Question: I don’t know what we are… I’m waiting on him to tell me.
We’re building. It’s not official, but we only talk to each other.
Answer: What are things bitches in Situationships say?
Women fought to gain so many rights in the 20th century only to see 21st century women turn right around and give up one of their most important rights, the ability to demand an exclusive relationship. If a man tells you he doesn’t want anything serious, acts as if he doesn’t want anything serious, or looks like a guy you used to fuck that didn’t want anything serious, then you follow his lead and fit into the box he wants to put you in. He doesn’t want a traditional relationship, you do, but you can’t look thirsty, so you pretend to be cool with being unofficial while still giving this man all the official benefits. Huh???
I always hear Basicas say, “I didn’t want anything serious either at first, but my feelings changed, now I do want a relationship with him.” OMG, you mean to tell me three months of spending every day talking to a person, texting, and fucking resulted in deep romantic feelings!? No, that’s impossible, how can that be when you said that wasn’t what you wanted??? Because Science, dumb ass! Of course you were going to catch feelings despite what your mouth was saying, the problem is that we as men don’t feel the same way about you no matter how many times we tell you we love your or how often we pipe you down. He told you that you were special or different from other girls–HA! If he meant that he would make you his girl, he hasn’t for a reason!
He’s still dating around, don’t think he’s not! A situationship is the best way for a man to get girlfriend benefits from a girl he isn’t sure about. The reality is that women want true love, and to deny that part of your DNA so you can try to hold on to a man that is still playing the field, is idiotic and demeaning. Being exclusive to a man who is still shopping around for a BETTER WOMAN makes you a Placeholder not a Game Changer and you need to value yourself enough to understand that you are NOT an exception to the rule who will one day change his mind!
What Is A Situationship Exactly?
A situationship is a relationship without a label where two people are more than platonic friends, but haven’t committed to being anything official for various reasons. What’s the difference between a situationship and just taking it slow with someone you want to eventually commit to? Treatment. Choice. Time Elapsed. A man who Treats you like a girlfriend, fucks you like a girlfriend, but doesn’t want to give you the title or commit to anything serious has no excuse for not committing. He’s using the lack of label as a loophole so he can exit whenever he wants. That’s like someone saying they don’t have a job because they don’t want to pay the IRS… but they wake up at 8am, got to the mall, pull an 8 hour shift, and collect a check at the end of the week. The IRS would call him out like, “You just put 40hours in, you’re employed, pay up!” Weak women don’t call men out on this contradiction, they will let a dude call a duck a horse, and just nod their head because they don’t want to lose the relationship they’re in even if it’s a sham.
Who made the Choice that your relationship is To be determined? Most likely it was the man. He moved in silence, courted you as if he wanted something more, fucked you, and after the 2nd time he put his hand in the cookie jar, you asked, “So what are we?” Like most men who wanted to lease and not buy, he replied, “We’ll figure that out later, let’s not ruin this” and you accepted that. A man who makes the Choice for you that you should be in a “wait and see” exclusive but unofficial relationship isn’t a “bitch boy,” he’s a BOSS because he just told you what it’s going to be and you took those orders like a worker. If it’s your Choice to be “friends” and not make things serious, then you’re in control… but only if you MEAN it. Most of the women who I talk to hide behind, “I don’t want serious” out of necessity because they have been burnt before when they come out and say they want love.
Finally we have Time Elapsed. I’m going to say this for the last time, and I don’t care what basic bitch rational you use to try and deny this because I don’t believe, I know this is true—If you’ve dated, talked to, or have been fucking a man for more than 7 weeks and he hasn’t tried to snatch you up—you’re not taking it slow, you’re in a situationship. You’re a Placeholder, a Hobby, a Temporary Pussy while he scouts for a Permanent Wifey. The greatest lie the devil ever told was, “I don’t know what I want.” All men know what they want! They may not be able to write it down or express it verbally, but all men speak with actions. If all I am willing to do is chill and fuck you, I don’t want you. If I chill, fuck you, and handcuff myself to you as my woman, I want you. How hard is that to comprehend? Most women get the first two and act as if they’re winning and become content. Why be loyal to the potential of a man becoming something more in the future when you can Spartan Up and get a man that wants more right now? There’s a difference between being a Teairra Mari and being a Beyoncé Carter, it’s called self-respect.
