If you never understood how an abuser could make a victim feel like the one in the wrong, then read the below email.
“I’m currently in a relationship approaching the two year mark. **** my boyfriend, is a great friend and provider, I never have a want as he looks out for me in ways my exes have never. So why am I writing you then? I was recently introduced to your book and your break down of Hot and Cold men really bothered me. **** fits your description. At least once a month, he gets in moods where he’s not himself. He pushes me away. He brings up my past (I cheated on my high school boyfriend and I was abused by my son’s father) in a way that makes me out to be a horrible person. In the past he’s nicknamed me cheater then later says it’s a joke knowing that it’s a sensitive topic. He once said he understood why I used to get smacked because I like to have the last word. He took it back and said he was joking and that I need to get over myself. In addition to this he seems to keep a list of everything he does (and pays) for me and doesn’t hesitate to bring it up.
I’m not stupid, I know he’s doing these things because of his moods not because I am a bad person. My question is given what you wrote in the book, could there be an exception to your reasoning for this behavior? Could I be triggering him to go cold by not being an equal partner financially or with my behavior? My mother says my attitude is my biggest flaw and that I will push a good man to his breaking point if I don’t correct this. I can give you more details if you would like but could you tell me if you’ve seen cases of Hot and Cold being a reaction, not just a case of a guy playing games because that’s not the case here…”
As you can see by that email I received, Mindfucking is alive and well. There are so many women in relationships who are being driven to insanity by toxic males who have figured out the greatest manipulation trick ever invented—Gaslighting. Push and Pull. Being hot and cold. Habitual lying. Twisting and re-framing reality. Turning people against you. Saying they want a woman that thinks and acts like you, only to try and change you. Doing you dirty, then making you think you’re the crazy one at fault…. These are only a few tactics used to break even the strongest women down to their most basic level until they become fearful, docile, and utterly dependent on their abuser. This defanging process happens so slowly that most women who I’ve talk to don’t even know they’re being gaslit until I point it out with specific examples from their own stories. Men are also victims of Gaslighting, but since I’m using examples from women who have shared their stories with me, I’ll aim it at the ladies…but trust, these methods will also help males.
What You Will Learn By The End: How do you spot this in your own relationship when you’re blinded by love and chained by loyalty? How do you escape a situation when you’ve been told you can’t do better? How do you guard against Gaslighting at the early stages of dating before you’re too far gone?
Keep reading, because you’re about to get a Spartan Crash Course in how to become immune to the games.
The Signs of Gaslighting
Too Good to Be True: The first 2-4 months of a relationship is where users bait and hook you. There’s a concept called “Love Language” a philosophy that dictates that everyone has a trigger that hits their internal wants and makes them feel loved. A lot of women need words of affirmation, quality time, or gifts to feel special. Players aka Dickticians sniff this out. Here you are coming from a relationship where a man never bought you shit or a family life where your parents never told you verbally how great you are. Now you’re presented with a man who is buying you small gifts starting with the second date. Who is complementing your intelligence and affirming this idea that despite your flaws you are special. What happens after a month of someone pushing all the right buttons in terms of this so-called Love Language? YOU FALL HEAD OVER HEELS QUICK! The fucked up thing is, you don’t know it’s a hustle. You’re not a stupid girl, but you are a naïve woman. 90% of the women I meet have holes they try to mask with ego. When a man pours what you assume is genuine love and affection into that hole, you drop your guard. You over-like him based on what he’s saying and doing, and from there you assume this is who he is—One of the Good Ones. Ignorant to the reality that you don’t know anyone until you put in real time vetting them.
