You two are going to get married. You're testing out his last name with your first name to see if it fits. You're smiling every time the phone vibrates because you think it's him. You don't want to get your hopes up logically, but it feels like real love. My man my man my man... looking ass.
Is it because the dick's good? Is it because this man is teaching you new things? Is it because you finally feel secure? Is it because this man checks all the boxes you've been craving since you were a teenager?
Or is it all delusion?
Answer: It's a mixture of all of that.
Modern relationships move fast. Just vibing turns into being up under each other every weekend. Sex. Promises. Soul Ties. Then, a few months later, your texts are being ignored, and "busy" is the excuse they use to slowly break away from you. It felt like love, but it wasn't. That's the price you pay when you don't take your time in the Honeymoon stage.
How Long Does the Honeymoon Phase Last?
For women in their mid to late 20's, the honeymoon phase in a relationship usually lasts between 3 to 18 months. For women in their 35+, it's usually shorter, 2 to 9 months, because those women tend to date older men who move faster, which means their "nice guy mask" comes off sooner, or their "Nah, I can do better" ego arrives sooner.
First Stage of the Honeymoon Phase: Damn, I can't believe I finally found someone who gets me.
Second Stage of the Honeymoon Phase: Wow, even though we went through our first argument or rough patch, he still feels like the one.
Final Stage of the Honeymoon Phase: All of our cards are on the tables, and we've seen each other at our best and at our worst.
If it's just sex, men pull back during that first stage: I've hit. I was good. I hit a few more times. The lust is gone. Now I realize I'm not that into her personality or her lifestyle.
If there is an emotional disconnect, this usually happens during that second stage. A man thinks like this: It's not about sex, it's about finding someone who gets me. While this woman and I have things in common, the deeper things I need to see in a wife —Temperament. Excitement. Balance between knowing how to show me love and knowing how to give me space... is NOT there.
You Two Aren't Going To Last...
The reason most of your relationships end at the end of the honeymoon stage instead of pushing on into real love isn't as complex as you think. No matter if it's 3 months or 18 months. If you hit that Final Stage and this man finds out that who you are has been a lie, he walks away. Or he self-sabotages the relationship and forces you to break up first.
He stops being consistent. He swears nothing is wrong, it's just that work is stressful, friends or things are on his mind. But... he's still out hanging with his freinds or making time for things he wants to do. Everyone repeats the same relationship advice: "Girl, you deserve better." You give a few more chances, but nothing changes. You do what all the relationship videos say and walk away rather than be a second option.
...wait. Why is he not fighting to get you back? Is he going to let this burn that easily? YES! It was his plan all along. Stop treating a girl like she's your girlfriend, and hopefully she gets the hint and leaves you the fuck alone so you don't have to have the messy talk about breaking up or explain why you don't want her anymore. That's the self-sabotage game: Bitch I don't want you, but I can't say that, so pick up on the vibe.
Not every man is an asshole. Most of them are legitimately looking for a deep commitment. The end goal is marriage and a family. You say you're the kind of woman men should want to marry, but do you SHOW it during the Honeymoon Phase?
"He doesn't know I'm crazy... yet." Is a joke one of my friends used to make. In the years I've known her, her relationships never last more than a year, and they never get past the honeymoon phase. Why? Because it wasn't a joke. There literally is something going on with her mentally that these men don't know yet. They see this pretty woman with a high-paying job, and are like "BRO, I can't believe she's still single." But over the months, the truth comes out. Most women are dealing with baggage that they're too afraid to talk about or to heal. That list includes:
- Daddy Issues that you havent' dealt with
- Heartbreak that hasn't been healed
- Overcompensating to be loved
- Becoming clingy and centering your world around a man
- Abuse or Sexual trauma that you still can't open up about
- Being a doormat because you don't want a man to leave you
Once a man sees these signs during the Honeymoon phase he realizes instantly that you're not "wifey". You're too broken, too weak, or simply not the kind of woman he can love and respect.
"But G.L., what about guys who meet other women and throw everything away?"
Other women are not your problem during the Honeymoon Phase. Other women only become obsessions when a man begins to see the flaws in the woman he's with. The Honeymoon stage is filled with infatuation; it's a dopamine high and an emotional rollercoaster. Other women can only disrupt that AFTER those things begin to fade.
The problem is, why do your relationships fade? Why aren't you enough? And how to get to the point where you can survive the honeymoon phase and have it transition into true love, so you can choose partners who don’t just excite you at the start, but actually fit into the life you’re building.
On today's podcast, we break down the question above and everything you ever wanted to know about the world of dating. As always if you have a question for me to answer on the show, email WBRStory@gmail.com