What does a man mean when he says, “I’m not ready for a relationship” or “I’m not looking for anything serious” It means he left off the words, “With You!” He doesn’t want to slow down or be handcuffed because you aren’t who he pictured being handcuffed to. The fact that he is telling you that he doesn’t want anything serious OR accepting the fact that you told him you weren’t ready for anything serious, means that he doesn’t think you’re special. I get it, he says all the right things, he looks out for you, he pays for dates, and his mother loves you, but none of that matters if he’s not willing to go all in emotionally and claim you. If you looked and acted the way that he wanted, that dude would move a fucking mountain to lock you down. If you talked in a way that inspired him, he would ignore your demand of “I don’t want a boyfriend” and say, “Fuck that. You are mine.” Kings go to war for Queens, they don’t wait around for some other man to snatch her up. You don’t have a King that will die for you, you have a guy you talk to. Difference. You’re not yet a Queen that demands respect, you’re a bitch that accepts Come Over & Chill dates. Difference. When a man wants a woman there is no hesitation, no excuses, no wrong time, no long distance, and no financial limitations that will keep him from scooping up something he sees as special. Men do not leave quality women out in the streets where other men can date them and snatch them up. Therefore, if a man is fixing his mouth to tell you he’s Not Sure or playing his position while your scared ass pretends that you don’t want love, then he doesn’t fuck with you. Facts!
Rules of a Situationship
You Can’t Demand Shit: You can ask, you can suggest, you can get passive aggressive and drop hints, but he knows that he isn’t your man and can’t be held up to relationship standards. You will be constantly frustrated, but in the end you will have to swallow your emotions because you allowed yourself to be suckered into this exploitive powerless type of relationship.
You Aren’t Going To Be Upgraded: Bae, let’s take it slow. Bae, you know I’m focused on this money. Bae, give me a month. The word of the day is “Naive”. You will wait… wait some more… and then read some basic ass internet fact about how all of these celebrities waited too. Lies help you sleep, but eventually you have to wake up, and when you do you’ll be back to waiting for a man that doesn’t want you.
You Will Share Dick: You aren’t going to sleep with anyone else during this fake relationship, and that’s noble, but you’re still going to have multiple partners because the man you’re waiting for is still sampling other vaginas. You are default pussy, not trophy pussy, so when you get those calls at 3am, it’s only because the bad bitches clowned him and sent him back to you. You’re not good enough to make him curve his appetite for thot box, and never will be.
He Will Still Lie: You thought this would make you two friends who openly share everything. Ha! Men know that women are jealous, so unless you’re bisexual and helping him bed other women, he’s going to tell you what you want to hear as opposed to the truth because he knows that you still really want to be with him. Knowing that he’s actively hunting someone else will hurt you, so lies are mandatory.
The Word “Love” Will Lose All Meaning: You will hear, “I love you.” More than you’ve heard in your real relationship. What man doesn’t love cheap pussy? Real love comes equipped with actions that prove it, the fact that he can’t even make it official tells you all you need to know about his kind of love.
The Situationship Trap
The Basic Bitch Situationship: Here you are, Miss Typical who thinks she’s Miss Unique because an ex-boyfriend once called you the best he ever had and your Grandmother said she had a dream that you became some important person blah blah blah. Your potential is on a 100 but your actual life is on 30. You are filled with fake confidence, and your results don’t match the shit you talk. Take Miss Typical out to a bar and watch as she hides behind her friends, side eyeing men who she would never have the nerve to talk to, and frowning her face up at the Hos that go for what they want as if she couldn’t pull off those same tactics if she had the balls. Like any mediocre chick in a tight dress, Miss Typical will eventually get pulled by some random guy that she didn’t even notice because he’s not even “that cute,” but because she is lonely, she’ll take his number.
