No one is a mind reader. No one understands how you need to be touched, cared for, or how to handle your personality quirks automatically. Yet here you are expecting someone to walk into your life and say the right things, do the right things, and give you that “happily ever after”. That’s total bullshit.
I shouldn’t have to tell a man how to treat me— he should just know.
I shouldn’t have to ask a man for anything— he just gives.
I shouldn’t have to explain why I’m upset— it should be obvious.
Do you know who says shit like this? Teenagers, cowards, and Basicas who are afraid to express their needs for fear of rejection. You want someone to magically know what you want because you hate asking and you can’t handle being told “no”. It’s time to stop living in fear and blaming it on bullshit.
“I’m an INFJ personality. I struggle with anxious attachment. My Cancer Rising/Aries Moon causes me to be avoidant.” All that noise just to justify why you don’t go for what you want in life. Stop diagnosing yourself with TikTok buzzwords and recognize that labels don’t have power unless you give in to them. Who’s in control of your mind? Who’s the center of this fucking universe? YOU ARE. Everything you want in this world you can have, but you must have the heart to ask for it!
Closed mouths don’t get Chanel! Weak bitches get played. Anxious minds manifest NOTHING.
“I shouldn’t have to train someone how to love me.” Tell me you’re on the spectrum without telling me you’re on the spectrum, Basica. Assuming that every person who dates you knows how to make you happy is why you all start off strong, only to argue and break up after a month. First dates are easy, it’s superficial getting to know you bullshit, but the deeper you go, the more specific things need to become.
No woman is low maintenance. Each one of you reading this requires consistent effort that PROVES a man sees you, respects you, and cherishes you. Stop running from this fact just so you can get along with some dusty ass man, and start standing on business! Your heart requires work. If you don’t believe you’re special enough to get the type of men you like to put in that work, then you’ve already lost the war.
The first step in manifesting better relationships is understanding that you have to be a proactive Main Character in the story you call your life. This means getting out of your head and being vulnerable enough to open up about your core needs. You went on a few dates and text each other flirty shit… that’s not deep, beloved. You’re still strangers, so how is he supposed to know who you are and how to move in order to pour the proper love into you?
If a man’s ex was a homebody who didn’t want anything but quality time while sitting on the couch, how does he know that you require more if you don’t say these things during the dating stage?
EXAMPLE ON HOW TO MANIFEST REAL RESULTS: Last week, I gave this woman advice on how to deal with this guy she had been dating for nearly two months. I told her to test him out with a few simple demands that I scripted out for her (that script is below). This woman did exactly what I told her to do. Yesterday, she sent me a picture of a watch he purchased from Tiffany and updated me that he got tickets to the Hollywood Bowl.
This woman wanted two things: She liked getting surprise gifts, and she loved music. Yet she never opened her mouth and told this man these things; she was waiting for him to just do it… Again, how the FUCK does he know what you like if you don’t open your mouth? I finally forced her to open her mouth, and SURPRISE SURPRISE, he did what she wanted. That’s not training a man; that’s called communicating your needs.
Every single one of you reading this should be doing that with the men you date, the men you’re in a relationship with, even the men you’re married to… but you don’t, instead you wait for the fairytale scenario of Mr. Mindreader. “G.L., I met a man who just speaks my language without me having to say a word,” and that’s because that man either was in a long relationship recently with a woman who was your exact same type, or he’s STILL in a relationship. …oops, your “perfect mind reading man” knows what to do because he has other bitches on his roster who already taught him. Still feel special?
My homegirl always says, “you can’t find a better boyfriend than another woman’s husband,” and she’s right because married men are experts in reading a woman’s mind and anticipating their needs. But in the non-side chick world, you will always need to stop being shy, break that introverted shell, and be transparent about what you want from a relationship. No more waiting for him to figure it out. You’re too old to be getting dinner, dick, and excuses as to why you’re back on a dating app. Settle for more!
Most relationships never go beyond the lust stage because lust is easy, while love is effort. Don’t think you’re crazy for wanting someone to show up and show out for you. Don’t let a lazy muthafucka convince you that the bare minimum should be enough. Real energy isn’t telling you that they care, it’s showing you. Value is everything. A person being obsessed with who you are, not what you can do for them, has to be the bar, or you’ll keep settling for fling after fling or end up stuck with a man who will always put his needs above yours.