After a Dicktictian hooks you with those first months of being too good to be true, the mask will slowly come off. Those sweet things slowly stop. He’s no longer dating you, he’s hanging out with you. In your mind, it’s all good because you don’t need to be courted, you’re past that. He’s no longer treating you to things just because, it’s either you having to ask or not at all. Again, you don’t care because in your mind he’s already proven he values you buy the shit he was doing in the beginning. The final transformation is in how he begins to talk to you. At first it was, “baby this baby that” now he has a short fuse with you, sucks his teeth, and always makes a side comment about how you act as if you’re the most annoying person in the world. At this point its months in, you’ve most likely had sex, you’ve told friends and family about how great he is, you’re posting about him on social media, and you won’t go back on all that praise just because he’s starting to act funny. Spoiler Alert: He’s not acting funny, he’s being his true self. The fact that you don’t make a big fuss about this or point out the change solidifies that his bait and hook worked. You are now primed for Gaslighting because you are blind to the red flags.
Bald Faced Lies: One of a woman’s favorite lines is, “I can’t stand liars” yet when you kick the tires of her relationships all the men she loved were big fucking liars. The next step in Gaslighting is to establish a world of Alternative Facts. Dickticians will lie straight to your face about stupid shit to test you. Are you the woman that will call out a lie and put her foot down, or will you let a lie go to avoid an argument? Don’t answer that, because the shit you say in your head is make believe. The real answer plays out like this…
Dick tells Jane that he’s going to bed early because he had a long day at work. Jane really wanted to see Dick that night, but she understands the need for sleep. Jane is up playing on IG and sees a video of Dick out having drinks with his friends. They’re turnt all the way up—what the fuck happened to needing sleep? Jane is pissed because Dick could have just said he was having a boy’s night and didn’t want to come over, he didn’t have to lie about it. Jane confronts Dick and Dick snaps at Jane like she’s the one in the wrong for blowing his day with nonsense. “So, I can’t go out? The fellas hit me when I was in bed, I didn’t want to go but it was Jeff’s birthday.” Jane knows Dick is full of it, but the way Dick came off—aggressive and annoyed, has bitch checked her. Jane doesn’t want to start a big beef with a man she’s head over hills with over something this silly. What does Jane do? You guessed it, she lets it slide.
When a woman lets an obvious lie slide, that tells the Manipulator that she’s weak and fearful. She’s so in love or in like at this stage that she would rather be lied to than to make that man angry aka This Basica Needs A Man More Than Honesty. Next it escalates. Dick goes places and turns his phone off then says he had no signal, yet Jane can see he’s liking IG pictures during that time. Dick will make an excuse about not having money to go on a date or to do an activity, but he will buy something he wants. Dick will go off and do what he feels then say, “Oh, I told you I was going out of town this weekend,” knowing damn well he didn’t, but will argue it until you’re like—damn did he tell me? Dick will even get caught going after other women, yet he will maintain that it was innocent, and Jane is the one that’s crazy. Through each of these lies, Jane gets mad, but she doesn’t leave. She threatens, but she doesn’t act. Proof for any man looking to control a woman, that you’re not a Spartan, you’re a Weakling.
Dick isn’t stupid, he knows how to hide his dirt, but he doesn’t want to. Ladies, this is where many of you fuck up. You think men are stupid, that they’re not hip to how to lie correctly—wrong. Dickticians know that you will find out, they want you to call them out, because by making you feel in the wrong they can get away with more. A woman who keeps taking a man back after a lie proves that she’s too far gone to ever leave him, which gives a user the confidence to do more dirt. In the end the Gaslighting works because you’re crying about honesty and he’s telling you you’re just paranoid. You suck it up and blame your trust issues for him having to lie, but he’s the asshole that’s created the trust issues by lying. See how that works? Genius, right?
Playing Dumb: Let’s say you figured out that this man you’re in love with is trying to play you for a fool and you bring receipts to call him out on the game he’s playing. The ultimate response to a woman that’s trying to break free of Gaslighting is to PLAY DUMB. The psychology of love dictates that the person with the strongest feelings doesn’t want to leave, they just want things to go back to how they once were. Meaning that mentally, even though you’re calling him out for his lies or actions, you don’t really want to lose him. By playing dumb a User gives you an out to stay with the devil you know.
