she isn’t close to what he wants. Sex– yes, true love–no. At the root of this bullshit is, “What’s the proper way to be/act/live to get a true commitment…” Right now there are hundreds of thousands of women who don’t understand why a man will fuck them but not choose them.

What-makes-men-happyWhat makes a man chase you for months, play games once he gets you, then turn around and give his all to another woman who has qualities that he claimed he didn’t want? When you’re a woman who has been in a situationship or stuck at the dating stage, you believe in this concept of “he’s just not ready. It’s not me, it’s the timing.” That’s often proved false. I’ve literally seen guys be immature with one woman, then man up a month after breaking up and commit to the next woman. Therefore, it isn’t just the idea of time, it’s proof that every man knows internally WHO he’s willing to act right for. When you see your man or guys just like him online talking about I need an Ayesha Curry, that shit hurts. This man has a “you” but that’s not good enough apparently. She’s up here, you’re down there, and while you’re good to fuck and text, you aren’t HER. He would be ready for something serious if you were like HER, he would wife someone like HER, he would make compromises for someone like HER, sacrifice for HER, and act right… if you were an Ayesha Curry. But you aren’t on that level, so you get whatever he feels like giving. The ironic thing is that even when you try to give a man those things he promotes as “wifey traits” he still pushes you away like a kid who is served vegetables at the dinner table. Now you’re confused… what do men really want?

You’re not an Ayesha Curry… should you try to be an Ayesha Curry… what the fuck does it even mean to be an Ayesha Curry?

I-Want-A-God-Fearing-WomanNo way you change who the fuck you are for some dumb ass man. Go out and follow another woman’s blueprint and see what it gets you… Not her man. So all of you girls who are on the “yeah I’m an Ayesha Curry” bandwagon, here’s a cookie, because biting her style isn’t a secret key to unlock her lifestyle. Some of you reading this are younger or maybe broken from past relationships and you really do think the solution is parody. Don’t feel ashamed if those thoughts cross your mind because you can only correct it by being honest. When a woman has a weak bitch moment or a hurting heart she will wish to be like other women who men put on a pedestal. Nearly all females go through these emotions. From Beyoncé’s Lemonade line about wearing another woman’s skin to the lyrics on “Girl Crush” about wanting to be that “other” woman.  If a male sees another female as more desirable, insecurity builds and jealousy will have you trying to figure out how to capture her magic. It doesn’t matter how pretty you are or how successful you are, to know that another woman fills your man, or a man you want, with a feeling that you can’t replicate makes you feel undesirable. Outwardly, there may be a defensive, “Well go get you an Ayesha Curry, fuckboy,” but internally, she doesn’t want that man to go, she wants him to want her more. That’s the low self-esteem virus that spreads once the twitter debates have died down.

thotsYou can’t try to overthink what men want. A nigga will call a girl a bird for something she wore to the club, then log onto Pornhub and beat off to a girl that reminds him of that same chick! In our heads, we’re not complex—we like what we like morally and then our dick likes what it likes sexually, sometimes that doesn’t overlap. In a woman’s head, that doesn’t make sense. “Hold up, y’all want this good Christian woman like Ayesha Curry, but then you fly out this girl with a donkey ass that talks about dick sizes on her timeline?” Is it cook him a plate and read the bible while he plays Xbox or is it twerk your ass and drink Henny straight out of the bottle while you study Teanna Trump movies? Some women don’t know how they should act in order to attract a man, all they know is that they want to be wanted so they try to fit into these categories. One week it’s trying to sex it up, the next week it’s trying to be “woke” in terms of politics, the next week they’re trying to be the “cool girl” that’s up on all the male topics of conversation. I’ve been telling women for years, BE YOURSELF! I wrote an entire book about rising to the higher consciousness to fully embrace the true you and slay this world. But those undisciplined women just want someone to love them and they are willing to throw on any mask needed to land a man. They don’t know how to be themselves, so they come up with this dumb shit, “Get a girl that can do both,” because they’re trying to catch the most bees with their schizophrenic honey. It doesn’t work like that! There is no one way, two ways, or even three ways to be in order to appeal to all men, I don’t care what celebrity is being used as the template, and I’m going to show you.