The formula isn’t to go with HIS flow. It’s to stand up and let it be known what you need from the jump, so there’s never any confusion that you have needs that must be met if he’s to win your heart. This is Sparta. There is no room for hints, beating around the bush, or any little girl games born out of a fear of being rejected. Know what you want, say what you want, and get it every time out. That’s what I’m about to break down…
HOW TO BE LOVED IN THE WAY YOU NEED
Words of Affirmation: You like to be uplifted. You want to be told how someone feels about you, that you’re doing a good job, and you need constant reassurance verbally.
Does that make you weak and needy? No. Then why the fuck don’t you explain this to the people you’re dating? You don’t need to come out and say “My love language is” like you’re some idiot lounging near a Love Island fire pit. What you need to do is wait for this to come up in real life organically, then double down on that want.
Every conversation is an opportunity to train a man how to love you and separate yourself from his exes. For example, if you’re on a date and someone compliments you, praises you, or tells you how they appreciate something you did for them. Don’t giggle. Don’t blush. Don’t shy away. Pause! Thank them for that and let them in on your secret.
“It’s the small things, like you recognizing me, that make me feel seen. The more you can tell me I’m valued, the further that goes in showing me that you understand who I am as a person.” It’s that simple. You don’t need to tell someone daily; doing this once or twice will be enough for them to pick up on the hint that words matter to you.
Here’s the secret thing about men: we are slaves to appreciation. In sports, we love it when the coach gives us a pat on the back. As kids, we liked it when the teacher singled us out as doing a good job. Aiming to please is how men get rewarded. To tell him what you like to hear is the first step. Next, you let him show you that he understands by doing it without being prompted. The final step is to then reward him for doing so with a thank you, kiss, praise, etc… which will positively reinforce how to treat you going forward.
This is the easiest three-step psychology trick on the planet, but you’re not doing it. Start, and I promise you it’ll solve 90% of your miscommunication problems overnight.
Receiving Gifts: You like tokens of love. It’s not material, these things are symbols that a person appreciates you. Never feel like you’re shallow or will be perceived as begging.
Every week, I help women receive the gifts they want, rather than simply sitting around and waiting to be spoiled. Just this year, I’ve seen two women get cars, one get her own bank account that a man fills up monthly, and last month, this woman got all of her loans paid off as a graduation gift. The reason why these women were able to listen to me and then go back and get what they wanted was because, unlike some girls who come to me filled with fear and excuses, they understood that there is nothing wrong with asking.
“But what if he says ‘no’? I don’t want to risk losing him.” Get that counter-productive basic shit out of your mind. You love to be given nice things, not because you can’t buy them yourself, but because it shows you that a man is invested in showering you with objects of his affection. If you’re with a man who can’t or won’t do that for you, then it’s a relationship that will never work. Stop treating men like they’re the prize you have to hold onto and start showing these men that you’re the trophy he has to win with actual effort!
Not all women like flowers, so you can’t fix your mouth to say, “he never buys me flowers,” if you can’t verbalize that you are one of those women. As men, we’ve all dated the Disney girls who loved all that pink pony shit, and then we’ve dealt with punk rock types who think flowers are corny. How does he know who you are unless you express it?
The woman who wanted a gift, and got that Tiffany watch, I scripted out this for her to say to her “friend”:
“When I was younger my grandfather would visit and bring me little gifts, nothing crazy or expensive, but it always made me feel seen like he really cared to find something that fit me. I think it spoiled me because more than anything, I do like being surprised with gifts, it doesn’t have to be big, just knowing that you’re thinking enough about me to go out of your way to find something that fits me, shows me you care.”
That guy heard that and understood the assignment. Any man who truly fucks with you would hear that and act the same way. The reason that you don’t get these things is because you don’t want to have that talk about “I like this because of XYZ”. Start talking. There is no reason not to get your way for fear of being told “no”. A man who has love or lust for you will never deny you something you verbalize.