Example, Dick gets caught taking another girl to the movies. Not only did Jane find two ticket stubs, she saw the girl post something online about “when bae makes date night special” …da fuck!? Dick is caught red handed so he goes on the defensive, “That’s Ben’s cousin he was supposed to go but couldn’t, so I did him a favor.” The lie doesn’t really work, so he keeps going, “If I knew it would hurt you I would have said no, I didn’t know she would post online like it was a date.” Then the last step is to shift blame. “You know how these bitches are, they’re messy and love to ruin relationships.” By playing ignorant to the act of dating then pretending he didn’t know how it would make his girl feel he paints himself out to be just a foolish man-child who deserves pity not scolding. Most women are smart enough to see this trick when it’s someone else going through it, however they buy it when their own relationship is on the line. Maybe he is dumb… Yes, girls are trifling… why not give him a second chance just in case… Dick wins by playing dumb because the Gaslighting has already taken hold. This is a good man, who just got fooled, and she would now be the stupid one to break up over something that can be corrected…or so she thinks.
Using Your Past Against You: Ladies, what do you do when a man sweeps you off your feet? …besides reward him by throwing epic neck? You overshare. It’s so easy to drop your guard when someone is speaking your Love Language and fulfilling your fantasy of what a real man should be. Being comfortable leads to confessions. You talk about your ex boyfriends, your childhood, your dreams and your regrets all on deeper levels than you did during the first few dates because he’s earned your life story. Cheating or being cheated on, abuse or drug use in your family, friends that betrayed you and friends who you still have but don’t really trust—it’s all laid out. Asking you about your wild college days, if you ever had a one night stand, if you ever kissed a girl, the times your family let you down, it sounds innocent, like he’s trying to get to know you better but he’s doing recon. A Dicktician listens for the embarrassing parts of your life story, the shit you’re still sad about, or the past events that still define you. I’ve met women who used to strip or who are bisexual tell me some fucked up tales about how guys were cool with it at first, then began to call them everything from dykes to prostitutes months later. These type of men file your stories away as ammunition, and you have no idea what’s coming until the insults start to fly.
Let’s go back the woman above who wrote me that email. She cheated in high school, a teenage mistake that most people make. In her mind she did a bad act that Karma would come around and make her pay for. A lot of you feel this way, you make mistakes and in some fucked up Judeo-Christian way of thinking swear you must pay for your past with present misery. In comes her boyfriend, who knew the way to keep her obedient was to remind her that she was a cheater, that she still had to make amends, and treat him like a God because a cheater like her doesn’t really deserve him. Think about this! It’s mental warfare and few women can see through it! Next up he pointed out her history of being physically abused by the father of her child. Psychologically she’s now thinking, “Did I deserve it? Did I cross the line and need to be hit? If I were a man I would hit me too.” Her boyfriend was breaking down her walls of self-confidence, making her see herself not as a woman worthy of respect, but as a loud mouth brat who deserved to be taken down a notch… and it worked.
Highlighting Your Insecurities: Now that your life story is exposed to scrutiny the next step in Gaslighting is ripping open your insecurities. The compounding attack of “look at your fucked up life and all the things you caused to happen” mixed with “Look at how much better other people are than you,” is a deathblow to a woman’s self-esteem. Let’s face it, everyone has something they’re not happy with about themselves, many people have multiple things. When you ignore your insecurities, they fester and when someone points them out, it triggers anxiety or depression. The only way to rise above either is to do the work internally to fix yourself before someone exploits you. Easier said than done, because at the root of these issues is the thought that maybe you are weak, stupid, ugly, fat, annoying, basic, or whatever it is that you’re running from.