To Cardi B or Not To Cardi B…

Hoes-Never-Get-ColdMale attention is easy to get. Say something nasty and his attention is on you. Wear something sexy and his attention is on you. Act wild or ratchet and he will want to party with you. Good Time Girls, they’re the ones that we call because we know they’re the life of the party or they are going to say something unfiltered and make everyone laugh and lighten the mood. Even if they aren’t fucking, they promote the idea of it, and that energy is lit. Who doesn’t like to hang with (at least for a night) someone that is real, meaning they speak without fear of judgement and say all the things that people in “proper” society only think? A personality like Cardi B projects unfiltered fun, that’s why we enjoy her. Most women aren’t going to show out like that, they’re either introverted and reserved or extroverted in a non-sexual way that gets low key attention rather than bombastic attention. What does a man prefer? The chill chick or the wild chick? The girl that wants to sit in a booth at a restaurant and talk about the meaning of life or the girl that hears “Child’s Play” and drops down while he throws money at her ass? A man will tell you he wants that Ayesha Curry, not the Cardi B, but when you go to a club and see a handsome dude at a table surrounded by girls with half covered titties, taking shots off each other, patting their grey weave, and Milly Rocking with their ass crack showing, it seems obvious, “Damn, that’s really what men love these days, and I’m not that.”

TurnUpUnderstand the difference between Good Time Girls & Good Morning Girls. I love my homegirls to death because they entertain me with their rawness, but they don’t have the appeal of my wife who is the type of woman you want to wake up to every morning. Every woman has a wild side, and as they mature they learn to balance it. I think that’s what Ayesha Curry’s core message was, that after the college years, there needs to be this “for his eyes only” attitude not just in terms of clothing but in terms of behavior. Downton Abbey in the streets, but when you’re alone turn your living room into Magic City. I have no problem with Turn Up Queens, so long as it’s coming from a positive place. Some of my homeboys who meet my female friends become infatuated because these girls don’t mind talking about sucking dick and their favorite sex positions over dinner. But anytime I’ve tried to hook them up, it doesn’t work because those women are moving at a speed that gets their dicks hard, but can’t be tamed, and men resent women they can’t predict.

The same way young girls gravitate to so-called bad boys, men get open off of what society labels as fast women. A girl who gets caught up with a bad boy often ends up regretting it, and the same is true with men. I’m sure you know a man who’s still damaged emotionally because he tried to make a wildling into his girlfriend and she rebelled like a caged animal. I know a LOT of women like this personally, they have fears, childhood baggage, and other things they still are trying to get over but can’t. They’re not off the chain just because it’s their personality, they’re Good Time Girls because like the Sia song “Chandelier” they push it down push it down… they’re trying to cope with their demons in a carefree way and forget their worries in the chaos of partying. They want fast attention, they want free drinks, they want to feel alive, but in terms of love they’re not sure how to love or be loved. People call this a “hoe phase” but it’s not a phase, it’s a lifestyle that could last a lifetime. They can’t slow down, they don’t want to have bored moments when they’re not doing something. Why? Because those are the times where they have to think about all the issues they brush under the rug. They keep moving, create an audience, and forget their problems, at least for a time.

