Dating should never feel like hard work and relationships should never feel like an everyday struggle. Nevertheless, if you hear the average man or woman talk about the process of finding “the one” you get an earful of doubt. It’s hard out here… I don’t have time… People are so fake… I’m tired… Blah blah blah! Not only is that a trash ass mentality, it’s the sole reason your results are either mixed or limited. As long as you THINK finding someone special is hard, pointless, or that it’s not going to work out for you because it never does, your Universe will grant that wish as those thoughts become reality. You aren’t getting the best results because you’re buying into the brainwashing that life is about being damn near perfect or getting lucky. Wrong. Over the years I’ve personally helped toxic people hit reverse and become successful, coached immature men into husbands, and took women who thought they weren’t attractive and proved that the could snatch a man’s soul! Life is about power. Those who know how to use this power will get what they want, those who don’t will continue to cry and settle. If you’re tired of being a bystander in your own life, read on.
Change Your Mindset
The reason romance is stressful is that most of you are guilty of forcing the issue with people who aren’t compatible. Think about the process of meeting, getting to know a person, and then trying to figure out if you mesh. It’s all done while filled with lust and/or anxiety. How can you be relaxed and impressive when you’re worrying if someone will like you or not? How can you stick to the game plan of getting your value when you’re horny and they’re applying sexual pressure? You can’t prove you are different when you’re giving into basic traits that lead to basic behavior! In order to perform to your best ability no matter if it’s a first date or the first year of a relationship, you need to change your mindset when it comes to your internal weaknesses. Key word being “your“. Most of you give great dating and relationship advice to your friends but your own love life is trash. When you’re talking to other people or looking from the outside in, you don’t have to worry about feelings. Turn the tables and you rarely take your own advice because you’re bias. Why? You haven’t done the internal work, you remain gassed off your ego and defensive attitude.
Let’s pretend that you are a typical woman who knows how everyone else should date, but can’t apply it to her own life. You go on a date with a guy that’s a perfect 10, but in your mind that doesn’t matter because you’re not thirsty… or so you claim. After dating guys you barely like for months, what would your actions show us on the first date when presented with someone who looks good but has red flags? He’s obnoxious, a little too cocky for your taste, and he asked you to pay for drinks on the first date. If that was your friend, you would say, “Make that the last date, he seems like an asshole already.” But this isn’t your friend, it’s you in the driver’s seat which means you judge him based on your options or lack thereof. Yeah, he’s obnoxious but he’s fine as hell and the right kind of tall. Yeah, he’s cocky, but you kind of like having a man that’s sure of himself and can put you in your place. Sure, he asked you to pay, but you aren’t looking for a Sugar Daddy, you’re happy to prove that you’re not a broke bitch. No matter what negatives this man shows on your first date, your brain twists them and makes them “not so bad” because he has pros that turn you on plus you think the alternative is going back to less unattractive or confident men.
I see this story play out weekly when women email me for advice. Ms. High Standards turns into Ms. In Love With An Asshole because she makes the easy choice to keep dating that kind of guy she swore she was better than. Not all men exploit and overachieve because they lie to women, most win because women settle! The hole in your game isn’t that you aren’t smart enough to see when a man isn’t everything you’re looking for, it’s that you are so tired of looking that you settle for the most basic qualities—Looks and Attitude. Exhaustion makes you sloppy, and right now you’re sick of tired of having to do so much work to be happy. You just want “your type” to fall in your lap. Instead “fool’s gold” falls in your lap disguised as your salvation, and because of that exhaustion, you will end up getting used, played, pregnant, or your time wasted. I repeat– CHANGE YOUR MIND FROM THIS LOW VIBRATION.
The best relationship advice I can give any woman who is sick of dating or broken by their current relationship is to remember who you are. This idea that you have to take what’s given is bullshit. This idea that there is one man for you and that if you pass him up you’ll be single forever is propaganda to keep you chained to a mediocre prospect. This idea that you’re not girlfriend pretty, don’t hit the right number on the scale, or lack the personality to make a man fall in love is a lie that you tell yourself. Who are you? Either you’re a woman who has bought into the story that you won’t get what you want and will always have to settle for the best available option or you’re a fucking Spartan Queen who knows no limits to her ability to attract the best of the best.
Your face is as pretty as you believe it is when you look in the mirror. Your body shape is as sexy as you believe it is when trying on clothes. Your personality is as electrifying as you make it when you open your mouth and speak with full confidence. Strength doesn’t come form the external factors, designer brands, college degrees, work titles, waist size, butt size, or what car you’re driving. You’re a woman! Your smile can pull a man into your orbit. Your gaze can make a man nervous. The way you hang on your words can make a man instantly hard. You have so many tools at your disposal, but you rarely use them because you’re stuck in your own head. What if he doesn’t like me? What if he’s just after sex? Maybe I need to wait until I lose a few more pounds. I wished I looked like my cousin, guys are always chasing her? Why can’t I just find a man that comes up to me, first, I’m sick of putting myself on the line. Hear that? Your mind is filled with weak basic bitch thoughts that destroy your self-esteem and transform you into just another woman struggling to find love. Spartans don’t give into weak thoughts. Spartans don’t let the negative “what if” fester. Spartans don’t make wishes, they make shit happen! Which is it? Are you a Basica or are you a Spartan? Are you going to keep crying about “it’s so hard out here, I’m just going to give up” or are you going to make this world your bitch?
Define what you want in your head, stop going out into the world unsure because all that will lead to is conflicting results. Define what you want in a relationship by using your voice to tell that person your needs. Understand what I’m writing– Don’t assume, don’t shy away, don’t put your future in a man’s hands. Tell him what you’re looking for and know up front if he’s on the same page. Define who you are by being a woman whose actions match her words. You can’t brag about how you’re hard to get then sleep with a guy who did the bare minimum. You can’t claim to be looking for something serious then give your all to someone who is just trying to chill and build. Stop crying about being lied to when you’re the one lying to yourself about how much someone cares about you. You know damn well that their actions don’t measure up to their words, but you’re afraid to admit it! If they wanted you they wouldn’t treat you like shit. If they wanted you they wouldn’t keep stalling. If they wanted you they wouldn’t put you second. Hold yourself accountable for each person you give your phone number to. Make them earn that first date, second date, and free time by consistently proving that they are looking for the same things you are. The days of contradicting yourself, going with the flow, and being low maintenance are over. Nobody is a One of One to be clung onto! Remember, what they won’t do, the next one will.
Remember who you are! You’re not ugly, you’re not a fetish, you’re not a placeholder, you’re not a toy, you’re not cursed or unlucky. Stop hiding your True Self. Show your personality without being tripped up by your nerves. Show your sex appeal without fear of coming off as awkward. Attack life like the Goddess you are because regretting your choices 20 years from now will hurt a lot more than the possible rejection of today. You are a Spartan. Affirm that. Live That. Become that.