Gaslighting isn’t fueled by lies, it’s fueled by half-truths that they twist into full truths to force you into a sunken place. Back to Dick and Jane. Jane’s last boyfriend broke her heart and ended up married to another woman within a year of their breakup. Jane obsessed over this for months, and even created a fake page to stalk the other woman. Jane’s attractive, but she’s honest enough to say that this new girl is more attractive. Jane kept this to herself until one night she confessed it to Dick. Dick affirmed that she doesn’t need to compete with other women, that’s she’s a ten in his eyes—all game. What Dick did once Jane’s insecurity was revealed was to start reminding Jane how other girls looked in comparison. Music Videos, magazines, even the waitress bringing their food—she’s really pretty (aka prettier than you). Jane of course internalized that. Besides physical looks, the other tool is to compare the weakened woman with someone that’s doing better. You’re not as far along in your career as his ex-girlfriend. You don’t really have as much money as girls your same age. You’re still trying to figure out life, while other women are buying homes or forming companies. It’s a chess game, that will have a woman questioning her worth.
When Jane starts to mouth off or stands up for herself, how does Dick break her down? Bitch Checks: You’re putting on weight. Do you really need to be eating that? I see why your ex left you for that other chick. Why do you wear so much makeup? That dress isn’t flattering. What’s your IQ, you say some really dumb things. All you do is gossip and play on the internet. Nobody wants you but me… Remember these things are said over time, sometimes months apart, but they chip away until a woman feels fat, ugly, and dumb. By the time the relationship is in full swing, Jane feels she can’t leave because Dick will turn around and do what her last man did, give another more deserving woman the ring.
The Best Apologies: A man should apologize by changing his behavior, not by flapping his gums. Promises don’t mean shit and “sorry” isn’t worth the oxygen it takes to say it. Yet, when you’re being Gaslighted common sense goes out the window because you want to believe you can go back to the beginning. He will treat you like it’s your first month of dating and hit those Love Language triggers. You go from blocking him, to lifting your hips up while he slides your panties off for make up sex. Now you feel glowy inside and ride that wave until the next time he blows up on you. Dickticians know you don’t want to start over with a new man, all you want to do is feel loved again by the same man that you’re comfortable with, and this is why they kiss ass so well. Gifts, flowers, surprise dates, calling your family or friends to tell them how you feel, posting affirmations of love publicly. You’re taught that these things mean that a person has changed, but that’s the miseducation of living in a world full of Basicas. A person doesn’t change overnight! Materialistic gifts or shallow out pours are done to stroke your ego. If he truly gave a fuck about you, he would be having discussions about why he did what he did, not trying to nod along and get you to sweep it under the rug.
Using Your Friends/Family Against You: The mask that a Manipulator wore when he first courted you still comes out when he’s trying to get something from you, apologize for something he did, or when company is around. When a man buddies up to your mother or grandmother to the point where he’s going out of his way to do favors for them, you must keep a watchful eye on that relationship. Users know that when things get rough women vent to their girlfriends and whatever maternal figure is available. The girlfriends are easy marks because all he has to do is let you show off. If he buys you things or takes you somewhere exotic, you’re going to tell your girls, they’ll envy it, and think he’s a catch. If you talk about leaving him, they’ll think you’re crazy because he did so much for you. I’ve heard variations of, “Girl ain’t nothing out here, you better work through it with a man that looks out for you,” numerous times, and it works at guilting a woman to stay! Thus, a manipulators job is done without having to say a word.
With family members, it takes more effort to win them over. I once met a woman whose boyfriend paid for her mother and aunt to go back to Jamaica via a cruise. When she tried to break up with him, she talked to her mother who usually had great advice. This time she was tainted, because moms are humans with egos too. Her mother brow beat her about all the bums she’s dated, threw her daddy issues in her face, and said she was trying to get rid of a good man because she didn’t know what to do when someone was too nice. Of course, this woman stayed for another several months, and ended up finally leaving after he nearly strangled her to death. The point is, watch how they move, and always question their motivation for buttering the ass of your friends and family.
Isolating You: Another Gaslighting trick is to get you away from your support system all together so you don’t have anyone chiming in when they see or are told about red flags. In MDLWLY I wrote about the importance of group dates or at least hanging out with other people early in the relationship. When other people ask questions, make jokes, or chime in with opinions around your boyfriend it forces him to react on the spot in ways he can’t with you. Guys with tempers or attention whores can’t stand when they’re not the center of your attention and you will see a shift. Guys who are looking to talk down to you or control you, won’t say anything in mixed company they’ll wait until the drive home, and that’s usually a sign that he’s not who he seemed one on one.