95ca88670cefee0762c9498e42b10b8fThere will always be girls who use the most basic means to snatch all the attention in the room. That doesn’t mean you have to become what she is to compete. Substance wins out over glitz. While you’re worried about what men want, you’re forgetting to be what makes you unique, and in that moment of conformity of who can get the most attention, you become just another flash in the pan Good Time Girl indistinguishable from the last girl he ran through. When the camera phone dies, you don’t know who Cardi B really is, what pain she’s going through in her real life. You can look at some Stripper or Model’s IG and all the thirst comments she gets and feel below average, but you don’t know if her life is sweet or not. The confidence people project is often false, that Marilyn Monroe shit where they come off as every man’s fantasy then go home and cry into a pillow and drink themselves to sleep. Yes, men like hoes, meaning they like the idea of a woman being sexually free and unbound by social rules but they are scared to death of having a woman they love continue to act that way. It’s a double standard that will never change.

tumblr_my0sdssIer1qefm89o1_1280Dudes lust over the same type of girls that they shake their heads at. They slut shame women yet go out every weekend looking for those same type of women. Men want to fuck the world, have all kinds of fetishes, and when they can’t have it they hate on it. Misogynistic digs that lift one group of women up at the expense of putting another group of women down is a brainwashing tactic. Don’t co-sign and fall in line for this kind of male approval. Understand the inner contradictions of men and stop putting the opinions of Dick on a pedestal as if he’s acting with a clear mind. Most men are blowing in the wind looking for their missing piece, but if you want to become that missing piece, you can’t get in where he says fit in, you have to dare to be unapologizingly original. No matter if you’re ratchet, scholarly, prudish, hoeish, or everything in between. Your complexity is what will make you stand out, not your willingness to conform to what you think men want to see.

Worry About Yourself

He doesn’t KNOW Ayesha Curry so how can he know they would connect on a deeper level?

He doesn’t KNOW Blac Chyna so how can he know they wouldn’t connect on a deeper level?

Angela-KardashianA man doesn’t know any of these women he either demonizes or sanctifies, he’s going off of a perception, so what does that tell you? You have to stop listening to these dumb ass men and their easily malleable minds. Let a woman that knows how to talk that Maria talk sit with a man who claims he needs a good God Fearing woman who cooks, cleans, and wears turtle necks to partner with, and I bet you she can have that dude throwing out all of his preconceived wants and demands in order to bend to her lifestyle. A guy will ask for a freak on Friday and a school teacher on Sunday, but when a Spartan’s personality hits him with the strength of a hurricane, he will want a repeat of that 7 days a week!  A man has an idea of what he’s looking for in terms of his Unicorn. Most won’t settle for a mediocre Basica who just wants to submit and get along, but what I’m telling you is to become a woman who is above average in her conviction and who knows how to command her words like weapons, will put you on a level where any intelligent man will immediately see your value. Stop being afraid to unleash your inner Spartan! Stop shying away from power so you can get along with men! You can’t push a real King away by exposing your higher self! Read MDLWLY for the step by step, but the core message is that you have to stop going in circles like a typical bitch. Instead of lurking on the social media pages of dudes that you like and taking every opinion he has on what a woman should be to heart, focus on being the ultimate version of YOU, and it will always translate into success.

Be-A-SpartanYou can shake your ass like Amber Rose, be spiritual like Iyanla Vanzant, and cook for that nigga like Giada, that doesn’t mean he’s going to want you. All of these guys talking about wanting an Ayesha Curry will end up falling for various women who have little in common with Ayesha Curry. Understand that men like to hear themselves talk, it’s all theoretic. Stop feeling as if you have to fall in line with the views of men in order to get chosen. Guy A says he wants a girl like this. Guy B says he wants a girl like that. Are you going to spend your life trying to adapt to every characteristic these men swear they need or are you going to be confident enough to be who you truly are, to walk in your own shoes, and wear your own skin? You shouldn’t be every man’s type; you should be the right man’s type! There is no one in this world like you, that’s what makes you special. Why would you ever want to trade yourself in so you can be like some other chick? If he wants a her, then he can go get a her. The man you end up with will want a YOU, will do everything in his power to lock down a YOU, and will give his last breath to be with a YOU. Stop running from your truth! I don’t care if you’ve had bad relationships or if you’re in one right now, recognize that you are your own savior. Embrace your uniqueness and stop feeding into this idea that it’s a competition of “get like her.” This is Sparta! The only woman you will ever have to overcome is the one looking back at you in the mirror each morning.

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