Now this is where men have the advantage. Lonely bitches agree to any kind of date because they live by the motto “It’s whatever.” You trying to see me tomorrow after work—it’s whatever. You trying to go back to the crib and kick it—it’s whatever. Can I just put the tip in—it’s whatever. Common sense tells you that nobody is “whatever” every human being either wants something or doesn’t want something. The reason this Basica is talking about “whatever” is because she doesn’t know how to react around a man. Her life choices have damaged her and left her a scared little girl who uses apathy as a defense mechanism. She thinks if she says, “No you can’t come see me, but you can take me out this weekend when I’m free to see a movie,” that man will stop calling her.
Miss Typical is so afraid of expressing herself that she becomes a puppet; another in a line of foundation face, drawn on eyebrow, exposed enclosure having girls whose only personality traits are giggling, sassing, and eye-rolling. Men know after one conversation if you’re a “whatever” girl because they treat you like whatever. He won’t tell you the first week that he’s not looking for anything serious, he’ll wait until either he smashes you or he’s at least three weeks into mindfucking you, and then drop that bomb. Here’s the genius of man. A guy will tell you he doesn’t want you, but say it in a way that makes you think that he wishes he could want you.
For example, “You know how I feel about you, and if I was working and had the time to focus on you instead of my goals, you know we would be together.” That’s all bullshit, but it’s the type of bullshit that hits the one thing basic bitches love more than selfie likes—her want to be wanted.
The Long Distance Situationship: Let’s take Miss Typical and put her in another type of situationship, the one where you’re hundreds or thousands of miles away. Long distance relationships only work 10% of the time, because it requires ONE thing—total dedication from both parties. To be fair, many women are loyal and can do without sex for stretches and will sacrifice money and time to fly or drive out. Men on the other hand rarely have the desire to not fuck something else nor do they want to be flying across country unless that bond has already been established before the long distance started.
Situationships and Long Distances don’t mix. The LDS (Long Distance Situationship) is doomed from the jump, because you’re trying to be loyal to a person that isn’t yours. Miss Typical can’t find a good man in her city and is tired of waiting around, finally she does meet a man, a friend of her cousin who is only in town for a few days. Miss Typical likes the fact that she doesn’t have to see this guy again and this gives her the confidence to go YOLO. Unlike normal local guys, she can Spartan Up and go for him, because the excitement of him not being around after a few days makes it less scary. Miss Typical has come out of her shell, leads with her personality instead of her pussy, and this man is floored by her and wants to keep talking. She doesn’t have any local dick, so why not? Fast forward a few months, she could have used the same Spartan technique to pull more men the same way she pulled the LD guy, but she got comfortable with the potential of one man. Now, all she does is call this man, think about him, and have skype sex with him. It doesn’t take Batman to deduct that this bitch is sprung.
How does this Long Distance Dick feel about her? She’s a hobby. Unlike a real girlfriend he can choose not to pick up that phone and give the excuse “I was sleeping” when really he was talking to Brenda with the big ass down the street. She can’t pressure him to come see her, because it’s not a real relationship, they are only friends—but he can say, “You’re free to come anytime, baby.” For a man, a Long Distance Situationship is gold. You have a girl that isn’t around to annoy you with wanting dates. You have a girl that is willing to fly herself out or pay half her ticket price to come fuck you. You have a girl that will wake up out of her sleep to help you jerk off, even though she’s not horny and has to get up in a few hours for work. Emotionally speaking, you also have a girl who is there to listen to you vent about your fucked up life. BUT! In addition to this remote boo, you are still pulling various women in your city.
For women a Long Distance man feels like a dream that will come true once he gets himself right or she gets herself right, because when you visit someone you only get to see the paradise of part-time. Miss Typical may get suspicious that he’s messing with other women, and maybe the excuse of, “I would be with you, but it’s the distance,” doesn’t sound right after a year. However, she wants to believe in that dream so she lets shit slide, because it’s not her man officially and she’s getting half of what she wants emotionally, and half is better than none.
The double standard is one that women create for themselves during a LDS, it’s not your man but you act like it is your man. This isn’t something that the man asked you to do, but you do it out of guilt because you would rather be loyal to a fantasy than continue dating in reality! You don’t go out, you don’t even flirt with guys on the internet, and you even tell your friends that it’s serious. In the end, once you don’t have any more bread to fly yourself out, or he finds a local girl that replaces you as his outlet, the calls will stop and you’ll be left looking like a sucker. All those months spent loving someone who never loved you enough to say, “fuck the distance, you’re my girlfriend, and we’re going to make this work.”