What a man attempting to Gaslight you does is skip all the social stuff so it’s always one on one. When it’s just you two and he has an overpowering personality, he can get his way. Everyone else in your life is a liar or jealous. His ideas don’t make sense, but when it’s just you he can convince you to do it. He’s asking for favors that make you feel nervous like loans or putting things in his name. If you were asking the advice of others you may think twice, but when it’s just you two, he makes it make sense until you do it. Follow me? When you live in a bubble where a man is the one creating your reality that he’s the only one that loves you and your friends and family are all out to bring you down, you stop thinking for yourself and become his puppet. There’s no outside opinion or going for help because he’s made it so that your friends think you’re fake and your family thinks you turned your back on them. Divide and Conquer—works every time.
Reminding You How Great They Are: Narcissist love to remind you about everything they’ve done to you, from the drink they brought on the second date to the time they came and picked you up from the airport. The narrative in their story is that they’re the hero saving you, the poor helpless peasant, from a world of rival men who used to fuck you and fallback. You’re not that smart, you’re not that pretty without makeup, and your career is going nowhere. They’re the one that sees something in you, they’re the ones looking out for you, they could do better than you, but they stick it out. The words “appreciate” and “be grateful” are a manipulators favorite go to lines. All of these things are throw in your face subtly at first, then it increases every time you step out of line or dare to start an argument.
Example, Jane tells Dick that she feels that he’s growing distant and that their relationship has hit a road block. Dick doesn’t want to lose his puppet so he Dr. Strange’s that shit and goes into the past: He tells her how he used to take her out to all those fancy places. He mentions the money or gifts he gave her. He then points out how her friends are single and jealous. Then the icing on top is to compare himself to all the other men out there. “I’m not out here cheating on you like Kim’s boyfriend, am I? Name one man who’s done half of what I’ve done for you since we’ve been together? You want to be back on Tinder dating a bunch of clowns?” Jane is now scared straight because Dick uses the example that the grass isn’t greener to keep her right in his fucking yard like the obedient bitch he has trained her to be. The sad thing is it works.
Guilting: I didn’t do it, but if I did you deserved it. That never happened, stop making shit up… okay so it happened, but it’s because you did such and such to me first. I don’t tell you anything because you always overreact. Your attitude all goes back to your mother and father’s relationship. The moment a man deflects his negative actions by pointing out something you do then the writing is on the wall that you need to walk away. The only Baecation these bums are going to ever take you on is a Guilt Trip. Argument after argument they will wear you down with “Okay I did that, but you do this,” until you start to believe you’re the reason for your own unhappiness and they’re just innocent bystanders. Guilt is also a tool used when you threaten to break up or leave. “I’m going to kill myself, and you don’t even care.” Or “You’re going to let everything we built end like this? I knew you never loved me.” And finally, the ultimate weapon, “You must have someone else on the side, that’s why you can leave me so easily.” Men are hip to the core of the guilt game—Women don’t want to hurt or abandon those they love so they hold tight even as that person drags them under.