Acts of Service: You require actions that show thoughtfulness. It doesn’t matter if it’s something big like planning a trip for your birthday or small like pulling out your chair at Applebee’s, a person’s actions warm your heart.
When a woman says, “he doesn’t put in any effort,” what does that mean? What does she want to see? It shouldn’t be a case of figure it out; it should be a case of you knowing how to pinpoint this kind of need. Going on dates is great, but sometimes you need someone to text you first, someone to call you randomly, the person you’re with to just show, not tell, how much they fuck with you without being prompted.
Don’t shy away from expressing this; let them know that helping out goes a long way. He didn’t have to go with you to the store, but you appreciate that he was with you running an errand. He didn’t have to come over to check out why your car was making that weird noise, but tell him that’s appreciated.
“When you do things for me, it makes me feel special,” will tattoo a man’s brain into doing more for you because now he understands how you’re wired. Guys who understand that stepping up to do as opposed to letting you be a lone wolf, will eventually plan accordingly without you having to spell it out going forward.
Quality Time: Being present with someone, without distractions or ulterior motives, just wanting to share space. This is the most common need, but it’s hard to express without seeming like you’re attention starved.
We live in a busy world where a phone is always in someone’s hand, people have multiple jobs or side gigs, and the world is pulling everyone in a dozen directions. I could fill a lake with the number of stories where quality time killed a relationship. He made plans, canceled, and didn’t see what the big deal was. He texts and sends flowers, but he hasn’t planned another date. You stayed the night, but he left you at his place first thing in the morning… why do these things bother certain women? Because your need is quality time. You’re not looking for gifts, acts, or physical touch; you want attention, undivided.
So say that shit with your chest! I feel the strongest vibe when we’re together, with no distractions. We don’t have to do a lot or go anywhere special, I just want to be with you.” It’s hard to say because, again, it makes you sound weak and clingy. You’ve been brainwashed to play hard to get, to not let a person in on the fact that you’re into them, but when you hide your wants, you fuck yourself because that other person doesn’t know what’s going on.
Before it becomes a lingering issue or petty argument that ends the relationship, communicate openly that you need his time, that doesn’t make you vulnerable; it makes you mature.
Physical Touch: You crave security through physicality. Holding your hand, hugging you, kissing, just sitting on the couch with your feet in his lap can mean the world.
There’s nothing wrong with being “lovey-dovey,” but some people aren’t raised to be affectionate on a physical level. There are guys who will eat your pussy like it’s hiding the last golden ticket, but won’t hold your hand in public. When you’re craving his touch, outside of the bedroom, your insecurities can fuck with your head—“maybe he doesn’t like me like that, maybe it’s just sex.” Calm the fuck down.
You have to express the how and whys of needing his touch because it’s not always obvious to certain men. “I feel reassured when you sit close to me. I really love it when you hold me like that in public. Something about being close to you just makes me feel safe, is that crazy?” That’s rhetorical because he knows it’s not crazy; he may not be wired to want that same thing, but he will go along with it.
Which brings me to the final point. It’s not about “Do these things because they make you feel good too.” Every man will have their own love language, and most won’t line up with your most dominant one. Just because he goes along for your enjoyment doesn’t mean it’s fake or insincere, it means that he cares enough to go above and beyond his own comfort level to please you. That’s what love truly is: two people coming together to express what they want from the other and knowing that the connection is so deep that it’s worth compromising in some form to make that person happy.
He doesn’t like to hold hands in public, but he does it for you. He doesn’t like to spend money even on himself, but he’s going to come out of pocket to buy you gifts. He’s super busy, but he’s going to MAKE a way to shut that down and spend quality time with you. Maybe he hasn’t been the most thoughtful person in the past, but he’s going to train himself to ask what you need him to do and show up to do it.
Verbally, he’s not the most articulate person; it’s hard to speak about his feelings, but because he knows that’s a huge need for you, he’s going to open his mouth and affirm how he feels. This is how a man moves, not because it’s automatic or common sense, but because you had the courage to lay it out and allow him to show you that he listened.
Never shy away from this lesson. Keep this article in your back pocket, share it with someone who may not get what you’re trying to tell them, and most importantly, don’t let your ego keep you from expressing early and often how you need to be loved.
Comments are closed.