The On/Off Situationship: Stay in a woman’s life long enough for her to get used to you, and she’ll drop all standards. Ex-boyfriends or random dudes that have kept in contact over the years are the best at pulling off situationships because they sell their dick better than Timeshare companies. Miss Typical will think that her history with a guy protects her from being hurt. You forget to take into account that the reason you broke up with this dude or why you two never became official back then was because there was some incompatibility. You ignore that huge red flag because you are bored and tired of looking for love. You just want a familiar dick that won’t make your sleep number go up, and the ability to chill with someone you don’t have to worry about impressing.
These type of situationships work really well for the first month or two because it is exactly what you say it is. Do you know why this is? Because any man, no matter how fucked up he is, will be on his best behavior to insure that you don’t change your mind about the arrangement. However, after he’s fucked you several times and has gotten comfortable again, he can drop the act and be the asshole he is normally.
That means, he no longer comes running when you call, he doesn’t pick up on the first ring or respond back to your texts as fast as he used to, and he’s back to lying about where he’s going to be and why he can’t see you. He didn’t change up, he changed back! Every man knows when he’s hooked a woman because her temper becomes short and her behavior out of the ordinary. The moment you argue over something dumb, when you used to laugh it off—hooked. The moment when you call us late at night instead of waiting for our call—hooked. When you start suggesting we go out, when it was only supposed to be a non-serious chill and fuck relationship—hooked.
Miss Typical will drive herself crazy trying to treat a guy that’s not her boyfriend like he is, and the man will just distance himself more and more because he wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t want anything serious (with her). These things end two ways, either the woman has had enough and cuts him off or the man gets a real girlfriend who forces him to cut her off. Either way, within a year Miss Typical will get a call from that same dude like, “We was having fun, til you started tripping. Let’s hang out like old times.” And then they are on again… repeating that basic ass cycle once more.
The Forced Official Situationship: Finally we have the most common type of situationship, the one where a girl will finally put her foot down and demand a relationship. Miss Typical has had enough and she confronts this guy saying she wants to be serious. To her surprise, the guy says, “okay.” Here’s where men show their Supervillain IQ: A week after this talk, nothing changes. Okay, maybe you get to go to a movie or get taken to Cheesecake Factory, but in terms of the real shit– nada. Calling him your boyfriend will not make him behave like a boyfriend! The spending time, the acting like he gives a fuck, the being accountable, it’s the same song and dance as before. After a month of this you’re even more stressed because now you have a boyfriend who doesn’t give a fuck as opposed to a dude you just fuck who isn’t supposed to give a fuck. Miss Typical will come to the rude awakening that you can’t put a collar on a dog and expect it to now stay in the house.
Why does this happen? Men don’t like being forced to do shit by a woman. As a man, I’ll listen to your demands, but if I don’t fuck with you, respect you, or love you I’m not going to take those things serious. Real relationships don’t start with an ultimatum. A man chooses the woman he wants to be with on his own because he can’t imagine not having someone like that as his partner. When you force a situationship guy to become a relationship guy, you don’t change his way of treating you. He still sees you as a placeholder, and he will continue to treat you like that because he doesn’t respect you enough to do the things boyfriends typically do.
Why would a man who doesn’t want you agree to be official? Men do not like hurting the feelings of women, most would rather disappear than tell you you’re whack, but when confronted with an ultimatum when they’re comfortable, a man will do what comes natural—lie! You want a relationship, we’re in the relationship, now shut up, and bend over. Forcing a man will not result in a real transformation. Yeah we go together, but what does that mean? I’m supposed to answer my phone every time? I have to check in when I’m out late? I can’t fuck Tiffany? Good luck with that.
Men who settle for Placeholders will always move how they want to with little respect for this “fake relationship”. This forced boyfriend is still playing by his rules, and in order to not be the bad guy this is what he will do within the following weeks: He will be an asshole, and you will get soooo frustrated and argue that, “Men in relationships need to do blah blah blah. I need you to step up!” The moment you come at his neck, this guy will do exactly what he planned on doing all along, “See, this is why I told you I didn’t want anything serious!” Things were better before he was your official man, and he’s right. You two will break up, and he will continue fucking you with no strings attached without you ever asking for a relationship again. He gave you want he wanted, and it backfired on you—Noncommittal Dicks 1 – Thirsty Bitches 0. Just because you have a bond and connection, doesn’t mean that it will amplify into true love once you put a label on it.