Ghosting: When a woman is too head strong, too independent, too hard to break, or suddenly tries to Spartan Up on a Dicktician there is one last Gaslighting tactic that works—The Fallback. What do women covet most of all? Transparency. The reason the average girl chases after guys that reject them more than guys that ride their clits is because of a need to know, “Why don’t you want me like everyone else?” When a man doesn’t text back after a date—what went wrong what did I do? When a man doesn’t reach out after sex—what went wrong was I not good? When a man you’re dating becomes distant and doesn’t communicate as frequently—what is going on, did I do something? It’s always YOU YOU YOU. Women race to take accountability for turning a man off, never realizing that it’s not them, some guys are just assholes that never wanted them from the jump. In a relationship where a man has built up equity, Ghosting is a great way to tighten his grip on your mind. Falling back could be the result of an argument or I could be the culmination of you stepping out of the weak role he’s trap you in, regardless of the reason, it goes a little something like this…
Jane hasn’t been texted all day by Dick, so she calls, no answer. Dick does the same thing the next day, so Jane panics and reaches out, this time with anger. Ah-ha! Now Dick can respond back, “That’s the problem, you always overreacting. I need time to myself.” See, boys and girls, the name of the game is to wait for the other person to paint themselves as the bad guy by being hostile. That way you can point it out on the spot and play the victim. Next Jane reaches out with an apology. She’s had time to think, and she did overreact, so she asks for his forgiveness and thinks they should meet and talk. At this point a normal dude would rush back in, but when you’re Gaslighting a woman, it’s not about speed it’s about bringing her to her knees, so she will never rebel again. Dick maintains that he needs time and Jane should respect that. At this point Jane could react by talking to other men or focusing on work in order to stop thinking about him, but none of that will work. As I laid out above, a woman must know what she did wrong or her anxiety will drive her crazy. It’s no longer about the argument or her snapping, she’s fearful that this man she’s fallen for doesn’t want her anymore because she hasn’t been a good enough girlfriend.
Sound familiar? So many women claim, “I’m the best kind of girlfriend,” but, they don’t know if they’re wifey material until a man wifes them. When a guy Ghosts it cuts deep into their ego that they don’t have what it takes to keep a man. The Ghosted woman will lose all pride and dignity and virtually beg for a man to come back or let him come back without any explanation for his actions because she can’t take rejection on that level. In the end, Dick is back in Jane’s life, and this time she’s even more subservient because Dick proved that he can live without her, but she can’t live without him.
Guarding Against Gaslighting
The Early Stage: Some of you will read through these signs and think, “fuck it, I’ll just be content with my showerhead and Kindle, men play too many games,” but that’s not the solution. You deserve to be loved and you will find love, but you have to be Spartan enough to play this game like a Goddess not a little girl that just wants to get married. Dating isn’t a race, it’s an interrogation. I’ve filled books with this stuff, so I won’t dwell. The overall idea is to take it slow with each man you date, especially those that jump out the gate as too good to be true. Even if you aren’t dating multiple men, you should never be so consumed by one man that you give him the impression that you are his for the taking. Manipulators don’t waste time with women that are too difficult to hustle or who don’t have a deep want for attention. Meaning that those first few months of him wearing that mask is a result of seeing something in you during those first few dates that tell him you’re a mark, so frontload your first few dates and show him you’re not the one to be toyed with nor some bird looking for a “daddy” to love.
A male User knows the signs of a woman looking desperately for love the same way a woman using Ho Tactics knows when a mark is ripe for the picking. Most people wear their insecurities on their sleeves and don’t even know it. Your attitude, your opinions, the way you kiss at the end of a first date, the fake-ass playing hard to get stuff you do before sex, it’s all typical of a weak woman. Know yourself. Know the signs of Gaslighting. Ask questions. Make a man work…then make him work some more. Point out Red Flags in the moment, not days later. Challenge a man’s opinions on things, don’t just nod along. If he tries to guilt you, tells a bald faced lie, or attempts to make you feel confused about what he said, then that’s a sign that you need to walk away. I don’t care how handsome he is, how much money he has, or who recommended him as a good guy. He will test you early to see what he can get away with, so don’t give him the satisfaction. If he sees you’re more work than expected and that you’re not some timid Basica thirsty for love, he will fallback. This is the ultimate goal with all men, either they hold up to your interrogation and prove themselves or they walk away. Don’t just focus on what they’re saying, the actions have to match their words, and I’m not just talking about hollow shit like good morning texts and pulling out your chair on a date. In a given three week period are they walking like they were talking on day one? Stop trying to make it easy for men to date you, stop trying to turn down your attitude, stop trying to be less picky! Dare any man who wants you to put in work to get you. “I’ll be alone forever if I don’t play the part of a doormat,” are the kinds of women that get fucked over on a regular basis. You are a fucking Spartan, you don’t impress easy.
The Late Stage: Some of you just realized you’re in a fucked up relationship. Congratulations, knowing is half the battle, but you’re not out of the woods yet. Months, even years of psychological torture and condition can’t be overturned in a day. The ball is now in your court to break free. The first step is seeing this man as DICK, a user, a manipulator, an abuser not as a human being. Only monsters prey on someone’s loving nature to gain control over them. This idea that he’s your baby, a nice guy, a good husband, a wonderful provider, a loving father, or whatever else he’s gotten you to label him as is counterproductive to your emancipation. He’s the villain! Dehumanize him so you won’t fall into any of his emotional traps. If you continue to see the nice guy inside of him, you’ll hold out hope for change. Which brings me to the next step. Know that change isn’t coming. So many women come to me with “how do we go back to the way it was,” and 98% of the time the stories they share, show that this man is incapable of real change only pockets of playing nice until it’s time to be normal again. Accept that it’s over. Accept that what you once had was a mirage. Those good times, that fantasy that almost came true was a hustle.
The final step, at least for now, is to physically separate yourself from your abuser. You may not be able to just pick up and leave if you live together or have children together, but you can start the process of telling him that it’s gone from a relationship to co-habituating until one of you can move on permanently. For the rest of you it really is as easy as blocking him, telling friends not to talk to him, and ignoring his advances if he pops up. These men won’t give up without a fight which makes this difficult. They will push your buttons in all the ways listed above to remind you that you’re a piece of shit and that you can’t do better. PUSH THROUGH IT! They will try to sweet talk you and buy their way back. PUSH THROUGH IT! They will play reverse psychology games and show up with new girls trying to throw her in your face. PUSH THROUGH IT! The biggest insecurity will be your continued fear of failing, of having made the wrong choice by ending it with this man who swore he was your savior. Fuck him! No man of this earth is your fucking savior! You save yourself in this fairy tale! Push him out of your life, don’t back down, don’t crack, and stick to your guns!
Remember when Kelly Rowland dropped “Dirty Laundry” and people were in shock that she allowed that kind of abuse to go on? That type of shock is a result of ignorance towards Gaslighting. It’s not just a buzzword used for movies and shitty novels about revenge, it’s a real-world epidemic where it doesn’t matter how rich, how pretty, or how smart you are, if a man sinks his claws in early on you’re fucked. There will be some people who read this and feel that if a woman allows this kind of treatment that’s on her–bullshit. Some people are predisposed to predatory behavior because they have low self esteem or come from a broken home, but it’s never YOUR FAULT. No one asks to be emotionally exploited or deserves to be mentally compromised.
There are narcissistic men out here who feed off women in weakened or desperate states because they crave power over someone who won’t fight back. It’s not bad luck, it’s not men in general, it’s not about you being too stupid to notice, Gaslighting is a calculated con game perpetrated by insecure little men who sweep you off your feet, pinpoint your insecurities, then slowly break you down until you feel like you deserve to be treated like shit. That’s what get’s their dicks hard, a broken woman that now needs him to survive. Never lose yourself in pursuit of a man’s love! No one is so Unicorn rare that you sacrifice your sanity to keep things afloat. The moment you notice them lying, bringing up your past, deflecting his issues in order to point out your flaws, or flat out questioning your sanity, you must step away. Users who prey on women know that many of you are damaged by past relationships and that you secretly blame yourself for things that you had no control over. They use your paranoia, guilt, and regret to build themselves as your last hope for happiness. Fuck that!
Everyone has moments of weakness and self-doubt; those times don’t define you. Strength is built over time, setback by setback, and as you learn, you grow. The key is to face your faults, not wallow in them! You are born to be a Spartan, you will shed the skin of the past, and in the end, you will look back at the woman you used to be, not with regret but with gratitude. The process of discovering your power through the wisdom of experience is never a cakewalk. Embrace your evolution, Queen and know that while a man may bend you mentally, he doesn’t have the power to break you!