How to Upgrade a Situationship
Did you forget that one of the rules is “You Aren’t Going to Be Upgraded?” That shit wasn’t a typo. Sure you may be one of the few that gets a temporary relationship and have to suffer through the trying to make it work stage for a year until it collapses, but that’s hardly a prize. Most likely that man who’s gotten the milk for free will simply reject the idea of being with you officially. That’s right, go and ask him to make changes right now, and most likely he will say, “I’m good,” and shatter your overblown ego. Your scared ass should have made those demands during the first few weeks, now you’re three months too late. You can’t win in a situationship because situationships weren’t created for women to win.
Today’s men have evolved, they realize that Value Meal Women are so plentiful that there is no need to lie to these hoes like their Uncles did back in the 90’s. Today’s evolved men love bomb you, talk about everything they want to do with you, get the fast food pussy, maybe get a refill, and then discard you. “But we vibed…” No Basica, it wasn’t a vibe it was an Act! As a result these Value Meal Women who have zero self-respect and confidence, have created a defense mechanism so they won’t be discarded. They agree to anything. These women feel any male affection is better than no male affection so they let these men know that they are okay with being Fast Food Pussy, so long as he sticks around as a customer. This isn’t about changing your mind after he grows on you or faking it until you make it. You’re in a situationship because that’s the only type of relationship you think you’re capable of getting a man to agree on. Where the fuck is your sense of worth?
Are you going to be a Spartan or a Value Meal? You aren’t a Spartan until you’re put to the test. The majority of the women claiming to be Queens and Bosses, get tested and end up bowing down to Dick for fear they’ll lose “Him.” Fuck a “him,” he should be more concerned with missing out on you. You’re the Spartan, which means you’re the only thing rare in a room full of well-done bitches! I saw some weak bitch meme about. “I’m only asking you what are we because I want to be clear before I let this other dude take me out.” That is the most pitiful shit ever! You mean to tell me that you’re so powerful and so independent, yet you wait on a MAN TO TELL YOU what your relationship status is before you date another man?
How am I more of a feminist than you and I have a dick? You don’t ask a man what you are, you tell him what you are! You don’t wait for him to get his shit together, he has to come with his shit together before he even calls your phone. If you want to be by yourself, you be by yourself for real, don’t play house and then get mad because the guy reminded you it was all “play”. You can’t force a relationship on a man and you can’t sneak a relationship in, you need to communicate what it is that you want and say that shit with your outside voice!
Here’s a SECRET: When he tells you he’s not looking for what you’re looking for… you look elsewhere, because he’s being honest! I don’t care if all you meet are men who don’t want anything serious, you keep searching until you find one that does think of you as good enough to go against his bachelor instincts. Spartans set their bar high and don’t give a fuck how many men fail to reach it. Spartans aren’t in a rush for a relationship with any man, they are on a quest for a relationship with the right man. Pussy is Power, learn the tactics to refine that power and stop stumbling around getting exploited by men!
For all the women reading this that are stressing over a man that’s not yours, don’t ask, “How can I get him to upgrade me,” ask, “When did I lose all self-respect for myself?” You weren’t forced at gunpoint, you weren’t tricked; you allowed yourself to be devalued by agreeing to be his “whatever” girl. Why the fuck would any woman agree to be leased by a man that doesn’t think she’s girlfriend pretty, girlfriend interesting, or girlfriend smart when she should be being pursued by men that want to own her flaws and all? Insecurity! No woman in a situationship is happy, she’s just comfortable. It’s not about upgrading the situationship, it’s about upgrading your mind so you will never again be the type of woman that thinks having half a boyfriend is cute or acceptable.
When you’re ready to go deeper, listen or read my books: Men Don’t Love Women Like You, Ho Tactics, The Unicorn Delusion, and of course the new Date Like A Spartan Expanded edition.